Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha or any of its characters…until I enslave the world with mind control! MWAHAHHA! (I had way too much sugar this morning)
OtakuGirlEmi: Hello everyone! I want to welcome you to chapter 7 of Decisions, Decisions, but sadly I'm too disgusted with myself to say anything happy and perky. I've really slipped up as an author by not updating for months on end. Now I know that many people dp this, but it's unlike me and I hate it. I truely want to write and keep updating my stories, but somehow I never have the time. I shouldn't complainand I know that many other writers are even busier than I am and update on a regular basis, butI feel terrible and apologize to all of you, my wonderful readers. I hope dearly that none of you hate me andI promise to continue to write my fics. Arigato!
Onto a more pressing and pleasant note, I finally updated Decisions, Decisions! So YAY! I'm actually quite fond of this chapter, despite how tedious it was to write. The plot finally starts to surface, so I think that that will make it more ineresting. There's really not any romance or fluff in this chappie, but Kikyo finallymakes an appearance. It's kind of funny how my feelingstoward her have changed as I've watched more of the anime and really thought about Kikyo's situation. Truth be told, when I started loving Inuyasha and writing fanfiction I was a Kikyo-hater. Now, I'm not trying to make anyone mad, so don't be, but now I've changed andI think that she's an important character. She's still not my favorite by all means, but I can understand where Kikyo's coming from and why she is howshe is. So I hope no one hates me for putting her in here.
Wow, that was a long note. Gomen Nasa! I'll let you go on to chapter 7 now, since that's why you're all here.
Flashback (in case you forgot where we last left our heroes): As Koga pulled away from Kagome, a loud clatter met her ears. The young miko whirled around to face the sound.
There, in the doorway of the cave, his arms empty of the wood he had dropped and his mouth agape stood a very shocked Inuyasha.
Chapter 7: Fights, Flights, and Deceiving Scenes
Kagome felt her face heat up and wanted to crawl under a rock. Her mouth had suddenly gone dry and her tongue felt like sandpaper. A single thought kept playing through her head like a broken record; how is he here? Kagome felt like time had slowed; that it was just stunned Inuyasha and an equally surprised her in the universe. Worst of all, she knew she had just committed a terrible crime; She had let Koga kiss her. Inuyasha would hate her forever; it was all over.
"Inuyasha?" Kagome finally managed to croak out, her voice cracking slightly.
Inuyasha's eyebrows furrowed angrily as he shut his mouth and his handsome features contorted into a sneer. His fist clenched angrily and he glared at her, animal-like ferocity andhurt smoldering in his amber eyes. "Sorry for interrupting your warm, fuzzy moment, don't stop on account of me." Kagome could hear the venom in his voice; it seemed to bite at her and she felt the sting of oncoming tears. "I was just coming to tell you that I found some dry wood for a fire, Kagome, but I guess if doesn't matter."
The teenage girl opened her mouth in protest, but she was cut off my Inuyasha's harsh voice. "Just shut up and stay with your damn wolf! It's not like I care!"
The hanyou whipped around, bolted out of the cave, was quickly swallowed up by the poring rain, and then he was gone.
Kagome sat there perplexed and sad, and she didn't have aclue what to do. The hanyou's abrupt departure seemed to have stunned her into silent tears.The worst thing of all was that she was sure she had seen Inuyasha crying.
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"Heh, what an idiot."
Koga's smug voice cut through Kagome's surprised stupor. She had almost forgotten about the youkai that had just kissed her moments ago. Kagome turned around to face the wolf, who was lying on the ground and showing her his fangs through his smile.
"I don't understand why he flipped out. He should know by now that you're my woman." Koga said innocently. "Oh well…the stupid mutt's probably off bawling in a tree somewhere."
Kagome clutched her fist as she looked at the wolf. She wanted to yell –no, scream- at him. She wanted to scream that it was his fault that that Inuyasha, the one she loved, was now hurt, confused, and furious at her! That it was Koga's fault all this happened because for some crazy reason he just had to kiss her!
