Huddled together are two children, grinning and giggling happily in the greenery smiling as the young redhead opens up her pals revealing a burst of raw flames, the hiss, cackle and crackle of embers perk up their ears as their amazed hues gaze into the warmth of the raw red flames as many other elven adults do their daily deeds, while the other children play, while one in particular stays by their mother's side, aiding the woman looking quite similar to the young child by her side, helping putting up the washing.
"Asteria you know you don't have to do this. I am capable of doing the washing…" Smiling, the mother looks down at her calm child.
"I'm fine…" Peacefully, she assures her mother, giving her the pins needed to keep the washing on the line.
You should be out playing with your brother and sister…She frowns feeling guilty as the only single mother of the alienage often being stared at and pitied for raising three kids alone.
"I don't wanna I wanna help…" Asteria smiles brightly at her mother, who feels guilt and shame for such selfless behaviour.
"Alright…" Lovingly, the mother gazes down at her little girl, gently taking her child's cheek which the child happily leans into, brown hues gaze into a similar pair delicately appreciating the aid only then as the cool peace to be halted by the high pitch scream and ring of a blade.
"Asteria!" Quickly, the mother protectively stands before her child who nods and rushes over to the brushes, seeing her friends siblings, she quickly grabs them, hiding in the bushes of the gardens as they watch the guards shout, scream and abuse the poor elves. Terrified, the elven children watch as many of the mothers and fathers of the alienage are cut and cut down, their bodies collapsing to the floor, blood staining the grass below as many other relatives of those fallen attempt to rush over to their side, only to join them in death. Briefly, the group grimace, turning away pained as one of the many children they recognise rushes over to one of the slain women…
"Mummy! Mummy!" Thrashing, the child pounces on her mother, shaking them but it's no use as they are greeted by the cool slash of the air and heavy ring of metal.
"Mummy…Mummy….Mummy!" Horrified, the redhead of the siblings lunges forward as a few jump on the thin lanky woman, roughly shoving her into the floor and raising their armed fists, beating the woman to a bloodied pulp as bravely, the girl once by her mother's side stays seated, hiding in the bushes, her grip tightening on her sibling, wanting to help their mother unaware of the heavy consequences of such actions. Beaten and bloodied, the girl's nose twitches at the heavy stench of iron in the air, noting a few smelling of musk as they stand, leaving the beaten bloodied and many slain elves to recover…
"Mummy!"
Blinking, the scene then changes to another, it's of the girl again, the girl with dark long brown hair, a side of her brunette black locks are tied into a lone braid as she kneels down, hearing the creak of the messy, decrypted, dying floorboards wincing from the sore scratches courtesy of the sharp floorboards as she gently taps the dirty piece of fabric against her beaten mother's features, bruises littered all over her body, stoically, the lean, thin girl tends to her mother's injuries as the soft sounds of breathing from the next room, resonates in the air.
Weakly, the mother opens her eyes, her eyes widening to see her stoic child's features, her cheeks hollow, her eyes are as dark as soot and her body, she flinches upset to see the strong outlines of her ribs, practically peering out of her skin. Quietly, the girl rubs the stains of white from her clothing, trying to tend to the numerous bruises littered all over her body from blood to much more dark injuries and remnants, some aspects she can't fix like the broken bones of her ribs, spotting several rips of clothing, noting to herself the various stitching must be done if they're lucky…
"Asteria. Have you…have you eaten?" Concerned, her mother caresses her child's cheek, concern laced in her tone.
"I'm fine…" Asteria reassures her mother.
"Asteria please…" Her mother begs, wishing for the truth seeing the strain in her child's tired eyes, strain no child of such youth should endure or see.
"Here your food," Gently, Asteria gently grasps hold of the stale bread with moss, carefully she pries off the moss off the fresh bits of the stern hard pieces of bread, helping the mother eat.
"Sweetheart…I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry," Lightly, the mother weeps as calmly and softly, the young girl wraps her arms around the crying mother, holding her, cradling the shaken mess, gently combing her fingertips through her mother's rough, greasy torn hair.
"It's okay…it's okay mummy…"Serenely, the young girl brushes her hands through her mother's hair, trying to comfort her sobbing mother.
"Asteria…I'm sorry, I…my little Aster… listen to me, you need to listen to mummy okay…?"Shakily, her mother manages to regain some composure, caressing her child's hollow cheeks feeling a wave of guilt for her child's misfortune, all because of her.
"Okay…" Obediently, she nods.
"Your sister, Varania, her gift, it must be hidden or else they will take her away," The mother pleads earnestly to her child.
