"Hey buddy how are you feeling?!" Perkily, Eve greets me as I glower at the smiling sunshine in the doorway of my room, feeling my brow twitch.
"Like shit what do you expect?" Irritated, I welcome her only to grimace at the sudden rush of acid crawling up as I lean over, spewing out in the bucket, I happily hug, clinging to, worshipping even. I lay in my bed at Skyhold glancing to the side at the studious Solas, to the far end of the room, reading his book.
"Yeah that was a lot of lyrium radiation maybe I should have told you we would be near lyrium. I just thought I would need someone who has knowledge on the deep roads and you and Varric popped up." Guilty, Eve bows her head, looking ashamed.
"Of course…" I mutter understanding her point, heck I didn't think it would affect me this bad I mean sure I've had my migraines but never this bad.
"Fen I am sorry I didn't…" Apologetic, Eve begins.
"It's fine what's done is done." Simply, I state the fact groaning as I brush my fingertips through my white roots, tiredly.
"How are you?" Tenderly, Eve questions me.
"Well considering my headache became a migraine not great it doesn't help I have a mother hen." Slyly, I remark scowling as I point over to Solas, frowning at me.
"I am not a mother hen." Sternly, Solas stands as he approaches me, my body tensing up as he takes off the cloth on my temple placing it into the cool bowl by my bedside and placing a fresher cooler one on my temple making me lean back, relishing the coolness.
"Then leave me alone. I can rest alone." Huffing, I grumble at the worrywart, does he know how awkward this is? I mean…urgh.
"I'm sure you could." Curtly, Solas dismisses making me grumble.
"I want out. Come on there must be a mission coming up you need my help on!" Pleadingly, I request from Eve desperate for some sort of action.
"Actually, no we're fine thank you very much." Brightly, Eve smiles at me making me scowl.
"Oh, come on…there has to be something. I mean don't you need Solas to go on some quests with you?" Smirking, I gesture to Solas coolly returning to his book.
"Well actually I've really gotten along with my healing magic so…yeah, besides Solas volunteered." Perkily, Eve reveals making me scowl.
"Just because he volunteered doesn't mean I like him here!" Frustrated, I hiss crossing my arms.
"I am in the room." Snidely, Solas remarks making me roll my eyes.
"Then maybe you should leave go into the fade and do your meditation shit." Irritated, I gesture for him to leave, not wanting to deal with him.
"Do you have to be so rude? You know he stayed by your bed even when you were knocked out!" Hissing, Eve scowls at me as Solas leaves, going to do some research or something.
"For a day." Scowling, I glance to the side, curling my legs forward, one of them anxiously moving in and down like some rabbit.
"For a week actually…" Sternly, Eve corrects me making me grumble.
"Oh…dammit." Annoyed, I curse.
"Fen what is going on?" Flabbergasted, Eve demands from me.
"Why don't you ask him that? He says we're not together and does all this shit." Fed up, I snap I thought I won, I thought I…I thought he would get the message and go but all he's done is…
"He may just be caring for you as a friend…" Fairly, Eve reasons.
"Well it's awkward he knows this, and I know this!" Impatiently, I point out crossing my arms not liking any of this.
"Fen…" Softly, Eve begins.
"You got to switch." Desperate, I reason in a low tone sternly as I place my bare hands on her shoulder.
"Switch?" Perplexed, Eve arches a brow.
"Yes I'll take Dorian, Vivienne even blood you if you won't let me out. I swear I'm going to break if I'm stuck here with him one more day…" Gravely, I hiss intensely.
"I'll think about it." Sighing, Eve offers making me scowl crossing my arms over the other.
"Think about it!? You owe me for maker's sake! Eve…are you okay?" Scowling, I reason to him my glare softening when noting her hunched over form looking scared almost troubled.
"Wha…I'm fine I'm fine." Nervously, her voice squeaks as she chants those words over and over making me frown, only adding to her nerves.
"You're really not. You're shaking like a leaf…" Bluntly, I point out.
"I…After everything that's happened thanks to the well, we've been given this brief time of peace to come up with a way to beat Corypheus." Softly, Eve smiles as she takes a seat on my bed across from me, legs crossed.
