"You!" Angrily, I storm into his room as Solas calmly turns to me, his back to me, focusing on his desk as he smirks.
"Sleep well?" He asks in greeting.
"Shut up," I growl as he chuckles enjoying my embarrassment, bastard….smug prick, egg prick.
"I apologise. The kiss was impulsive and ill-considered and I should not have encouraged it…"
"Yeah! Wait what…?"
"Although you were the catalyst…" Snidely, Solas smirks as I feel my eyebrow twitch.
"How?" I demand from his flabbergasted.
"You teased me." He answers.
"I teased? I wasn't the one who used tongue!" I bark.
"I did no such thing," He scoffs.
"Oh you're right you did fade tongue right? " Smirking, I tease grinning at his faint blush as he turns away.
"It has been a long time and thing have always been easier in the fade…" Awkwardly, Solas turns away as I scoff.
"Aww, don't I feel special?" I smirk.
"I am not certain this is the best idea it could lead to trouble," Solas sighs.
"What? Why it was a kiss, tongue at best that's all," I scoff.
That's all aren't you hear to talk about a relationship?" He questions puzzled.
"Relationship? I offered ya a one night stand but you wanted a kiss," I remind him.
I thought you wanted more," He furrows his brow.
"More? I…what else is there? You don't want to do it so what do you want? A meaningful relationship?" I snicker at the sheer thought.
"I…may be, yes. If I could take a little time to think. There are…considerations," Solas turns to me, having ignored my puzzlement.
"Um…that was a-"
"Thank you, I am not often thrown by things that happen in dreams. But I am reasonable sure we are awake now, and if you wish to discuss anything. I would enjoy talking…" He offers.
"You certainly do like running that mouth," I grumble.
"You don't seem to complain…" Teasingly, he smirks.
"I…shut up," Fed up, I leave the male red faced and embarrassed, but most of all confused. I said it as a rhetorical question what's a relationship anyway. What's the difference between that and the rest of my one night stands or brief flings? Hmm… I should go to some people who may know.
Lost, I turn to the humming Hawke calmly reading one of her many books.
"Hm something you need Fen?" Hawke asks curious as I release a groan and sit down next to her stumped.
"So…you seem troubled," She notes lightly chuckling as I grumble a curse.
"I am so confused. Hawke what's a meaningful relationship?" I question.
"Meaningful? Wow, I never thought I'd hear you say that, you must have found someone willing to tie you down," Hawke raises a brow.
"Oh hell no. He offered the idea but I'm lost, you see I offered him a kiss or a one night stand and he went for the kiss…I was so confused, I mean most of the guys I've met tend to want the one night stand, never a kiss and this guy goes all weird with the kiss and wanting a relationship, I don't get it," I grumble to Hawke who simply smiles silently.
"What's with the smile? Hawke you're freaking me out!" I frown at her soft giggle.
"Fen. You've never really had any sort of relationships all you've had are one night stands and however they wanted to develops that you've said no and that I can, considering your past but tell me, the way he kissed was it like the others?" Hawke questions me, making me go silent in deep thought as I feel myself lean against the chair, slumping down lost.
"That's the thing it wasn't, it was...so slow, soft and gentle. It was weird!" I explain, lost.
"Fen. What Solas wants is a romantic relationship, one like your brother and I…" Gently, Hawke informs me.
"…"
"…"
"…"
"WHAT!?" I scream horrified.
"And the gold coins drops…" Cheekily Hawke whistles.
"No…that…that no, no, I mean me in a romantic relationship? That's bullshit! Hah!" loudly, I laugh at the sheer stupidity of the idea. Me? Someone who had slept with tons of people, have had one night stands and…and…MAKER NO! e!? Me!? I'm an alcoholic, I'm…me and relationships don't work out.
"Why?" Hawke questions making me do a double take at my friend.
"Why!? Hawke you know me I've slept with TONS of people, I…I don't…" I trail off, going silent, still stunned at the sheer idea, the irrationality of it all.
"You're scared," Hawke points out making my eyes widen.
"No I'm not!" I deny scowling at the thought, I am not scared, I have faced ogres, darkspawn, hell I fought a Qunari Arishock, I am not scared, I am not feeble, I am not weak!
"There's no shame Fen…" My ears hear Hawke's tone soften making me scowl at the pity in her ears as I seethe, shaking, lost and puzzled to it all, feeling my blood boil at these conflicting emotions inside me, I hate this, I hate this uneasiness and helplessness I hate it….
"I…" I trail off, my brow furrowed, my back to her from the hefty silence filing the air as I feel my boiling blood dimmer, simmer down, fading calming down as I release a heavy and tense sigh, combing my fingertips through my white locks in thought.
"Fen we're heading out!" Eve's words interrupt us as I sigh and nod, standing up looking down at Hawke smiling gently at me.
"If you ever want to talk…"
"I know ," I grumble and leave, heading out of Skyhold…
Briefly, my cheeks flush at the sight of the smug elf; I send a quick death glare at the calm Solas acting as though nobody had happened as we wander through the Hinderlands.
"Okay question why are all the abominations here?" I frown at the shy sheepish Eve as well as Cole lingering.
