I hate naruto.

Please do not get any of this seriously. It is a parody fic.

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"This is why we need like, socialism." - Ino finished her speech about the price of panties and purple clothes.

Lee's eyes were turned to stars as he heard all that bickering, he was happy to be illustrated in such a way.

Tenten had tried to shoot at Ino, just to be stopped by Shino who didn't want to cause a dispute among his teammates. So she limited herself to get the ANCAP flag and protest at every word the other gal said.

On the other hand, there was Shikamaru, who got amazed by the shapes of the clouds, though weirdly most liked like penises.

He took this as if his luck was about to go down.

And now, where was the team sent by the Hokage?

Simple, with the bones of Kimimaro they had built a tent-en in the middle of the road to the Capital of the country of Rice.

Did they have a plan to deal with what could happen there?

Obviously not, they were like thirteen, at that age, I just discovered how to ride my bicycle.

Nevertheless, they rested, as when they touched the city they would have to use what lackluster training or tips they had received on their studies to gather information about the orphan kid adopted by the child molester.

Also, they had to move fast because they were blocking the road.

"Could you please move?" - Asked a man on a horse that saw how the five kids were talking below a bone-tent instead of doing anything of value for society.

He was joined by countless voices insulting the group.

Shino began to get nervous around so many people.

1010 had to stop smiling at the sight of her own M16 as she noticed how there were other people.

Thus, Shikamaru made use of the Mud Wall Jutsu to tamper even more with the route so the other people wouldn't ruin his cloud watching.

[Fuck the people, this isn't the Land of Fire, I ain't obligated to do shit.] - Shika thought.

Until they threw some bottles at them, making them realize that they should really move or else things would escalate.

So they marched, and left the bones of Kimimaro and the wall there, creating a traffic jam that would have serious consequences on the economy of the country, plundering millions to death by starvation.

But hey this is about bullying some orphan so let us keep going.

"Yosh! If we only knew were our objective is!"

"Lee this is the tenth time you've said that." - Tenten replied. - "We already know it is on this country, he literally has an advertisement on eBay selling sharingans here."

They were already on the capital, no one asked a single question because somehow those kids could kill pretty much everyone on the vicinity save for some soldiers.

Thus they had free access to roam.

"But did he had any directions to follow?" - Asked Lee.

"Also where is Naruto and the others? I would expect them to be here already." - Shino said.

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93 miles from there:

"Dattebayo!"

"Naruto-kun!"

"Dattebayo!"

"Naruto-kun!"

"Dattebayo!"

"Naruto-kun!"

"Dattebayo!"

"Naruto-kun!"

The group had stopped at the sight of a pair of rocks that looked the exact same.

For some reason Naruto began to laugh and then Hinata decided to get near him, so no one knew why they were repeating the same stuff.

Choji was eating everyone's rations while they were occupied.

Neji was spying the insides of his cousin with the Byakugan.

And Kiba was sweating because Choji had eaten Akamaru, leaving him the next target of the fat kid if it wasn't for his shit-stained clothes.

"I am hungry." - Someone stated just as Naruto and Hinata began to make up.

The Inuzuka turned to see who was on his back.

And it was Choji smiling while beginning to pour ranch sauce over the dog boy.

"NooooOOOOOOOOOO!"

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Back with the narratively important people:

Ino was sat on Lee's shoulders because of reasons that everybody that understands a bit of a woman or is one knows.

Also because she liked being taller.

Shikamaru had gotten on his Ninjaphone the directions of where the sale of Sharingans was.

"Any idea of what we will do once we reach there?"

This question from 10^3+(5*2) prompted Shikamaru to ignore everything and watch the photos that Temari had begun to send him in an effort to 'create very friendly relations with Konoha'.

"Probably maim him and torture him, you might as why. It is because we need answers on where Sasuke is, and given that he ran for Kabuto's help, he is destined to know."- Shino replied while getting a smug smile when Tenten looked at him with amazement.

"If you weren't covered in bugs I would kiss you."

Shino almost swallowed the venom of some of his Kikaichu at this reply, but instead, he kept walking forwards.