"I know." Frowning, I answer.
"Yes well…Cullen and I have been thinking of taking…the next step." Shyly, Eve squeaks out her features turning scarlet.
"The next step?" Warily, I raise a brow, what handholding? Hugging?
"Yeah you know…" Anxiously, Eve gestures making my eyes widen.
"Whoa and here I thought chantry girl would do that after marriage." Cheekily, I remark crossing my arms leaning back.
"Well we just we don't know if we will make it so…" Eve whispers drawing patterns with my duvet.
"So what?" Curious, I prob smirking amused by her shyness towards the subject.
"Is it…is it going to hurt?" Meekly, she questions me fear etched into her tone making me blink taken aback by the question.
"Oh…um yeah." Dumbly, I respond.
"Wait what?" Scared, Eve squeaks back terrified.
"Of course, it's going to hurt the first time, you're having his…" I begin gesturing only making her reel back her, hands covering her features ruby red internally screaming as I sigh. Perhaps I should be…softer on her for this talk.
"I know the details." Grumbling, she huffs pouting her face radiating ruby red flames.
"Do you?" Concerned, I question leaning in, apprehensive for her considering her rather…restrictive lifestyle before. I wouldn't be surprised if they didn't tell mages how to…reproduce concerning the templars and such don't particular enjoy the idea of more people to guard.
"Well I think so. I mean I know he has to put…then…" Shyly, Eve begins gesturing wildly, stumbling upon her words, getting tongue tied making me chuckle.
"You do know about prep, right?" Lowly, I whisper leaning in.
"Y-Yes! Well yeah…" She squeaks out.
"Good, the main question is are you ready for it?" Sternly, I question her seriously, my brow furrowed focused alarmed. If he's forcing her…
"What do you mean?" Confused, Eve furrows her brow.
"Ugh, look I don't really get you and Cullen I never will but apparently it's meant to be spiritual and emotional and shit that's what Hawke says anyway." Awkwardly, I begin scratching my naked nape unsure, feeling my muscles tense. I mean it was for me and…but then he got sick of it, sick of me…
"So?" Eve prompts perplexed by my words.
"Are you ready for this step he isn't pressuring you is he?" Gently, I question Eve surprising her.
"No, it was my idea!" Eve reveals making me raise a brow amused.
"Was it now, my, my look at you…but still you have fun you can make as much noise as you like I mean with Bull and Dorian under the roof." Slyly, I remark snickering lowly under my breath as I lean back relishing the cool touch of the fabric.
"Fen!" Eve scowls at me playfully hitting my agitated leg making me chuckle.
"What I'm just saying. Look it's going to hurt but at least you're giving your first time to someone you well find attractive." Smirking, I offer trying to cheer her up.
"Did you find Denarius at all attractive?" Curious, Eve wonders.
"Well let me see I was a young child and the bearded abomination was the only person I was only allowed to see…do you want me to go on?" Snidely, I remark.
"No…thanks Fen, I mean it. I…I'll talk to Leliana about your request." Softly, Eve smiles at me.
"Thanks…" Tiredly, I sigh bowing my head as she smiles softly at me nodding her head and then leaving me alone as another rush of acid burning rushes up my throat as urgently, a sharp pain whacks against my head as I bow my head, vomiting out my insides…
"Feeeenic…Feeeenic…" Frowning, I perk up at the voice of Sera turning only for my eyes to nearly pop out at the sight of the smiling Sera, hanging outside down my window, how is she even doing that? Gawking, I gape at her.
I'm…I'm not even going to ask how you got up here. Tiredly, I shake off the question deciding it best for my pounding head not to ask as I feel another rush of bits and such. I dive into the bucket spewing it out.
"Wanna get drunk?" Sera flips her way into my room.
"I'm a bit busy with the aftermath of that idea Sera…besides I can't drink, baldy took the good shit." Grumbling, I scowl at the bitter memory, staring sadly at my empty wine cabinet of sorts.
"Come out it'll be fuuun…" Whining, Sera insists.
"I can't not with baldy watching." Scowling, I argue, rather not wishing for another mind breaking lecture, that makes the window look even more appealing.
"Oh come on he isn't in charge of you anymore Vivienne is and she isn't here now is she." Smirking, Sera argues.
