Fuck naruto, all my homies hate Naruto, and that is why I don't own it.

Also, I would reply to the reviews but I am lazy as fuck and I am sad this story gets that much attention.

Nevertheless, I give you a kiss on your asscheeks and hope you are doing ok.

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And please leave reviews cuz otherwise I will feel alone and won't be able to masturbate in peace.

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Tsunade was eventually found.

She was friendly, surprisingly, and after seeing the single strongest ninja ever, that being lee; she gave everyone in the group sent to search for her a blowjob in gratitude for coming, and coming.

Jiraiya wrote his testament afterward because he had no other reason to live after getting that.

Naruto became gay.

Gai sensei forgot who Tsunade was.

Lee gave her a lot of youth.

TenTen decided that maybe Tsunade wasn't the best role model, but she still took blow-classes with her.

And Neji's face got stuck on a way I can't describe because I ain't a fucking taxidermist.

After that, in exchange for his RPG-7, which he did not want to let go, Gai paid the debts of Tsunade, allowing her to happily go to Konoha and serve as a bureaucratic slave in exchange for, well, recognition as the Hokage (celebrating her ascension at the same time as Lee) and infinite booze.

With that, there was only one problem.

The civilians and some of the shinobi were fucking mad that Sasuke had gone rogue.

It wasn't only because that kid, if dead, would probably prompt Itachi to come and massacre some random clan; even if Lee was there to defend them; but rather it was because he was a symbol of what remained of the past, his dojutsu giving inspiration for others that it might flourish and eventually be not a trait of the Uchiha, but Konoha's.

For that, and because the genin was threatened by a sect of weird people with Uchiha clothes and frames of the same clips of Sasuke making the Fireball Jutsu; it was decided to send a team after him.

But what could they assemble? None of the Jonin gave a fuck about one spoiled brat.

The Chunnin were more troubled with dealing with Iwa tickling Kusagakure's balls with another invasion attempt.

This all left a bunch of retarded Ninja on the reserves, people too busy with other shit and the protagonists.

Thus Naruto decided to go after Sasuke and rallied the other Konoha genin.

For some fucking reason Sakura did not want to go and save her crush.

Ino wanted to get Lee's respect because he was strong and was probably a way better relationship option than the guy that just drooled next to the window in classes.

Shikamaru was ascended to Chunnin for being the only competent guy in their class aside from Shino, so he was obligated to go.

Choji was forced by Shikamaru.

Hinata wanted to go with Naruto.

Shino just wanted to be included, and also I kinda forgot about him in the last two chapters.

And Kiba shat his pants on the first chapter but thought that if he managed to accomplish an A-rank mission like this, no one would dare to tell him he smelled like shit.

Lastly, Team Gai (minus Gai because he got an STD from Tsunade) was there because Lee is the protagonist here, didn't you read the title of the story?

But there was something wrong with Lee.

On the North gate of Konoha, where some other two half-decent Chunnin were doing guard duty, Izumo and Kotetsu, a stampede of people sat foot before the open doors of the Hidden Village that is almost every time found by people that shouldn't find it because it is hidden.

From the group of teenagers, the one that stood up from the rest was the heir to the Nara clan, Shikamaru, who tried to organize the ball of people there.

It was a drag, but to hunt someone whose only direction was towards the land of sound some coordination was necessary.

"Naruto, Hinata, Choji, Kiba, you are one team, your leader will be Neji because you are the most unreliable of all the genin ever." - He sententiated, but no one gave a shit, as they were talking to each other, but Shikamaru did not give a fuck, he was going to be paid either way and he was the one to give reports so if they didn't listen to him it was their problem. - "The other team, led by me, will be the rest because at least you are not disgusting to look at."

At this, only Shino looked at Shikamaru and nodded.

Shika sighed.

Then he saw how lee had his brows pointed upwards, and his mouth was arching, he was sad for some reason.

[Why would he be sad? Ain't he a fucking Hokage at age fourteen? The fuck?] - Shikamaru then noticed how the black thing wasn't on his belt, Lee did not had his gun. - [Oh fuck.]

Yes, Glock-Lee did not have his famous weapon on him.

Thus he turned to see Tenten, who was licking the end barrel of her M16 for some weird reason.

"Uh... Yo, 1010, why is lee like that?" - He asked to get a semblance of security of why he was like that.

The armorer then sealed her gun away and sighed.

"He-"

"Shut up ((5+5)*101), you've had too much screentime." - Said Lee who ten looked at Shikamaru with determination, lifting his fist to demonstrate it. - "I am sad because... Sasuke stole my favorite gun and didn't even say he was borrowing it!"

It was an understatement to say that the revelation shook everyone on site.

Izumo and Kotetsu stopped kissing to just admire with astonishment the pain Lee had endured.

Naruto began to cry.

Kiba peed himself.

