Chapter Six

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Violet woke suddenly, surprised she had fallen asleep at all. Her nights, excepting the ones she'd spent with Gilbert, had been rather sleepless these past few months. She yawned, stretched, and rubbed her heavy eyes, willing them to open. Her body was no longer accustomed to such exhaustion. At least she had managed to get a few hours, her anxiousness to see Gilbert mostly to blame for keeping her wide awake late into the night.

She rose and dressed herself speedily, choosing a billowy white button down and a lightweight skirt of mauve that swished gently around her knees as she walked. She put on her black suede ankle boots, the only other pair of shoes she had other than the coco brown lace ups she wore for work and a pair of leather sandals for summertime. Her long blonde mane she tamed into a simple braid down her back and, lastly, fastened the brooch to her collar. Cattleya had obtained for her a full-length mirror a few years ago as a gift, though Violet rarely made use of it besides a cursory glance as she passed by. Now though, she peered into it and examined her reflection. She looked different, but it took her a moment to pinpoint it.

Then, she gasped.

Is that what I look like when I'm… happy?

She was smiling, there was no mistaking it. The skin around her eyes crinkled, it reminded her of Luculia, and Luculia was always cheerful. Once upon a time Violet had had to use her hands to make the muscles in her face do such a thing. Those days were gone.

She glanced at the small clock on the corner of her desk. Gilbert would have crossed the Leidenschaftlich border by now, mere minutes away from the capital city.

The mirror revealed that her smile grew exponentially when she thought of him, her pale cheeks even tinging a becoming shade of pink, but that did not surprise her. She had been okay in her life before, maybe even content at times, but now she was truly happy.

The Major was alive.

She decided to walk to the station. The sun was shining brilliantly, a light breeze ruffled her bangs, promising a fair June Saturday.

As she made her way toward the station, she took time to examine closely the faces of passersby around her. People's expressions could be so uniquely different, their feelings still sometimes frustratingly indiscernible to her, but smiles were easily recognizable and plentiful. She had always wondered what moved people to smile so much and she finally figured it out. The world was bright to them, even if only in that present moment. Finally, Violet had found the light in her world, the thing that caused her to smile. She didn't want to stop.

So, it was a smile that greeted Gilbert when he disembarked the train. Tossing his bag to the ground, he wrapped Violet in his embrace and inhaled the scent of her hair and clothes. She smelled of wildflowers and soap, and it revived him as he breathed it in deep.

He pulled back slightly to look at her face. "I missed you."

"I missed you, as well. I'm very happy you're here."

"I can see that," he observed with a roguish grin.

He bit his lower lip, and she couldn't help but stare. Then, he bent his head down and kissed her. She leaned into him and parted her lips slightly, something she learned he enjoyed very much. He groaned in response and deepened the kiss. A few people nearby cleared their throats audibly and they parted, breathless and flushed. Gilbert didn't care what people thought of him, but she was well-known, and he didn't want to expose her to any gossip or ridicule just because he couldn't keep his hands off her.

He cleared his throat. "We should get going," he said, picking up his bag from where he'd carelessly tossed it moments before. "Did you want to take a walk?"

"Yes, a walk with you would be lovely."

He held his arm out for her and she took it, grateful to be touching him in some small way. She eyed his duffel bag. "Did you want to take your things over to Claudia's residence first?"

"No. I don't want to bother him and the missus just yet. Besides, they're probably sleeping in, it's the weekend after all."

"I'm very pleased you get to meet my friends while you're here. They've heard much about you."

He winked. "I'm sure they have. Especially because I know how talkative Claudia can be when he's allowed free reign to reveal a secret. The minute I told him I decided to come back, he told me he would tell everyone he knew. 'Penance for my suffering,' he'd called it. He's the only other person I'm close to. A good friend… I've missed him."

Curiosity got the better of her and before she knew it, the question left her lips. "And Dietfried? Are you going to see him as well?"

Gilbert stopped short. "I… haven't decided yet if I should."

"Oh…" She looked at him steadily but made no other reply. Inwardly, she suppressed a shiver. She hadn't quite told Gilbert everything when it came to her dealings with his brother. She didn't know why, but she was reluctant to reveal certain things, unsure of what his reaction would be. More than anything, she didn't want to upset him, they'd endured enough to last many lifetimes.

He peered down at her. "You aren't curious as to why?"

"Not particularly. Should I be?" she asked, keeping her features serene, though uncomfortable memories haunted her.

