Chapter Two

Violet sighed as she opened her eyes. She had never slept so peacefully.

The air was the color of dusk, the sun having yet risen. As she rolled onto her back, she noticed a familiar shadow in the corner of the room and she smiled contentedly.

"Good morning, Gilbert."

"Good morning. I hope you slept well."

She sat up. "I did. And you? Did you sleep well?"

He strode toward her and sat on the edge of the bed facing her.

"I'm afraid not. I had too many things on my mind to sleep."

Emerald eyes met blue, steady and unflinching. He had always looked at her that way. They burned, she could see it now, for her.

His expression turned serious. "Violet, please ask me. I know you're dying to know."

She frowned, looking about the room. Now? It's so early...

She brought her legs up and wrapped her arms around them. She suddenly felt very small, like a child again.

"I don't want to," she whispered.

He placed a cool hand to her cheek. "I think you must."

Her heart began to hammer against her chest. "Please..."

"We have to get this out of the way, Violet." Gilbert was stubborn when he needed to be.

She shook her head frantically. "No."

"Come on now, Violet. I won't order you to."

Tears, unbidden, threatened to choke her. She wished to avoid this as long as possible. They'd had such a wonderful and peaceful evening the night before, as if no time had passed between them. And yet, he pushed, perhaps wise to the fact that neither of them could move forward before this was settled.

"Fine then! Why?" she cried. "Tell me why!"

That one strained word, when it did come out, spoke more than she could begin to say. He felt the accusations acutely, as if she'd shouted them; each one a piercing blow to his heart.

Why did you want me to believe you didn't survive?

Why did you want me to think you were dead, all this time?

Why did you leave me all alone?

What did I do to deserve it?!

He tried to pull her into his arms, but she struggled out of his reach. His arms feel to his sides in resignation.

"Violet, I didn't want to hurt you."

He deserved her anger, he hadn't been fair to her.

"You must try to understand, I couldn't interfere with your life any more than I already had. If I came back to you, I was afraid... I didn't want you to be a tool again. I knew that if I came back, you would try to become my weapon once more. I couldn't bear it. It would kill me to see someone I love so much acting as a tool, and nothing more. I wanted you to live. You needed to do that without me. I'm sorry, but I had to do it. You needed to make your own choices; to make a life for you and you alone. I had to let you be."

Violet was weary of weeping, but the years without him had caused her so much heartache. She cried for all the lost time they might have had together. Did she understand? Of course, she did. He was right, after all. After she'd woken from the hospital, all she'd wanted was to hear him tell her what to do next. Just breathing without him there to tell her to felt like a betrayal to him. What did she know? Nothing, until she was forced to be without him. But it still felt like a bullet tearing through her flesh, and she remembered well the sensation.

"Please, Violet. Tell me you understand."

She slid toward him, and met his gaze. His brows were knit together and his hair was disheveled around his face. She ran a hand gently through it, smoothing it away from his good eye.

"I do. And I would have... become your tool again. It's all I wanted from the moment I woke in the hospital to find I had not died. I wanted... no. I needed your orders. It was the only purpose I knew."

He held her face in his hands, grinning proudly. "And now look at you. You don't take orders from anyone now, do you."

She gave him a teary sort of grin. "No, I do not. I live free."

"Free..."

He didn't ask permission, he didn't need to. He pulled her close and lay down beside her. She folded herself into him, as she used to so many years ago during the war when the damp and cold bit into her bones and all she could do was shiver in the dark. He'd held her tight, then, to keep her warm. Even then, when the summer was many moons behind them, he smelled of grass and sunlight and something she'd never found the name for, something entirely him. Now, she breathed it in deep, filling her being with his scent, wishing she could hold that breath inside her lungs and never let it go.

He held her tight, hands stroking, stroking everywhere, with the simple need to feel her again. Her hair, her arms, her back, her cheek, even the delicate skin behind her earlobe. She never wanted him to stop. He was real. He was here, alive, with her. Heat spread everywhere he touched, her body began to tremble, but she was not cold. What was this feeling? It was completely foreign to her, unlike anything she could ever remember experiencing. For some reason, she hesitated to ask him about it. Was she embarrassed? Maybe. All she knew was she wanted him to keep holding her, keep touching her. It felt good, and she wanted more of it.

Sleep slowly enveloped them, and with it came dreams. She remembered the terror she'd felt when he told her to leave him behind. Terror... she could name many emotions now. Anger, that he'd dared give up so easily; that he'd felt his life was forfeit compared to hers. She would've shaken him in fury if she hadn't lost her arms. Even then, she hadn't obeyed his order. Then, the explosion.

Violet jolted awake.

"What is it?" He asked softly, concerned.

She shook her head and burrowed into his chest. "It is nothing," she mumbled. "Just memories."

A few seconds of silence passed, then:

"Violet?"

"Yes?"

"Do you... do you understand what it means to want someone? Do you understand what's involved in romantic love?"

She thought for a moment. She'd learned of procreation and how children were born from books she'd read. Is that what he meant?

"Do you mean relations between a man and a woman?" She asked, matter-of-factly.

The former Major felt heat flush his cheeks. "Yes, I… that's exactly what I mean."

"I understand what is involved," she explained. "I know how it is done."

"Oh... You've done it before, then?"

"No. I simply know of it. The other dolls, they've talked to me about it. I understood most of what they were saying... Why do you ask?"

His heartbeat had quickened since he'd brought it up, and the sensation of her breath on his neck was not keeping him as calm as he would have liked. "I just think we, er, I should be as open and honest as possible with you."

"I do not understand."

"Don't worry about it," he sighed. "I'm sorry I brought it up. In fact, if I told you everything I was thinking, I'm sure you would change your mind about staying."

