The Auto-Memories Doll and Her Major

.

.

.

Chapter One

.

.

.

Violet twirled her parasol absentmindedly as she gazed out over the emerald field before her and caught the first glimpse of her new client's home. Assignments such as these were always so exciting. She got to travel to new places and meet the most interesting people.

When she got up to the porch, she retracted her parasol and placed it atop her bag on the floor. Brushing a stray piece of grass from her skirts, she prepared to knock and give her usual greeting. Eyes locked low, she rapped her knuckles against the wood, and wondered for the briefest moment if she always felt this nervous when she met a new client. A rush of adrenaline, uncertainty, and anticipation mixed together, and her heart jumped when she heard footsteps approaching. She had done this many times before, why now should she be struck with nervousness?

As she bowed and made her introduction, she wondered what she might learn from this assignment. She always walked away with something new, an understanding about herself and others she didn't have before.

And every letter she wrote brought her closer to him.

She rose to meet her client.

"Auto Memories Doll, Vi…" she gasped, sucking the tiniest bit of air into her lungs. It took a few moments for her brain to catch up with what her eyes were seeing, but still, she could barely comprehend it. She realized now, why she had become so suddenly nervous. Her heart had recognized his footsteps before the rest of her had. Her lips trembled, but the corners of her mouth turned upward in a small smile.

She swallowed. "Violet Evergarden, at your service… Major."

His hair, which she'd rarely ever seen not slicked back or matted with sweat from a helmet, hung over his eyepatch in a way she found peculiar but attractive. The eyepatch covered the eye that he'd lost in the war, but his good one was clear and green as ever. It shone with emotions she could now put names to. Wonder, happiness, anxiety, and a deep abiding affection that stole her breath away. How she ever could have missed this storm in his eyes baffled her. How he felt about her had been right there in front of her the whole time.

His left arm had been replaced with an adamant silver prosthetic, as both of hers had been. Despite these notable differences in his appearance, he was much the same as he had been years ago, and there was no mistaking him. She still thought he was… beautiful.

"Violet."

At the sound of her name, no, just hearing his voice, she broke. He reached for her, and she collapsed against him, exactly as they had done when they first met. She remembered it being the first time she had ever known warmth and safety, like nothing could ever hurt her again, not while she was held by him so securely. But unlike those dark days of a past that haunted them both, she was older now, and she understood far more than she ever could have back then. She knew how he loved her then, and that she loved him in return. He was the only thing she loved this much in all the world. It was the most precious gift he gave her, even more so than everything he'd done to take care of her. He always gave far more than she needed. The brooch he bought may have allowed her to hang onto hope and keep those memories of him close, but his love had given her life meaning long after he'd left it. Even if he'd been truly dead and she'd somehow been able to accept it, she never would have forgotten him; and in that way, as his mother had told her, Gilbert would always be alive, because she loved him.

They held each other far longer than either of them ever held anyone before. Both were reluctant to let go, lest the other be a dream. Besides, what were words now when touch could say so much more? Violet had never felt such overwhelming love all at once, as if it had all been muted until this moment. Touching him now, it brought different feelings, but she recognized them for what they were. This was another way to say, "I love you."

She felt his tears more than she heard them. They were dampening the crown of her head. She was taller now, but he still towered over her. Her own tears were being absorbed into the soft white cotton of his shirt over his chest. Her arms gripped his waist tightly, her hands clenching the shirt at his back in desperate fists.

He was so warm…

So warm and… alive.

She wept. She'd done so often in the time since she'd been told he was gone. Now, wrapped in his arms once more, a healing balm suffused her body, covering the wounds and easing the pain in her heart. She belonged here. If she were given the choice of where she left this world, it would be in his arms.

"Oh, Violet," he whispered hoarsely, choking back his own sobs. "Precious, precious Violet. You have to stop crying. I'm here now. We're together again. Please say you're happy?"

She sniffled. "I am. I've… I've never felt so much of it before."

He smiled through his tears and finally pulled back a little so he could see her face. Oh, how he'd missed this face. "Do you… want to come inside?"

"Yes," she breathed. "Yes please, Major."

"We aren't in the army anymore, Violet. I'm just Gilbert now. Please."

His arms loosened from around her and fear struck her. She couldn't control it when she gripped him closer again, terrified to release him, to not be touching him anymore, just in case he faded away and disappeared again to a place she couldn't follow.

He dried his eyes with his sleeve and chuckled, sensing her thoughts. "I'm not going anywhere. You can let go. Here, take my hand. Hold onto me, Violet."

