Disclaimer: I own nothing. I am to a spiritual level beyond material possessions. Therefore, I must borrow everyone else's.
A short chapter but a good one, I think.
The Ponderosa Experience: Chapter 5 – The Showdown
The party was in the kitchen again, when Dean and Cesar returned. Jesse and Cas were sitting at the table with a few drinks, an empty plate, and laptop. Jesse was flipping through photos of the house when they'd first moved in, and talked about the improvements they'd made over the years. Both heads turned to the door when the outside door opened. Jesse broke out in a grin; Cas nodded then grabbed his bottle off the table and fixed his glaze on it.
"We came, we saw, we kicked their asses," Dean announced as he tossed a bag of gear on the floor.
Jesse gave Cesar a once over. "You don't look like you have a scratch on you."
Cesar nodded. "We didn't even spill our beer. There was more grunt work with the bodies than anything else."
"I'm not sorry I missed that," Jesse leaned back and finished his bottle.
Cas stood up and placed his drink back on the table. "If no one was seriously injured, I should try and heal Jesse's leg again." Cas turned toward Jesse. "That is, if you consent."
Jesse nodded and lifted his leg onto an empty chair. "Sure, Cas. Have at it."
"Do you need another beer, Cas?" Cesar asked with his head in the fridge.
Cas shook his head as he made his way around to the table to Jesse. "No, I'll leave after I've healed Jesse. There's no reason for me to stay."
Dean made a face and bobbled his head disapprovingly. Cas stopped and glared. He knew that move: Dean was a few minutes away from saying something passive aggressive and hurtful.
Luckily Jesse spoke first: "What's the hurry? Celebrate with us." He gestured toward Cesar and the cold drinks he set on the table.
"We haven't had a good Hunter story swap in a long time," Cesar added and leaned back against the kitchen counter with his bottle.
"I'm sure you will have a pleasant time without me."
Dean leaned back and snorted. "He's probably already told you his good stories, anyway. I mean, he already told you about the Fall."
"That is not a good story." Cas cocked his head, squinted, and analyzed Dean's behavior. He sighed and looked up. "I already said I was going to leave, Dean. Why must you make the atmosphere hostile?"
"Why do you always run away?" Dean shot back
"I'm not 'running away'. I'm being pushed away, and with everything going on, I lack the energy to stay."
"Perhaps you shouldn't."
Cas threw up his hands. "I just said I was leaving." As Castiel passed Dean on his way to Jesse, the Hunter whispered quietly enough that no human could hear, "Are you going home?"
Castiel spun into Dean's face. "You mean your home?" he snapped at a normal volume. "I told Sam I was, but now, I'm not so sure."
"You breaking promises to Sam now too?" Dean growled.
"It wasn't a promise. In fact, Sam questioned whether I was in a good place to return at all." Castiel tiled his head to hold Dean's gaze as it wondered. "He told me to take all the time I needed. He, at least, could take a moment to recognize that recent events may not have affected only him."
"You saying I'm a selfish bastard?"
"I believe the term 'self-absorbed' is more appropriate for how you've been acting."
Dean snorted. "You just said you needed more time alone. How is that not 'self-absorbed'?"
"Just because God makes you and your brother the center of his universe, doesn't mean there aren't other people in the world."
"I know that."
"You had me fooled."
The two glared at each other, faces inches apart. The tension in the room thickened tenfold. Cesar and Jesse exchanged questioning and slightly frightened looks from a cross the kitchen.
Jesse coughed. "Hey, now. We're all friends here. Right?"
"I need some air," Cas declared. His coat snapped as he spun toward the door.
As Cas stormed out the door, Dean stepped out and postured with a hand on his hip. "Oh! Running away again?! Big surprise." He threw up his hands at then end for an extra flourish.
