Alright, so I'll admit this upfront, this one is really odd, and that's coming from me.

So, like I do on a usual day, I browse this site in my journey for interesting content to read. And I, in fact, did so. I found a Familiar of Zero fic where instead of Saito, an American geek ends up there in his place. Said fic is called "An American Geek in Halkeginia" by Inner Legions (id: 8110477). It's an interesting read, but it's not entirely my cup of tea, but that's just me. That it was just being me, the character felt like a self-insert, so I had this idea: what if I, PhillyCh3zSt3ak, were suddenly pulled into the world of Familiar of Zero and Halkeginia? How would I react in that situation? Not an OC based off of me, but me. In my mind, this was a very interesting thought experiment as I've written characters a little OOC in order to project my thoughts on a situation, but never me. And here we are.

So, what will this little pilot consist of? Well, if the previous paragraph didn't give it away I will be portraying myself as a self-insert who will only use his first name for obvious reasons. And, here's the thing, in real life I can be a real condescending asshole when people really have it coming. And considering this is an anime with a few really stupid characters early on in the show's/manga's run, I'm going to have a field day with them.

Title: "Zero's Asshole Familiar"

Rating: T+ - M as the Familiar of Zero is known as an ecchi series, meaning lots of sexual content even if it is just teasing you. AKA risqué visuals even though you never do see any nudity; typical anime, am I right? Here's the thing though, I don't know how far I want this to go. I understand that societal pressures were different in the middle ages and things are much different today. That, however, is for future me to decide on as this is pilot and not the opening chapter for a new series.

Disclaimer: I own nothing other than my laptop and my copy of MS Word.

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"Talking."

Inner monologues

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If there's one thing that you should know about me, is that I'm your average twenty-something who lives an average existence where I work part-time at a dead-end job with little chances of advancement and go to a technical college to get the skills that I need in order to enter the Computer Science field. Sure, I'm sure that I can learn what I need from the Internet, however, there is the aspect of networking that the school provides that is slightly more difficult to do solo rather than with a school backing you with their name. In my free time, I hang out with what few friends I have either by playing video games or hanging out with them in person. When alone I play a lot of video games, read comics and manga, watch anime, and consume loads of YouTube videos. Like I said, your average twenty-something with no life and a lack of a love life. Ah, the single life… it sucks. Especially when you go on Facebook and see that your best friend gets married and has kids, meanwhile you're that one guy in your circle of friends that's still single af.

Out of everything I own, there are three things that I prize the most it's my laptop, my phone, and my car. Why do I prize these things the most even if they're not new or anything? Because I worked my ass off for them and paid for them myself.

But my day is pretty routine as it can be. I wake up, I go to work, I come home, and I go to class on days that I'm not working. I try to squeeze in time to work out, but that's usually scarce so I'm not fat by any means, but I am no way looking like Hasselhoff or a bodybuilder. I suppose there's one last thing you should know about me, that being I am a caffeine addict. Sure, it's not nearly as bad as say an actual drug addict or an alcoholic, but that doesn't mean it isn't annoying. Especially when a lack of caffeine can cause massive headaches on my part. Such a headache can cause me to become more of an ass, specifically a condescending ass. Don't get me wrong, I can be an ass but that doesn't mean I can't not be one; more often than not that is the case.

That leads me to today. Today is an average summer day in the Midwestern United States. The birds chirping and the sun shining. The humidity though, oh God I hate the humidity. It can make even the mildest eighty-degree day with a breeze turn into a muggy nightmare. My walk from my car to the building my classes take place in is a fairly long one just due to the campus's layout. Don't get me wrong, it's not a mile-long walk, more like a few hundred yards at the most. Not bad during the spring and fall, but a bitch in the winter.

While I'm walking I have my backpack slung over my shoulder. Inside is my fairly beefy laptop (both in size and power) and books that I need for my classes today which primarily consist of a manual for passing an ITIL exam and IT for Managers. I even have a locked handgun case deep inside my backpack as I intend to go down to the range later and practice shooting. And before anyone asks, I do have a concealed carry permit. I know the sidewalk well enough after walking down it for almost two years now that I'm reading an article or two that was shared on Twitter by a few of my favorite internet personalities. I'll be honest, some of the people I follow are absolutely hilarious despite the people that want to shut them down.

