"Another of the lingering pains of Adamant. Your worship, Ser Ruth is a senior warden of the order. She was one of the many who slit the throat of another to bind a demon. She does not contest to this. In fact, she surrendered to us. She requests no mercy. She wants the public justice on the headman's axe…" Josephine reports to me as I lean in my throne for the daily judgement.
Calmly, I lean in as the female warden bows her head in shame, shackled as I raise a brow surprised by the surrender only to soften into understanding the guilt of killing a fellow brother or sister, but still to go to that extreme…
"You're very serious about this. Is more death the answer?" I reason trying to get her to understand there is no need for such an extreme measure.
"There is no excuse for my actions. I murdered another of the order. That blood marks me more than the blight ever could," Warden Ser Ruth sighs sadly.
"Excepting their actions while thralls of Corypheus, many treaties allow wardens any extreme, if it opposes the blight," Josephine brings up.
"I can't do it. I can't use the greater god to justify my crime as if it would create a future, I could be a part of. It is wrong this broke me. I've done worse with full sanction. I can do nothing except be an example of the cost," Warden Ser Ruth bows her head shame laced in his tone with a bucketful of guilt.
"Shroud paid that example of cost with his life, we give death no tips and so you shall work with the training of our army teach them, help Commander Cullen in the fight to come, just work hard to pay off your crime," I decide calmly to the torn saddened self.
"Your worship, I- I will try," Shakily, she bows her head, relieved to finally have the punishment she believes she deserves.
Exhausted, I furrow my brow as I exit the judgement room, needing something to relax my tense nerves, maybe the tavern will do. Interested, I approach the pub, frowning at the sounds, it isn't as loud as it usually is, I note to myself as I approach only then to hear the sound of smacking. Frowning, I turn to the source, blinking to find Bulla and Cassandra together. Curious, I decide to investigate.
"Again….ourgh….again…" Blinking, I watch the unusual display of Cassandra hitting Bull with the bat of wood, him bracing for it and growling deeper each time again, growing almost angrier.
"Come on this is why the Qun don't like women fighting. I should have asked Cullen, tch if Fennic was here; she'd actually know how to do this!" Growling, Bull barks as Cassandra scowls and reels back the bat, hitting Bull, taking him by surprise as he falls to the floor from her swing.
"Good…one…" Groaning, Bull praises.
"Perhaps you can take over..." Weakly, Cass smiles at me as I frown at the logic used, I'm a mage, I'm no warrior but still Cassandra thrusts the stick into my hand and leaves…
"Qunari training exercise to master your fear, after Adamant I needed it," Bull tells me.
"So what's the stick?" I question lost.
"Probably, if I try. It'd involve a lot of Qunari words though. Just hit me with the stick alright? I need to get over this demon crap," Bull grunts.
"All right your culture your rules…" Sighing, I nod feeling my hand around the stick back and striking him as he grunts in approval, seems I'm doing something right, I wince from the raw red stinging pain of my wrists, aching.
"Damn demon…whose stuck in the fade now? And who killed you that's right, Iron fucking Bull! Oh…I needed that. Thanks boss," Bull thanks grateful.
"You really all right?" I ask concerned.
"Yeah…thanks. Hey boss," Bull sighs.
"What?" I ask curious.
"Think you could check on Sera I'm worried about her," Bull confesses making me raise a brow.
"Really?" I blink surprised.
"Yeah, she isn't happy…" Bull huffs as I nod in understanding, heading over there, only then to hear the sound of chopping curious yet again, I approach Blackwall finding him focusing on the task at hand.
"Someone I knew once described Adament to me. Adament is and will always be the order he said, a guardian of the edge of the abyss, a hollow soul that stares into the abyss and doesn't waver. That's what warden commander Clarel tried to be, what they all tried to be. None of the wardens we saw wavered, they gave their lives willingly. They died for us and Corypheus twisted his sacrifice to make it his own," Blackwall explains to me, chopping wood as I find a place to lean across; eager to hear his side.