A small, calm voice in Kagome's head piped up through all the chaos in her mind. You know Koga just doesn't understand, it said. He's always like that and he really does love you. He just hasn't accepted that you love Inuyasha yet. After considering this, Kagome felt all of the anger rush out of her, leaving her empty and sad.
"Koga?" she said softly, her eyes suddenly glued to the floor.
The wolf steadied Kagome for a moment before replying, trying to read her expression. Maybe she's finally going to return my feelings, part of Koga thought excitedly. …Or, maybe not…he thought again as he noticed the confusion and sadness in the miko's brown eyes. "Yes Kagome?"
The raven-haired beauty bit her lip nervously, her eyes still glued to the ground. "You know that you're a good friend of mine, right?"
"Yeah."
"Well," now Kagome was stuck. If she said something wrong, Koga would be heartbroken or hate her; their friendship would dissolve and fade. But, she didn't want to encourage his affections any longer. She had to put her foot down.
"…Well, I don't want to ruin that." Koga's face fell slightly and his fangs were clamped tightly over his lip, but Kagome plunged bravely on. "I know that you care about me-"
Koga interrupted her, a slight pleading in his voice, as if he was trying to convince her of his words. "I don't just care about you, Kagome, I love you!"
Kagome nodded, and her eyes flickered to Koga's face for the first time. "I know. And as flattered as I am about that, it can't go on." Koga's face had lost all its eagerness and smile. He resembled someone who had just figured out Santa Clause and the Tooth Fairy weren't real. Kagome hurt for Koga, she really did. She honestly had hoped she wouldn't have to do this, she hated hurting anyone, and here she sat, breaking a close friend's heart. But, she didn't love Koga, and it was worse for him to keep trying to win her heart.
"B-but why?" asked Koga, his voice faint and uncertain.
Kagome made eye contact with the wolf, and she kept her voice even and firm, leaving no room for arguments for protests. "I'm in love with someone else."
For a brief moment, Koga's handsome, strong features crumpled into a picture of pure sorrow and loss. But something made him change, and steel entered his eyes; as if he had decided not to be upset in front of her. He said nothing, but nodded.
It was all Kagome needed.
She abruptly stood up, and then tuned to leave. Her raven hair shielded her face, but Koga knew she was sad about hurting him. Typical Kagome, he thought as he smiled sadly, always putting others before herself.
Kagome, her back to him, walked over and bent down to retrieve her pink umbrella. She took a few steps to the mouth of the cave, and then paused.
Koga, despite his worry, had to know something, and it was now or never.
"Is it him?"
He watched Kagome stiffen slightly at the question, her hand tightly clutching the umbrella handle. Koga half expected her not to answer, and resigned himself with a small sigh. Silence stretched between them for a minute, punctured only by the falling rain. Then, finally…
"…Yes."
Satisfied with her answer, Koga leaned back down on the blanket. As he closed his blue eyes to rest, he watched the young girl disappear into the rain, chasing after her beloved hanyou.
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Inuyasha ran fast. He ran faster than he had ever run before; so fast that everything seemed to blur and fade away, leaving him alone.
Inuyasha was good at running. His whole life seemed to be spent running away from something or another. He had run away from the cruelty he had endured as a child. He had run from the deep loneliness and helplessness of his mother's death. He had run from trust and friendship, instead preferring to be alone, so he couldn't be hurt. Inuyasha had run a lot. And he was starting to realize that it always caught up with him.
Now Inuyasha was running from something new. He was running away from a broken heart. But this, he was sure, would not catch up with him. He would run so far and so fast that nothing would ever catch him again and he could be alone; cold and numb.
Only, his plan didn't seem to be working yet. How could he feel numb about what had just happened? It hurt so badly to think about it, tears continued to stream down his cheeks, only to be whipped away by the wind. Seeing Kagome, the girl he had come to love more than life itself, kissing that jerk Koga made his insides knot up in hot anger and jealousy. I should have killed the bastard when I had the chance, the hanyou thought furiously as he clenched his fists so hard his claws drew blood. But what had really hurt was seeing Kagome's eyes. Before he had fled the cave, her brown eyes had been so sad and sorry, that it just made him even angrier. Why the hell was she so sad when she had let him kiss her! I don't give a damn if she was sorry about what she had done, because she obviously doesn't love me, so screw her!