I laugh as I see one post. It's the absolute irony of what the person that they screenshot said versus what they say that they stand for. Oh, the delicious hypocrisy. I stopped walking and placed my phone in my pocket and began to look around. Something felt off. Every hair on the back of my neck was standing on end, and I didn't know why. I started to look around and nothing seemed to be off, but at the same time, everything felt… different. As if on demand an odd oval-shaped light appeared in front of me. And it was entirely odd. Me wearing a short-sleeved shirt, it felt like there was static in the air, the kind that you would feel when feeling a Van De Graff generator. This floating light was giving me every red flag imaginable, every instinct told me to run back to my car and drive home, to hell with getting an unexcused absence.

But no matter how much I wanted to run, my feet were rooted in place. I couldn't move at all. In fact, it was like my body was acting independently from my brain. My arm started to move and reach towards the glowing oval that everyone seemed to ignore and walk past no matter how much I mentally screamed for my arm to stop moving. Finally, my fingers touched the surface of the oval. As they did it felt like slime in the sense that it was grabbing onto me and pulling me through despite how much I was pulling against it to let me go. No matter how much I pulled away, it pulled me even harder towards it. In a moment of futility, I pulled with all my strength away from it, unsurprisingly it yanked me back with a much stronger force. So much so that I was pulled entirely through the oval. What happened next was... strange.

Have you ever seen Stargate? I'm talking about both the TV series and the film here. Well, after I passed through the oval, which now I discovered was some sort of portal, there was a stream of stretched out stars passing by me at breakneck speeds that would have been beautiful to look at it if I weren't screaming like a little girl…

Man. Like a man.

A very manly scream that sounded more like a battle cry.

Yeah, let's go with that.

Screaming aside, the stretched-star tunnel led way to another portal where instead of it being green, it was blue. Considering the path of events that led me here, I shouldn't have been surprised to realize that the blue 'portal' was actually the sky. The cloud should have given it away. The fact that I should have noticed said cloud compounded my fear once more when after I passed through this portal I was not on the ground. In fact, I was in the sky. Oh, and not just anywhere on the sky, but several thousand feet up in it.

It was almost like one of those Wile E. Coyote moments where I was floating in the air until I looked down. There were grasslands down below, as there was a lot of green, but what looked like a castle surrounded by a wall in the shape of a pentagon with spokes reaching out towards those walls. If it weren't for the whole life and death, I'm going to die, stick then I'd think that it looked quite interesting. And cue more… manly yelling as I fell. Not like anyone could hear me though, the Mythbusters disproved that myth years ago. Something having to do with passing wind speeds drowning out any sound not said in a helmet.

As the ground grew closer in my line of sight, I started to pray; something that I had not genuinely done in years. I don't quite recall everything I said I'd do in return, but I swear that 'firstborn son' and that church Mexico from that George Lopez skit where he promises to crawl on the steps of that church in Mexico if Max's dog was healed were involved. As the last few yards passed until impact I had a single thought, "Fuck I'm going to die single." Ok, honestly, it was the just dying alone part. Full disclosure though, at least I wasn't burning to death. That HAS to be the worst way to go. Or, a death that ends up on 1000 Ways to Die. Right before impact, I could have sworn that I saw a girl with long, pink hair and thought, "Well, that's certainly odd." And I could have sworn she looked me right in the eye as well.

Then it happened, I hit the ground at terminal velocity. Dust and other natural debris were thrown all over the place. I was hurting, but I wasn't like that unfortunate guy who got his parachute tangled up and fell just right to become a quadriplegic, but like I did a hard belly flop in the pool. I opened my eyes as the dust cleared and emitted an "ow." I mean, everyone would. Somehow I was alive. Oh great, am I going to have to climb up all of those stairs to that church in Mexico, or am I going to have to dedicate my firstborn son to the church or something?

