Suck my dick
Naruto ain't shit.
I am broke, I don't own naruto.
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Eventually, they stopped hitting Lee.
Although his skin burned due to the constant attack from the fists of her newfound girlfriend and ((11*100)-90) the damage was even deeper on his soul.
He had lost the track of Orochimaru.
He had let him go.
This whole mission was to find Sasuke so that he atoned for the Sin that was taking things without permission; and because he left the village for an international spy and terrorist which tried to attack a village with the intent of killing a hundred thousand citizens and thousands of Ninja just because his lord Orchimamamaro told him to do so, but that was secondary.
Then he found that Lord Parachimaru was alive for whatever reason that I won't explain because fuck it; he could have been the best source of information, but Lee decided to not pursue, as he wanted to see Ino fight.
After that, Ino killed the cumslut of Culochimaru, Kabutops, so they had no clue of where to go.
It was all his fault.
And he began to tear up while on the ground, cursing his current situation.
Shikamaru just tried to ignore everything because he, as team leader, was technically the one that fucked up.
[I definitively shouldn't have masturbated for so long.] - A buzz came from his left pant pocket, it was Temari with more photos. - [Fuck you sandy blonde.]
Shino smelled the pixels recreating a femoid so he took a revolver out of his jacket's inner pocket and shot at Shika's cellphone.
"Do you know, that, females are a distraction." - He began after that. - "They are a distraction." - After that, he took out a four-leafed clover and smelled it. - "They are cringe, pink-pilled and break your heart."
The Nara threw a rock to Shino, who grabbed it and began painting it black for some reason.
"What about Lee? He seems happy with Ino." - Both looked at the boy crying on the ground who now was being caressed by an Ino that remembered her limited dating options. - "I mean, kinda."
Shino laughed maniacally after that, slapping his legs and then licking the rock he had painted, revealing that it was a crude version of a batsuit drawing.
"He is a chad!" - Soon he pointed to him. - "He is muscular, has a perfect jawline, knows a lot of things, and has power!"
The index finger of Shino had one thing at its end, in the regulatory band attached; the Copy of Call of Duty 4: Modern Warfare for PS3.
"The Play-three game?"
"Yes! Don't you see it!?"
"No, it is a fucking 2006 game."
Arguing between the two started.
Meanwhile, with the suffering Lee, he remembered one thing.
[Kabuto had... had he been alive, he would have told us! He would have looked at his phone and looked for the directions to Orchimaru's hou-...]
He immediately got up, pushing Ino away before looking to the deceased and putrid body of the orphan and began searching it.
"Gross." - The purple gal began. - "Why are you doing that? Pickpocketing the dead is like, a capital sin."
"Please wait a moment!" - Lee answered. - "It is something important for the mission!"
(Log 10000000000+1000) wanted to talk but her screentime for this chapter had run out, so she limited herself to look at Ino with preoccupation for Lee's mental health.
After looking through the gore left by the guy they had just murdered; Lee found a Nokia with a Snake drawn on the back. If Kabuto had a phone, this had to be, unless he stole it from some junkie.
The group immediately shifted its focus to the phone, as Lee searched through the contacts and began looking for Orochimaru.
"Senju DNA delivery man... Sasori... Danzo... Nana Yakushi 'Do not call'... Shin Uchiha... My brother... Daddy Oroch- Ahá! I found it guys!"
They all stopped their own things to hear what the bushy brows was about to say.
He touched the green button and it began calling.
"Tooot"
"Tooot"
"Tooot"
"Hello!? Kabuto? Did you kill the bastard?"
Everyone looked with confusion, but Ino decided to step in and coughed before talking, with a very sharp tone.
"Oh heeeeey~ Yess Orochimaru-sama~"
Her imitation made everyone on the team cringe, save for Shikamaru who was looking at the sky, evaluating his life decisions.
A moan came from the other side of the line, and the conversation kept going. - "Good my little pet, prepare yourself then, for Sasuke already has dominated the Ninja art: 9-millimeter bullet dance!"
Shikamaru interceded - "Hey, ask him for directions, we still don't know where the fuck he is."
"{Oh yeah}"- She whispered in acknowledgment. - "Oh, I am vewy sowy daddy owochi but I forgor where our love den isssss~!"
A few moments of silence came as he thought before speaking. - "Do not worry Kabutops, remember, it is under the Daimyo's palace. But... Hey, wait a minute." - The voice of the man suddenly shifted to anger. - "Kabuto would never not say 'sama' after saying my name."
"He is onto us!" - Screamed Ino before throwing the phone far away, breaking a house, and leaving a trio of people and five kids homeless.
The Nokia wasn't going to budge so easily, so Orochimaru kept talking.
"You will never take my life, for I am prepared to kill every single one of you, you dirty virgin teenagers, you oxygen waste, filthy bastards, fatherless-behavioral pussies, ugly ass motherfu-" - And a shower of insults came.
Tenten got visibly angry at this, for she was the only of the rookies that did not have a single named parent because let's face it, Lee is Gai's son.
So she got Madara's gunbai out, just for her to be slapped by a weird, orange masked guy that ran away with it, angering her even further.
She wanted to scream, yet the magical hand of the author wouldn't let her.
Instead, she focused that energy on running towards the center of the city, where your average big-ass palace of the nobility was.
"Weird to see a determined femoid." - Said Shino.
"Indeed, but shall we follow her?" - asked Lee, who was preparing himself to act by dropping his overly massive weights.
"I've got nothing better to do." - Lied Shikamaru, trying to hide his boner at Temari's photos of herself using ninja tools for creative purposes.
"Fuck it, she is going to be ass-raped by Orochimaru if we let her alone, let's go."
So our group went, and arrived at the palace. Surprisingly, because Orochimaru was an anarcho-capitalist, there was no guard and people were doing meth and having orgies inside, perfect cover for a place of horrible experiments like the Snake Sannin liked.
Then a question arrived, how would they access what was below them when Shino doesn't have an earth-release jutsu yet and the other fucks only learned one during the war arc?
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Well, fuck it, I am not creative enough, the first guy to say the worst (or best) fucking idea and I'll add it on the next chapter cuz I swear I can print this story fuck you I love you.