Subaru got up with the aid of Garfiel's hand. There was still some lingering pain, but it was about as minor as the tickle of a feather. He nodded his head to Garfiel and went over to help Otto.
"Thanks, Natsuki-san," Otto said as Subaru pulled him up.
"Alright Otto, you ready for the rest?" Subaru asked.
"Of course."
Subaru nodded again and turned to Garfiel, who was hunched over and breathing heavily, "Garfiel."
"Yeah, Cap'n?"
Subaru tilted his head at the 'Cap'n' but let it stay, just enjoying it, "Emilia needs to liberate Sanctuary."
Garfiel's eyes widened. He didn't speak for a few moments. Instead he spent that time rubbing at the scar on his forehead with his lips pursed.
When he was finished thinking he said, "My amazin' self can't protect Sanctuary alone. And this shit's only a place. Has sis found the new Sanctuary yet?"
Subaru thought on Frederica's quest. He doubted she'd have become one of Roswaal's maids if she didn't believe she'd found what she'd been looking for.
So Subaru said, "She most likely does, and if not, we can all help her find one."
"Thas fine with me, my amazin' self ain't what they need right now. Not alone anyway." Garfiel let out a great breath.
The boy stood up a little taller after those words. A bit of pride in the boy flowed through Subaru. Garfiel had managed it, he'd accepted that sometimes you needed to ask for help. And he'd done it so much faster than Subaru.
"Then here's where I need you," Subaru explained where Garfiel should be, and all of his reasoning. He could trust Garfiel with his thought process. There was no full-proof logic behind the decision, no guarantee he could actually place full confidence in Garfiel, but Subaru didn't care. As that other version of Otto had told him, that's why they called it trust. So he had faith in Garfiel.
"Can you handle that?" Subaru asked when he finished.
"'Course I can handle it, Cap'n," Garfiel said. Subaru nodded, he knew how difficult it was to trust Natsuki Subaru. And believing in Subaru was one of the major constraints on Garfiel in the up-coming battle. Garfiel was relying on him completely, Subaru didn't know if that was wise, but he couldn't let the boy down.
"You guys can start working on your preparations then, I have to get Ros on board," Subaru said.
Otto tilted his head, "Wait…you said it was possible Roswaal could work against us."
Subaru didn't hesitate to answer, "It is, but we have to place some trust in Roswaal. If we don't then we'll lower our chance of success from nearly impossible to impossible."
"S'what happens 'f ya can't get'im to help?" Garfiel asked.
Subaru clenched his fists. "Then we'll do the impossible. But I'd rather it not come to that."
Even if Roswaal did say no, there was no way Subaru was going to let Capella win—not after all she'd done. His face tightened and his lips pulled back. He was going to see her dead. As long as it didn't impede upon the needs of those he loved, then he'd kill Capella. Actually, even if those he loved didn't want him to kill her, he would.
Even if they all wept, Natsuki Subaru would see Capella Emerada Lugunica dead. He swore it to himself.
"Natsuki-san, you look a little scary," Otto said, eyes wide, "what are you up to?"
"Thinking about how I'm going to kill the Sin Archbishop of Lust." Subaru's voice came out cold. After a second, he tabled his hatred of Capella and focused on Otto and Garfiel, "Anyway, you guys should get started, we really don't have much time."
"See you later then, Natsuki-san," Otto waved.
Garfiel crossed his arms and smiled, "See ya, Cap'n!"
Subaru waved back at them, then turned and set off for Roswaal's cabin.
"We really don't have much time."
The memory of those words leaving his mouth lingered as he walked through verdant vegetation and beautiful mosaics of color that were tree trunks. While he admired the way the bark's different shades interweaved, he continued to think on those words. If he committed to keeping this timeline—if he threw himself fully into holding these happy memories in everyone's mind instead of just his own—then he really didn't have much time. And not just here.
In his entire life, Subaru had so little time.
No matter what he did, if he devoted himself to never having sole ownership of memories, then all he had were eighty years. Maybe a little more if he was lucky.
So little time.
"Eight decades," he whispered, ducking beneath a branch. He'd taken a shortcut through the forest; staying on the path would take longer. Although, he didn't run. His body still needed to rest after his healing.
"Eight decades," he repeated the words. His heart felt heavy. He let it remain heavy as he continued on. He'd only have eight more decades to make and share good memories with everyone. In comparison to his life so far, it was a microsecond.
But it would be Ram's microsecond.
And Rem's.
And Emilia's.
And Otto's.
And Petra's.
And Garfiel's.
And any others that joined them along the way.
It would be all of their microseconds. And he knew that Ram would do all she could to carve it so deep into him that it made a hundred thousand years of dying and repeating seem like the blink of an eye. So what was that? Six eye blinks? Maybe ten? And if a hundred thousand years was as tiny as an eye blink, how small would eighty years be?
Eighty years of good memories.
How long will that be?
Wouldn't it just be eighty years?
Subaru's lips tilted up a tiny bit. Eighty years. When he weighed it up against a handful of eye blinks, there was no reason to not grasp, to not reach for those years. He'd grab them, and hold on. All that time. Eighty years…so much time.
He'd spend it loving and being loved by Ram. He'd spend it messing around with Otto and Garfiel. He'd spend it making jabs at his new older sister, Rem. He'd spend it hanging out with his new little sister, Petra. He'd spend it hanging out with Emilia, who he'd make his greatest friend.
Ram, Rem, Emilia, Petra, Otto, Garfiel. He had a connection to them now. He wasn't going to let any of it go. And with it, he'd destroy those hundreds of thousands of years. With the help of everyone who cared for him, he'd make those eons into eyeblinks. Subaru had accepted the past, but that wouldn't stop him from making it all meaningless. They were only memories now, painful ones at that. He'd replace them with good ones.
Determination glowed once more within him. It was the strongest emotion he had. He'd use it to grasp the future.
A moment later, he arrived at Roswaal's cabin. Ram was waiting there for him. Her arms were crossed, and her back was pressed up against the wall as she leaned there. Her eyes were shut. Shade covered her, letting her sleep softly.
"Huh," Subaru whispered, "and she calls me lazy."
Though Subaru didn't begrudge Ram for taking a nap. She had plenty of good reasons to take one, especially as her fight with Batenkaitos wasn't that long ago.
Gratitude trickled through him, "Thank you."
She'd taken the majority of the pain so that he didn't have to. How had he ever doubted that she cared about him? A blonde-haired bitch quickly formed in his mind. Subaru's fists tightened, and his lips twisted into a frown. He'd kill Capella, rip her apart, dismember her, show her torture worse than any he and Rem had endured in that dark room. He'd avenge the forced choices everyone had made.
Capella would die for her crimes. She'd feel each sin dragging her closer to the grave.
Subaru slapped his neck. This was a waste of time. Why was he thinking about Capella when Ram was right there? When no reason emerged, he let his hatred fall into the recesses of his mind. He took a deep breath and leaned against the cabin wall next to Ram. Love coursed through his heart. He wrapped his arm around her. Ram woke up and rested her head against his shoulder.
"Mmh," Ram groaned, "if you're going to wake someone as important as me up you might as well do it right. Do you understand nothing, Barusu?"
"Nope, I don't. I've consistently failed to understand everything. I've misinterpreted every lesson anyone's thrown at me. I've dragged my feet and been stubborn about the worst mindsets. Though, I did do one thing right."
"Hm?" Ram's eyes, still heavy with sleep shifted to him, and her head moved a little to give her a better look, "what was that one good thing? I'm interested to see what idiotic thing your mind spits out."
Subaru's voice took on a warm quality, "The one thing I've truly succeeded in, was deciding to trust you. Thank you…for loving me, Ram."