They were walking now on the Red Light district of the city, or as normal people call it, the weird-ass place near the center of the city; where prostitutes, porn, drugs and some other shit they, unfortunately, did not have money for.

"Lee, can you go faster?"- Requested Ino for reasons I won't say because, for real, like mate, if some girl says that to you while you are lifting her, she is into you mate, she trusts you; and if she spends time with you, and says nice things to you or seems to prepare herself more to be with you, she likes you man what the actual fuck, I wasted two years of my life trying not getting signals until she declared and for my lack of understanding and self-esteem I ended up losing her, please do not commit the same errors and me. Oh shit this is a Naruto fanfic. - "I think I can sense any high chakra concentration so..."

"So what?" - Asked a dumbfounded Lee, whose tone and the rash question made Ino punch him on the head. - "Ow!"

"So I can identify Kabuto! Dumbfu-... I mean, Lee."

Shino felt jealousy and then remembered that there is always a kinky person that would love him.

Shikamaru went to a public bathroom after receiving the latest photo of Temari.

So they practically divided, Shino went to look for Shika, encountering some thirsty middle-aged woman that invited him to his house; and the Nara just... Spent a Goofy time.

This left Ten10 feeling weird next to an obviously extremely happy Ino who was feeling herself on Lee's shoulders.

So she decided to instead search something for her guns, after all, Lee had his best weapon yet, the PS3 copy of Call of Duty 4: Modern Warfare; and maybe she could also find something to entertain her and make her stop masturbating at the sight of a fine gun.

Eventually, as there was no one nagging him; Lee began basically running and jumping from rooftop to rooftop, all to the arousal of a girl that got a heavy grip on the big-browed youngster.

She felt really protected, with no pushes from the guy that just liked her companion, was ready for her, and did not expect a thing from her; all great.

If it wasn't for Lee not shutting up about how people should be more respectful and how money although worked, should not be the drive of people.

Yeah, she understood, but he was horrible for small talk.

She would have to fix that, otherwise her dating options would be...

The image of Choji covered on barbeque sauce, Kiba smiling to nowhere while shitting himself, Naruto putting ramen on his pants, Neji with his spamisc face, and creepy byakugan-led pervertedness or worse... Shikamaru leaving her on read. All invaded her head.

Shino was alright, but fuck bugs so he is disqualified.

So when they reached the market, she immediately focused to find Kabuto, succeeding in feeling something weird.

"Lee, stop!" - She exclamed.

They had stopped at the top of the statue of a donut and could see the circular area that made up the small market on the outskirts of the inner city.

"What is the matter that incurred, M'lady Ino!?" - He chivalrously asked before tipping his fedora.

Ino then pointed towards a small tent where a purple-and-white clothed kid was showing his collection of eyes, dildos, Jutsu scrolls, snakes and fake passports; it was called 'The Snaky Smut'.

And guess who was besides Kabuto, groping his groin...

Michael Jackson.

Or, better said, a man like Michael Jackson, none other than Orochimaru.

Lee's blood boiled at the sight of the evilness incarnated.

"You will not jump and attack him." - Ino alerted. - "You don't have your glock."

"Bu-"

"You are the first guy to not look at my tits, I am not letting you die."

"You have tits? I thought you were just a Metallica fan."

Ino again punched Lee's head but then kissed him because she didn't want him to hate her.

"Ouch... So... No fight?"

"Oh no, we will fight, just let me call the others, you will need help."

"Why? I... Did I not kill him last time?" - Pointed out Lee.

"Sure, but last time that you KILLED him, you apparently failed, and you got him by surprise." - She answered before smiling. - "Also, with that surprise thing, you will have to surprise me later."

"Is it your birthday?"

Ino kicked Lee's nuts, causing every guy 3 kilometers away shiver with pain.

Afterwards she got her phone out to ask the others where they were.

Shino was being sexually assaulted by a living Venus flytrap.

Shikamaru answered with moans.

Tenten had too much screentime for now.

Thus, they were alone.

Ino turned to face Lee and tell him of the bad news, but she saw how Lee had already jumped into action.

"Orochimaru!" - He shouted, pointing to the snake man licking one sharingan.