Ino felt heartbroken as she heard how the bushy brows suffered.

Shikamaru looked downwards and soon his eye became filled with tears.

Sasuke had to pay for this. Disobeying direct orders from the Hokage and stealing weapons of mass destruction from one of the Kages to run towards an S-rank traitor capable of extending influences that could topple smaller nations was one thing, but not asking for permission... that was plainly unforgivable.

The retrieval of Sasuke wasn't now as much a thing of duty, but of honor, and rectitude.

Neji went and hugged Lee, who in turn began to cry too.

"But, Lee, how do you plan on doing things, dattebayo!" - Asked Naruto, dumbfounded.

"Simple, we find Sasuke, we ask him to say 'I am sorry' and then we bring him with us."

"That will work." - Added Shikamaru. - [Why the fuck does everyone act like this is normal?] - He internally screamed.

"Any idea on where the fuck he actually is?" - The Inuzuka boy questioned, wanting to add something to the conversation so that everyone ignored his shitty smell. - "He could have run even to Kumo and began banging people to create more Uchiha."

At this, Shiakamru himself answered.

"This isn't that kind of fanfic Kiba." - Soon he retrieved a map from his Chunnin vest and extended it in front of his now attentive teammates. - "We go to the Land of Sound and nag the people until they tell us where Kabuto is, then we fuck him up and retrieve Sasuke, but we will separate because usually, groups of five kids are more successful than ten. No offense 10-ten."

The mentioned girl stopped licking her gun again and smiled. - "No problem."

"And if we fail?" - Ino asked.

"We do our own thing and forget about him, there are much cooler dojutsus out there, ever heard the Ketsuryugan?"

No one answered.

"What is a dojutsu?" - Asked naruto.

Shika sighed and resisted his urge to stab a kunai on his throat.

"Well them, Neji, stop using your Byakugan to look at ((1840/2)+(45*2)) and form up everyone."

Silence struck everyone save for Shino who got near Shikamaru and Neji who got away from the still sad Lee.

"Wha-a-ah-AH-A-AAAAAAAA-t we-e-we-we-wer-we-we-we-re o-o-o-o-u-u-ur-ur t-t-te-te-am-ms?" - Stuttedered Hinata.

Shikamaru almost shot himself using (10^3)+10's weapon

It had been a long travel, two weeks at full steam, even using constant shunshin, all to reach not some place, but someone.

It was a pale youngster that stood in front of the group of people.

"Stop there."

The weird, pink-robed kid with two dots in the forehead that made him look like he was the Aries knight from Saint Seiya... Just looked at the group of kids.

"What a drag." - Shikamaru Said. - "Can't you let half of us go? The rest can fight you if you want."

At this, Kimimaru looked at the script.

Then he put on his glasses because his sight wasn't very good.

"Ohhhh." - He expressed. - "Yeah, yeah, the group of the blond kid can go, the group with the big-browed kid can't."

And thus, Neji's team went forward.

Shika tried to kill himself again.

And then they had to go into their battle positions, meaning everyone got to show their things.

[God bless Walmart.] - The pinehead Shikamaru thought after he got an M9 out.

The others brought weapons too, making Kimimaru look at the script again.

"Wait, I was supposed to fight the big-browed kid and then a red-haired!" - He angrily said. - "Whatever, I am going to die of Leukemia like in the next four hours."

Ino moved and looked at him weirdly.

"Huh? Leukemia?"

"Shinobi don't get subsidized healthcare."

Lee at this just made his Dynamic entry flare, and he kicked the kid with cancer, sending him flying.

Then 1000+10 grabbed her licked-M16A4, sending a trio of rounds flying towards Kimimaro, almost severing his left arm.

"WHY THE FUCK DO YOU HAVE THAT!?" - He screamed before just groaning after so much pain filled him.

Ino threw a 40 millimeter grenade to him because why not, sending shrapnel to his body.

"HOW?!"

Shikamaru, as everything was too much of a drag just fired a pair of times before sitting down and waiting.

This left Lee to exchange punches with the sick kid who now was a bloody and screaming mess.

"PLEASE KILL ME, LIFE IS AGONY"

So Lee did the right thing, and kicked him on the nuts to then get his secret weapon out.

A used copy of the PS3 release of Call of Duty 4, and it sliced Kimimaru's throat, killing him instantly.

"Yes! I again prove that youth or something beats talent!"

Ino jumped out of happiness and ran to hug Lee.

"And you proved better than a terminally-ill kid!"

"And that you don't need this shit... Uh... The glock?" - Asked Shikamaru who was still on the ground, looking at the clouds.

The others joined the hug, and smiled to the cameraman who then got the M16A4 away from Tenten, because she was again trying to use it as a dildo.

And shino was there.

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yeah, next chapter we are going to terrorize Kabuto, because I say so.