I stood up and shouted at the sky, "Suck it, Isaac Newton!" The dust continued to clear until I saw that I was surrounded in a half-moon like fashion with what looked like high-schoolers dressed in what looked like business casual uniforms and capes of all things. Great, I stumbled onto a LARPing group. Now, don't get me wrong. I don't mind LARPing groups as they're allowed to do their own thing in their spare time. Although, they might not be too keen on me, an outsider not in their group, dropping in to interrupt them. After all, would you like it if someone took you out of character, a character you've spent time in creating a story around and interacting with friends? I thought not. I guess I'll have to play along to get out of here. "Greetings, travelers! I seek the yonder park of fire powered chariots. Might you guide this soul on his way?" I ask in my best 'ye olde' vocal tone. To my actual surprise, no one responded. In fact, there were hushed whispers like one would see at a high school. "Ok, tough crowd." I could definitely tell that none of them spoke English, or at least understood it.

"Umm, sprichst du Englisch? Habla Inglés?" I started asking simple phrases in the few languages I knew outside of English. "Vaabir gar jorhaa'ir English?" I randomly asked in the fictional language for the Star Wars Mandalorians. Seeing as though I was getting nowhere, I expelled as sigh and said, "Ok, guys, can I talk to an adult or someone who might be able to help me? Not that you haven't been a great audience, but I have to be places." I heard a few murmurs in French. How did I know? There are words that use that ç character in them and have a very specific sound. So, I said in a question, "Omelette au fromage?"

There were more murmurs this time now that there was a word that they actually recognized. Thank you, Dexter's Lab! See kids? Cartoons can be good for you! You just have to get through all the crap cartoons out there that aren't worth your time, like Teen Titans Go. Shots fired. Go will never outshine the original Teen Titans series. But that's just a tangent.

An adult with balding hair stepped forward wielding a staff of all things; he was dressed in robes that looked like it would fit in with the Wizarding World of Harry Potter. He approached me and I waved slightly in greeting. He turned towards the girl with pink hair and said something to her in French. I have no idea on the specifics, but it sounded like he was talking ABOUT me. Kind of hard to not figure that from the way his speech and mannerisms were done. She pulled out a wand and swished it around saying words I vaguely recognized from what little Latin I knew. And trust me, that vocabulary is very limited. There was a good at the end of the wand, must be an expensive LARPing group to afford something like that so whimsically. I know a few collectors, things like that would be in a glass case if it was from a franchise like Harry Potter.

However, much to my surprise, there was no anticlimactic ending that I was expecting, I mean this is a LARP, but there was an explosion. Smoke enveloped everyone and they were all coughing like they just smoked their first cigarette (or blunt, take your pick). I was shocked to hear voices. But they weren't speaking French, they were speaking English!

"Leave it to the Zero to mess up a simple translation spell," a boy called out in insult.

There was more coughing, myself included. Once the smoke cleared enough I said, "Jesus fucking Christ, the fuck was that?!" The smoke cleared more for me to see that the LARPers were looking right at me. "Uhh… hi?" I asked with a small, nervous wave.

They were so quiet that if a pin dropped you would be able to easily hear it. "THE ZERO GOT A SPELL RIGHT! IT'S THE END OF DAYS!" one boy shouted as he ran away hysterically.

"Well, that escalated quickly." I turned to look at the balding man. "You their teacher or legal guardian or something?"

"I am their professor, yes," he replied.

"You're a professor?" He nodded. "A professor of what?" I ask. Mainly interested who this guy was. I mean, you have an older, balding man that's hanging around kids. Kids that are LARPing. Well, LARPing as far as I'm aware.

"Of magic," he answered with certainty.

Of course, you are. I could only give him a look of 'yeah, right'. "O-okay then," I could only verbally reply. This was getting weird, and not in the interesting kind of way. "So where am I and where is the nearest bus station? I kind of have somewhere to be."

"You are in Halkgenia, and what's a bus station?"

I could only give him the most dumbfounded of dumbfounded looks. "Ok, listen," I sighed, pinching the bridge of my nose, "you can drop the act."

"Act? What act?" he asked innocently. This guy was really trying my patience.