His angry thoughts slowed down along with his legs as he entered a small clearing. He stopped to catch his breath and closed his sore, golden eyes as he tilted his head toward the sky; he relaxed his body and cleared his mind. The cool rain eased his warm skin and kept him alert. His small dog ears perked up to take in every sound that surrounded him; his rasping breath as he sucked up oxygen in gulps, the sound of raindrops hitting the trees and grass, the birds twittering in their nests, and…the shuffling of footsteps and the swish of robes.
Inuyasha immediately tensed as the very faint scent of wet clay met his sensitive nose.
"Inuyasha?"
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Where are you, Inuyasha? Wondered Kagome as she raced through the dripping forest. You can't have gotten too far. Mud squelched under her loafers as she splashed though puddle after puddle and raindrops continued to blow onto her face, making her ask herself why she had bothered to bring an umbrella.
"Please come back, Inuyasha!" she called, even though she knew that the hanyou was far ahead of her and that she would never catch up to him because of his demon speed and endurance. It's not like he would actually answer anyway, thought the miserable miko as she continued to run. I'll be surprised if he ever speaks to me again.
She slowed to a walk and wiped her wet face with her sleeve. It's not like I can blame him for getting so upset. I mean, he practically hates Koga, and then he walks in and it looks like we've been having a make-out session or something. Her face heated up slightly. He's probably even more confused after the stunt I pulled the other morning at camp, kissing him and all. She whacked herself on the head gently as she sighed. "What have I done? I've messed everything up between us…" the miko whispered, her eyes brimming with more tears. Memories flashed through her head, one after the other: How helpless Inuyasha looked after the final battle with Naraku, Inuyasha grumbling for more Ramen, the hanyou as he thumped Shippo on the head, facing off against a snarling Darkmoon, whining as she bandaged him, Inuyasha sleeping peacefully in a tree, Inuyasha blushing as he looked at her after they had kissed…
Her feet stopped moving altogether. The flood of thoughts and memories set her tears free as she shut her eyes, trying to block them out. I've messed it up…
She opened her chocolate eyes and looked up at her umbrella as she sighed again and tried to get a hold of herself. It's okay. It'll work out somehow, the little voice in her head encouraged. You love Inuyasha, and you're not willing to lose him over something like this. It's not like you wanted Koga to kiss you, Inuyasha just walked in at a bad time. She corrected herself, the worst time.
Kagome started to run again, faster and more determined than before. I will fix this. I will find some way of making Inuyasha understand, and then it'll be okay. "Yes."
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No, the hanyou thought, it can't be. She couldn't be here…A shiver ran up his body. Inuyasha slowly opened his eyes and turned around, meeting those of a beautiful priestess.
"Kikyo." He said faintly, his eyebrows furrowing in confusion. "Why are you here?"
The young woman said nothing, but accepted a glowing soul given to her by a soul collector demon as she stood a few feet away from him. Her long miko sleeves flapped in the light breeze, making tiny droplets of water fall from them. Her long raven hair stuck to her wet face and Inuyasha couldn't help but wonder what on earth she was doing out in the rain.
The hanyou wasn't going to be ignored. "Kikyo, why are you here?" he said, louder this time, and then scolded himself as he glanced over his shoulder, looking for any signs of a distressed girl. There's nothing to worry about, Kagome's not here, so you can't get in trouble. His spirits sank even lower as another thought occurred to him, what if she never gets mad or 'sits' me again? I bet that her and that damn wolf have already forgotten about me.
Kikyo stared at him, her face unreadable. "I am here because I want to be. I wish to speak with you, Inuyasha." The youth said nothing, so she continued. "Naraku, our greatest enemy, the one responsible for my premature demise, is now gone. And the Shikon jewel will soon be whole once again. What, I wonder, do you plan to do with it?"