Gilbert chuckled, oblivious. "I guess not. Anyway, it's not important. What is important," he went on, resuming their walk, "is you and I spending as much time together as we wish. How does that sound?"

She squeezed his arm and pulled herself back to the present. "It sounds perfect."

They wandered down the street a few minutes before Violet spoke again.

"I don't know what you've done to me, but I've hardly functioned as a proper Doll this week. I found it extremely difficult to focus on what clients were saying to me. All I could think about was you."

He snorted and she stared up at him, incredulous.

"What is so humorous? That is how children who can't sit still behave, not me! It certainly isn't an admirable quality one looks for in an Auto-Memories Doll."

"I'm sorry, Violet. If it's any consolation, I haven't been able to stop thinking about you either."

"It is a small comfort. But it does not help me do my job."

"Ah well. Someday you'll get so used to me you'll hardly give me any thought at all," he remarked offhandedly.

"I… I certainly hope that is untrue," she objected softly, eyes suddenly downcast. The idea that life with him could ever become so mundane that she could view him in such a flippant and inconsequential manner entirely disturbed her. But she knew little of married life…

He paused and tilted her chin up to him at her sudden displeasure. "I was only joking, Violet. I'm sorry. I simply meant the acuteness of it will fade in time because you'll see me so often."

She blinked, then nodded, relieved. "Yes. That is logical."

He brushed her lips lightly with his until the forlorn look leeched from her eyes, and she smiled again. "Logical, indeed."

It was midmorning by now, and neither of them had eaten breakfast yet. They wandered toward an old café Gilbert remembered liking. Large front windows allowed plenty of daylight into the dark little restaurant as they sat in a small booth in the corner. The waitress brought over bowls of creamy rice noodles and green vegetables happily stewing together in a steamy seasoned broth, and a pot of strong black tea.

They ate in easy silence, basking in the simple joy of one another's company. Occasionally they observed the people walking by outside on the street, but more often than not, the couple kept their gaze on each other. When she asked him how business had been he told her about how the soil was looking excellent this year, and that the transplanting of seedlings had gone well. He expected a good yield in the months to come. She nodded, happy that he was so eager to tell her about the things that concerned or excited him.

Over the years, the Dolls had complained that the men they were interested in, even Hodgins at times during his courtship with Cattleya, never seemed willing to talk to them about the mundane things. Gilbert had never been that way. He had always been willing to talk with Violet about anything. He never turned her away or ignored her when she had questions, no matter how uncomfortable the answers. Violet had no experience with men to speak of other than the time she spent by his side. From what she had gathered, he was special.

"Gilbert… how old are you?"

"I'll be thirty-four in September," he replied, taking a sip of tea. "Why do you ask?"

Violet shuffled random bits of food around her bowl. "Claudia seemed to think our difference in age would make our relationship complicated… I'm not sure if… is it complicated, Gilbert?"

Gilbert pushed his empty bowl away and leaned forward, taking her hand. His eyes roamed her face, searching briefly for the girl she'd been and smiled, remembering the curious, innocent nature that had enthralled him from the beginning. It was no matter that she had been regarded as a weapon, she had still been innocent back then.

"You were a child when we met, Violet. And I was a grown man – now we're romantically involved. People who know that might not be very… understanding."

"Oh."

He sighed, leaning back. "There isn't a name for what we were to each other, Violet. But I loved you very much, almost from the first. You were the only other person in the world I truly cared about. People will say what they will about that, but they will never know what we went through together. They may make it into something depraved, but it was anything but. We told each other almost everything. When you started to change into a young woman, I started thinking about all the things you were missing out on because of me. That's why I spent all our spare time teaching you. I wanted so badly to give you a happy childhood… I'm afraid I didn't do very well with that."

He smiled tenderly and a rebellious lock of ebony hair fell over his forehead. He bit his lip and slicked it back absentmindedly. The gesture made Violet's heart flutter.

He continued, "We were officer and subordinate, teacher and student, guardian and ward… but also so much more than that. Not brother and sister, not father and daughter, and yet, you were family to me. I had such an overwhelming love for you, and I still can't seem to find the right words to describe it. It was… all things, everything… I only wanted you to be happy. You talk about how all you wanted was to hear my orders, well all I wanted was for you to not have to. I truly believe we had to go our separate ways, or we never would have broken free of that."

Gilbert picked up his teacup and drained it. Sensing he was simply gathering his thoughts she gingerly refilled it from the pot they'd ordered.