"This!" I exclaimed, gesturing around me making sure to get everyone and everything around me pointed to with my open arms. "This whole Live Action Role Play session!"

"Role play?" one of the bustier students asked with a wry grin. Obviously, she knew more about sexual escapades than her peers because they just looked at him blank faced.

"Yes!" I continued to rant onward. "This whole act of magic and castles! That shit ain't real!" Despite the fact that castles were, but I was getting too hot-headed to care. "I don't care what you do on your own as I don't give a flying fuck! But I need to get back to what I was doing, so any help in that department would be greatly appreciated," I finally concluded.

The crowd was silent once more. I don't know if they were debating whether to break character or because they hadn't heard someone curse before. I was leaning on the latter. I mean, granted, they were kids and high school age at that, but even I was swearing like a sailor in my freshman year of high school. I think it had something to do with being raised in a very sheltered house.

The 'teacher' was the first to snap out of his silence. "I'm afraid that's not possible," he said with remorse.

"Professor said what now?" I asked in turn, oddly enough turning towards him, my eyebrow twitching.

"You were summoned here and cannot leave."

I walked very slowly towards the professor so that I was in his face borderline nose-to-nose. "Why?" I growled low enough for most to pick up on the implications of violence if I didn't like the answer. I could tell based on the professor's eyes that he was scrambling for an answer to appease me. He took a step back from me, not knowing what I could do. Hell, I didn't either because of my current state of mind. Normally, I wouldn't hurt a fly, but someone forcing me against my will to keep me here when I obviously didn't want to be here flipped a kind of switch. That kind of switch that animals and people feel when they're cornered and won't go down without a fight.

"We have a ritual every year in which our students summon a familiar," he started to explain.

"A familiar?" He nodded. "As in animal or beast that is bound to a magician for some kind of symbiotic relationship?" He nodded once more, his eyes brightening in the realization that I knew what he was talking about. The only reason I knew was because of fan fiction on the internet using that trope so many times.

"Yes!"

"And what do I and this ritual have to do with this?"

"One of my students summoned a familiar, but you appeared instead."

I paused and started thinking of the ramifications. "So, you're telling me that one of your students tried to summon a familiar, and I appeared?" He nodded. "And since I am this person's 'familiar' I'm supposed to be bound to them for all of eternity?" He nodded once more. "Yeah, I'm going to have to pass," I dismiss the 'proposal'.

While the professor was stone-faced, I would have hated to play against him in poker, there was one girl that looked both angry and depressed at the same time. "Why?" she asked. I could have sworn that a tear was snaking its way down her face but I wasn't sure.

As I did, I saw that there were other creatures standing near the other kids. Some were pretty benign that wouldn't be out of place at a park or a pet store. But then there was one that stood out that couldn't be anything but unnatural. It was a dragon. Not a kimono dragon or a Gila monster, but an outright dragon from fairy tales from the medieval era. You know, the winged lizards of fire-breathing death. Think Skyrim… No. More like Salamance from Pokémon in terms of form and shape. There was no way that could exist in real life. I slipped my phone out of my pocket and checked the top status bar to see that I had no signal at all. Which was bizarre. Even in the middle of the Black Hills, I had a 1x connection. Not enough for an internet signal, but enough to call 911. And that was in the middle of a mountain range, mind you; I'm currently in what looked to be a place on the plains. I should at least have an emergency signal to dial for help given the environmental circumstances. But I had nothing, nothing at all.

As I saw this, it dawned on me: I wasn't on Earth anymore. This whole magic thing, even if I was beyond skeptical on that, the mythical beasts, the lack of cell coverage, and people dressed in what looked like hybridized Eastern inspired school uniforms with cloaks outright convinced me. You just can't make this shit up. Ok, to be honest, the person holding a flame in their hand sealed the deal. So many questions ran through my mind. One, for example: will I ever see my friends and family again?