The hanyou's shoulders stiffened slightly. Her question only served to remind Inuyasha that he still hadn't decided what to do with the jewel. Sure, he had thought about it a lot, especially since it was almost whole. But some nagging doubt kept him from making a decision.
"Will you pursue your longing to become a full-fledged demon?" Kikyo asked, "To have the power that you have so longed for and to finally be equal to your demon brethren." She raised her eyebrows slightly. "Or, will you give into your fear of losing your precious comrades and become a human, like you once promised me?"
Inuyasha stayed silent and his eyes studied the wet ground as rain slid down his cheeks. He had been pondering those two questions for a long time now. It seemed that no matter what he chose for himself, no matter what he gained, he would also have to give something up. Become a demon and he might lose his dear friends, the only friends he had ever had. If I become a demon will I lose Kagome, too? He had asked himself dozens of times. If he used the jewel to become a human he would lose the power and greatness that he had so longed for. As a demon, he could truly follow in his father's footsteps and become a legendary youkai.
"I..." Inuyasha attempted to answer, only to stumble and lose his confidence. "I…don't know yet." His red-clad shoulders sunk slightly.
"As I thought." Replied Kikyo as he finally looked up to meet her brown eyes, making the hanyou wince slightly in shame. The miko smiled sadly to herself as she reached out to receive another soul. "I also see that you have not made another decision; One concerning my reincarnation."
Inuyasha looked up at her, alarm and fear in his golden eyes. "Y-you can tell?" he stuttered out, blushing, "You know?"
Kikyo, as calm and unemotional as ever, responded. "She is my reincarnation, after all. And, as I have believed for some time, she appears to be walking down the same path as me."
"What do you mean?"
"Just as you have decisions to make, so does she. One I almost had to make." Kikyo looked away, and Inuyasha swore that he saw tears fill her eyes, but it was probably just rain. Poor Kikyo, he thought. You've been through so much sadness and pain and heartbreak, and yet you are still here. Will your tragic soul ever find peace? Even after Naraku has died, you are tired to this world; tied to your pain. And there's nothing I can do.
Kikyo took a small step toward him and he felt her demeanor change. She met his eyes squarely and her mouth was a tight line. In her eyes burned a strong fire of determination so intense that Inuyasha had trouble meeting her eyes. "But that is in the past, is it not?" her voice was hard and bitter; Edged with steel like a sword. "Decisions, decisions... Many need to be made to find true peace. But if a bad decision is made, one is forced to face the consequences."
"So, Inuyasha. Are you ready to make a decision? And are you prepared for the consequences?"
The question hung in the air, rising above the sound of rain. Inuyasha gulped nervously. He had no idea what to say; no idea what to say to her. He hadn't made any decisions. Not about the jewel, or about his love toward Kagome, or about Kikyo. He was confused and lost and alone and wished to be away from her. He wanted to be alone, so he could think. But, alas, there he was stuck in a clearing with a woman he had once loved, and perhaps still did, while had had fled from the girl he cared about more than anything.
How did everything get so screwed up? Inuyasha wondered, feeling lost in anguish. He clenched his fist and bit his lip, tears once again stinging his eyes. Tears for Kagome and Kikyo and him.
His thoughts were silenced as Kikyo suddenly stepped toward him. Taken aback by the display of anguish on her face that mirrored his, he did nothing as the miko wrapped her arms around him and pulled him close. As if she could feel his emotions and read his mind, she faintly whispered, "I'm sorry."
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Kagome's head felt oddly clear as she stopped again to catch her breath after running for a while. She glanced down at her feet and flinched. My shoes are filthy, she thought. Mom's not gonna be happy about cleaning them. And my socks are probably ruined from all the mud. Even her emerald uniform skirt was splashed with mud and soaked with water.
Kagome sat down on a nearby rock, and began to wipe her face and wring out her clothes. I have to be getting close, she thought, squinting ahead of her. She had passed some footprints a few minutes ago that had to belong to a certain hanyou and she knew that even Inuyasha had to get tired at some point and take a break. He can't keep running forever. After all, he is part human.
