'Shrek vs. the Transformers' Chapter 4: "Are we there yet?":
(Author's Notes on bottom)
A deer calmly grazes on some grass near the edge of a forest on a peaceful sunny day. Suddenly the deer hears something, at first just a low rumbling, but it quickly grows in intensity. Just then the deer glances to its right and sees a pair of headlights coming straight for it; and the deer freezes. "Move it Bambi!" a voice shouts as a horn blares, and finally the deer races off at the last possible moment as Rattrap races past the deer now running scared into the forest.
"You know that wasn't very nice Rattrap…" Optimus calls out as he drives him. "Aw come on; what was I supposed to do? That deer was blockin' my path!" Rattrap laughs a little. Optimus sighs, "Oh well…I guess it could have been worse…" Just then he hears a squishy noise. "Ewwwww!" Rattrap shouts in disgust, "I just rolled over deer-slag!"
Elsewhere…
"Wazpinator is tired of waiting for stupid fleshy-bots! Why Wazpinator not have food yet?" he yells as he paces back and forth in a hotel room. "Patience…these humans are far from perfect…yessss." Megatron states as he crouches down under the low ceiling. "Megatron, why we don't we attack stupid Maximals?" Waspinator asks as he walks into the restroom. "Dope! Do I have to explain everything to you?" Megatron shouts. He walks into the bedroom and plops onto the bed, "Well, if you must know, I need an army to attack them. I know for a fact that I alone will not be able to stop them, and you're not much help either…" Just then he notices Waspinator playing with the toilet handle; and as he flushes it he claps his hands with happiness, "…I rest my case." Megatron sighs and hides his face in shame.
A few miles away from DuLoc, deep in the forest, Charming rides tirelessly through the endless trees towards his secret destination when he hears a noise. As he yanks on the reigns the horse skids to a halt. He listens intently to the sounds of the forest, but he hears something that doesn't fit; something odd. It grows in intensity; starting soft but becoming clearer and louder as each moment passes. "Hmm…" Charming thinks to himself, "…I know that song." Just then some of the bushes near him start to move, and Charming hops off of his horse. "Alright; whomever's out there, show yourself!" Charming shouts as he draws his sword and stands defensively. At that exact moment an arrow comes whooshing past him; and sticks into a tree behind him. Attached to the arrow is a message, and as Charming puts away his sword, he pulls out the arrow and begins to read it:
Dear King of DuLoc,
I respectfully request that you disarm immediately and place whatever valuables you may have upon your person onto the ground in front of you. Thank you for your cooperation; and have a great day!
Sincerely,
Monsieur Robin Hood
He finishes reading the letter and as he lowers it away from his face, he sees Robin Hood standing right in front of him with a big smile across his face. "AAAHHHHH!" Charming shouts as he drops the letter.
"Prince Charming!" Robin Hood shouts in amazement, "What are you doing here?" "Robbie!" He gives Robin Hood a hug and shakes his hand vigorously, "It's so good to see you again! How have you been you little devil?" Robin smiles and laughs, "Well, my job at the Friar's Fat Boy wasn't going too well, so I decided to get a bunch of my friends together and form the Merry Men!" As he says this, the Merry Men hop out from behind the bushes and dance up next to Robin. "What, is that some sort of boy band?" Charming asks. "No…we steal from the rich and give to the needy…" Robin states, "…But we were looking for the King of DuLoc…did you steal his clothes or something?" "No…I am the King of DuLoc!" Charming announces with a sly smile. "WHAT!" Robin states, "I thought you were in Far Far Away!" "Well, I was, but after a failed attempt there to become king of Far Far Away; I moved to DuLoc. They needed a king after the demise of Lord Faarquad, and so I took over the thrown."
"Wow…good of you!" Robin states. "Yeah…a lot has changed after college." Charming states. "Yeah; those were the good ol' days…I remember them well." Robin Hood laughs and he and Charming exchange a secret handshake, snapping their fingers afterward and flinging their arms above their heads. "Ha! You still remember our special handshake!" Robin shouts in amazement. "How could I forget?" Charming winks and smiles.