Ram tried to keep her expression a scowl, but it flashed a smile before she could.
"But…I'm not sure I can say the same thing to you, not yet," Subaru lamented.
Ram's arm tightened around him, and her voice soothed his worries, "Heh. Unlike you, Barusu, I am incredibly patient."
"When we save Sanctuary…can you teach me how to love you?" Subaru asked.
Ram gave him a smug expression, "Fine, it will be an incredibly easy task for one as cute and loveable as myself. So yes, I will teach you."
"Can you teach me something else?" he asked.
Ram gave him a look that said, what have you thought up now. Subaru wondered if he should mention it. Maybe it had just been an off-handed thing.
After a second he shrugged and spoke without further thought to her earlier meaning, "You said earlier that if I was going to wake someone as important as you I should do it right. So how do I do that right?"
Ram's smugness melted away, replaced by confidence, "Like this."
The space between their faces disappeared and Ram's lips touched his own. Her kiss was gentle and warm. Little jolts ran through him as her arms wrapped around him and her fingers rubbed his back. Subaru mimicked her motion, grabbing Ram. They pulled each other tight as their kiss deepened. Subaru cracked his eyes open, so much brilliant color radiated off Ram. He'd never get tired of the pink of her hair, or the red tint of her blush. But he didn't need to see it forever, so he closed his eyes once more, and just enjoyed the kiss. Sight wasn't needed, only Ram's love. And that wouldn't run out any time soon.
Though, unfortunately, her breath wasn't infinite. After a few wonderfully long moments, Ram had to pull away and gasp for air.
Subaru breathed in, giving air to his own oxygen-starved lungs, "Ah…I'll keep that in mind, Ram-sensei."
"There are…other things I can teach you, Barusu," Ram teased.
"Says the eighteen-year old virgin."
Ram turned her head away.
An embarrassed Ram. An opportunity. Subaru seized it, "Although…if you're a good enough teacher, I don't suppose that last word is going to be true for very long."
Ram's face turned the same color as her hair. Her face twitched, somewhere in the middle of happiness, embarrassment, and trying to look angry at him. She reached out her hand, but likely didn't know whether she wanted to grab or shove him.
This was it. Ram was defeated. But if there was anything Subaru had learned it was to not give up halfway, so he decided to crush Ram. He leaned in toward her, "You know, you're cute when you're confused."
"Fucking Barusu."
Subaru ignored her words and explained his reasoning, "It's because you're rarely confused. You can master almost any concept and copy pretty much whatever you see. So when you get confused, it's pretty cute."
Ram shoved a tiny bit of composure onto her face, "My confusion comes entirely from you being too much of a pervert for a pure-minded and cute young woman like me to understand."
"Pure-minded?" Subaru's lips tilted up, "Okay Ram, keep telling yourself that. Let's not forget who just got embarrassed, almost like they were thinking about those things already."
"Shut it, Barusu," Ram said.
"Ah, more Ram code," Subaru said, "you really are weird."
"Me, weird?" Ram put her hand up to her chest, "Simply impossible. I am cute, wonderful, loveable, honest, and normal."
"Oh you're honest, huh? Are you attracted to the suit?" Subaru gestured at his clothes.
"What are you—"
"If you don't answer honestly I'm going to tell Rem about all this."
Ram's eyes widened, and she stared at him. Subaru put his arms out to the sides. He'd won.
The normally unfazed Ram crossed her arms, and said, "Mmh. Fine. You are physically… somewhat, attractive."
"Ah, sweet victory. You really need to work on trying to win those little verbal battles. That was pretty easy," Subaru gloated.
Ram stared at him, then her eyes took on a resolve, "Don't grow overconfident, Barusu. And I didn't lose this time. My cute brilliant self merely found it amusing for you to believe you'd gained a victory."
Subaru patted Ram's head, much to her dismay. "You might not be able to win a verbal battle but you really can spin the ending to favor yourself."
"Hah—"
"No, nevermind. You're actually bad at that too."
Ram grabbed Subaru's hand and made him rub her head in a slightly different way, "If you're going to denigrate the wonderful Ram then you should at least do this right."
After a few moments of massaging her head to Ram's desire, Subaru lifted his hand up and broke the silence, "As much as I'd like to, we don't have the time for me to embarrass you more."
Ram quickly got serious, "Alright, Barusu. This is big, so don't mess it up. Your plan won't be possible without Roswaal."
"And what do we do if we can't get Ros?"
Ram turned and said, "You're dumb enough to forget what impossible means and accidentally manage it."
"Maybe you're right." The warmth in Subaru's voice disappeared, "But I'd rather not find out, so let's not mess this up."
Rem walked into Emilia's cabin with strong steps. She had something she needed to do. And it was a job she was best-suited for. Rem wanted to deny that and say that Ram would be more suited to the job, but… Rem now knew that wasn't the case.
Ram hadn't told her about those thoughts. She'd been unable to help Rem. Though Rem knew that without Subaru she wouldn't have accepted anything Ram would have tried, it still showed her a crucial fact.
Ram wasn't perfect.
Yet neither was Rem. Neither was Subaru. Neither was Emilia.
Ram wasn't an impossible to reach figure. She was just a figure. Rem's heart desperately revolted against those thoughts. But Rem didn't let her emotions rule her anymore. She would trust Ram and Subaru's words.
The imperfect being named Ram loved her. And Rem loved Ram.
So, as Emilia's horrified cries rang out and rushed through the entire cabin, Rem didn't let herself stop. She wouldn't be diverted in this path. Rem would continue to move forward, surrounded by people who loved her. Ram, Subaru, and Garfiel would catch her if she fell. Emilia had fallen. Now it was time to help her get back up. Rem didn't know what had happened. Yet, on this, Rem's heart and mind were in agreement. Both wanted Emilia to walk with her and the others.
So Rem opened Emilia's door, walked in, pulled up a chair, and sat down with Emilia. When Rem finally sat down, she took note of Emilia's state. The girl was holding her green crystal in her hands. Little flecks of green lay on Emilia's lap. There were cracks running along the gemstone and a chunk was missing from it. Emilia's face was twisted in anguish. Tears poured down her cheeks, and her eyes were wild.
She was glancing everywhere. Never seeing a thing, even when she looked right at Rem. Emilia was searching for something, and she couldn't observe anything else until she found it. Rem knew this wasn't a time to speak. If she interrupted this, it wouldn't end well. Still, keeping Emilia safe at the moment was something Rem could do.
Ram never let despair weigh her down if there was still something to be done. And in that respect, Ram was correct.
Like always.
Ram isn't perfect.
But—
Ram is a person. She's not perfect. And that's better.
Rem set her jaw. There lay a path forward, and like Ram, Rem would reach for it. She wouldn't let despair and self-doubt weigh her down. She'd stand up and push onward.
"Puck…where are you?" Emilia whispered as she gathered up all the fragments of her gemstone and tried putting them back together.
Rem connected the dots. Puck had broken the contract with Emilia. But why? And how could she possibly help Emilia in this case? Puck had been like a father to her, and Emilia had lost that. This wasn't something Rem could handle. This was a job for Ram.
Sister would know what to do.
Subaru would know what to do.
Maybe they would…but neither of them are sitting here. They have other things they need to do.
One of them could come here and do this.
Maybe they could, but…I want to do this.
Rem wanted to push onward and help Emilia. So she reached out and put her hand on the girl's shoulder. She refrained from speaking. Any words might interrupt Emilia's thoughts, and that wasn't something she should do yet. Rem had to wait for Emilia to speak first.