"No she can't be taken away she can't…!" Asteria panics at the thought of her sister being ripped from her family.
"That's why; listen to me the power your sister wields is a dangerous frightful power for it is the same power as them…that's why we must keep her power a secret do you understand…?" Shakily, she questions her child.
"Yes…I will I promise mama, I'll do anything to protect our family…" Deeply, Asteria vows.
"My little Aster…I'm sorry for having to rely on you, my little girl…" Ashamed, Asteria's mother turns away.
"It's fine please just rest, I'll do tomorrows chores…" Earnestly, Asteria volunteers.
"Asteria…no, you know the rules," Her mother reminds Asteria.
"Then let me help…you're in no condition to…" Asteria begs pained to see her mother struggling.
"Very well…" Guilty, the mother bows her head, wrapping her arms around her stone cold child, feeling tears prick her eyes at the guilt and pain from the emotional burden she had placed upon her little girl….
Brightly, the golden sun gleams as Asteria and her mother continue to do the chores, smiling softly, happy to see her sister and brother playing with one another.
"Sister come play with us! "Happily, the young red head waves her over making Asteria smile weakly at her sister.
"Later," She calls back making the redhead pout only for the young boy to grasp her hand causing the two to giggle as they begin to do cartwheel, playing with the other children….
"Leto I'm scared," The frightful voice of the young red head perks the ears of Aster rushing over to the scene, her eyes widening to find the worried Leto looking up at the biggest tree, the mother tree of the alienage.
"What did you do!?" She barks at her twin.
"I didn't do anything it was crow, he dared Varania to climb to the highest part and join him…"
"He knows she's scared of heights!" She scowls.
"What do we do?"
"Call mother I'll get them down," Aster argues.
"You crazy if you fall you could break a bone…"
"I am not leaving my sister with Crow!" Determined, the girl leaps upwards, wincing from her sore raw nails having to dig into the tree, bravely climbing up the tree, ignoring the aching and burning of her muscles, briefly she gasps as her fingertips grips begins to slip.
"Asteria!" Leto calls out worriedly.
"I-I'm fine get mum!" Loudly, she cries fear evident in her tone as Leto flees to get the adults and the girl continues her climb upwards.
"Isn't it great Varania look at this pretty landscape imagine the world outside there like those clans do!" Animatedly, Crow gushes unaware of the shaking Varania, clinging to the girth of the tree, whimpering, shaking terrified, her features gone as pale as ice as she clings to the tree, eyes slammed shut.
"I want mummy…I want Leto…I want sis…"
"Crow what the hell are you doing?" Aster barks, anger laced in her tone.
"Oh Asteria just in time look at…" Crow smirks.
"You shouldn't be up here it's dangerous!" Aster scolds.
"But this is where the best fruit is…" Crow pouts,
"I don't care; you saw what happened to the other kids!" Asteria scowls gesturing to the small graves below making Crow frown and Varania's grip to tighten.
"Well I'm not going down!" Crow refuses.
"Fine, do what you want, I'm busy, Varania are you okay?" Worriedly, Aster rushes over to the shaking girl's side.
"Asteria I'm scared, I wanna go down, I want down I want down!" Wailing, Varania cries, clinging to the tree.
"I just need you to get off the tree okay," Gently, she pries her sister off the tree, noting the bloodied nails of the shaking girl as Asteria briefly winces from the tight claw marks embedded into her form, from the shaking bundle of mess before her as calmly she stands frowning at Crow.
"I just want to fly away…" Crow whispers, reaching out to the sky.
"Give up Crow…" Coldly, Asteria calls out.
"Huh? Crow blinks puzzled.
"There's no escape just accept it…or you could just jump, at least you could escape…" Asteria encourages a cold look in her eye as Varania hides in Asteria's chest, clinging to her.
"You think so?" Crow whispers, a faint hope in his tone.
"If it means more food for us then sure…" Blankly, Asteria encourages.
"You're quite morbid you know that…" Crow chuckles.
"Just deal with hat you get, life isn't fair," Calmly, Asteria remarks picking her sister up bridal style and gently, climbing down with her sister in hand.
"Asteria! Varania are you alright?" Their mother reaches out.
"We're fine we ju-ARGH!" Screaming, Aster screeches with her sister as her foot slips and immediately, protectively holds her sister, bracing for the impact as she groans, releasing a faint groan, and hearing the giant crack of pain from the heavy contact of the ground and her back.
"Varania!Asteria!" Quickly, their mother rushes over to the scene, her eyes wide in horror, tears threatening to fall in her eyes as she desperately checks over her children, her eyes filled with worry, panic and concern..