"So…where are you headed to?" Robin asks him. "I was on my way to see someone. I need to get their opinion on how to handle a certain situation that has arisen in DuLoc." Charming explains. "A situation? What would that be?" Robin queries. "You'll never believe it! Some foreigners have come to DuLoc; but they are not like anyone I've ever met before. They have metal bodies, and can transform into beasts. They call themselves Predacons, and the head Predacon is Megatron from what I gather. He has a partner, a moron named Waspinator. They need my help for something, but he hasn't told me what yet. But I don't trust these Predacons just yet, and I want a second opinion before I do anything else." Charming explains. Robin stares at him in question, "You're right; I don't believe it."
"Well, it was good to see you again, but I must be going!" Charming states as he hops back onto his horse. "Wait!" Robin calls out after him, "Is there anything I can do?" Charming rubs his chin for a moment, "I could use some help I suppose…" He smiles and puts on his helmet, "Come on then! Let's go! We still have a few more miles to go!" Robin grabs a dangling vine hanging from a nearby tree and takes a running start to get enough speed to take off into the trees. "Still unable to ride I see?" Charming states as he sees Robin swing onto a branch. "Yeah…I failed the test to get my license." Robin comments with a grimace.
"So…Optimum Primus…I was wondering; what do you think of people?" Shrek asks as he rides next to him in the onion carriage. "It's Optimus Primal…" he states with a loud sigh, "And I like people. They helped our Autobot ancestors win the Great War. We Maximals owe them a lot." Shrek looks at him dumbfound, "Oh." he sits back down fully and sighs.
"Are we there yet?" a voice calls out from behind Shrek in the carriage. "Oh no! Don't you start that again!" Shrek shouts as he turns around to see Donkey stare at him innocently. "How much further is it Optimus?" Silverbolt asks as he flies in over him. "I don't know Silverbolt…only Mister Shrek knows where we are going." Optimus states as he drives in his all-terrain vehicle mode. "Don't worry Silverbolt…we will be there soon." Fiona smiles and waves out of the carriage to Silverbolt in the air, and Silverbolt salutes her quickly in response.
Back in DuLoc…
"Waspinator! Get out of there!" Megatron shouts as he rushes into the bathroom and pulls Waspinator's head out of the toilet. "Wazpinator not like stupid fleshy-bot's machine! Stupid machine doesn't let Waspinator drink water; machine takes it away!" Megatron shakes his head as he tosses Waspinator out of the bathroom and into the main room of the hotel suite, "You imbecile! It's not a machine, it has no metal parts. And from what this little booklet says," Megatron holds up a tiny pamphlet; one of those brochures that come with the hotel rooms, "It's says that is a toilet. Humans use it to 'relieve what ails them'." Megatron explains as he quotes the book. Waspinator stands up and shakes the water off of his head, "Wazpinator always have ailments. So why stupid toilet not help Wazpinator?" He asks. "It's designed for humans, dope, not Transformers!" Megatron states as he looks at the toilet briefly, "Besides, I don't think you're supposed to stick your head in there."
A knock on the door draws their attention away from the toilet. "Oooh goody! Fleshy-bots finally bring Wazpinator his meal!" Waspinator shouts with happiness as he runs over to the door and flings it open. Megatron walks up behind him and still bending over, looks out the door and makes sure the coast is clear and walks outside. "Hmm…" Megatron states as he looks around, "No one here." He looks down on the ground and sees a set of plates on the ground, each covered with a metal lid. "Well, for once Waspinator, it appears as though you are correct. Our meal has arrived!" Megatron picks up the plates one at a time and hands them to Waspinator. "Wazpinator is starving…yessss!" he states happily and rushes back inside with two of the plates. "Hey; that's my line!" Megatron shouts as he holds the other two plates. He stands up and smashes his head into the ceiling, "Argh! I hate humans!"
Back in the forest Charming rides his horse and Robin swings from vine to vine across the trees, his merry men running as fast as they can behind Charming. "Ah finally…we are here!" Charming shouts as they approach the edge of the forest and enter a clearing. "What?" Robin shouts as he swings on a vine, only to find no more trees to land on. He screams as he flies through the air and smashes into the ground in the clearing. Charming covers his face in shame, and sighs. "Ow…that really hurt!" Robin Hood states as he rises slowly and brushes the dirt off of himself. "So…where are we?" he asks. A sly grin forms on Charming's face as he points out across the clearing to a building resembling a giant factory, "We're here to get some help!"
Author's Notes:
Charming and his former college buddy Robin Hood arrive at a mysterious and yet familiar factory…what will happen next? And what of the Maximals and Shrek's band? And will Megatron keep his sanity as he deals with Waspinator and the humans? Keep watching…