Please
say my name,
Remember who I am.
You will find me in the world
of yesterday.
You drift away again,
Too far from where I
am
When you ask me who I am
-- Say My Name by Within Temptation --
They all had been gone for awhile: Barret, Cid, the others.
They had left her in the Mideel because of how much of a stubborn streak she had put on about it.
"I don't care about anything else, only Cloud... I... want to be by his side..."
Maybe that had been a bit much to say to because she had seen the registration of her words and the surprise in their eyes. Barret and Cid had had a silent discussion over whether to allow her to stay or not but, in the end, she had. As Barret had said it would have been good for Cloud and herself if she did, Cid just telling her to hang in there.
Hang in there…
Ha, it was hard to hang in there when you only have a thin strand to be walking on and with every step it starts to weaken more and more. And it was proving harder to keep up the strong, supportive act while staying by Cloud's side and seeing him in such a state.
Was he even aware of the world around him?
Where was he right now?
… …was he ever going to come back?
Those and more filtered through the young woman's mind and she tended to the blond, making sure to bring him a fresh blanket everything once in awhile and draping it over his shoulder, wrapping it around his front securely but not secure enough; wiping down his face with a rag, a bowl of cool water resting on her lap as she went about the task; telling him that she had been so worried about him missing that she was so happy to have him back, even if he probably could not hear her voice right then.
"You're going to come back, aren't you Cloud?" Tifa whispered, standing behind the wheelchair with her arms draped around the man's immobile form and hugging him loosely, her face buried in the skin of her arm. She was trying so hard to be strong and brave, to not lose herself.
"We… We all need you…" He was their 'fearless leader' after all. "I…"
I need you…
Standing there in silence, arms still wrapped around his shoulders, Tifa just trembled as silent sobs took over. It was too hard to keep up with herself and she just couldn't do it anymore. Whatever convincing act she had put up had shattered and fallen, only to leave a hurting woman crying quietly.
And as much as she needed him, he needed her twice of that.
He was lost somewhere and she was going to help him out of where it was, help him find himself and remember the memories that were his own; she wouldn't let him drift away anymore and keep going on his own.
Having him so far away hurt so much and every time she would find a bridge to cross to get to him something would get in the way and shatter it, cause her to find another one and take a too-long detour to get to him.
"Say my name…" Her head shook, arms removing themselves from the man. Stepping back and walking around him she knelt before Cloud, shifting to sit on her knees and leaned forward. One hand on his, the other on her lap Tifa set her head against his lap and closer her eyes.
Why did he always to be so far away from her…?
Maybe she was being selfish for wanting him back, for wanting to be the one who would be able to bring him back from where ever he was… But she wanted to prove to him that there was an unbreakable bridge somewhere that would connect the two of them, allow her to cross it and reach him.
She just had to find it.
But a soft sound brought her from the thoughts, her head rising slowly as to not have to quickly look at him – it hurt so much to see the lifeless look in his eyes – and blinked at him.
"Cloud…?"
Nothing. Maybe that had just been her imagination playing tricks on her. He was too far gone, said the doctor, somewhere all alone and he wouldn't respond to anything they said or did.
But…she swore that she had heard him say…
No, it had to have been her imagination. The doctor was always right, wasn't he? Of course…she was raised to believe that but sometimes she had to question if they actually knew or just pretended because what if Cloud had actually said something? Then wouldn't that have meant he had been responding?
Of course it would.
But that still didn't take from the fact he was somewhere far, far away from her and the reality around him. Somewhere battling his subconscious, confused about everything; trying to figure out what was the truth and what was a lie.
"I know you can hear me…but I don't know if my voice will even reach you."
Just to have him say something, something that would make her believe he was there and could hear her no matter how far gone he was. Just being able to hear him say something – a name, a small sound of recognition, and a chuckle – would let her know that he was there.
"…do you remember who I am, Cloud?" She blinked, settling her head against his lap once again as silent tears slipped from the corners of her eyes. "I'm sorry I never…That I never told you everything… …I was afraid of doing it, that maybe something bad might happen if I did." She didn't want to mess him up anymore than what he seemed to be. "But you… …I remember so much of you…please, come back from where you are Cloud."
I love you. I need you.
And then there was silence. Nothing but their breathing and the sounds of birds from outside making any noise within the little clinic. It was almost scary at the fact that it could get so quiet so easily.
"…" Tifa didn't hear the whisper or attempt at speaking, missed the smallest movement of lips. "T…" Another attempt. "Ti… … …fa…?"
What? What!
Head rising quickly from his lap the woman blinked at the man, her eyes wide and look of complete shock drawn upon her face. He had… He had actually said something, he had said her name!
"Cloud!" It was hard to curb her excitement, hard to not jump up for joy and go get the doctor. Maybe he was coming back! Maybe Cloud was coming back. "Cloud, did you just—"
"U…ahh?"
…
Those same noises from before, the ones saying he wasn't there.
Shoulders slumped Tifa took Cloud's hands in her own and pressed her lips against his fingers.
"Cloud," Tifa said softly, his name holding a sad tone as it slipped from her lips. Her dark eyes skimmed his form, both alive but lifeless at the same time. "… … … you're still in there, aren't you?"