"Why you stupid familiar!" a girl's voice shouted. I turned to see a girl's foot flying into my stomach. Unsurprisingly, it was the girl with pink hair from before who was currently kicking me in the gut. I doubled over and lost my balance to the point where I was on the ground on my back. This put me in quite the perilous position as said girl from before was straddling me somehow managing to keep me pinned. How such a small girl could possess such strength, I did not know. Mainly because, A) I was taller than her, and B) I was pretty sure she wasn't that heavy; hell, I had lifted heavier bags of salt. Personally, I'm going to blame the wing getting knocked out of me by that kick to the gut. Without warning, she leaned down and kissed me on the lips.

Apparently, it was then my breath caught up to me because I reacted in shoving her off of me. I wiped off my mouth with my sleeve and stared her down. "What the hell is wrong with you? Kissing a guy like that," I chided. "One might think that you want to get me arrested for some kind of anime-style misunderstanding which brings on the Transformers meme of police overreaction."

She huffed as she got off of me. "The ritual is now complete," she smugly huffed.

"What in the hell are you-?" I asked as I felt a kind of tingly feeling in my right hand. And not the good kind of 'tingling'. The kind that makes you wonder if you just had a stroke or heart attack. It took only a short few seconds before I realized why. My hand started to burn. Oh, not like a sunburn, but like someone was pressing a branding iron to the top of my hand. So, unsurprisingly I looked down in horror to see, wait, were those Nordic runes or something? Don't ask me how I know, blame three, one hundred-hour, one hundred percent runs in Skyrim. Don't judge me. Where was I? Oh, yeah. The branding. To summarize, it was extremely painful. To which I manly blacked out. Yeah, let's go with that.

To say that it was more like a dream than straight blackness would have been an understatement. You ever see Star Wars Episode III? Specifically, the scene where Anakin has his dream vision? Yeah, it was kind of like that, but pastel colored and animated for some reason. Don't ask why, because I sure as hell don't know. I heard voices, voices that sounded like they were doing that stereotypical 'prophecy' kind of tone, that being cold and slightly aloof. Although, I couldn't quite make out what they were saying. It sounded very garbled, kind of like when you went underground or a bridge when trying to listen to AM radio stations. To make things more confusing, images just flashed past in a way that would have made those with photosensitivity drop to the floor in a seizure. It was kind of like back in Mass Effect when Shepard was exposed to the Prothean beacon. That being that unless somehow my brain was hooked up to a DVR there was no way of telling what I saw.

But I had no time to really think about that because the next thing I knew I was on something fluffy, kind of like a cloud. Oh, and I had a migraine that would kill lesser men and my hand was still sore. My eyes slowly opened to see the top of a canopy bed. Like one of those four-poster types that you see fancy, rich people having that literally serves no purpose other than vanity. I mean, all you need is a mattress on a wooden frame to keep it off of the ground, that's all. This, this was gaudy. I slowly got up and saw that I was still wearing what I was wearing the other day, that being my Batman 'Not a Morning Person' t-shirt and jeans. Even my shoes were on. Why the hell would I leave my shoes on when sleeping in a bed? I mean, I wear these things and I don't know what's on them, why would I bring that into a bed and dirty it? That's just nasty.

Closing my eyes once more I sat up, swung my legs over the side of the bed, stood up and stretched in the warmth that the sunlight that was coming through the window gave me. I'm not a morning person like my shirt so blatantly says, but for some reason, it felt good to wake up right about now. When I opened my eyes I had to outright slap myself to see if I was dreaming. In front of me, well out of the window, was a courtyard in front of a castle. The same castle that I could have sworn was a dream, a very surreal dream in which a dragon… And then I saw the dragon down below, the same one from yesterday. For the record, the slap hurt like a bitch. My eyes lowered slowly to my right hand and my eyes widened in horror to see those runes from before looking like some kind of edgy tattoo on my skin sitting there greyed out. I rubbed it instinctually and felt nothing but skin. No scarring or burns at all. It was beyond weird in a surreal sense, but also in horrifying realization.