"Unless you're no longer the same man who raised me and took care of me when no one else would have, nothing could make me want to leave you ever again."

He squeezed her closer to him. How he loved her!

She wiggled. "I like that."

"Like what?"

"The way you touch me," she admitted, sheepishly. "You've always been so gentle."

He turned to lay on his back, pulling her on top of his chest so he could see her face.

"I'm gentle because I love you. I never want to hurt you again, Violet."

So much she wished to say, so much she still did not understand. It made her want to cry. She wanted to ask him for something, but she didn't really know what. Her body trembled again, despite the warmth of him seeping into her. When her wandering gaze landed on his lips, hers tingled in response.

A Kiss. That must be it. She wanted a kiss.

He could see it in her eyes. He recalled the same look on the first girl who'd ever kissed him. He'd never wanted anything so badly than to kiss Violet in this moment, with her staring into him so innocently, with those blue eyes that were as deep as the sea. She may never express much, but to him her eyes would always give her away.

Ever so slowly, Gilbert lifted his head toward hers. She rose to meet him. When her lips met his, she felt all strength leave her. She was weightless, like the scent of him that surrounded her. He pulled away but she leaned further into him, connecting them again. He groaned when her lips inadvertently parted and his bottom lip slipped between them. He could almost taste her. He stopped himself before he did anything that might frighten her.

Her breathing had grown heavy and her heart pounded in her chest. Confused, she sat up and placed a hand over her heart.

"Gilbert, what is this called?" she asked, breathless.

"You mean the kiss?"

Her brows knit together slightly. "No, this," she clarified as she took his good hand and placed it over her heart right between her breasts. "My heart," she continued. "Why is it doing that?"

He swallowed, his mouth suddenly dry. He wouldn't lie to her, but this was more difficult than he had anticipated. He tugged his hand away from her.

"That's a little bit of what I was talking about earlier."

He knew he was being vague, avoiding giving her a complete answer.

"I see, but..." she paused, searching for the right words. "I want to keep kissing you. It must be called something... this feeling."

He sank his head back into the pillow. "You're excited, Violet."

"Oh... Are... are you excited too, Gilbert?"

She was so innocent, no matter how many books she'd read.

"Yes, Violet. Though, perhaps I shouldn't be," he muttered. No matter how badly he wished to have her, he hadn't expected to be in this position so soon with her.

"Oh," she repeated, sitting back on her heels. "I think I do understand now. I'm sorry."

He rose and rested his back against the headboard. "You have nothing to be sorry about, Violet. I'm the one who should apologize. You're not nearly ready enough for this. I shouldn't have kissed you."

She took his hand again. "But I wanted you to. You give so much to me. I learn things from you I can't learn anywhere else. I think it will always be that way for us."

"Do you want there to be an 'us'?" he asked suddenly.

She didn't hesitate. "Of course."

"Violet, what do you want?"

She stared at him. "I'm not sure what you are asking."

"I mean, do you want me in your life?"

Now she felt a twinge of fear course through her.

"Yes."

"But do you understand what that means?"

For some reason she did not like this. She didn't know the answer he wanted to hear, and it made her cheeks burn. "Maybe you should explain it to me."

He ran a hand over his face. "I don't want to scare you away, Violet."

She dropped his hand abruptly. "After all the things I've done, you think you can scare me?! You're treating me like the child I was and not the woman I am. I may not ever be able to understand everything like I should, but I know condescension when I hear it."

He flinched. Shame rammed into him and he couldn't meet her gaze. He'd never seen her angry before.

She took a moment to calm her breathing. "You said you wanted to be open with me, well do it. Say what you mean, Major. Maybe you should explain it to me like a child, maybe that's all I am to you... A child who can't understand."

"No! No, you're not. I'm sorry, Violet. You're absolutely right. I'm being a coward. I stayed away from you all this time because I was afraid, and even with you here right next to me, I'm still afraid. I've believed for so long that the best place for me is in your past. You have a full free life without me. I worry that someday... you won't want me in it."

Her eyes grew wet. "I don't love anything in this world, except you."

"Violet..."

"Do you know what I overheard your brother call me once?" she interjected, sniffling. "He was talking with Claudia in his office. At one point, Dietfried said, "You've done a good job taking care of Gilbert's widow." I went straight to my room and didn't come out for three days." She swallowed. "I think that's what I was - your widow. I felt as many women did who'd lost their husbands in the war. When I looked at them I saw my own pain staring back at me. Felt my heartache in the words their husbands would never hear. They said all the things I wished I could have. Maybe then more people would have understood me...

"You say you're afraid I won't want you in my life someday, but I question how you can even ask me that. There is no basis for it. I have tried to be as clear as possible. Short of writing you a report, I'm not sure what else I can do to tell you what I want. Isn't it obvious?"

She sat expectantly, waiting for him to speak.

He gestured her forward and sighed in relief when she came willingly into his arms once more.

"I just want to make sure you understand everything such a union involves, Violet," he stressed.

"What I don't understand I'm sure you'll teach me. It is as I said, you have always been gentle with me. In these matters, it will be no different. I want you, and all that it entails."

He brushed a few strands of hair from her face. "You put all your trust in me still, after all these years? How did I get so lucky?"

"Because you are a good man, Gilbert Bougainvillea. Many are not. Sometimes, that is all that matters."

He didn't want to be a coward anymore. He'd hid from her far too long. He didn't want to hide from her ever again.

"I want to be your husband, Violet Evergarden," Gilbert proclaimed softly.

She rested her forehead against his. "I'm glad you finally understand."

A/N:

Inspiration for these two continues to strike...

This is going to be a slowwww story. These two have a lot of things to figure out and work through, so bear with me. :)

Also, please review! I'm not above begging!

(I have a third and part of a fourth chapter written for this. I'll probably post the next chapter in a week or two.)