"Solas…why do you keep looking at Fennic like that?" Innocently, Cole begins as I feel a wave of dread hit me.
"Looking, I do not look," Solas denies as I turn away, feeling myself internally screeching.
"Yes you do, you're staring at her, beautiful, majestic, powerful…why? Why did she leave? Was it something I said? I did? I…I …free, she wishes to be free but then she turns away why? She seemed so happy so why turn away? But those eyes, they seem strong but lonely, there so lonely so why does she turn away? So strong, so free, so independent so why is she so scared? So shaken did I do something wrong!? Why won't she talk to me!?" Cole whispers ,my eyes widening as his voice elevates to desperate rage. Shocked, I stare baffled at Solas' thoughts only to see him turning away unfazed, acting aloof but I can see past that from his body language.
"Cole…" Sharply, I cut him off.
"I-I'm sorry I'm doing that thing again…you don't like it, I'm sorry," Apologetic, Cole bows his head.
"It's...it's fine Cole…" Tiredly, I sigh shaking my head at the innocent boy.
"Strange you treat it like a child like a mother to their son," Dorian remarks.
"He doesn't know any better, he doesn't mean to," I shrug.
"Dorian…you said I could ask you a few questions," Cole turns to him.
"It's true I did say that," Dorian confirms.
"Why are you so angry at your father? He wants to help…and you know he does," Cole questions
"I'm not sure I can explain it to you," Dorian sighs, looking pained.
"You love him but you're angry. Boiling in the belly until it's kneads into a knot, sometimes…" Cole whispers once more as I sigh.
"Sometimes love isn't enough Cole…" Dorian mutters bitterly, turning to see my hand on his shoulder making him smile weakly, appreciating the gesture.
"Love isn't enough…enough what? You didn't explain Dorian. Can you explain Fennic? You seemed mad when you left…" Curious, Cole turns to me as I frown.
"Cole", Tenderly, I warn him but he is oblivious.
"I was rather hoping I had," Dorian confesses.
"His face understands as I pass my test and so does the proud tears in his eyes, anything to make him happy, anything why isn't that true anymore?" Cole frowns.
"This…this isn't the type of discussion to have walking around…" Dorian shuts him down.
"Dorian…" Cole whispers.
"Could we drop it?" Pleadingly, he turns to me as I turn to Cole, nodding shyly.
Silently, Cole bows his head as I sigh, shaking my head at the awkward atmosphere taken root as Eve leads on and we arrive at our destination...
"Thank you inquisitor, we are not far from where my friend was summoned," Solas thanks the oddly silent Eve as we continue our way through.
"Everything here is blurry. It wants to forget but now the rocks are solid…" Cole comments.
"One of the mages, killed by arrows it would seem," Solas notes the corpses and blood trail.
"Bandits," I mutter, plucking the arrow form the body, examining it and taking it for extra ammo.
"These aren't mages, the bodies are burned, and these claw marks….no, no, no, no!" Solas panics at the devastation of the bloodied bodies. Concerned, I spare him a look seeing him slowly brewing seething at the deceased corpses, showing singes of a demon…but it was of wisdom…whatever happened, this is not good.
"No!" Horrified, Eve gasps pained at the sight of the wheezing demon on its knees, looking injured, looking trapped but most of all enslaved, briefly I feel a harsh tug of pain and anger at the sight but compose myself, sadly Solas doesn't.
"My friend!" Solas growls turning away aggrieved and angered at the sight of his corrupted friend, concerned, I approach, noting his hunched form, plucking, and adjusting his gloves, showing his frustrations as he glowers down at his gloves.
"They corrupted your friend, they are a demon now," Eve whispers sorrowful.
"Yes," Bitterly, Solas confirms, head down.
"You said it was a spirit of wisdom not a fighter," Eve frowns.
"A spirt becomes a demon when denied its original purpose…" Solas scowls.
"So they summoned it to defend themselves against the bandits but didn't know it was a spirit of wisdom so corrupted it in the process…even though they have WARDS and other defensive shit to protect them…" I feel my brow twitch at the sheer lack of logic used, face palming my shaking head.
"Let us ask them," Solas spits out seething.
"A mage! You're not with the bandits are you? Do you have any lyrium potions? Most of us are exhausted. We've been fighting that demon," Relieved, one of the mages approaches.
"The demon YOU summoned," I bring up scowling.
"You summoned that demon! Except it was a spirit of wisdom at the time. You made it kill! You twisted it against its purpose!" Solas seethes rage and venom evident in his tone as Eve takes a step back worriedly looking at me as I approach and place my hand on his arm, making him briefly glance at me and bow his head, seething trying to regain his composure as Eve then deals with the idiotic mage.
