It is full and inviting, slipping into every inch of him. It had been years since he'd really seen the full moon, longer since he'd ever had a chance to look up at it.
Shin-Ah's ready to welcome change, a million new experiences, a life beyond the scope of his life within the cave or even within the small village above ground before that.
So, Shin-Ah wants to welcome the moonlight that reflects his new name, his very first name. Life is so much bigger than that old cave.
His heart feels full and light, joy overflowing from his heart, bright and present. Life has become gorgeous, full of hope and optimism. He has friends, friends that call him family, and he has a chance to really live. It's incredible what all had happened, what all can.
His chest feels tight, like a hundred million boxes are stacked back to back in it, so tightly, his breath seems choked away.
And Zeno looks so, so angry. Shin-Ah had never seen that wild look of anger on his friend that was like sunshine or gold so often.
But Zeno's blue eyes are a storm, and Shin-Ah isn't about to put it out. He refuses to calm it's crashing waves.
He can't hurt him, can't slice his ever healing friend, can't make his eyes flood with tears or be the cause of gritted teeth or cries of pain.
So anger will just have to be okay as with stormy eyes that only make Shin-Ah's heart ache worse and worse.
Shin-Ah knows Zeno will heal and heal quick, that he'll recover and be fine. But he also knows that Zeno feels pain, no matter how minor or how severe.
Besides the ache of causing mortal harm to his immortal friend would about kill Shin-Ah, rotting away at his heart.
If this is what the new moon feels like, it is awful, all light choked out amid stubborn anger and barely holding on.
Waning moonlight is not of an extreme; it is ever slowing piano notes on a heart. It is paralysis, before comfort.
The realization that you'd done what you vowed to never do, and that now you must bear the brunt of your actions.
It's not anger, not overwhelming guilt, because at least you hadn't killed anyone this time. The monster within hadn't won this battle.
Waxing moonlight is the moments after waning, when Yona's hand rests over Shin-Ah's eyes, and he finds out it will be okay.
It's the realization that he's still welcome here, that he's allowed to be all of himself with them here, even embracing the worst sides of himself. It is surreal, dream-like, and hopeful. There's something beautiful within this group, that is still growing more beautiful by the day, more beautiful the closer they all get to one another.