I was still in this weird land. I was bound to a little girl (apparently, although I would have to test that) for the rest of eternity. I had this gaudy tattoo on my hand that didn't look badass at all and that had little meaning to me other than horror at the moment. I would never see my family again. I would never get to see my friends again. I would never get to pay off my car, something I worked my ass off to own. Seeing as there was almost no one up, I decided to go for a walk. I walked over to my backpack, which had been haphazardly thrown into the corner, and pulled out the lockbox containing the pistol I owned. I strapped the holster on and placed the pistol with a loaded magazine inside of it, then I pulled my shirt over it making it concealed. I looked behind me to see the pink haired girl from the other day who was still sleeping. I didn't bother her, if she had to go to school it was up to her to take personal responsibility. And so, I closed the door so the only noise it made was a small click.

Walking the campus took a while. I first walked near the wall which made the outer portion of the campus. The walls were definitely time period accurate for their construction, that much was certain. But there was something about the stones themselves, when I placed my hand near them they seemed to hum with energy. But what could be the reason for that? There were groundskeepers that went about their day in keeping the campus looking prim and proper, or at least that's what I assumed it to be. They gave me a single glance and a small smile in greeting, to which I waved back in return before they went back to their work. There were a few students roaming about, but I paid them no heed as they didn't pay me any attention; it was like they were trying to pretend that I didn't exist. Which was fine, fuck them as they're acting like little shits. Wait, rephrase that. Get those thoughts out of your head.

As I walked along, I started getting hungrier than before. You, know, stomach growling and all that. But my savior was my humble nose which was picking up the sweet, sweet smell of bacon in a frying pan. I was like one of those cartoon characters who was floating in mid-air while the scent pulled me along, but, you know, I was actually walking instead of floating. When I metaphorically ran into a door, because I'm not in a cartoon, I opened said door to see an entire cafeteria (or mess hall, take your pick). The hall was practically filled except for a few tables which suggested a few of the students hadn't come down yet. I picked a table that was near the door and sat down. Every instinct was telling me to choose the door for a quick escape if needed.

I sat down and a fairly attractive, yet young, maid approached me. "Good morning, my lord. What can I get for you?" she asked kindly.

"Bacon, eggs, some toast, and the blackest coffee you have," I reply, playing along. Coffee had to be a global staple for those who woke up this early, right?

She seemed to look a bit confused and tilted her head. "My lord, what's coffee?" Apparently, coffee was not on the menu.

"Ok, eighty-six the coffee. Juice or something instead." The maid nodded and left. I started to get worried, I would have to figure out a new source of caffeine if I wanted to remain functional here in the slightest. I sat at the table quietly, ignoring the glares that the others shot me.

It wasn't long until the maid girl returned carrying a plate with eggs, bacon, and toast and in her other hand was what appeared to be Orange juice. "Here's your food," she cheerfully said as she set them in front of me. "Is there anything else I can get for you?"

I picked up a knife and fork and said, "Not at the moment. I'll call you over if I need something." She bowed and left just as gracefully and quietly as she appeared.

And with that, I started eating with the restraint that other people were in the room, otherwise, I would have scarfed it down with little restraint. I hadn't eaten anything in what seemed like days, although I was unsure how long I was actually out. I mean, when I passed out it was daytime and it was daytime now but breakfast was on tap, so I could have been out for a few hours, or days. I ate in peace until I was rudely interrupted.

"You stupid familiar!" a girl shouted angrily. Out of instinct, I ducked to avoid a shoe thrown at my head that slammed into another person, but my attention was elsewhere so I didn't sew who that unfortunate soul was. "You were supposed to wake me up and dress me!" she demanded. "You're useless if you can't do that!"

I held up a single finger as I drank my juice to say 'hold on', I only set it down when I placed my glass down on the table. "So, let me get this straight," I trail as I give her a side-eye glare. "You expect me, a grown man, to wake you up and dress you?"

"Yes! Are you mentally deficient?!" she harped.

"No, I want to make sure I heard you clearly," I reply coolly. "You really are a brat," I slowly say with as much venom as a calm voice can carry. Honestly, I scared myself even on how it came out. "You expect everyone do everything for you. You take zero responsibility for your own actions. You chose to sleep in and not set some kind of alarm. You chose to not get dressed yourself. And God knows what else you blame on others for your own shortcomings." I slowly stand up and walk over to her so that I'm standing well over her to the point where she had to look up at me with a craned neck.