"Mummy…?" Weakly, Varania whimpers out as relieved she kneels down kissing her child's forehead grateful only then to turn to Asteria.
"Asteria," Relieved, she hears a small groan from said girl only to gasp in horror at the odd angle her hand is in…
"Oh maker," Horrified, she gently holds her child's bruised and twisted wrist, pained when hearing the loud screech of agony from Asteria, tears in her eyes as frantically, the other elves rush over, not sure what to do until one appears.
"She broke her wrist, we need to get her treated," One of them orders as the others shrink back, not sure what to do as Asteria's mother helps her up and tends to Asteria, the best way she can.
"Oi what's the hold up!" Loudly, the other elves flinch fearful as the mage guards arrive, tending to the scene.
"My child she fell and.." The mother begins but…
"She's not dead, tough girl," One of the guards notes only to hear Asteria whimper from the touch of the mage.
"You can heal her can't you!?" Desperate, she pleads to the guards.
"We have a deadline, this scene costed enough of our time, it's her fault she tried to kill herself," One of them scoff.
"No she-"
"Get a move on," Loudly, the mage guard orders scaring the alienage back into work mode as Asteria is roughly shoved to stand and the basket of fruit given to her.
"Deliver those to the kitchen got it!?" The guard barks at the staggering girl who nods and leaves, using one hand and struggles but complies to it.
"No wait please I'll-"
The harsh slap echoes in the air silencing the woman who collapses to her knees, cradling her cheek as worried the other two children rush over to their mother's side helpless as the guards leave and so does Asteria…worrying the family.
Limping, Asteria limps through the hallways, her wrist bruised enveloped in purple as she continues her struggle towards the kitchen, however as she does, her eyes widen when her ears perk up at the sound of gossiping mages.
"Did you hear?"
"You mean about the slave alienage right?
"Yeah, said there was a mage there, I hear they plan to kill the knife ear today…"
"Seriously!?"
"Yeah on their way there!"
"Yeah I hear the master would see to it personally…."
No, no, no! Horrified, the young Asteria drops the bag, ignoring the clatter of the fruits and rushes back to the alienage, her eyes wide in horror when finding her mother being held up by her throat as desperate, she tries to claw her way to freedom.
"Tell me whore who's the mage!?" Loudly, he barks dagger rose to her throat.
"Mama!" Horrified, the young Aster dashes forward, feeling a wave of rage at the sight of her helpless mother and raises her hand, reeling it back as she leaps forward, ignoring the boiling rush of heat in her hand and her mother's plea for her to stop as she plants her hand on the male's eyes.
"Let her go!" She screams to the heavens noting to her surprise the sudden burst of steam as the guard releases a screech of horror as he staggers back, cradling his singed burned face, noting the crimson leaking seeping out form his bloodied hands, trying to hide his facial features, surprising many including the shocked girl, who shakily looks out at her bloodied hands, stained in crimson dripping down from her fingertips, stained in ruby red as she turns, her scared hues meeting her mother's dismayed pair, staggering back fearful.
"Mama?" Innocently, she calls out to her mother only to receive silence as suddenly she releases a cry of shock and fear as she is grabbed by her throat making her whimper.
"Found you…" Smirking, he grins as he increases his iron grip making her cry out in pain urgently trying to free herself but it's useless.
"No let her go she's just a child!" Frantically, her mother cries out reaching for her only to be held back by the guards.
"She's an issue," Suddenly, the air turns as ice as cold as…no…no…no…horrified, the young Asteria freezes as an old man with a bearded man appears in his robes as all the elves bow down, including the fearful mother.
"M-Master Denarius…"
"She will come with me, if you are in my way I will not hesitate to kill you…"
"She's my child!"
"She is my property now leave us! I have much to do with my little pet…"
"No…No…Asteria! ASTERIA!"
Shocked, I jolt up heaving, panting, taking in huge gulps of breathe as I feel a rainstorm of sweat cascade down my heated temple, looking down at my heaving chest rising up and down as surprised, I look down at the numerous layers of clothing scattered, some pieces rips to shreds on the floor…oh boy. Slowly, I feel a sense of dread only to turn to feel a secure, warm, comforting hand on my torso, securely around my waist making me look down at the pale arm to reveal…Solas, curled into my side, clinging to me.
Maker…slowly I bow my head, biting my lip, staining another heavy layer of sweet copper as I close my eyes, trying to level my breathing trying to compose myself from those flashes, those flashes who was that girl? Asteria? Wait…Fenris…he was called Leto according to Varania she as there so that woman…she was…mum…but I…Oh Maker, I can't, I'm so…what the hell have I done!?