After seeing him, Orochi almost shat himself and jumped out of the chair, running away almost immediately.

"Hey! You have to tell us where Sasuke is, do not run!"

Lee tried to pursue, but he was interrupted by Kabuto who while sweating ignited chakra on his hands to attack Lee.

"You will not touch Lord Orochimaru!" - He screamed.

Lee got the Copy of Call of Duty 4: Modern Warfare out and it made the other kid stop on his tracks.

"yo, no need to fight, that is unyouthful."

"Will you tell me where Sasuke is then!?"

Kabuto didn't know how to answer.

Ino then arrived, trying to hit Lee but she soon began looking at Kabuto with a smug look.

"So... Cutie, who are you?" - She asked.

"Back off, harlot, I only like Lord Orochimaru."

[Fuck, I am stuck with Lee then.] - The lament of the girl suddenly turned onto Ire so she got her Milkor Grenade launcher again, no one, no one, just denied Ino. - "Lee if you let me kill him, I will date you."

Bushy brows smiled and threw his fedora to Kabuto, who immediately burned it with a fire jutsu before facing Ino.

"I am going to cut so much of your body that your ass will be the only thing recognizable." - Orochi's lover said.

So in response, Ino sent a 40mm shell into him. The grenade exploded and the copper filler almost burnt Kabuto if it wasn't for one of his bullshit haxs: Shedding his skin.

"That isn't fair!"

"You have a fucking grenade launcher on a Ninja setting!"

"But I am cute!"

"Good fucking point if this was a smut fanfic!"

"I am going to slice up your dick!"

"Orochimaru replaced it already!"

"What the fuck?"

"Is it not normal?"

"... Yeah?"

"Oh..."

"Let's just fight, this got weird."

Thus an intense brawl where Kabuto couldn't do anything until Ino spent all of her grenades, where he would try to attack her, only to be surprised by Ino's woman pheromones that repelled Kabuto's gayness, causing him to just manage to inflict small cuts instead of finishing attacks.

Eventually one had to fall, aside from the civilians who saw their city and police force get obliterated by a teenager with a weapon prohibited by the Ninja Geneva Convention.

And it was the one that was spending chakra.

Though because of Kabuto's bullshit augmentations this took nearly an entire day, in which the other guys from the group found the pair fighting and were constantly eating popcorn to see who would die first.

"You whore!" -Kabuto screamed before gaining strength to make his final run to try and kill Ino.

"Shut up dress-stealer!" - She said.

And for surprise of Kabuto, she hadn't used her sixth Dual Purpose 40*51mm grenade, so he was fucked up.

Soon his body was pierced by the equivalent of a WW2 Antitank rocket.

So he fell to the ground in astounding pain.

Ino run to him and kicked him on the groin, because he had no nuts... huh.

"NOW" - Screamed a now tired and makeup-less Ino. - "WHERE IS SASUKE!?"

Surprising absolutely no one, they didn't get an answer because Kabuto was screaming with all of his remaining Oxygen, and because he was pierced by such a projectile, he soon died.

"Oh... Well, I kinda liked him." - Ino said after seeing him stop screaming. - "Well, Lee now you are my boyfriend, you can thank me later."

She turned to face the other four persons of their team.

Shika was like always.

Shino lacked his sunglasses and was trembling, traumatized.

Tenten was happy at her and said "Ino! Ino!"

And Lee said something about her being youthful and a great shinobi.

But soon they all congratulated the purple-dressed gal.

"Yay, now can we please go?" - Asked Shikamaru. - "They all kinda hate us here."

Then it was revealed that they were surrounded by police, the army, the SWAT, Shinobi from Kumogakure, and the Pope's Swiss guard.

"Uh... I am cute?" - Ino tried to explain herself.

"Well that explains everything." - Exclaimed a guy on a tank. - "Roll up guys, cute girl on a stupid fanfic!"

A series of "Oh..."s and "Well, fuck, it makes sense."s came, and soon the group were again alone.

Silence surrounded the area.

"Uh... So anyone knows where Orochi went?"

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Please leave reviews or I will lick your knees

Yah, next chapter we going to bully Orochi again.