"I am your master and you will obey me!" she shouted indignantly brandishing her magic wand.

Before she could do anything with it, I snatched it from her and placed it on the table behind me. It was out of my hands so people couldn't accuse me of theft, but at the same time it was out of her reach and she couldn't use it. "No, I won't," I sternly replied as if I were talking to a petulant younger sibling. "You really don't get it, do you? You think you can bully me into doing what you want just because I'm not from here and you think I'll just lay down and forfeit my right to autonomy? But the thing is, you're powerless, and I'm not referring to some deficiency in aptitude in whatever arcane voodoo that you perform here. I have no reason to follow you or obey any order you throw my way. I stand to gain nothing. I'll give you this one chance to convince me, you have two minutes to change my mind. The clock is ticking."

Immediately, she started to sputter spewing forth incoherent words and phrases. One of the most commonly repeated ones was that: A) I was a commoner, and B) I was her familiar. There were other things like that should be making her bed, dressing her, and doing every little thing she wanted just because I was somehow bound to her, but I had no urges in my subconscious to do that. If this is what they thought a Familiar Bond was, or whatever they called it was, they needed to perform more research into it because they were sorely lacking.

"Your two minutes are up," I said with finality. By this time her incoherent shouting had gathered a crowd that surrounded both of us. "As to your comments about me being a lowly commoner, that is something that I would like to correct for the record. My ancestor was knighted by the king of a country that is far away from here, so me and my family aren't commoners." Technically, this was true. My great and then some grandfather was knighted in Switzerland over a thousand years ago, but that meant jack squat in this day and age; or, at least in my day and age, to these people it meant more so I guess a little fibbing will help me. And I was right as their eyes widened in both shock and amazement. Probably the latter directed towards pinkette as she managed to summon a knighted family, soldiers, warriors. "Familiars are meant to be symbiotic, do you even know what that means? That means when you give something, you get something in return; if you get something, you give something in return. Quid pro quo." I made sure to tower over her, to make her as physically uncomfortable as possible… not like that you pervs. "Until you present a logical argument as to why I should even assist you, you can forget about me 'serving' you."

And with that, I left the hall in silence.

To be continued…?

XxXxXxX

That's all I have for this time. What did you think of it? I do apologize for not getting more of these out sooner, stuff happened and I was unable to. In fact, about two weeks ago I went to an anime convention and had a great time. I got the missing volume of K-On I was missing; don't give me crap about that series, I like it as a fun series. I got some risqué manga from a certain group responsible for the infamous "Mega Milk" shirt making those certain mangas available here in the West called Fakku (don't go to their site unless you're legal age and all that). I got a plushie that's an octopus wearing an ice-cream cone. And I got a character figurine from Saekano. So, yeah, I had a great time. I'm definitely going again next year. The only regrets I had was not going to a John St. John panel (the voice of Duke Nukem) and not getting a picture with this cute chick dressed as Seras from Hellsing. Oh well, maybe next year.

But long diatribe aside, let's get down to what I want to have done with this story?

Well, I definitely want to do more of me being an asshole in this universe because certain characters have it coming. We all know which ones they are. I want to do more personal reactions and replies to events as me and not Saito because I can be a real cynical asshat at times. I don't know if I'll do any pairings just because I'm, even as myself, older than these characters and that would be slightly creepy even with this being set in medieval times where marriages between younger girls and older guys were commonplace; today that's both creepy and illegal. Perhaps I could work off of that? Culture shock and all that. I guess that's something to keep in mind if I were to continue on this one.

But what did you guys think? No notes this time around, I sort of got lazy. But I definitely have one more self-insert style pilot coming out barely based on that Blood Brandy challenge, and I mean barely mainly because it does start in Vegas. But you'll hopefully see that one soon because I thought it was an interesting idea. It does sort of skirt the line between original fiction and fanfiction though, so that'll be interesting. Hopefully, I'll see you all there for the next installment in this thing. See ya!