Title: Dirty Little Secret

Author: Oma Desallah

Rating: M- Just to be on the safe side... The next chapters are going to be a lot more profane

Paring: RogerMimi will be MarkRoger

PostRent

Summary: Mark has some issues; Roger has issues and a girlfriend. Will be written from Roger's PO. I suck at summaries title from song by Pillar.

Disclaimer: I don't own the characters of RENT. They belong to Jonathon Larson. I'm just a poor college student distracting herself from homework. I also don't Pillar... so yeah

Author's Notes- This is my first Rent fanfic. I haven't written since high school so this has the potential of really sucking. So my apologies now

Prologue- Third Person POV

Mark and Roger. Roger and Mark. Best Friends. Filmmaker. Musician. Bohemians.

Mark

Mark is a quiet filmmaker who sits and observes everything and shows his emotions using other peoples lives by filming them and stringing the scenes together to show how is heart feels. There are some people he can talk to, but being as empathetic as he is, others needs go first. He just sits in the back ground. It's true, he does hide in his work, but what else can he do. Relatively young at 23, he was the youngest of the group until Mimi made her appearance.

Scarsdale- the place where the young Jewish boy used to call home lays almost forgotten in his mind. Scarsdale never fit him. He always knew he was going to end up here, in New York City. His family makes attempts to stay connected with him, but he doesn't really care anymore, he loved them, but he was tired of his dad's opinions his mom's protectiveness and the fact that he would never compare to the perfection of his sister Cindy. All through out his high school years he knew he would come to the city. It represented a freedom that Scarsdale could never give him. He was a suffering artist. He needed to be in place that he could be free to live the life he chose.

But, what he didn't anticipate that he would secretly fall for his rocker best friend. He thinks Maureen might know, but he never talks about it, to anyone. It's like he never talks about the nights he stayed up crying when Roger was going through withdrawal and rehab. He wanted to help him. But Roger seemed to reject him every time. He didn't want him to follow April. He was scared that the HIV would take him and he would be alone. Maureen had dumped him for Joanne. Then Collins and Angel got together and Mimi started dating his best friend. Angel was dead; she died from the same disease that was slowly killing Roger, Collins and Mimi. Roger was Roger. Mimi was doing better, she was off the drugs but recently she and Roger started fighting. Mark new that is was something big, but Roger wouldn't talk about it. Surprise, Surprise. If anyone was as good at hiding their feelings from anyone it was Roger. So Mark just left it alone, Roger would tell him someday. Maybe. If he didn't die first. Mark was still scared. Roger+DeathTotal Mental Breakdown.

Mark didn't cry anymore. Not after he finished his first documentary. When he needed to feel beyond what the projector allowed he did something no one suspected. Crying became obsolete. There were only two options now. And only one of them was socially acceptable. The only person who knew the other option was Roger and not even Mark knew that.

Roger

Roger is a rocker with a small fuse. He'll never hit anyone, first. And he would never physically hurt any one he loved. Roger has only ever truly allowed himself to love four people. April was the first love of his life. If you talked to him while they were together, when he wasn't high, he would tell you she was the one. He was even thinking about marriage. Then came the HIV and the suicide. It tore him in two and hit him harder that anything had previously in his music driven life. But the trouble was he couldn't blame anyone other than himself and maybe The Man. He couldn't bring himself to go after The Man because he knew that The Man controlled his only escape from life. So he hurt himself. He fell deeper into the drugs and started cutting himself. It was a form of punishment. He didn't want to die. He wasn't suicidal like the psychiatrists at the rehab thought. He wanted the pain. The torture. But it wasn't masochism. He got no pleasure out of it.

But that was a long time ago. He had Mimi now, Right? Mimi came back to him and since then they had a great relationship. Mimi was clean. Roger wasn't cutting. Benny was only a friend/landlord. They had both came to terms with there own mortality. Angel's death sank in. And Mimi had moved into the loft with Roger and Mark. He had a job as a bartender and playing the occasional gig solo. There was even talk of getting the band back together. The Well Hungarians.

And then Mimi and Roger started fighting. He was sure no one knew what they fought about. He was really good at hiding the topic. He was especially good at hiding it from the topic. Mark.

Roger loves two men. One of the completely brotherly. Collins will always be his big brother. The person who took him in when he first moved into the Village. Thomas. Some one understand the life of HIV and AIDS. The other is Mark. People on the outside see their relationship as a platonic one. Like it was with Collins. But they don't see the look in the musicians eyes whenever he sees Mark, or when he is talking about him or his films. There is something deeper there. Maybe it's respect from when Mark helped with withdrawal and the nonjudgmental attitude at which he treated his HIV. Maybe its because they are roommates and best friends. Maybe it's something else altogether.

The only one who seems to notice or care is Mimi. There are times when Roger gets up out of bed in the middle of the night to go sit outside of the bathroom door. He knows Mark's in there hurting himself but he can't summon the balls it takes to go in there to stop him. Mimi only knows that Roger leaves. She knows that it is because of Mark; But she suspects something deeper is going on. Mimi and Roger didn't start fighting till the one morning Mimi couldn't let it go unspoken and accused him of cheating on her with Mark. Now they fight. A lot. But Roger is starting to wonder if Mimi is right. In his mind he is cheating on her.

Please review. I need the criticism and I could use a boost in my self esteem. The next chapter will be longer this was just a scene setter.