Shakily, I feel a strange dampness in my eyes as quickly I wipe away any signs of tears attempting to level my breathing as I unsteadily stand, only to flinch briefly from the rough sharp pain below…huh…rough guy for such a quiet guy…they do say it's the quiet guy to look out for. Rapidly, I kneel down, urgently grasping hold of my clothes and instantly putting them back on, reluctantly, peeling off the strange source of warmth from Solas arm, saddened slightly as I shake my head, trying to banish such thoughts.
"Okay clothes on now I just got to get outta here, luckily it's not my first time now this time for the walk of shame, sadly, I smirk as I approach the door, ready to leave, only then to hear the faint groan startling me as I turn to stare shocked at the surprised Solas, staring at me puzzled.
"Are you alright?" He questions.
"Me, I'm fine…I just…look what happened between us, it…I can't not now," I begin shakily, frowning at the various thoughts and words in my mind, struggling as I feel a wave of rage begin to erupt.
"Why not? I'm not forcing you I'm simply curious. Fennic please, you can talk to me," Softly, Solas assures me as I scowl, glancing to the side to notice him look worried, sitting down legs crossed as he gently places his hand on mine and sets me down, placing me in his lap as I feel nothing but rigid as he gently places his chin on the crook of my neck, rocking me back and forth, rubbing patterns into my back, only making me curl into myself, recoiling back from the touch making him frown.
"I have…after…that I had flashes of memories, memory of my life before..." Struggling, I begin prying his hands from me startling him as I remove myself from his embrace, scowling.
"You mentioned not being able to recall after your… Do you want me to help I can- " He trials off pained only to falter from my stern sharp glare.
"No! No…I don't. Look just forget about this, whatever this is…and leave me alone…" I raise my hand, silencing him as I turn my back to the male.
"We can't avoid each other we…" He tries to argue as I growl.
"I can't do this! Just leave me alone that's it!" Loudly, I snap startling him as I turn my back to him, hearing him cla out to me but the harsh slam of the wooden door answers him as I storm out, needing space, needing time to breathe and most of all…needing time to think…
Heavily, I lower my head, my brow furrowed as the crisp air of the Skyhold ice greets me as I lean on the balcony, scowling, trying to arrange these flashes once more, gently grasping at faint straws that were those flashes, trying to gather myself.
"What are you doing out here?" Startled, I turn to the voce of my brother, whose turquoise eyes widen when seeing my state.
"What happened? Did that abomination…?" Fenris frowns as I release a tired sigh, wincing from his loud obnoxious voice to the stinging pain, echoing in my mind.
"I…I think I know now…" Painfully, I begin.
"Know what?" Fenris asks.
"Why you left Hawke…" I tell him as Fenris' eyes widen in surprise.
"Fennic don't tell me…" Fenris begins worried.
"I don't understand why they showed up when I slept with him. I've slept with many men, but he was the one who caused such pain…" Fed up, I complain to my brother angered why is it he of all people managed to bring back old horrid memories.
"Maybe it's due to his dirty blood, it trigged…I knew I shouldn't have trusted that abomination!" Fenris offers.
"Fenris enough…" I argue, fed up.
"So you left…" Fenris exclaims tired.
"I'm so sorry brother back then I was so angry, I didn't understand but now…bloody hell I understand…"Ashamed, I bow my head recalling the bar fight caused from our dispute and me seeing Hawke so tear eyed, so pained, so hurt and now…now I understand. We can't…I just I can't…
"Fennic listen to me, go back, you have to, you owe it to him to give him an explanation," Fenris frowns at me.
"I did…" I argue.
"Did you tell him of your glimpses?" He elaborates making me scoff.
"I told him what was necessary," I begin.
"And that would be?" Fenris furrows his brow.
"Then you didn't. Go back…it brought me great pain when leaving her…" Fenris confesses trying to confide in me
"No! I will deal with this alone!" I bark.
"Sister he deserves to…" Fenris begins making me scoff.
"No I will deal with his like I've dealt with everything about me alone…" Stubbornly, I state the fact clearly and coldly to the fool, I've slept with so many people and never once has this occurred and when doing my walk of shame, I did it alone, cause the only person you can rely on is yourself!
"No. I can't I just…I can't okay!? I'm not you Fenris! I can't! I have slept with several men, I…I can't…" I begin, my eyes widening at the slight break of my tone as I try to regain control, seething as I bow my head, growling and instead returning to the comforts of my cold confines, alone as I approach my bedroom, after pushing my brother aside, I make sure to grab the nearest, biggest and most strongest drink in my cabinet and drink away my sorrows, my regrets, my memories…