But that wasn't going to happen fast. Instead of responding to Rem's hand, Emilia continued to cry. She pulled her knees to her chest and wept into them. The screams which tore from Emilia sent a chill down Rem's spine and made her hair stand on end.
"Puck, you promised! You promised!" Emilia screamed, "Why did you make a promise if you were just gonna break it?"
Emilia's arms flexed, and she hugged her legs. She trembled, both from the force and the emotions running through her. Her lips pulled back, only for her teeth to bite down and spray blood.
As soon as she stopped chewing she screamed with bloody teeth, "YOU PROMISED!"
Rem rubbed her hand on Emilia's shoulder and kept down the doubts. In this state, what could Rem do for Emilia? Nothing, right? Rem checked on her link to Ram. So much love flowed from Ram's heart toward her. Rem smiled, then made her free hand into a fist. She bit down on her lip, bringing an iron taste to her mouth. Rem's self-doubt wouldn't get anything done.
Emilia rocked back and forth, ranting to herself, barely stopping to breathe, "Puck. Puck PuckPuckPuckPuckPuckPuck! Liar! Liar. Liar… Why did you lie? Stop lying. Promises are important. You said that to a spirit arts user they were everything… Why did you lie? What did I do wrong? WHAT DID I DO? Puck you shouldn't lie. You shouldn't lie. 'Lia, promises are important.' You always said that, always, where did it go? Why didn't you keep that promise?"
Rem held Emilia's shoulder. The girl pulled her head out from her knees and looked around with empty eyes. Her head turned slowly as she scanned the entire room. Within a moment her eyes passed Rem, but not once did they gaze at her.
"You're not here. You said you'd be. You promised you'd always be here! You promised," Emilia closed her eyes, "You're not here when I close my eyes. You aren't here. Who are you? Who said that? What's…who are you?"
Emilia grabbed onto her hair, "WHO SAID THAT? Where are you? You promised. You. But who are you? Who are you? Who are you? Whoareyouwhoareyouwhoareyou?"
The girl's purple eyes danced around wildly as she continued to descend into raving. Those words leaped from her mouth. A continuous stream of questions. Unending. Unanswered. Emilia started to pull on her hair.
Rem's body acted before she could think. She stood up and grabbed Emilia's hands, "Emilia, stop!"
Emilia stopped moving. Her body became still. She had become a perfect statue. Until her head moved. Only her head. Those purple eyes remained frozen in place. She didn't look around with them. She just slowly turned her head toward Rem. When Emilia stared into Rem's eyes. Recognition bloomed. Emilia's lips opened, "Mother…Fortuna…Father Geuse…Archie…oh, no…"
The girl's eyes took on that same far off look, "She was me…I did that. Oh…Geuse. Mother. Archie."
Emilia's head hung, and she stared into her lap.
"Is that you, Rem?" Emilia asked in a haunted voice.
"Yes."
"Will you stay here?"
Rem nodded.
Emilia reached out and grabbed her hand, but still stared at her own legs, "Promise you'll stay right here."
"I promise, Emilia."
"Thank you," Emilia whispered, then wiped away her tears. She remained in the same position but flinched every few seconds.
"It's alright, Emilia," Rem whispered and rubbed Emilia's back.
Emilia didn't respond for a while. When she did she said, "You'll keep your promise, right?"
"Of course," Rem answered.
"Then please stay here," Emilia said, pushing herself up, her arms buckling and body teetering on the brink of falling down. Yet she managed to get her feet under her. Rem moved to stand up but Emilia's face twisted in pain, "Rem…please stay, don't follow me."
"Emilia, what are you—"
"YOU PROMISED!"
Rem reached up, "Emilia...I didn't promise this."
Emilia raced for the door while saying, "You said you'd stay here. So stay! Don't be like Puck and Subaru and Mother Fortuna."
Sister wouldn't have promised that.
Then she would have let Emilia suffer without it?
The other part of her didn't offer an explanation, and Rem couldn't come up with one either. Should she break that promise? Even when Emilia was in such a state? What would breaking the promise do to Emilia? Would she allow herself to be picked up, or would she shove them all away? Rem grabbed her forehead. The answer didn't come to her. All that happened was she started doubting the course that had led her to this. She glared at her limp hands. Subaru had told her that you needed help to stand sometimes, and it was okay. Rem trusted those words. It was okay to fall and be caught.
But what if they didn't want to be caught?
She crushed her eyelids together and wracked her brain for a solution. A pain that she'd experienced not so long rose in her face.
Rem pushed her hands together, and whispered, "Huma."
A little sheet of ice floated above her palms. In it was her reflection, staring up at her. Rem didn't pay attention to her own expression. Instead, she sought out something else.
And there they were. Small, faded, bruises. Each one Subaru's offer to stand up, from that day back in Crusch Karsten's manor.
She smiled. The sheet of ice faded back into mana. Behind it, her hands were no longer limp. They had turned to fists. She cast a glance out the window. Sunlight streamed in, and little motes of dust floated in the air, dancing on the unnoticeable breeze of the room. Rem took all those details in. Then she broke her promise.
Rem stood.
Roswaal L. Mathers peered through his cabin's window. Sunlight streamed into his eyes, searing purple blots into his sight, yet he kept his focus on the ever-burning sun. The light overwhelmed him, consuming his vision. There was nothing but that garish blaze. It grew and grew. His eyes squinted, but he kept them from closing. A tiny bit of pain reached him through the burning of his retinas. Roswaal ignored it and continued to let his irises burn. He leaned back against the headboard of his bed. The wood pressed his bandages against his wounds. More pain arose from those wounds on his back.
The sun's gleam kept streaming in. He didn't let his focus shift. Everything fell away in that luminance. He knew he should take his attention off of the sun. Otherwise he'd go blind, and it would be far more difficult to reach teacher if he was blind. But he continued to stare. If he was truly about to go blind, he'd pull his sight away.
He had no idea how he'd tell if he was at that point. But he'd know…
Yeah…
He'd know.
The light began to fade. Darkness came in from the edges of his vision. So this was how he'd know. Roswaal would go blind from this. Maybe temporarily. Maybe permanently. Both would impede his ability to reach teacher. And she came first. So Roswaal readied to pull his focus away. But he couldn't do it in time.
Almost all of the sun's light vanished.
But a semblance still remained, outlining a silhouette. The little rays streamed around that figure—that person stood above him. Their body contained the proportions of a man. Roswaal couldn't pick out anything else with his sight still adjusting to the darkness. But as time passed, Roswaal gained more information.
The man wore a suit. His face was familiar, and his hair recognizable.
Natsuki Subaru.
But…
No. That wasn't Natsuki Subaru.
Standing so tall, so powerful. No, Subaru couldn't look like that. Not after all Roswaal had done to him.
He'd tried to destroy Subaru, to annihilate this man which fit his suit perfectly. Only yesterday Subaru had just worn his suit. But it hadn't fit.
This man which resembled an old friend so heavily.
"Grimm," Roswaal whispered under his breath.
This man…man. That…Subaru…a man. Roswaal had never thought of Subaru as a man before, only a boy. Even with all his age, the man had only been a boy. That was no longer the case. What was this? It made no sense. It was an utter paradox. The only explanation was Subaru hadn't engaged in any looping here, which meant this wasn't the final loop. So Roswaal was just another passing intermediary, though that status allowed him the small mercy of not having to follow the gospel's orders.
But Roswaal couldn't remain paralyzed forever, he had to do something.
"How are you liking Sanctuaaaaary after a day here?"
Subaru only cocked his head, "It's led me to a few realizations."
"Reaaaaaalizations?"
"Well, there are a couple," Subaru put up two fingers, "One, Ram loves me."