"I…I understand how it might be confusing to someone who has not studied demons…." Suddenly, I release a choked cough of shock, laughing at the dumbass as Eve flinches back from his words when seeing Solas' glare darken into utter rage at the condescending tone of the mage.
"We are not here to help you!" Solas spits out like poison.
"Yeah um look here robes macgee, see this guy, yeah this guy knows his demons, do not to question or dismiss his knowledge of all demons if you know what's good for you," I snicker still reeling in shock at the dumbass.
"Listen to me! I was one of the foremost experts in the Kirkwall circle- And…wait it's you, the…".
"Yes, yes the mage speaker," I sigh, nodding.
"The mage slayer! Thanks to you, bandits have attacked us, Templars have killed my friends and I was kicked out of the-"
Shut up. You summoned it to protect you from the bandits like how Fennic here protected you from the Templars and Qunari! And you have the gall to speak to the person who saved you like that from a bloodied genocide!" Solas snarls surprising many of us from his once patient state to literally threaten someone so openly. Briefly, I feel a hint of heat enter my cheeks at his enraged state of mind, trying so hard to keep in control as the mage backs away fearful as gently, I stand between the pair, rather not wishing for a bloodbath.
"I…yes! Apologies," Scared, he bows his head to me as I shake my head.
"You bound it to obedience then commanded it to kill. That is when it turned. The summoning circle we break it, we break the binding. No orders to kill, no conflict with its nature, no demon," Solas huffs, trying to control his rage.
"What!? The binding is the only thing keeping the demon from killing us! Whatever it was before it is a monster now!" The mage counters.
"Inquisitor please!" Solas begs as Eve turns to me and I nod as she nods back determined.
"I've studied rituals like this. I should be able to disrupt the binding quickly," Eve assures him.
"Thank you, we must hurry!" Solas bows his head as the demon roars startling us and reminding us of the demon.
"Well Dorian, you know a thing or two about demons any tips?" I ask jokingly.
"Don't die!" He spits out spewing out fire form his hands as I nod.
"Good advice," I joke back as we rush into battle, destroying the rocks Eve spoke of and destroying the binding. Surprised, we stare at the female figure made of an eerie green similar to the colour of the rifts as she collapses to her knees as Solas softly kneels down looking saddened at his friend.
"Lethallin. Ir Abelas…" Frowning, I watch as Solas looks down sorrowful.
"Tel' Abelas. Enasal…Ir'Tel'Him Ma Melava Halan. Mala Suledin Nadas. Ma Ghilana Mir Din'an,Pained," Solas turns away from the spirits words.
"Ma Nuvein," Solas whispers sadly as he lets his hands out and the spirit begins to fade, disappearing with the wind leaving behind a depressed Solas. Dareth Shiral, Solas turns away pained as gently, I place my hand on his shoulder, briefly, his lilac blues greys meet my solemn blue as softly, I feel Solas place his hand on top of mine, gently giving me a squeeze as his leans onto my hand, appreciating the gesture.
"I'm sorry Solas," Eve whispers interrupting our solemn moment as Solas stands but as I remove my hand, Solas' hand remains quietly but firmly on my hand as I see the pained expression on his features.
"Don't be. We gave it a moment's peace before the end. That's more than it might have had. Now I must endure…" Solas whispers sombrely.
"Solas if we can help," Eve offers.
"I know. All that remains now is them," Solas sad words quickly turn to rage as he turns to sneer at the mages.
"Thank you we would have not risked a summoning. But the roads are too dangerous to travel unprotected!" The leader of the mages reasons to Solas.
"You tortured and killed my friend!" Angered, Solas glowers at the group of scared mages.
"We didn't know it was just a spirit! The book said it could help us!" Pleading, the group of mages beg Solas as I turn to see Eve turn to look at me concerned as I simply shake my head, don't tell me…my eyes widen as his fists begin to burst with flames as quickly I grab his wrist, startling him as his sharp glare meets my solemn gaze.
"Don't do this. If you do you'll be worse than them," I reason to Solas.
"Then what do you expect me to do? Let them off free!? They killed my friend!" He glares but I remain unfazed.
"No! But you're better than this Solas, better than them!" Urgently, I try to tell him, my hands cupping around his cheeks as he leans into my touch, seething, shaking, conflicted.
"They disrespected you and here you are saving them once again!?" Angered, his girts his teeth.
"They didn't know better and no one knew what was going on back in Kirkwall, everyone was tired, everyone was scared and most of all everyone was angry, it was about to burst and it did. Let them be angry I don't care but I won't let you share the same hatred as them. You are better than this!" I plead to him, trying for him to see reason than raw rage.