"We stopped it in the end, we saved most of the wardens," I remind him, trying to assure him it's over, noting he's trying to keep himself busy, a trait my mother often did after a scandal or something horrendous occurring back at the family home.
"But not all of them and they died thinking they were doing something good thanks to Corypheus. Even Clarel's ideals were righteous; her desire to protect what's so great led her astray. It's not right. To want to do good, to be good and have that turned against you," Blackwall reasons as I nod in understanding, agreeing with his view.
"In the end of the day, we tried, nothing is perfect Blackwall, we should take joy in what we recovered and who we saved than brood about those lost," I explain calmly to him seeing him bow his head.
"You're right what matters is, we don't give up. Clarel made great mistakes but she was a great woman…she died a great woman. It's not the armour or the trappings of the order. It's not the…joining at the heart of it. All a warden is, is a promise to protect others even at the loss of your own life…"
Come on, you can do this, you can do this…you've fought demons, you've faced killer nobles, you nearly faced a dragon. This you can…
Sharply, the sound of wood splitting alerts me, making me jump back and recoil fearful when noting the arrow lodged into the wooden door. I flinch briefly from the faint cuts caused by the burst of wood splinters as shakily, I stand up fearful.
I can't do this, I can't do this, I can't…
"What!?" Sera barks, slamming the door open, plucking the arrows out of her door as my eyes stay glued to the floor fearful, I think out of the other guys I work with, Sera is who I fear most, she is like a child, a unpredictable dangerous child, someone I can't predict. Though, Fennic seems to get along with her, she sort of tames her, heh, Fennic is like a mother to both Cole and Sera, I smirk remembering the arguments Sera and Cole would have with Fennic stopping them like a mother to her two kids, she is like a mother to them, I never noticed before…
I smirk recalling the conversation…
"Creepy is staring again. Aren't you meant to be getting better or something? Less like you…" Sera spits out in disgust.
"That is the reason for Fennic's lessons. You don't have to be afraid Sera I won't hurt you," Cole assures her.
"Sera you have nothing to fear of," Solas rebukes.
"Shut it baldy. Go away both of you!" Sera orders.
"I won't stab you when you turn your back. I won't do that to your boots or that thing to your arrows. I don't understand what that last thing is but I won't do it either," Cole promises her.
"Why does it keep talking at me!?" Sera demands.
"Sera enough," Fen orders as Sera lowers her head, pouting, arms crossed and complying to the older elf's orders.
"Sera no matter how much you turn your head, your ears always point to the fade why?" Curious, Cole questions.
"It's like its face doesn't know what it's saying," Sera frowns glancing at the stoic Fennic sighing, keeping them apart with one another but issue is, the two kept gravitating towards Fennic….
Terrified, I duck down as Sera reels her fist back to deliver a surprise attack my way only for me to duck down, dodging the strike and standing up frowning at the angry glare of Sera as I enter her chambers.
"Sera what was that for?" I question lost to the logic behind the attack on me, only then to notice the glassy look in her eyes.
"Shut up and listen yeah? Never again, you hear me? Everyone is pretending it made sense. Demons and visions and all of it. The fade isn't real and I saw nothing. Nothing. They were…like little empty things. Like. There's nothing in the dark. No point. Stupid right? That shouldn't be scary like...like it was. I'd have taken spiders…like you! You're scared of spiders? All of them, even little ones? But Fen, what we saw, what she saw…that…that scared her. It scared me…" Sera whispers, teary eyed as she sniffles, forcing her snot and such back in.
"Sera," I begin trying to stop her.
"I've never seen Fen so scared, I've heard the tales, her taking on a bloody dragon for one, taking own Qunari and even taking down some blood mages and a deranged Templar but this…what she was scared her. I've never seen Fen scared. She couldn't have bene scared…" Sera argues frowning, head down in denial.
"Sera," I try again.