Subaru leaned over and grabbed Ram's shoulder. Roswaal's eyes widened. Ram was here…he hadn't even noticed. Was it possible—
"Oh, and the second thing I figured out was that I'll see Capella Emerada Lugunica dead."
Roswaal's lips dropped. How? How was it possible? Subaru had experienced loops here. With Capella and Roswaal himself destroying Subaru. How was he standing so tall?
"How many?" Roswaal asked.
For a moment, the man didn't say anything. But the sun's rays continued to surround him, and Ram, who stood next to him. The light ran through her hair, creating a pink sheen. The darkness from staring at the sun still obfuscated Subaru's face. But even that was fading, and after a moment, finally, Roswaal saw Subaru.
There was a look of pure determination on his face. One that couldn't be fake, no matter how good Subaru's acting was. It was impossible to copy a look like that.
With calm, Subaru's mouth opened and he said, "Eight."
Roswaal couldn't comprehend that simple word. Just a little number. But it paralyzed him. How was the man before him even real? He shoved the only words he could think of from his mouth, "Who…who are you?"
Subaru seemed amused, almost as if Roswaal had asked if snow was cold, he answered accordingly, "A man who loves his friends and knows they love him back."
This would make reaching teacher even more of a challenge. But for the life of him Roswaal couldn't push his heart to be anything but proud. He couldn't let his heart rule him, however. It wouldn't bring him to teacher.
"How disaaaappointing," Roswaal said, stopping himself from grabbing his chest.
Ram glared at him, but there was a fondness held within. Roswaal cursed himself for letting that exist. She should be looking at him with unfettered hatred. But Roswaal was weak. Now Ram looked at him with care. Another addition to his long list of failures.
"Huh. Don't pretend you didn't get what you wanted with me, Ros," Subaru said.
"I don't knooooow what you are referring to."
"It's pretty clear. Don't worry. I might have learned to trust the people around me, but I still despise you."
Roswaal's heart thanked him for those words. But his mind knew that another block had been added to his path to teacher. He finally grasped his chest, the pain of his wounds stabbed into his mind. A short breath escaped Roswaal's lungs.
"Thaaaaaaaat is quite unfortunate," Roswaal said.
"Yeah, it is for Echidna. Now, it's time to get out of bed and help us," Subaru said.
"With whaaaaat, Subaru-kun?"
"Capella, Roy, Theresia, Kurgan, Meili, Elsa, the mabeasts, the Great Rabbit, and Sanctuary's destruction at sunrise," Subaru answered, stretching his hand out.
Roswaal's heart desperately cried out, it wanted him to reach forward. His emotions. His instincts. His feelings. They all pushed him to grab that hand. But those things were of Roswaal, and Roswaal was too weak to make these decisions. He had to trust in the book, in teacher's guidance. He shoved down all the sentiments and pullings of his heart. This Subaru—and his mindset—would only steer the world away from the gospel's writ. Subaru would throw a wrench into all plans Roswaal made.
This Subaru couldn't exist.
Roswaal shook his head, "Noooooo that won't be happening."
"Roswaal," Ram's voice almost made him flinch. But that was of his weak heart once more. Teacher's heart was unflinching, so his must be as well.
Subaru glared at him, "I get it. You can't trust yourself to make this choice. I'm not following the gospel. I'm antithetical to the person it says I should be. And you can't deviate from that, so you're hoping Capella will break me this time."
Roswaal stared back at Subaru. How had he read him so easily? They really were the same… so then…why was Subaru standing so tall? How in the world could Natsuki Subaru be standing here, looming above him?
"I know you're dead set on this course, Roswaal," Subaru said, "so just shut up while I talk."
Roswaal did as Subaru ordered.
"Can you really just sit here, Ros? While everyone here resists Capella and her followers, can you just sit here? I know you don't actually want to. It's just how you're going to reach Echidna. Follow the gospel on this big quest to kill Volcanica and use his blood to bring back Echidna. Why are you torturing yourself?"
"Whaaaaatever do you mean?"
"Well, I know. You're set on a goal, and you've already gone so far. You're grasping at straws. You have to get there. You have to push forward. But why?"
"Get to the point."
"Why are you still doing this, Roswaal? Every part of you is miserable, so why?"
"I—"
"Are you trying to make it all worth it? You've already gone this far. Already done this much. You've already hurt everyone. So you have to go all the way, you have to reach the end, yes?"
"I will reaaaaach teacher," Roswaal said.
Subaru swung his head back and forth and stared at him with a look full of pity. Pity.
"Ah, Ros. I was wrong. I can't hate you."
"What?" Had he heard Subaru right? How could Subaru not hate him?
"Dammit," Subaru stepped forward, "motherfucker."
"Subaru?" Roswaal asked.
Subaru stretched out his arm, "I'm not going to keep standing here trying to high road you. I have no ground to stand on. I've been doing things just as bad as you have for a long time now. I can't hate a man like you."
"Why not?"
"Because I'm a man like you," Subaru said it so simply. But it couldn't be true. Subaru couldn't be a man like him, that was the answer. That was the reason Subaru could stand so tall, because he was strong. Roswaal was weak. Too painfully frail, too utterly infirm, and all too terribly weak. He was nothing. But Natsuki Subaru, he was painfully indestructible, too utterly resilient, and all too brilliantly strong.
He was everything. And that everything finished speaking, "I'm just like you. But…Ram, Rem, Otto, Petra, they all care about me. And if they can care about someone like me, they can care about someone like you."
He raised his head, meeting Subaru's gaze. Roswaal whispered, "But they don't. None of them do. So again, how am I a man like you?"
"I do not despise you," Ram said from behind Subaru. She stepped forward, "Buried under all those witch delusions is a good man."
Roswaal's chest screamed.
Reach forward!
Reach forward!
But at the last minute his hand yanked back. The gospel hadn't included any of this. This wasn't the loop.
"Both of you leave. Don't try this next time, Natsuki Subaru," Roswaal grabbed Subaru's arm, almost crushing his bones on accident, "it will not yield any other result."
Subaru kept looking at him for a few moments then turned toward the door, "C'mon Ram, we don't have the time for this."
Ram glanced between both of them, but remained silent. After a second of thought she turned to Subaru and followed him out.
Ah…good. She places him above me in her heart now. Roswaal thanked Subaru for that. But words brewed inside his heart. His mind couldn't hold them in forever. Ram exited the room first, then Subaru followed, but right before he shut the door Roswaal spoke, "I meant it. Don't try again, Subaru."
"Why?" Subaru asked.
"I cannot abandon this course. And I cannot change my methods."
"I don't care if you abandon it or not," Subaru said, "but your methods don't have to remain the same."
"They cannot change." If they changed now…
Dozens of faces flashed in his mind.
Then it would all have been for nothing. Nothing.
"Why?" was all Suabru responded with. Such a simple and childlike response.
Roswaal wanted to scream at him, to make him understand, "You and Ram may try, but I'm four hundred years old. I've held these methods for centuries. They cannot be changed. I'm not a greedy child who can grasp for the perfect future like you and Ram."
"I'm older than you, Roswaal," Subaru said, "and Ram's younger than you. So what's stopping you from grasping at the perfect future?"
Roswaal's gaze dropped to his legs. The words hung in the air, and no matter how hard he tried, Roswaal knew he'd never forget them. Birds chirped outside, Roswaal focused on the sound, he couldn't stand this. It was too much. Too much awkwardness. The birds were an escape, until they stopped singing, and all that remained was his and Subaru's breathing.
The door slammed shut.
Roswaal moved his sight from his lap to the door. Its basic wooden design would forever remain stuck in his mind.
"I…wha…h…" his head lowered and his hands rose, after a moment they met, "he…why… teacher, I've been faithful, I've followed the gospel…I've listened to your lectures, teacher, all of them."
