Let me clarify one thing: I am a sick, sick, little girl. Yes I am, but this sick, sick little mind wants to thank anyone who has reviewed. Oh, and LJ, you are also a freak. I just came up with this so here it is! I need feed back please!Anyway, have fun! And as to the rest of this story, here is my disclaimer: NONE OF THESE DRUNK POOr CHARAcTERS ARE MINE!
Part IIII: All of your fantasies about Lex come true and he is shirtless
God I wish, to bad though. HA! I bet you thought I was really gonna write that but then it would be R, so yeah….
Well, I though it was funny.
cough
Anyway, it was a regular day in Smallville, Lana was now a blonde and everyone had a hangover. Nothing new.
Anyway Lex woke up in his bed. Shirtless. In his bed. Shirtless. Sorry, getting carried away. Anyway, when he woke up shirtless, there was a box next to his bed. It looked like a cereal box, and roughly tapped over the Rice Krispies Snap label was a sign that said: SLASHY GOODNESS. Any smart person, wearing a shirt, would not have opened. As I said any smartwearing a shirt person, and Lex qualifies in none of the above, so he opened it.
There was a blinding flash of lights and pretty pink triangles. Just because, I'll tell you what the box did. If you were gay, it made you straight and vice versa. Get it hot stuff? O, did that slip out? giggle I'm going to go organize my shoes and purses….
Anyway, Lex went to the Talon to see if anything strange had happened. In his rush he neglected to put on a shirt, only a pair of pants. Then he drank some root-beer, did the tango, won at yahtzee, and then… Rushed to the Talon.
First thing he saw was the now straight Jude. Jude slapped him, and then went off to talk with Genevieve.
At the Talon Lana and Chloe were having a cat fight over who could date Lois, but she was dating Martha. Of course, Martha was finally straight. Lex got a cup of joe, and was taking bets with people. He was pretty sure Lana would win. He did after all teach her how to beat up Barney. Then Clark waked in and he didn't care.
Clark however had something important to say, "I'M BISEXUAL! After all, I love you all."
Krypto coughed, and under his breath said, "Stupid, you're my date!" And stumbled off crying.
Lex was planning on doing something idiotic to improve the story, but he went to the Kent Farm instead. But I guess that counts.
Meanwhile in the caves, Morgan Edge was peaking around. "Hey sexy," a voice whispered.
Morgan looked around and as a force of power pushed him up against a wall. "Who is it?" He asked breathlessly, if Jason knew he was cheating on him he was so dead.
"Yo daddy."
Back at the farm Lionel and Jonathan were having a romantic picnic among the cows. Then Lex showed up, still lacking a shirt. "I love you son," Lionel said causally.
This made Jonathan jealous. So he charged, punching Lex full in the face. He was shocked. And unconscious! So then, Lionel and Jonathan had a cat fight. Just to heat things up.
However, when Lex woke up he was in his bed, with a shirt, and it was morning again. The same time he had opened the box. This time it wasn't there though.
Clark woke up in his bed, shirtless. Next to him was a box. Much like a cereal box, and over the Rice Krispies label was a tapped on piece of paper that said ONLY FOR U.
Any person would have immediately deduced that it a) will do something crazy or b) give him a power stone and then they would open it. Clark isn't human and he doesn't think...often. He opened it.
There was a blinding flash of flannel. He was in front of a huge door. He opened it. Inside his dream came true, for there inside the storage space was unlimited flannel merchandise. UNLIMITED.
Meanwhile, Lana and Chloe were having a cat fight for no reason. Lex was playing the game; he was da book keeper with a shirt.
Back to Clark who was swimming in his sea o' flannel. Unfortunately he can't swim, and therefore drowned. When he came to, he was again in his bed. Wearing a shirt of pink, he screamed. Where was the box? He was frantic, it was again the same time he had opened it. And the same morning.