"I am not…" Sadly, his whispers feebly, his voice breaking my heart aches at the sincerity in his tone.
"Yes you are. Just let this go, your friend was a spirit of wisdom were they not?" I argue as his puzzled gaze meets my own, soothing the anger as he looks into my calm blue.
"Yes," He confirms.
"Then surely that spirit would have the patience to understand and wouldn't want you like this…" I reason making him go silent as I glance at Eve, nodding gesturing for the mages to flee and they do.
"I… Damn them all!" Angrily, he curses rage laced in his tone as he takes a seat on one of the stones by the river fuming silently as Eve and the others turn to me and I nod, approaching the seething mess, hearing the gentle thrash of the waves as I take a seat by his side, Solas eyes remain glued to the raging waves as I gently place my hand on his shoulder, making him glance at me.
"I need some time alone," He turns his head away as I nod giving him a brief squeeze to his shoulder, making his lilac pair meet my stern turquoise.
"I know. Don't do anything stupid and come home safe…if you need to talk…" I begin.
"Go to you…" He finishes.
"Well no I was going to suggest Eve…" Lightly, I joke smirking weakly as Solas smiles sadly releasing a bitter chuckle, bowing his head as gently, I place my arms around his neck, bringing him into a gentle hug, ignoring the urge to flinch as I give him a small peck on the temple.
"I'll wait for you at Skyhold take your time," Comfortingly, I whisper.
"Thank you," Grateful, he whispers as I furrow brow pained to hear his tone break as reluctantly, I release him and turn back to the others.
"Well?" Eve questions.
"Let's head back to Skyhold," I shrug as the others nod and we head back home…
"So these herbs and paints are here then?" I frown as I lean over my desk were Meredith stands.
"Yes mam," Meredith nods.
"And the incense?" I ask once more.
"Yes mam…" Meredith confirms.
"Good after this he better stop moping…" I huff.
"Mam, from what I understood from the report he lost someone close to him," Meredith says.
"And I understand that more than you would know but moping about it won't get you anywhere, you got to move on," I reasons.
"Then why did you leave him alone?" Meredith frowns as I exhale, it's hard to explain…
"See here's the thing many don't know about Solas. He needs time to think and he needs his space to process his feelings, if I were to follow I would only bother him," I attempt to explain.
"And you know this from?" Meredith trails off.
"Well me, I hate to say it but from what I've seen Eggy and I have a similar pattern of coping brooding about it for a while and coming back like nothing happened while suffering on the inside," I simplify.
"So all this?" Meredith gestures to the list.
"Is for him," I confirm.
"You truly care for him don't you?" Meredith smiles as I scowl, feeling an irritating heat in my cheeks.
"I…It's complicated," I sigh turning away frowning at the brief flashes of memories flicking in my head as I frown, trying to focus on the task at hand.
"Loved what you did there…" Dorian loudly greets me as I frown at the ass.
"Ah Dorian, I presume you're here for the wine…" Grumbling, I mutter taking out a familiar cherished bottle from my wine rack.
"Bingo," Smugly, he smiles as I pass him the bottle which he easily catches much to my annoyance as he smirks widens.
"Now, now no need to pout, what you did was adorable," Dorian teases making me roll my eyes
"Adorable? I scowl.
"Placing those expensive herbs at Solas desk don't think I hadn't noticed Meredith," Red Dorian as I scowl at being caught red handed.
"And the incense and the mediation stuff, you're adorable when you want to be affectionate," Haughtily, Dorian continues.
"Has anyone told you how nosy you are?" I frown.
"Now, now, don't be mad cause you got caught. You should have seen the small smile on his face I think it's the first time I've seen him genuinely smile, sly move Fen…careful, he may want to have a chat with you later…" Dorian warns me.
"Urgh…shut up. You got your wine so bugger off," I wave him off.
"And leave my friend moping no way…" Dorian snickers.
"I hate you," I growl at his chuckle.
"Sure you do I'm just saying a nice chit chat won't hurt..." Dorian suggests.
"Shove off mage…" Irritable, I watch the arrogant ass flee as I'm left to my thoughts…should I tell him? He deserves to know at least why I left, I mean Cole's words. I never thought I would have that much of an impact, I mean I've had my fair share of sex partners and they never reacted like Solas did, then again he did say he wanted a…meaningful relationship, so I guess that it's different. I mean from the way Hawke and Fenris are then yeah. I still got a lot to learn I suppose.
"Ah so you came back…" dryly, I remark as I enter Solas' office, finding him already enjoying the incense as he sits in deep meditation, the incense seemingly to be working as I note the numerous paint and herbs laying scattered on his desk, already having been used.