Tears came to Roswaal's eyes, "Teacher…how long do I have to follow…how many Roswaals do there have to be…" Silence was all that met him, "Teacher! How long…how long!"
Roswaal barely held himself from weeping, "How long…how many more timelines do I have to spend rotting?"
No answer.
"Teacher…"
No answer.
"Teacher…"
No. Answer.
"What did I do wrong, teacher?"
Roswaa leaned back against his headboard, "I'll follow, teacher, I'll follow." He would obey the gospel. He'd bring her back. Roswaal reached up to apply his makeup, but instead of weaving mana onto his face, he dug his nails into his cheeks.
"I'll remain, teacher, I'll follow the book." Teacher would know how hollow those words sounded. But they weren't wrong. He'd follow, he'd follow.
Roswaal had already followed this far, he'd finish. Even if all he wanted to do was clutch his heart and weep for all he'd wrought along the way.
She sprinted through the forest. Her arms pumped back and forth as she shoved her feet into the ground. The pounding rocked her bones. Her lungs were struggling for any breath they could get, her throat raw from all the inhalation. There was a deep pounding in her head, a whisper in her ear. She ignored each one, and didn't stop. She couldn't be here anymore. Not with everyone lying.
Puck was a liar. Subaru was a liar. And Mother Fortuna was a liar. When she closed her eyes, she couldn't see the woman. Why should she be able to? All she remembered about Mother Fortuna was a name. Fortuna, Geuse, Archie, all just names. Why did she know them? And why did she remember a promise? She didn't even remember the words. She tightened her fists and kept running. Her feet crunched down on the grass, and for a single moment she was there.
"Lia," she whispered. Her purple eyes looked into hers. They were the same shape as Subaru's, but the color of her own. Was that Mother Fortuna? As soon as that question rose, the face was gone. But…she concentrated, and it was back. That was Mother Fortuna.
Her shoulder banged into a tree, throwing her off balance, but she recovered and continued onward. She couldn't stop. Not with everyone breaking their promises. Not with her disappointing everyone. She blinked. Snow surrounded her.
"Just die."
White covered the entire world in a glaciation brought about by everlasting hatred. But it made no sense. Why was her younger self doing that? Emilia stopped running to take a breath and focus. She grasped for the reasoning. But there was nothing, nothing but gaps. Why? She'd remembered something new, but…those other voids…were they things she'd forgotten, or…
Emilia blinked again, the ice was gone, she'd lost her thought.
"LOVE!" a voice screamed from behind her.
Emilia snapped around. Geuse kneeled there. Blood dripped from his eyes as they quested around for something, for someone. His hands clawed deep gashes in his cheeks, and his lips curled into a deep scream.
"LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE!" his voice cracked and broke from its volume and desperation, every part of his body twisting at odd angles. She shut the memory out and ran toward her original destination. Her heart tore at the sight she'd left behind, but she couldn't dwell on it. No matter how much she wanted to look at Geuse and cry, she had to keep running, running from the lies and broken promises.
Over to her right was Archie, his body melting as a black and green substance consumed him. Within a moment, he was gone. On her left was Mother Fortuna. A hole appeared in her mid-section, and blood spewed from her abdomen. Emilia forced her eyes away. Only to find Geuse, standing behind Fortuna, his body poised.
Geuse had killed Mother Fortuna.
Emilia shut her eyes; she almost tripped. Branches brushed along her side, but she didn't care to see the world. Within her mind she held a blue container of paint, and a little doll was laying right next to her. She picked it up and began to play with it. A tree slammed into her forehead, jolting her neck back. A deep groan escaped her and she forced her eyes open while continuing to run.
Along the path before her, two worlds merged. Elior and Kremaldy. Every branch shifted between the two similar forests. Her eyes jumped to a bit of movement in front of her. Was that the pink-haired woman of Sanctuary or one of the elves of Elior? Grass crunched beneath her. Her gaze flicked down and her lower body was encased in ice.
For a second, reality broke. How could she even move her legs? She blinked. The ice was gone. Emilia shook her head and ran past Geuse holding a purple box. A completely ordinary man stood in her path. He spit words at her as she ran by. She didn't hear any of them. And the man's face wasn't even there. She darted past dozens of elves. Right as she passed each one they transformed into an icy sculpture.
"Just die."
Emilia shoved the final memory away and reached the edge of the trees. A clearing stretched out before her. She didn't stop, and kept dashing toward the immense stone mausoleum that rose out of the ground. Moss ran up its sides, and as she grew closer she could pick out spider webs.
Echidna had gotten it right. She'd shown her the past even when Emilia hadn't remembered it. And now she knew that it really had been her. That girl was Emilia, her, just younger. She remembered the feeling of that hair band. The two little flowers at the end. Standing among glowing minor spirits. Geuse giving her a proud smile as he said something about her being a spiritualist. The memories were in her mind. All coming, mixing together, and bleeding into her core at once.
She arrived at the tomb's steps. While memories solidified, she dashed up to the top, going halfway into the hallway before coming to a stop. Emilia dropped to the floor, pain shot through her back, she hadn't caught herself. She ignored the sting and pulled her knees to her chest. She didn't know whether to smile, laugh, cry, curse herself, or do nothing.
So many memories.
"Lia, you big cry baby. I love you soooooo much."
What should she do?
"For looooove!"
What should she do?
"Just die."
Cry.
That was the course Emilia settled on. Tears dripped down her face; she tried to wipe them away, but there were far too many, and they came far too fast. She was such a failure. She'd denied the true past and caused Subaru and the others so much stress. But Subaru was a liar. He'd claimed to believe in her, then had been too afraid to help her. He'd lied, and just wanted someone to pass the trials so he and the others didn't have to be stuck in Sanctuary with her. Even with all that, even with all the lies, she so desperately wanted to live up to his expectations, so desperately to stop failing.
But she'd failed in both ways, first in thinking Subaru had cared for her, and second in letting him down anyway.
"Just die."
The words threw her mind off course, and left her asking: Why had she done it?
It made no sense at all. Who was she saying 'just die' to? There was no one in her memory. Emilia was so angry; she was yelling at nothing. She was a monster. Only worthy of contempt. She looked up. Dozens of elves stood in the hallway with her.
"Just die."
Each one was ice. There were little chips in their forms from all the time that had passed. Some of their facial expressions were terrified, others were acceptant, and a tiny few were blissfully unaware. The details of their clothes had been swallowed by the ice, but Emilia now knew how they'd dressed.
That woman had worn little clips in her hair. Apparently Geuse had brought them upon request. A second ago she hadn't known that, but the memory was there now—nestled deep within her mind. Maybe she'd forget it again soon, but for right now it was so crisp. Like every other new memory. Every detail. Every smell. Every sound. They were all there in her mind.
Archie joined them. He wasn't an icy statue. Instead he was a pain wracked man. His face twisted in agony. Black filth ran along his limbs. Within a moment he was consumed and made into nothing by the venom, then he was fine. The sickness began again. His expressions progressed from a smile, to a strong look to protect her, to pain, to nothing, and back to a smile.
Geuse looked down at her and beamed. It was pure and genuine. The smile of a man who'd loved her. Emilia wanted someone to smile at her like that. Someone who cared for her. But she knew how it ended. A purple box appeared within his hand. He made a fist, crushing the box. The sin held within infected him. Blood ran down from his eyes. Pain stormed across his face. And the entire time, he kept up his smile. It was still completely genuine. He still loved her.
Geuse was an idiot.