Just then Lana, who was not wearing a shir—no that is wrong. Lana who is wearing a bra woke up in Chloe's bed. Before this is totally wack, let me clarify: she had made Chloe sleep in the dog house again. Next to her was a box of Cookie Crisp. She ate it. Behind that box was another box. She was tempted to smash it with a hammer. It looked just like any ole cereal box. And taped over the Rice Krispies label was a piece of paper that said YOU SUCK. Lana was dumb before, but now she thinks like the dumb blonde stereotype. So she opened it without a thought, like she thinks any—"Hold the phone, it is just like the person I choose to embrace. And OMG!" Lana began to cry (am I really that harsh?), "I don't feel loved! But, I feel, like, so pretty!" I hate you. "Oh really? Like thanks!" Sigh, Lana turned and opened the box.
There was a blinding flash of pink and purple, this made Tinke Winke happy.
Lana found herself in front of JcPenny's. They were having an all out make up and beauty sale, with lots of free testers and gifts…Just for Lana. She then died of shock, but keep in mind she died knowing her skin tones.
Then Lana woke up wearing a shirt, and her Cookie Crisp was there. She was lacking however the other box. It was again morning, and again the day had just begun.
Everyone was again really, really drunk it seemed as if this day had already occurred- three times, which it had. But no one noticed.
Just then Dr. Swan woke. He had strange dream last night were he been straight, but he knew that was impossible. Meanwhile in the kitchen, Darth Vader had gotten out of bed a few minutes early, and was now making breakfast.
There Darth found a box. You get the drill by now right? Anyway this time it said FEED ME. The mask was affecting his vision so he showed it to Swan. Swan wasn't wearing his glasses and opened it. What does everyone have the stupid disease in this town? Yes. Ah, good point.
Anyway, there was a blinding flash-er! RYAN YOU PERV! GET OFF THE SCREEN! YOU $&) &( +#
I love little kids, don't you?
Anyway, the two were separated. Darth Vader was permanently sent to the Star Trek universe. Dr. Swan however, had legs! He was tall, sun burned, and a dork. In other words the same, but taller.
"Darnit. WHY? WHY ME?"
Just then the cast of Baywatch came up to him for an exclusive part.
Back at the Talon Lana and Chloe were having a cat fight. "Last time I sleep in the doghouse!" Chloe cried, hyped and ready for vengeance.
Lex was taking bets. His money was on Chloe; after all he did teacher how to kill the tellietubbies.
Back at Clark's place, he and Pete were watching Baywatch. There was a new character, Jimmy Jim Jimmers; he was Mitch's secret sister!
And on the set, Dr. Swan was picking up trash as Jimmy Jim Jimmers. Just then a beach ball hit his head, knocking him unconscious. The girls all rushed to give him CPR, and it would have been any man's paradise, but he was stone cold out of it.
When he awoke, Darth Vader was vacant from his bed, and it was again early morning, the box was gone. Dun, dun, oh, what-ever.
The box was getting around if ya know what I mean. Ahem, cough, cough.
Jonathan woke with it next, it had on it the words All Your Problems Will Be Solved. Being stupid, he threw it at Martha who then opened it.
There was a brilliant streak-er, I mean Chloe had to have something to do. (On the lawn)
She was now rich, due to her husband's careful book keeping of the cat fights between Lana and Chloe, very rich indeed. She had everything!
And, Lionel was running a farm, with his son Lex.
At said farm, Lex threw his whip, "WORK FASTER MINION!"
"Yes son….don't hurt- OW!"
Lex was getting sweet revenge on his father, but don't worry, he didn't hurt the cows. Just the monkeys! HA HA!
Anyway, as queen of just about everything, Martha threw a wild party Torch, for everyone in Smallville. So, yes, they all got drunk on root-beer. This was provided by Lex from his root-beer chickens. The only person who was absent was Lionel, trapped by the fireplace.
Awww, do I smell a Cinderella C-quill?