"And then Intense, and suddenly we weren't together anymore. Hodgins wrote me about how you were, it was all I ever asked him of life in Leiden. He told me how independent you'd become, how stubbornly you held onto the hope that I was still alive somewhere. Damn near broke my heart when he told me that… but it only served to reaffirm my resolve to let you be, in the hopes that… well ideally, that you would forget me."

Violet opened her mouth to say she could never have forgotten him, that only her own death would ever erase him from her memory; but he hushed her with a look that told her he already knew it had been futile to think she ever could.

"I got the notion into my head that if I could just see you, see you living your life, that I could move on. I was a fool. But I wasn't going to interfere with your life any more than I already had. It was about two years ago now… the only other time I had come back here. You were standing outside the company building talking with another woman."

His gaze shifted to somewhere outside the window, eyes unfocused, lost in the vision. His next words came in a reverent whisper, "I thought you were the most beautiful woman I'd ever seen… and you laughed. When I got home, the ache of missing you felt… altogether different." She blushed and he smiled sheepishly. "It's like you said, there are many kinds of love, and I think you can feel them all for one person. If you're lucky, they'll feel the same way about you. That's what we have, Violet. I don't think it's complicated at all… Do you?"

She shook her head. "No. Not complicated… not anymore at least," she answered softly. "It certainly was before I understood what your words meant."

He took her hand across the table. "Don't let other people tell you what we are, Violet. No matter how well-intentioned it may be, only you and I know what we have."

She nodded in agreement and sighed. "So many people do not have the ones they love anymore. I was one of them… for a time. I did not care to be left with only my memories of you. But now, I have another chance," she whispered. "I have another chance to be with you. It's like you came back to life."

He smiled tenderly at her for the rest of their meal.

After he paid, they hailed a cab to Claudia's house. It was small, whitewashed, with a tiny fenced-in yard out front, and conveniently located only a few blocks from the CH Postal Company building. Claudia welcomed them with an excited grin, ushering the couple indoors in a flurry.

Hodgins clapped Gilbert on the shoulder good-naturedly, giving his old army buddy a strong handshake before pulling him into a tight, manly embrace. "I haven't seen you in ages. I've been thinking to myself all these years, "Now, why don't he write?" I thought we were friends, Gil."

"You have my apologies. You know how it is, pretending to be dead and all," he quipped.

"Ah well, all's forgiven! Hey, meet my wife."

The trio made their way into the living room where Cattleya was just setting down a fresh pot of tea. The room was bright, with light blue velvet-covered sofas and a creamy coffee table of white oak between them. Daylight streamed in through the gauzy butter-yellow curtains that covered the large bay windows that faced the street. The woman of the house looked up as they entered the room.

"Well, Cattleya, here he is! The infamous Major Gilbert Bougainvillea."

His friend rolled his eyes. "Just Gilbert, please. It's a pleasure to meet you, Cattleya."

She smiled and shook his hand. "I always wished I could have met you, Gilbert, so this is a true wonder. I've heard so much about you over the years, I'm sure we'll get along splendidly. Our home is your home so, please, make yourself comfortable."

She seemed affable enough, but there were hardened edges in the softness of her eyes as she greeted him, and Gilbert didn't really know what to make of it.

The young couple took a seat beside each other on one of the sofas, each accepting a hot cup of tea.

"Thank you both for putting me up for the week. I really appreciate it," Gilbert said as he took a sip.

Claudia laughed. "Anything for you, Gil. You can stay with us anytime."

Conversation mainly took place between the two men, Cattleya joining in here and there. Violet, always more comfortable and content listening in a group rather than participating, sat demurely beside Gilbert. She loved just hearing his voice. She could blink and they'd be back in the army again, Claudia and Gilbert joking around with their easy banter as had always been their way. Claudia seemed more a brother to him than Dietfried ever had. It made Violet even more glad of Claudia's friendship to them both.

The morning passed easily as the men caught up with each other and lunchtime soon arrived. Cattleya entered the kitchen with Gilbert close behind. He'd offered to help her carry things out to the table on the porch in the backyard.

Cattleya had been observing how Violet watched Gilbert. Her eyes brightened and narrowed in on him as if he were the only person in the room, even when he was not the one speaking. She watched him as if he were a ghost, filled with disbelief that he was really sitting there beside her. A fierce urge to protect coursed through Cattleya for her young friend. She had watched her grieve the loss of this man, saw how it had almost killed Violet to lose him, she wouldn't let that happen to her again.

When Cattleya reached the kitchen counter, she turned on him.