After a second, veins protruded from his forehead and his face changed. The sin from before fully took over, corrupting his grin. No love for her remained. Only obsession for…even she didn't know. But not her. Because finally, he'd realized only bad things happened to people who gave her that smile. Her heart ached, she struck the emotion down, she knew it was never a good thing.
A woman's body started appearing. But she held it away, not letting Fortuna come to life ahead. That hole—blood exploding onto her tiny form—couldn't exist.
A miniature voice slipped out of her throat, "I kept my promise. I kept it."
Emilia had no idea what had gotten in the way of her keeping it, but she'd kept it. She'd remained steadfast in her promise. Promises were important. They were to be respected, valued. No one had told her that, but… Who'd told her that? She reached for the memory, but it slipped away.
She continued to examine each of the elves. More details about every one of them streamed into her mind. A few new things about those two elves: they'd been trying to have a child, but they were elves so it had been taking them a while.
"Just die."
Now they'd never have that baby. And it was all Emilia's fault.
Snow swelled into the trial room. The ice took her quickly. Pins and needles of frost pricked her while she hugged herself. It was freezing, too much, too much, it shouldn't be this frigid. A few hours ago she had no concept of the cold. Her contract with Puck had kept her safe. She rested her hands on the gemstone at her collar. It remained broken.
The sound of it shattering played over and over again. Along with the slow crawl of ice up her body and the snow falling from the sky. Geuse screamed love over and over again. Archie groaned as he tried to hold the pain in. Mother Fortuna kept saying she loved her so much. Her younger self screamed 'just die' at nothingness. Each sound built and repeated. Joining and mixing. Twisting and becoming one. Consuming and vomiting the others.
Emilia covered her ears to block it all out. She couldn't even think with all of it filling her senses. Her cheek touched the ground as she kept trying to brace herself against the sounds. The violent chorus attacked her. It didn't yield anything. All it did was permutate and form new melodies of horrors. She'd caused all of it. Without her, those smiles of love, they would remain undisturbed. But she existed, leading to this eldritch noise.
Emilia screamed her throat raw trying to drown it out, but nothing worked, she had to hear it all, repeating time and again.
"LOVELOVELOVELOVELOVEFORLOVE!"
"Lia, you big cry baby. I love you soooo much."
"Just die."
"LOVE."
"Love you sooo much.
"Die."
"Love."
"Love."
"Die."
The snow didn't end. The sound didn't end. The dying didn't end. None of it ended.
Until a single petite woman flashed.
The sound screeched to a halt, as if her turmoil itself turned to look at that woman. That captivating existence.
"Have a safe trip."
"Bishop Regulus is with his wives."
The woman flashed again, and was gone. The words, someone had said them all, but they didn't exist in Emilia's memories. And, what had those words been? They'd already slipped away like dust on the wind.
Emilia resigned herself, and stopped trying to strain her mind. It just made her more susceptible to the noise.
The horrible screams.
Mother Fortuna dying.
Geuse's mind dying.
Archie melting.
The glaciation she brought about.
Then a new sound rang out.
Nothing like the others. It wasn't a wail. There was no pain. Such a simple sound. Not a thing joining it, or interfering with it.
Just the lone sound of shoes hitting stone.
Emilia pushed herself up and pressed her back against the wall. Her head turned, looking over at the source of the noise. She stood with the sun at her back, and walked forward even while their steps weakened from the effects of the tomb. As her eyes adjusted, she came upon their identity.
It was Rem, and right then, she said, "Emilia. Get up."
Emilia scooted away from Rem while shaking her head, "No. No, you broke your promise. You broke it. Liar."
The oni's face twisted in anger, "Emilia. You're going to get up and surpass the trial tonight."
She shook her head again, "Why? What do you want? You broke your promise and now you're here…why?"
It was wrong. Rem hated her. She could see all that anger on Rem's visage. All of it was so clear. Rem swayed in place, but she gripped the side of the hallway and said, "I'm here because you need to get up. You need to stop running away and rolling around in the dirt. Stop hiding from your past. Stop using those promises to keep everyone away from you."
"Because they should stay away. I am a witch."
Rem sniffed the air, "You don't smell like one."
"Then you just hate me for how useless I am."
Now it was Rem's turn to shake her head, "I don't hate you, Emilia."
"But you think I'm useless."
Rem's expression soured from annoyance, "When you're lying on the floor. Running from your past. Hiding from the people who want to be your friend. Trying to push them away with promises. And generally being the opposite of helpful, yes, you are useless. Completely useless," Rem said.
She nodded. That was correct. Rem hated her…but she said she didn't. She tightened her fists, "Stop lying, admit it."
"I can't, because I don't hate you."
"But you admitted it!" she rejected those words, they weren't true, "You said you hated me!"
The maid stepped closer toward her. She nearly toppled over, but held herself up. When she was stable again she grabbed Emilia's shirt, "I don't."
"Why did you call me useless then?"
"Because you are," she said so plainly.
How could she be so confident she didn't hate her, but also so confident she thought Emilia was useless? The whole thing was wrong. Rem was pretending like it made sense. Why was Rem being childish?
"Why did you come here then?" she asked.
"Because you don't always have to be useless," the maid responded.
She tried to look away from Rem, who was still holding her shirt.
"Say it, that you hate me. Tell the truth," she said, but did she really deserve the truth?
"Tell the truth?" Rem whispered, then raised her voice, "I would like you to stop being useless and walk with me and sister."
"Stop lying," she whispered, "even if you are right, why do you believe in me enough to think I won't be useless forever?"
Rem's face scrunched as she tried to force the next words out. Emilia had stopped her with just a little conversation. She was worthless. A witch. Rem had betrayed her. She had no reason to be here.
Even so, the maid managed to get the words out, "Because I was useless for eighteen years."
"What?"
"I focused on a single goal, but it was just me giving up on being myself. I was useless to my sister. I said I was trying to help her, but I wasn't," she explained with a long gaze.
It was as if Rem was looking at something that wasn't there, "I was just running from talking to her. I made sister out to be perfect, even when she wasn't. I did nothing in the battle against Gluttony, and I know I caused a man to lose his existence. I was completely impotent. Back in the Karsten mansion I wanted to give up, so that I could make everything better for everyone. To stop moving forward with sister. I thought she couldn't care about someone as useless and horrible as myself."
Rem's words rang true in Emilia's mind. Emilia was useless, and she hadn't helped in the battle with Batenkaitos either. All of Rem's words described it; she'd likely caused someone to lose their existence as well. It would be so fitting, and make so much sense. She'd likely tried to form connections with those around her, and led to another losing all their bonds.
But…only the first part made sense. Rem had said wanted to give up, not gave up.
"What happened?" Emilia asked. What could have possibly shifted that?
Rem's lips tilted up as she recalled it, "Subaru showed me that I didn't have to be useless forever. He showed me that Ram truly did care for me and wanted me to be there for her. He showed me that he believed in me."
"Subaru's a liar. He breaks his promises," Emilia denied her words. Rem should have seen that. Rem was…but Rem wasn't useless. Emilia tried to embark upon untangling that. Unfortunately, Rem was pushing the conversation on.
"Which ones has he broken?"
She opened her mouth to rant about all the time's Subaru had gone against her and destroyed her trust. She threw out every example she could think of, "He promised he'd believe in me to take the trial and that he'd always be there. He broke those."
Her lips worked for more.
There wasn't.
Rem's lips tilted down into a scowl, "So he broke…two promises?"
She nodded, "He shouldn't have promised if he couldn't do it."
Rem was silent for a moment and let go of Emilia's shirt. She stood up straight, woozy and swaying from the trial room's effects. After a bit of shaking she steeled herself and asked, "How many promises have you made to Subaru, that you've later broken?"
The half-elf froze.