She smiled and released his slowly, watching his warm hand move to take her cold, metal one. He hadn't forgotten the state he last saw her in and didn't flinch at the hard metal he found beneath the brushed suede of her glove. They shared that now, as well. He picked up her case and parasol from the porch and took them inside with them.

The cabin was a nice size, moderate, but not small, and comfortably furnished. Violet thought the sofa was quite inviting. Soft blankets draped over the back and were tucked around the cushions. It would be a wonderful place to nap or daydream in the lazy afternoon breeze of an open window. She pictured him sprawled out and relaxing on it in the golden hour and blushed slightly at such an intimate image of him. She never thought of him like that before; never allowed herself to imagine him alive, though she hoped. She stuck to replaying her memories of him when loneliness hit her hardest.

He sat down and gestured for her to do the same. He allowed her to be closer than was perhaps deemed appropriate. What did it matter? Everything they had been through together was a testament that they were above such things, especially now, after so long apart. It was a special bond, one that he was sure no one else in the world shared except for them.

His desire to ask her a million questions was hard to fight, but he tried. So, he asked the only thing he truly needed to know in this moment. It had haunted him for years.

"Do you remember what I told you? When we were in the church at Intense, just before the explosion? You asked me what the words meant. I never got the chance to explain…"

She shifted slightly against him. "Yes. I remember."

"Do you… do you know what they mean now?" he asked hopefully.

"Yes, Maj- Gilbert. I have learned many things since that time."

He nodded, burning to ask more, but unsure what exactly to say.

She sat up then, startling him. "I wrote you a letter."

"You… did?"

"Yes. Well, more than one. But the one for the air show, the first one after the war ended, is perhaps the most important."

"Oh. What did it say?"

"I can recite it for you, if you like."

"Only if you want to, Violet," he answered softly.

"I do, Major. I mean… Gilbert." Violet turned to look out the window, a far-off look glazing over her eyes, and she remembered the words she'd written.

"To My Beloved Major Gilbert,

How are you?

Is everything well with you?

Where are you right now?

Is there anything causing you problems?

Spring, summer, autumn, and winter… many seasons have passed, but I am still waiting for the one the one where you return.

At first, I did not understand. I did not understand any of your feelings. But, during this new life you have given me, while it might not be very much, I have learned to feel… Through writing letters for others, through the people I have met.

I still believe that you are alive out there somewhere.

That is why I will live, and live, and live. I may not know what lies ahead, but I will live, nonetheless.

And if we should ever meet again, this is what I would tell you - I now understand the meaning of those words. I know what "I love you" means."

"However…" she paused, turning to regard him, "there's one thing I did not include in the letter. I wanted to save it for when you returned to me."

"Returned?" he asked, swiping away the tears on his cheek. "How were you so confident that I was alive?"

"I just knew…" she said. "In here." She placed her hand over her heart and gave him a watery smile.

He shook his head in awe. "What did you want to tell me, Violet?"

"I wanted to tell you that… I love you, too. I love you, Gilbert. I did then, I just didn't know it. And I still do, and I always will. I have learned there are many different kinds of love, but you can feel them all for one person. I think it's… beautiful."

Never had Gilbert felt such overwhelming emotion as he did now at her sweet words. They were more than he'd ever hoped to hear her say. He tried to clear the tightness from his throat. "You still wear the brooch I gave you…" He stroked the emerald at her collar tenderly with his fingertips.

She placed her hand over his, looking away. "It was all I had left of you that I could touch."

He squeezed his eye shut. He'd made her endure so much pain. "Oh, Violet…"

Her head snapped back up to him. "Is something wrong?"

"Wrong?! No! Nothing could ever be wrong, not when you're here with me." He pulled her to his side. She may be a woman now, but she was still petite and so slight of frame that he easily tucked her into him. She eagerly complied and nestled herself against him. He just needed to hold her close, and he could feel her need to be close to him, too.

"We… we have a lot to talk about, Violet. I'm sure you have questions. We have time… if you want. I requested that you be employed for a couple weeks. I hope you'll stay. Will you? Stay with me?"

"Yes. Yes, Gilbert. I will."

They sat, tightly together on a warm sofa in each other's embrace until the bright daylight turned to liquid gold. The sun set and twilight the color of her blue eyes descended around them. The moonlight shone through the window, casting them in soft white light.

Soon, they would need to rise. There was tea to be made and dinner to be eaten, and he would have to make sure she was comfortable for the night in the guest room. For now, though, they allowed the silence to ease away the years of pain they'd endured while separated. The warmth of their bodies thawed out the cold loneliness weighing heavily on their ravaged hearts. Tomorrow there would be time for talking. Nothing about the future would be as easy as this.

They drank in the tranquility while they could.

.

.

.

A/N: This chapter was rewritten as of December 2021.