"For Violet's sake, I'm glad you're back."

Gilbert recovered quickly from her bluntness and regarded her. "But?"

Her eyes narrowed. "But I don't want to see her hurt again. If you mean to be in her life, you'd better be in her life. Catch my meaning?"

Gilbert shuffled his feet, the picture of Cattleya as a fierce lioness protecting her young flashed across his mind. But after what he did, Gilbert couldn't blame her. "I'm not going to leave her again, if that's what you mean."

"That's only part of it," she remarked, handing him some towels then opening the oven. "Violet does not need any more complications. Life is hard enough for the rest of us as it is. Don't make it any harder for her." She pulled out the dish and turned around. "You can take this outside. Be careful of your hand, it's very hot."

Dismissed, he made his way to the back of the house. Gilbert sensed there would be more to it than that. Cattleya had stared a hole through him the whole morning like a disapproving mother. She'd hid it well but after years of living with Violet, having to guess what she was feeling or thinking, Gilbert was adept at reading other people who tried to conceal their emotions.

For Violet's sake, I'm glad you're back.

But should he be? Was he any good at all for her? The words gnawed at him the rest of the day. A sudden unease that maybe he shouldn't do this, maybe he'd made a big mistake clenched around his heart and choked his throat in a vise grip. Violet deserved so much more than him, this broken shell of a man who could offer her nothing but his pitiful heart that, before her, had been mostly dead.

And anyway, did she truly know her own mind and heart so well now? Or was part of her still the girl who didn't know how to feel?

No.

That wasn't fair of him at all. He loathed himself for even thinking it! He didn't realize how frail and tender and new his faith in her was. She'd proven she knew herself and him enough to make the choice. But then why did he suddenly doubt… everything?

Lunch and dinner came and went and when twilight fell upon the city, the couple took a nighttime stroll through the park nearby. Violet took him to the bench where she usually ate her midday meal and they talked of her job and the letters she'd written that week.

When the sky finally grew black, he remarked about the lateness of the hour and changed their course toward the company building. She hoped his intention was simply for her to grab a few things for the night. Wouldn't sleep together as they had before? But he walked her to her room on the upper floor of the company building, speaking of the squeaky floorboard he'd stepped on that needed fixing, and how the place could use a little more security, it didn't seem safe enough for her to live in by his standards. She gave him a small, placating smile, squeezed his arm, and assured him she was perfectly safe here.

When she opened her door and he still offered nothing by way of an invitation, her ivory-colored cheeks turned a becoming shade of pink. She felt a sudden unease and was unsure of how to make her desire known to him. She'd never thought she'd have that problem again, but here it was.

Was it shyness that tinged her cheeks with heat, or how badly she wished he would make the first move, untried as she was in these things? Something about him had shifted during the evening, and she couldn't begin to name what it was. A sudden reticence to be too close to her, it seemed, and it caused her to grow terribly worried she would do something wrong. Things suddenly felt different than they were at his cabin, but she didn't know why.

"What will you do tomorrow?" she asked hopefully.

He took her hand. "Spend the day with you, of course," he said simply, quietly.

"Oh. So… I will see you in the morning, then?"

"Cattleya wants to make us breakfast. Will you come to the house?"

She nodded and he kissed her cheek. "Come over whenever you're ready. Goodnight, Violet."

"Goodnight, Gilbert."

He turned to leave and somehow, he missed the disappointed look that had entered her eyes.

Why hadn't he asked her to stay with him? Did he suddenly not wish to sleep beside her anymore?

Her brow knit together in confusion as she watched him turn the corner, listening as his footfalls rhythmically descended the staircase.

When she heard the large front door latch, she closed hers softly and went to bed alone.

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A/N: Would ya look at that! I'm not dead. I am SO sorry to have left this story hanging for as long as I have. Please know that even though I haven't posted, I've been furiously working away at this story and have like nine more chapters written. It's one of those things that just kept evolving, and I had to go back and change things so it all made sense, and then, well... I lost my nerve to post. Again, I'm sorry. But I'm just gonna start throwing it out there and hope for the best. I'm allowed to fail, it's fanfiction. Lol

HUGE thank you to everyone who reviewed! It helped so much the past year as I was lost in where I wanted everything to go. Also, all the follows and favorites! I never imagined so many would enjoy my sometimes too-wordy prose. I also went back and rewrote the first chapter. I wasn't happy with it anymore. It's not much different, it just has a little more substance to it, and their voices are more true to character now, IMO.

Much love to you all and I hope you enjoy!

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