…human. The thought made another question pop into Kagome's mind. Inuyasha, when the jewel is full, will you still choose to be a full youkai? Or, have you decided to become human? Or maybe you'll stay as a hanyou. Kagome had always like the last option best, but whenever she had tried to tell Inuyasha this, he had always scoffed at her or gotten mad. I know that you want to be stronger, she thought, but I love you just the way you are. The miko had already accepted that she would love Inuyasha no matter what he chose, no matter the outcome.
Her train of thought continued. Even if you choose Kikyo over me, or if you don't love me back. I will love you forever Inuyasha. You've always been by my side, and I'll do the same for you.
A sudden breeze flew through the trees, bringing with a familiar presence and making Kagome tense. Someone with spiritual power is near, she thought as she suddenly stood up. She quickly scanned her surroundings, paying more attention than she had before. Someone was definitely nearby, she could sense it.
What's that? The miko wondered as she noticed a tall bush that had lost several of its branches, as if someone had walked through it. She walked over to it and looked at the ground. Sure enough, several footprints led past the bush. It can't be Inuyasha; he doesn't have spiritual power like I felt. Kagome's dark brows furrowed in confusion. She bent down and cautiously peered into the broken part of the bush. Past the wet green braches, a small clearing opened to the cloudy sky. The clearing wasn't visible from the woods because of the tall trees and bushes that surrounded it.
But it wasn't the newly discovered clearing that made Kagome's eyes widen, it was the two people standing in it: Inuyasha and Kikyo.
What's going on? What is Kikyo doing here? Kagome thought as she ducked back behind the bush until only her brown eyes were visible to make sure the pair couldn't see her. The beautiful, stoic miko stood about 15 feet away from the hiding teenager and was saying something to the nearby hanyou. As she turned her head to take a soul from a soul collector, Kagome ducked back behind the bush, her heart pounding. That was close, she thought. For an unexplainable reason, the miko didn't want the pair to see her.
Kagome crouched in her uncomfortable position for several minutes as the two talked. A couple times, Inuyasha's voice rose in irritation, but she could never hear their exact words. What are they talking about, she pondered. And why is she here!
The confused teenager watched as Inuyasha, his golden eyes uncertain, seemed taken aback by something that Kikyo said and simply stood there. She felt anger well up in her chest as the stoic miko took a step towards the hanyou, her arms outstretched. She narrowed her brown eyes in uncharacteristic jealousy. What are you doing, she thought. Stay away from him! …Then Kikyo embraced Inuyasha.
Kagome's eyes widened in shock and she felt her mouth open slightly. She noticed Inuyasha's surprised eyes close and his strong arms hold the other girl close. Tears stung her eyes and it was as if someone had stuck one of her sacred arrows in her heart. "Oh…" Kagome whispered inaudibly as she sank out of her uncomfortable crouch and 'plunked' into the muddy ground. Her tears broke free of her eyes and she felt them stream down her face, but she did nothing to stop them. A huge numbing void was slowly filling her mind, making everything else disappear. She didn't care about the fact that cold water was filling her shoes, or that her umbrella leaning away from her, useless at the moment while the rain continued to soak her, or that she had goosebumps on her skin, and that she was shaking.
All she was aware of was Inuyasha hugging Kikyo. It played over and over again in her mind until the swift void started to leave her. Her mind felt strangely clear and she felt a searing anger burn in her chest. She clenched her hands into fists and angrily sung the umbrella back above her head. Fine, she thought, I don't care.
"I don't care anymore." She whispered, her voice harsh and raw with emotion. Tears streamed down her face, though she couldn't feel them. "If that's what you want…Then you can have her…"
Kagome swiftly stood up and stepped around the bush.
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Inuyasha's eyes widened in shock. Ever since she had been brought back to life, Kikyo had claimed to hate him. She had tried to kill him, and had even helped Naraku at one point. She had despised, hurt, and stole from Kagome. And despite everything he had told her and the actions he had preformed, never had Kikyo shown any remorse or sadness. She had never given any indication of happiness or even satisfaction. She had stated to Inuyasha bitterly that it made no difference to her if Naraku died, because that wouldn't bring her back to life, and that her soul died hating Inuyasha, and that wouldn't change, no matter what.