"Cole those are poisonous," I call out to him, gently removing him from the bush of poisonous berries as the curious boy continues to explore the land, my eyes narrow keeping an eye on him.
"I can't believe you look out for that demon," Vivienne hisses, disgust laced in her tone.
"That demon is a child," I argue back as I continue to look out for the curious Cole looking at the stream of water with his reflection.
"For someone who hates magic you're awful friendly to the spirit," Dorian notes.
"He's a child, besides who knows what trouble the kid could wander into," I mutter as Cole returns with a flower, just as we all decide to camp for now, I go to the stream wishing to flee from the rising tension of arguments about to blow as Cole innocently follows me, like a Mabari to their owner, a son to their mother, wishing to explore further as I calmly sit down, cross legged as I look down at the cool stream of water, placing my ice cool gauntlet hands in the water, shivering as I splash the water in my face, trying to not get involved and to wake me up, since I still feel a tad bit groggy but it worked, that coma spell still works even if Hawke dislikes using it on me.
"Here, its pretty, like you," Cole returns and offers me the flower as I scoff shaking my head at him.
"I'm not pretty Cole," I correct him.
"Solas thinks you are so does Iron Bull…I think, he mentions you being…sexy, is that another word for pretty?" Innocently Cole questions as I sigh, deciding to ignore the Solas comment to focus on Iron Bull.
"Bull is a perv, you keep away from him, don't want your mind getting tainted by his shit," I mutter only for my ears to perk up at the sound below making us both turn to look down at the Nug, nipping at Cole eyeing the flower in my hand.
"What is that?" Cole questions pointing at the Nug curious.
"That's a Nug," I kneel down and offer the flower to the Nug who nibbles on it, eating it.
"He's eating the flower!" Cole gasps.
"Its food for him, want to pet him?" I offer.
"Will he bite?" Cole questions.
"No, he's friendly see," Softly, I place my hand on Cole guiding him into petting the nug earning a squeak of approval from the nug and Coles smile to widen.
"He's so cute, so soft, so cuddly. Leliana likes nugs, Schmooples, he…he was a gift, a gift of friendship but Leliana…oh that's sad…"
"What is?"
"She…she thought it was a gift of love…but it wasn't…that's sad…" Gently, Cole bows his head saddened by Leliana's sorrow making me frown at the empathetic boy, I envy him being able to emphasis or sympathise with people. I lost that gift long ago from being so numb to other people's pain…
"Look it thinks it can feel, its already tricking her, foolish knife ear…falling for a demon," Cole recites making my eyes widen as I turn from the stream of water, Cole and I sit to tend to the nug to turn to the arguing mages and the awkward looking Eve, trying to be the peacemaker, and this is why you don't bring a full party of mages along, this and the fact that they are useless without tanks like Cassandra or Blackwall, maybe Bull too, someone defensive and bulky.
"So…an apostate," Vivienne begins, oh boy. My ears perk up as I overhear the group as the argument begins. Curious, I lean back, eavesdropping as Cole naively picks another flower, plucking off the petals as he naïvely enjoys the minimalistic aspects of the outside world.
"That is correct enchanter I did not train in your circle…"
"Well dear hope you can take care of yourself. Should we encounter anything outside of your experience…"
"I will try in my own fumbling way to learn how you helped seal the rifts at Haven, ah wait my memory misleads me. You were not there," I hold in a snicker at Solas words, bringing a smirk to my lips at the jab.
"N-now hold on," Shakily, Eve tries to intervene only for the strong voice of Vivienne to cut off the poor girl as Dorian feels pity for her and gently places her down, to sit on a rock by his side.
"Now where's popcorn when I need it," Dorian huffs.
"Why don't you just magic some up?" I mutter only to receive only then for my eyes to widen.
"C-can you do that?" Innocently I question slightly excited at the thought as Dorian smirks, enjoying my hidden intrigue and excitement.
"You know Solas you do an excellent job at spellcasting without any concrete knowledge of technique," Vivienne remarks as I notice a sliver of hope in both Cole and Eve's, not realizing it's a two faced complement, fitting for Vivienne.
"Your rigorous training lays a solid foundation true. It also creates boundaries, limits when none need exist," Solas retorts.
"I do prefer to have boundaries between myself and the demons my dear," Vivienne frowns in disapproval.
"Of course you endured the harrowing for your circle teaches you that all demons attempt to possess you," Solas sarcastically praises.
"Not at all, many simply wish to kill you. I suppose you would claim otherwise," Vivienne huffs.
"Why should I? You would not believe me. You have learned your lessons far too well…" Solas huffs' turning his back to the woman as the awkward silence fills the air until…
'BAM!'
"What the heck was that!?" Startled, I jump up, feeling a familiar burning as I spot my vein marks glowing as the others are still arguing, not noticing the combat, they are useless. Quickly, I dash ahead to the source of the commotion, only for my eyes to widen at the numerous Venitori littering the place, covered in cuts bruises and lying in their own pool of blood but what stands out the most is the simple gauntlet impaling the last of the Venatori…burning blue eyes turn to meet my similar pair…