"Fen is strong stronger than all of us. She can't…she can't be scared of stuff…she didn't run…she…" Sera turns away pained.
"Sera…" I sigh, shaking my head at the poor girl.
"It's already shaken Fen enough to leave!" Sera scowls at the window panels of her room.
"She hasn't left," I argue.
"Then where she is!?" Sera demands stomping her foot on the floor, rage laced in her tone.
"I didn't know Fen meant that much to you," I whisper surprised by the raw rage and tear stained expression on the snivelling mess.
"Fen's my friend, the fact that she fucking left pisses me off, I mean…I…bullshit, titties…Fen's strong yeah!" Sera tells more to herself.
"Yes…sure but even the sternest…" I try to explain to her only to be cut off by her piercing glare.
"Then why isn't she here, to have Fen shaken like that…it…" Disturbed, Sera turns away conflicted.
"Scares you?" I finish as she shyly nods.
"…Sera…I never knew," I begin once more having no idea, Fen's impact on her, Bull and the other warriors.
"Fen's…a good person. She keeps you levelled if I'm freaking out about mages, I can talk to her, you can talk to her she gets it understand you and eggys," Sera scowls.
"Sera you can talk-" I begin.
"No I can't you're not Fen. You don't…you don't get it…the fear…" Sera cuts me off as I sigh, turning to look down at my twitching hand, remembering sadly my fear…
"I…" I begin only to gulp it down sighing sadly.
"Fen…she lets me goof off, be myself, I don't get scolded by those boring adults, she lets me talk without any arguments, or judgement, she's…she's my friend…" Defeated, Sera hangs her head.
"It's stupid to think about anyway. Everybody going on about imaginary stuff when real people died. Probably. Stroud, yeah? Lost a serious moustache there and in trade, a busted down bunch of wardens and they're always weird. Usually bad stuff happens first so you're glad when the hero shows up. But wardens are the wrong way 'round. They're the good thing that means a bad thing is about to happen. Like in Denerum when the blight ended…" Sera changes topic.
"What do you remember?" I enquire curious, remembering mother and father double checking the security of the tower I resided in.
"People talked about this one warden, a mage. There was a big fight and they…died? I don't know, maybe they didn't?" Confused, Sera shrugs.
"You forgot the hero of Ferelden!?" I blink doing a double take at the girl forgetting an individual so important and crucial to our lore and history.
"That was ages ago. Ten years. I was playing with small painted boxes and burying stuff, I stole. I remember more people cringing about magic than blight. Wardens were an excuse for your stuff to go missing. Blackwall's nice though. Different from those Adament one. Need more like him…" Sera shrugs as I sigh an decide to leave the girl, not sure how to help, praying my talk with her did and…Fen come back soon...
"Oh come on I think I've had enough of this shit," Seething, I turn to glare up at the familiar eerie green sky above me, hearing the faint sound of pebbles and grains of sand moving as I stretch out, laying out, spreading out on the grainy texture reminding me of a beach as I try to level my tense breathing. My brow furrowed hurt as my ears ring hearing the echoing sound of cheerful innocent children playing only then for those echoes to fade into horrified screams as I notice the scene playing before me, over and over like a never ending record of pure mage children and those too young to know what's going on, be slain on sight by Templars, hearing the shocked cries of roaring too being slain, sobbing trying to help their wounded children, holding them only to meet the same fate, over and over. I notice my hands shaking as I grimace, trying to hold back my growing rage from the voices and memory, taunting me.
"You killed us…"
The speaker of mages, the killer of mages."
"Your fault,"
"Your fault."
"Your fault…"
Wisdom isn't here today, most likely senses my anger towards it showing my past, still can't believe it did that honestly, I feel another bubble of anger hit me at the reminder.
They know, they know, they know…those eyes those fucking eyes, pity, I hate it, I hate it, I don't need their pity, I don't need their sympathy and I don't need their apologises, I just…I just need to be alone, that's normal, that's better, that's safer. Softly, I hear the sound of footsteps making me frown.