So what was happening? Had Naraku's death changed something in her? Was the bitter anger and hate finally leaving her? Had the old Kikyo that Inuyasha had fallen in love with over fifty years ago finally be coming back?
Inuyasha closed his eyes and tightly gripped her small frame with his arms. Allowing himself a brief moment of refuge from the harsh world, from his bubbling thoughts and draining emotions. He embraced her as he had so long ago; two tragic, doomed lovers connected through a single thought…
'If only…'
However, reality came spinning back to Inuyasha as realization hit him. Kikyo's hug was devoid of warmth; and empty of emotion, it seemed. It felt like an embrace of death: cold, harsh, and unforgiving. Her once vibrant porcelain skin resembled ice in all of its smooth, numbing, and transparent beauty. And there's nothing I can ever do to warm her, thought Inuyasha. For even if I choose Kikyo, whether it is to walk with her on this evil earth or dive into the pits of the netherworld, she and I will never be truly be happy. Time has stopped for her, yet it continues for me; she has felt death before, and I am still young and alive. We are destined to be forever separated, fated never to be happy together.
Inuyasha lifted his head from her shoulder and looked into her eyes. In another life, her eyes had been exquisite, warm and captivating; now, however, they were frigid and impenetrable, they lacked the spark of true life. They're so different from Kagome's warm, dancing, eyes, he thought.
At this thought, he suddenly knew. The Kikyo he had loved for so long was truly gone. And even though he held her in his arms, she would never possess her old soul. This both saddened and clarified things for him at the same time.
He gently pushed away from Kikyo, not wanting to hurt her. "I'm sorry too, Kikyo. But…I can't do this anymore. I think I finally understand something. This just can't happen anymore." For the first time, he saw confusion in her eyes, uncertainty that had never been present before. "I want to see you sometimes still. But we can't do this. We can't flip our feelings toward each other around every couple of minutes. You can't go from hating to hugging me, and I…I…"
The miko took a step away from him, cutting off his words, her eyes hard. "Is that so?" The hanyou didn't reply, his silence confirming what he ad said. "I see,"She hung her head, though from despair or something else, Inuyasha didn't know. "Inuyash-"
Kikyo's words died as she stared over his shoulder, her eyes intensely studying something. "What?" Inuyasha asked, whipping around to see what she was looking at.
There, at the edge of the clearing, stood a girl holding a pink umbrella. The white socks at her knees were splashed with mud and wet with water from running through puddles. Even her short green skirt had a thin layer of mud on it. Clear, salty tears ran down her pale cheeks in steady streams along with water that dripped from her long dark bangs. Her voice was so faint that Inuyasha could barely hear it.
"Inuyasha…Why? How could you?"
Her umbrella fell out of her hand and her shoulders shook with sobs as she turned and ran back into the trees, disappearing like a ghost.
"Kagome, come back! KAGOME! "
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OtakuGirlEmi:Well, whatdid you think? I hope everyone liked it.I was a little frusterated with how it seems to resemble chapter 6 in the ending, butI just had to stop it there. The next chapter will continue to focus on Kagome/ Inuyasha, and there's sure to be fluff! YAY FOR FLUFF! Speaking of fluff, I'm currently working on the next chapter of An Unlikely Pair asI type this. I'm not very far, but I have spring break starting Friday so I hope to write a bunchduring the next 10 days. (I LOVE SPRING BREAK!) So for those of you waiting for chapter 5, I promise it's on the way! Thanks for reading and remember to drop me a line via review or e-mail. I promise to reply to you if you do, even if it's not right away! Arigato and Ja ne!
P.S. Way off topic, but I'm a HUGE Hayao Miyazaki fan and was so excited when I recieved Howl's Moving Caslt as a gift from my wonderful Papa. Ilove it!I've now watched it 5 times, am currently reading the book, and needless to say I encourage any fan or a anyone in general to go pick it up or rent it. YAY HOWL'S MOVING CASTLE AND HAYAO MIYAZAKI! WOOT!