Rem held up one finger, "You said you'd pass the trial. You didn't. So you broke that promise, and you promised Subaru to always be there to talk to him. I remember you two speaking to each other all the time back in the mansion. Ever since the trial you haven't been there to keep your promise."
She held up two fingers and continued, "Two promises made to Natsuki Subaru. Both broken."
Emilia tried to curl up. Rem was right.
"I'm useless."
"Then why are you such a hypocrite? You hold Subaru to a standard even you cannot match."
"But Subaru promised…"
"So did you," she countered.
"He broke the promises because he hates me," Emilia pursued another avenue, "Subaru doesn't care."
"You don't know how he feels. So how do you feel about Subaru?" Rem asked.
Emilia shook her head and rocked back and forth. Her mind provided an answer, "He's a liar… but…"
"Emilia," Rem stared down at her, "if everyone who breaks a promise is a liar then everyone will be a liar. A world without promise breakers doesn't exist."
Again Rem's face twisted, as if in mourning, "A few hours ago I believed there was one who didn't break them."
She stared at Rem, waiting for her next words. There were tears in Rem's eyes. She seemed heart-broken. Destroyed. In the next instant she composed herself, "As much as it pains me… Ram is not perfect."
"What…"
Rem closed her eyes and shoved words from her mouth, "Ram wasn't perfect. For eighteen years, she was useless. It wasn't her fault entirely, but she was. And I was useless to her. So just because you've been useless doesn't mean you have to be useless forever."
"You and Ram aren't like me. Neither of you did what I did!"
"What did you do?" Rem asked.
"I froze the Elior Forest and everyone inside it."
"Why?"
"I don't remember…but it happened when I was young, really young."
"So what?" Rem asked.
Emilia gaped at her.
The maid continued, "Ram was close to falling to her instincts and killing everything in sight, including me, before she lost her horn. From the way Subaru looked earlier, he's done terrible things. That wasn't the expression of a sinless man. And…I was about to kill Subaru when he first came to the mansion."
"But none of you froze an entire forest! I am the witch everyone says I am. None of you did what I did. You're not as horrible! Everyone from the forest will hate me if I can ever unfreeze them!" Emilia screamed her throat hoarse. She was the witch. The worst of the worst.
Rem's face grew angry, "I thought that way about myself. And I know words aren't going to change how you feel."
Emilia looked up, a bit of hope slipping into her heart, "So you're finally leaving?"
"Words aren't the only thing at my disposal," Rem curled her hand into a fist, cracking a few of her knuckles.
"Rem…?" What was that for? Was Rem going to…oh, Rem really did hate her.
"This is the method Subaru used to save me," Rem said, then Emilia's world went black. Everything spun, coming to a stop with a crack. Her chin slammed, bouncing up. Her jaws opened and her chin hit the ground once more. Teeth crashing together sheared the edges of her tongue, filling her mouth with blood. The void in her eyes faded back slowly, a grainy picture of the world formed, then cleared. Emilia tried to push herself up, but Rem's foot landed on her back.
A voice came from above, "You're stronger than me, so I don't have to go easy."
"Rem…" Emilia groaned as she forced herself up, ignoring Rem's leg.
"If I didn't care about you I would leave, not split my fists open," Rem said.
Emilia looked up at Rem, "But your fists…they're fine."
"I know. Also, I'm not skilled in this method. I don't know the limitations, so," she shrugged, and her horn exploded out. It flashed a beautiful light in the darkness of the hallway. That intense gaze turned back down to her, "You're not useless permanently, Emilia. If you were, I'd be out helping Subaru and Ram."
The muscles in Rem's arm flexed as she bent down and heaved Emilia up. Emilia didn't fight back, all she did was say, "Rem, just leave."
"Shut up." Rem commanded and smashed her body into the wall. Pain shot from Emilia's back. Dust rained from the ceiling, peppering Emilia's shoulders and hair.
Her groan echoed through the corridor, "Mmh. Rem, why are you doing this? If you really believe in me, then why?"
"Because I want you to walk with the rest of us," Rem said while pushing her back further into the stone, as if trying to force her to burst out the other side. She didn't focus on that though; Rem's words were more important.
They were wrong, "That's not any reason to believe in me."
Rem's face reminded Emilia of an animal. Her horn pulsed, "I don't need any more reasoning. NOW ACCEPT THAT I BELIEVE IN YOU!"
"You don't. Stop lying. Please stop lying!" Emilia yelled. She was done with the lying. Why did everyone have to do it? Why did they all break their—
Rem punched Emilia in the chin. Her jaw popped and agony roared through her.
"I believe in you, Emilia!" Rem let go of her.
The two now stood face to face. She tried to mumble something, she was so close, until Rem elbowed her in the stomach. Her breath stopped, and she had to force bile down.
"If I didn't believe, then I wouldn't be here, almost vomiting," Rem's fury spoke for her, "every second in this place is horrible."
"If you don't believe in me then just leave!" she screamed.
The oni kicked her across the face. The shock shoved Emilia's doubts back. Rem was here. Attacking her. Claiming to believe in her. But she was so angry, so hateful. Emilia didn't believe Rem at all. Though she had a way to verify that, if Rem didn't truly believe she'd leave when the physically stronger Emilia hit back. At that point the facade would be too much trouble, and it would either drop or it…
It wouldn't be a facade.
Rem shoved Emilia back once more, forcing her to stumble. But when she caught herself, she set her feet instead of giving up again. Emilia set her jaw, tightened her fist and shouted, "Stop lying!"
She hammered her arm at Rem. The air shot away from her fist. All of her strength flowed freely. Rem had to stop lying. Emilia couldn't take it anymore. All the breaking of promises. All of it. Rem was a liar. Emilia would prove it. Rem stared at her, eyes wide, an animal paralyzed. Her horn's pulsing stopped for a brief instant.
"Just die!"
Emilia was done. All her rage built, and she forced all of it through her. It pounded from her heart into every vein, for years of oppression proven right, for years of solitude with Puck all for nothing, for the hope brought by Natsuki Subaru crushed and made into dust, for the hollow joke Rem was trying to pull.
"STOP LYING!"
Her fist pressed into Rem's nose, and met a tiny bit of resistance, then her rage channeled into her arm.
The resistance gave way.
The bone's of Rem's face shattered beneath her knuckles. The strike threw the girl's body to the ground. Blood flowed from her nose and little grunts escaped her each time she tried to breathe. This was over. Rem would get up and leave now.
After a long moment, Rem's fingers flexed, and she shoved her upper body up. But instead of turning to the sun, she faced the hunched over half-elf. There was anger on her face.
"You can stop lying now. It's gotten too hard for you to hold up that facade. Stop lying!" Emilia yelled. She was angry. Rem was lying to her so much, and she was done being lied to.
Her half-devil heart pounded with defiance.
Rem's lips pulled back into a snarl, "I. Believe. In. You."
Emilia shook her head, "You don't!"
"I DO!" Rem screamed and charged her. She tried to back away from the oni but Rem's arms were already wrapped around her.
"STOP!" Emilia shoved her will against Rem and planted her feet. She threw Rem into the other side of the hallway, and as soon as Rem's back hit, pain stormed across the oni's face. Blood poured from Rem's nose and into her mouth. A red grimace remained on her face.
"I believe in you," Rem said and once more attacked.
Her horn filled the room with light as she struck wildly. Each swing of her arms was that of a beast. Emilia dodged and countered as many as she could, but after enough hits Rem overwhelmed her tired body. Rem's curled fist shot between her weakly held guard. It landed right on her chest, throwing Emilia off balance. The attacks came faster after that. Emilia had to step away from the girl.
"I BELIEVE IN YOU!" Rem screamed and kicked Emilia's knee.