"I had to eventually…" Solas exclaim standing up turning to me.
"So…you must be hurting," I begin awkwardly, leaning against his desk.
"Indeed," Tiredly, he sighs, joining my side, the pair of our backs turned to the door, leaning against the desk, my hands on it as briefly, his fingertips softly, slowly, warily gently place upon mine as I force my hand to stay, ignoring the urge to flinch back as he places his hand on top of mine as we stand side by side.
"It won't go it'll always be there but it will…numb down, you'll endure," I tell him recalling my endurance, even now as I grimace at the thought of a familiar extremist mage, feeling nothing but bitterness and rage at even when he did do it, he held no pity, he held no guilt, he held no regret for all those lives lost thanks to his bomb, he was content almost, not even apologising for his betrayal. Angrily, I feel my blood boil at the sour memory.
"Indeed, tell me have you lost anyone before? You seem familiar with this issue," Solas points out.
"You could say that. I've lost a lot of people in my day," I sigh tiredly at the memories.
"Including Anders," Solas mutters.
"Including that dimwit…" I grumble bitterly.
"What did you do?" Solas questions.
"What everyone else does, react, you know scream, cry, punch a wall," I shrug.
"Punch a wall?" Solas blinks as I nod, recalling Isabela having to hold me back from decking Anders.
"We're all different in reactions," I shrug.
"Why did you stop me?" Solas questions making me sigh once more.
"This again like I said, you deserved better than killing those mages," I repeat once more.
"They corrupted my friend!" Solas argues.
"They were scared! I am not trying to defend them Solas but I've seen what fear can do to people, I've seen what desperate people do and I don't. I have had to hurt enough people due to their desperations and fear, I don't want you to feel the same guilt as I had when my rage faded and my bitterness took in you are better than that, than me…" I explain to him pained at the memory.
"Why do you keep doing that?" Solas frowns at me.
"Hm?" I blink puzzled.
"Talking down to yourself," Solas exclaims.
"Do I?" I furrow my brow.
"Yes, you should give yourself more credit than that…" Solas reasons.
"Solas…" I begin, catching the lecture about to begin.
"You saved tons of lives, lives of innocent people, you took on the Arishock and you have inspired so many mages to fight back to be free, to be…" Solas tells me as I scowl, feeling my blood boil, stop, stop, just…
"Stop!" I shout at him startling him as I glare at him, I'm no hero, I'm no saviour, I'm just some drunk at somewhere and at some place at the wrong time.
"That…that was coincidence, it just happened, I didn't mean for it to happen, I didn't I didn't," Aching, I feel a sharp pain in my temple making me hiss as I bow my head cradling my sore ache, seeing brief glimpses of a young giggling girl, only then for the high pitch scream of the bloodied girl reaching out to her mother, trying to fight back, only to be beaten to a bloody pulp as she watches her child being torn from her arms.
"Fennic what's wrong!?" Worried, Solas' hand are on my shoulders as I stagger back hissing, grimacing in pain.
"Damn it, damn it, damn it! I…I….fuck, Kaffas!" Angrily, I curse turning my back to him, my head aching
"Fen just talk to me," Solas pleads as I glower.
"I can't!" I scowl, head in my hands.
"And why not?" Solas asks in a soft tender tone.
"Damn it, I don't want this, I don't want…" I argue, staggering back my eyes widening to find Solas look pained.
"What…?" He frowns gently removing his hands from me.
"N-No wait! These images! I…the reason I left…I had these memories of the past it was…it was too much still too much! I can't, I can't…I'm not strong," Desperately, I call out making his eyes widen
"Fennic…" Solas calls out to me.
"I…" I turn away struggling conflicted and in agony.
"It's alright, just focus on me," Softly, Solas assures me, gently holding me back down on the sofa.
"I can't…." Pained, I hiss, shaking.
"Yes you can," Gently, Solas sets me down on his sofa, his forehead lightly touching my own as I quiver, feeling his fingertips gently grasps my hands, making me flinch briefly but his hands remain firmly on top of mine.
"Think first then speak take all the time you need…" Solas whispers reassuring me.
"I can't the flashes they come so fast!" I argue.
"Yes you can I know you can," He encourages me.
"I…" I turn to look away.
"Is this the reason you left?" Solas questions as I feebly nod, hearing Solas release a tired breathe, feeling his warm arms coil around me, bringing me into his lap as he gently slowly places his lips on my cheek, nuzzling me as I slowly lean into his touch.
"Just take you time. You are strong Fennic; even the strongest of people have the most damaging weakness…"
*Aww Fen cares in her own little way.*