With his hand on the doorframe, Cas stopped and spoke over his shoulder, "I thought 'I need some air' was the idiom for 'changing the location of the argument to ease the awkwardness of bystanders. My apologizes. I'm willing to continue this discussion outside. That is, if you care enough to follow me." Cas didn't wait for a reply and stormed out.
Dean's face grew hot. "Care enough?!" He stomped out the door, pushing it with unnecessary force so it would be louder when it slammed.
Dean scanned the night landscape until he made out Castiel walking away from the light of the barn and kitchen windows. "What makes you think I don't 'care enough'?" Dean shouted at Castiel's back.
Cas stopped and turned. "You don't care about your own life. You didn't care about Jack's life. Nor how your suicidal actions would destroy me. And Sam."
Dean stopped walking when he reached the far corner of the house, about 10 meters from Cas. "You'd be fine. Better even, without me around."
"Yes. You killing the two people in this world that I care the most would be … 'burritos and stripers'." [1]
Dean snorted. "Does Sam know he didn't make the list?"
Cas glared. "I do not appreciate your deflections."
"Add it to the list! Hostile, self-absorbed, suicidal, unfeeling, deflector…"
"Dean, a grocery list of your faults is not a surprise. I haven't forgotten them."
"It seems like you did. You seem to forget who I am as often as you forget to follow the plan."
"I never forget. I'm sorry my improvisions had consequences you abhor, but in the case of your are referring, I did what was best."
"You killed Belphagar, forcing Sam to kill Rowena. How is that 'best'?"
"I watched Belphagar drink soul-power to become the nightmare I was once myself. Do you really think you could have stopped him after he was all-powerful? The only way you stopped me was because I agreed that I had to be stopped."
"We would have found another way!"
Cas's voice dropped. "You think if there was another way to beat Belphagar that I wouldn't have taken it? That I wouldn't have tried any scenario to save Jack's body? So that I could put him to rest properly?" Cas squinted and tilted his head. "Instead, I had to burn Jack's body with my own hands until it was nothing but ash." Cas turned so Dean was to his left side, and he wouldn't see Dean's face when he eventually looked up from his hands.
"I almost stayed in Hell," he whispered to his hands, but Dean heard it anyway. "A part of me wished you had sealed the rift with me inside."
Cas clenched his fists. "What's the point anymore?" Cas exclaimed to the night. "I have no direction, no purpose. My powers are failing. The Empty was right. There is nothing left for me here. I should have let It coax me back to sleep."
Dean swallowed hard. His mind blanked. He didn't want to imagine if Cas never returned from The Empty.
The night grew eerily silent. Then there was a quiet swoosh of Cas's Angel blade cutting the air and dropping into his right hand.
Dean's heart stopped again. He had a flashback to a motel room in Oklahoma City. Where Cas confessed that he was afraid to face the devastation he caused is Heaven, and he considered suicide to be a reasonable alternative [2]. Dean took a step forward and opened his mouth, but he couldn't think of words to stop what he feared. "…Look, Cas …"
When Dean blinked, a flash of silver flew past his head to just below the roof of the house behind him. There was a screech and a thump behind him. Cas pushed past him and stomped to the corner of the house. He reached down and withdrew his blade before tossing a beast at Dean's feet. "You said you took care of it!" Cas snapped.
Dean blinked at the dead chupacabra at his feet. It was half the size of the ones Cesar and he had killed only a few hours prior. Same condition, though, with wounds and rotting gums. It must have been hanging from the eaves trough behind him while he was arguing with Cas. Dean turned around and sure enough, there were tens of bleeding cuts across his back and legs. His clothes were ruined.
His head snapped back to Cas. "We did!" Before they could continue the argument, a loud uproar came from the barn. "There must be more of them!" Dean exclaimed. He pulled out his handgun as he and Cas ran toward the barn.
[1] Cas is quoting Dean from episode 09x03: I'm No Angel"
[2] From episode 08 x08: Hunteri Heroici.
Next Chapter: The Attack – Chupacabras and blood everywhere!