Emilia's upper body dropped down, her kneecap scraping along the stone. She snuck a glance at the long streak of skin and puss now on the tile. Right as she looked back, Rem had jumped up. A kick banged into her nose.
Blood rushed through her airway. But Emilia still struggled for speech, "No you don't."
Both girls stood opposite each other now. Her back to the trial room door. Rem's to the sun, with the light bathing her body. And even with all the blood, and the dirt, and the beating sun, Rem's expression remained so clear. The set line of her lips. The pressed together eyebrows. The flaring nostrils. The horn's glow shining through even the sun's. Somehow Rem was still committed to the facade, but she was holding back. She needed to push more, to show Rem how little she really believed in her.
"Emilia," Rem said, "I believe in you. You can't stop me."
"I can," she answered, simple as that. Nothing more to say. Rem was devoted to this, and so was she. Neither would, or could, be diverted through anything less than more blood.
The temperature dropped.
Rem's horn flashed.
Their hands shot up, "HUMA!"
Icicles shot from them both. She sprinted forward, intent on pushing Rem out of the hallway. The maid matched her speed, set on whatever it was she wanted. With the slapping of shoes and the stone rushing by, the girls met quickly. Emilia swung at Rem—who ducked low and tossed a kick toward her skinned knee. Emilia took advantage of her reach and punched Rem in the stomach, shoving her back.
Rem held her balance and yelled, "El Huma!"
A barrage of icicles blared toward Emilia.
Without words she threw a matching amount of ice back. The power from within strengthened Emilia, suffusing her. Where was this power from? It didn't matter, it was here. And she'd use it.
Her fragments of frozen water met Rem's. Both sets shattered, then Emilia threw more at Rem. The oni's eyes shot around, taking stock of them all. Then Rem ducked and dashed beside each one. Everything sailed past her by a hair. Rem moved with perfection. Instinct. Pure animalistic reflex.
Nothing she threw could hit the girl, even while Rem dashed on and tossed her arms out to the side, "Ul Huma!"
Two massive stakes of ice launched at her in the cramped hallway. She ducked under both, only for Rem to be right there. The girl had already come in from below her line of sight. For a moment their gazes met. She took a step back at the look in Rem's eyes, and her defense slipped just long enough for the other girl's body to collide with her. Emilia's back hit the floor. Rem climbed on top and threw punch after punch at Emilia, her fanatical expression bore down on the half-elf.
A little shield of ice manifested in Rem's path just in time to stop each hit. Every single shot from her yielded another crunch of ice meeting knuckles. But Rem didn't stop. Not till she finally mustered enough strength to move her legs. She managed to get them underneath Rem's stomach. Then pushed.
Rem's body launched away and into one of the walls. There was a snap. But she stood anyway. Even with a little white bone protruding from the oni's wrist, she stepped toward Emilia.
"Rem, you can't win, walk away," Emilia warned, putting her hand up.
"If I continue even in a fight where I can't win, doesn't that show I believe in you enough to fight against impossible circumstances," Rem said, rational for a moment. Then she hacked blood onto the floor, and met Emilia's stare again. Her rationality was gone once more.
Emilia stared at the girl, taking stock of her every injury. Rem's wrist was snapped, blood had covered her chin, and her nose was so broken she probably couldn't breathe through it. Even after all that, Rem was still lying. Emilia put her hand up and readied the power from inside.
A hulking shard of ice grew in front of her. Rem had been thrown a few meters away, so she still had a long way to hobble before she could get to her. Yet for some reason, Rem still forced her body forward. Her legs shouldn't even be functional.
"Rem don't do this, we both know you don't believe in me! Stop lying so much! You don't need to lie!" Emilia shrieked. She was so much stronger, able to shove Rem out into the sun, and stop her from ever reaching Emilia. She could do it all without even breaking a sweat, but…she didn't.
And Rem knew; there was a small smile on her face—smug and by some miracle a little warm. Rem shook her head, "I don't need to lie at all. I believe in you."
"If you don't need to then why are you lying?" she mumbled. Rem stepped forward, she reflexively backed away.
"You are truly stupid, Emilia, now let me come over there and punch you so that my knuckles can bleed. Then we can sit down while I explain how we're going to protect Sanctuary," Rem wiped the blood from her lips and took another step forward.
Emilia shook her head, closed her eyes, and let the great shard of ice she'd built loose. It sailed toward Rem. After only a second she had to look. The maid didn't move out of the ice's path. She did nothing to stop it. Until the ice got within range of her arms.
Rem shoved calm onto her face.
"Shut it and stop whining, Emilia."
Rem punched the ice with her good hand. It shattered into pieces.
When the shards had all fallen to the floor she stared at her, stunned. The girl was still standing, her eyes set on Emilia. They didn't move at all. Rem rubbed under her nose once more, but this time with a bloody hand. Her knuckles were open. Little bits of bone flashed in the light. Rem strode onward once again. She could barely believe it, but Rem took another step.
And another.
And another.
Then Rem charged, sprinting at her.
As the blood-covered maid with a snapped wrist ran at her, Emilia could only think:
Is it possible that she really believes in me? Is just wanting to really enough of a reason to believe in me…can that be possible? Can someone just want to believe in me?
She couldn't ask any more questions, as right then Rem's body shoved into her. They both careened into the trial door. It snapped off its hinges, throwing both into the musty room. Their backs hit the ground, throwing out blood as they tried to breathe. After only a moment Rem pushed herself up.
The far weaker girl stared down at her and said, "Is that convincing enough?"
Tears formed in Emilia's eyes. Was it possible, someone just wanted to believe in her? Could that be true, in any world could it ever be true?
It can.
But how? In what world.
In this one, dunderhead, it already happened.
"You believe in me…"
Even if she broke her promises.
Even if she attacked Emilia.
Rem believed in her. Just believing in someone was really enough of a reason to believe. Emilia let out a pure laugh. She was so excited she couldn't even feel her broken ribs.
"Finally," Rem grunted and dropped to the side, her body hit the floor with a little squish of blood. She stared over at Emilia, "Now that you're not being useless, we can help you stand."
"We?" Emilia asked.
Rem stared past Emilia, right at the back of the trial room, "I didn't even know about it…but yes, we."
"What do you mean?" Emilia asked.
Rem raised a shaky hand, and pointed toward the back wall. She sat up, and turned around. There, etched along the back wall and across the door, was a message, it read:
Hey, Emilia. Sorry about breaking my promises. But I understand now. I know what it means to believe in someone. And I believe in you. You can surpass the trials. By the time you read this you probably won't need me to believe in you. But just remember you've got this, Emilia. We're expecting a lot from you, and if you can't meet those expectations, we'll help you. You can find that thing you need to move forward. At least I know that for me it was something in my past. I don't know what yours will be, and you might not find it in the past, but even if it isn't there, you'll find it. I believe in you.
P.S. This is from Subaru.
Emilia grinned. Rem believed in her, and so did Subaru. She leaned over and started healing the oni. When Rem opened her eyes, she said, "Hey, Rem. I'm really sorry about all that."
"Mmh, well, no one's perfect, so it's fine," Rem reached out her hand.
"Yeah, no one's perfect," Emilia took it, "and thank you. I'm going to challenge the trial tonight. Will you be there with me?"
"Of course, Emilia."
"LOVELOVELOVELOVELOVEFORLOVE!"
"Lia, you big cry baby. I love you soooo much."
"Just die."
"LOVE."
"Love you sooo much.
"Die."
"Love."
"Love."
"Die."
The sounds kept churning and trying to overwhelm her, but they didn't bother Emilia anymore.
After all, she finally had a reason to believe in herself.