"Fennic?" Blinking, I turn to the voice, eyebrow raised when Solas dashes over to me, kneeling down, a look of relief on his features making me puzzled as he places his hands on my shoulders, looking genuinely happy to see me.
"Fennic I…." Solas begins only to trail off from my scornful scowl.
"Don't. Don't you start or else I swear I will bring a pride demon here or something!" I warn him as he softly lowers his staff and I stagger back, keeping a distance.
"So…you were a slave," He begins awkwardly.
"What gave you that idea?" Sarcastically, I huff.
"Fennic I'm..." Solas begins as I frown further.
"What did I say!?" Sharply, I snap at him making him go silent, my stern glare never leaving his as he releases a tired sigh, quickly, I scuttle back distancing myself from him, arms crossed, my legs to my chest.
"I know I…" Pained, Solas bows his head as I raise a brow at the genuine pain and anger in his tone, noting him refusing to look me in the eye almost guilty or ashamed.
"Solas...it wasn't your fault, you didn't know...so stop the tears I'm tired of them. I'm tired of all the sympathy," I huff exhaustion evident in my tone.
"Then tell me this, where are you? Are you…?" Solas question, his brow furrowed in worry.
"I'm safe…relax. I've been gone for what a day," I wave him off, finding his worry confusing.
"3 weeks." Solas answers scowling as I blink.
"Oh. Seems I lost track of time…" I mutter slightly surprised.
"Fennic. Did you ever try to escape? I mean you must have known it was wrong," Solas changes topic as I feel a brief twitch of rage at the slight humour in his tone, he has no idea; he really has no idea…
"No. No I didn't." I snap feeling insulted by the almost condescending tone.
"What?" He does a double take genuinely surprised by my anger and answer.
"Solas, I was brought up believing I was property. I grew up believing it was a daily routine of my mother being beaten, experimented on and raped. I believed that to be normal, when people would vanish and never come back, I simply shrugged it off and called it a normal day. I didn't know better and whenever someone with your thinking or someone tried to speak out of it, I saw the consequences. I saw a man have his tongue cut out once, I saw a woman be forcefully raped before our eyes, and I saw a child be beaten to a bloodied pulp until we had to put him out of his misery. He couldn't move, couldn't think, his head had been cracked open but he was still alive, spasms and all that but alive and none of us knew what to do until the leader of our home, put him out of his misery. We never had any funerals cause we were taught we weren't valuable enough to have one and the amount of bodies we would have had to bury would have gotten in the way of our work and if we didn't do our work, we'd be brutally beaten to the spot just like that boy…or worse," Calmly, I explain to him sternly, seeing slowly his eyes widening in horror as he turns away, pained, ashamed as I furrow my brow at the strange reaction to my strict words.
"I…I never knew…" He whispers shakily.
"How would you? You grew up in a village right far from slavery and such. You lived your life and I lived mine. We deal with the hand given to us and move on. So don't…don't apologise, don't…" I scoff, finding his reaction still puzzling.
"So you remember?" He raises a brow surprised as I shrug.
"Bits and pieces nothing of value just pieces…" I shrug it off.
"Fennic….tell me where are you, please Vhenan, Penshra! Ghilas vellathan Vhenan!" Solas almost pleads making me raise a brow surprised as he gently places his hand on top of mine, on his knees as I stand.
"I told you I'm safe," I assure him.
"I won't believe it not until I see you…at least…" Solas softly, reaches out to me slowly standing, his fingertips brushing against my cheek as I sigh, bowing my head shaking it as gently; I place his hand down, giving him a tiny squeeze.
"I'm fine, I'm safe and I will come back," I promise him.
"Promise me…" He demands gradually placing his temple on mine as we enjoy the peace and comforting touch.
"I promise….now then this time I think it's time you….wake up," I whisper I smile smugly as Solas blinks and I leave him, smirking smugly at my win unaware of the horrible loss to endure once I awaken…