"Alright I'm coming, just…hold on." Slowly, I get out of bed, grimacing at the pounding ache in my temple. Sera snatches my arm as I am dragged off and onto the roof of her room, I'm…I'm too tired to deal with this.
"Sera what's with the cookies? And why are we on a roof?" Perplexed, I question her noting the cookies in our grasp.
"There horrible right? And raisins urgh! I frigging still hate cookies!" Sera sneers at the cookie in her hand.
"Never had one." Honestly, I answer.
"What? What do you mean never had one?" Confused, Sera furrows her brow.
"Well I don't usually eat much…" Shyly, I begin bitterly remembering the meals Solas would often force me to eat food, the pair of us grumpily eating and talking, nagging at one another to eat making me grimace pained at the memory.
"Not even cakes!?" Stunned, Sera gasps.
"Not really a sweets person myself." I lean back looking up at the bright beam of light hanging above us.
"We got to fix that." Sera decides.
"What's going on Sera?" Lost, I demand from her perplexed she's usually direct seeing her being this evasive is strange even.
"I got caught stealing when I was little yeah? You get alienage or worse for that but the lady Emmald took me in. she was sick and couldn't have children. I had no parents. It worked out. Anyway, she gets a year sicker so I ask about her cookies. Because mums make cookies, I can pass that down or something. Turns out she couldn't cook. She missed that talk with her mum." Sighing, Sera begins making my eyes soften.
"Well at least it was that talk you missed." Slyly, I remark snickering.
"Eew gross you're gross but anyway the ones she 'made' she bought and pretended. Aww right? No she was a bitch. She hid buying them by keeping me from the baker. She did that by lying that he didn't like me, didn't like elves. She let me hate so she could protect her pride. I hated him so much and I hated…well she died and I hate pride, pride cookies." Chuckling, Sera pushes me only then for her softened features to darken, scowling.
"Oh so that's where it comes from." Amazed, I realize.
"What do you mean?" Baffled, Sera furrows her brow.
"When we were looking for Ameridan." I remind her.
"Oh that…yeah. But this inquisition thing is working out. So, I figured I could make some inquisition cookies? Because then I could like them again? Urgh it's stupid." Dejected, Sera sighs bowing her head.
"It…it isn't stupid." Sighing, I assure her.
"It isn't?" Surprised, Sera blinks taken aback.
"Giving people, things second chances it's hard but…. sometimes you should. You shouldn't allow one experience to cloud your viewpoint that…that was a hard lesson I had to learn." Pained, I explain leaning over grimly grimacing at the memory of him…of me.
"You mean with mages…" Sera gathers.
"Bingo…Sera I…the anger you hated towards the baker I get it I do but…acting on that anger and not dealing with it only leads you even more angrier, spiteful and…it changes you, it makes you do things you would never think you'd do." Grimly, I exclaim scowling at the memory flickering before me.
"Did it change you?" Sera questions.
"Honestly yeah, I became someone I was afraid off it was only thanks to Hawke and the guys that I realized how toxic I was, what I saw at Kirkwall changed me. I've seen the outcome of allowing that anger to fester and I don't wish that on anyone…" Gravely, I confess at the memory.
"Sounds personal…" Sera exclaims.
"I…there was someone I knew, we were friends, he was like a mentor to me he wanted to make a difference I wanted to survive. His ideals, he…he was and still is someone I respect a great deal, but he went down a path I couldn't follow him on and became something I…I barley recognised." Pained, I scowl at the memory, thinking back on him, his victims, the bodies, the children…
"So, you left…" Sera gathers as I exhale shakily at the memory, curling in on myself, my body tensing at the memory.
"I…I did what I thought was best for me. My entire life before I served, my master came first, my family came first, everyone came first and I came second maybe it was due to my upbringing I don't know but…for the first time in my life. I wanted to do something that was best for me and I did." Confidently, I state the fact as Sera's features soften from my words, a shared sullen silence falling between us…
"But Sera…" Gently, I begin.
"Hm?" Sera hums.
"You should be grateful to have someone who would take you in." Calmly, I confess to her.
"What do you mean?" Perplexed, she scowls at me.
"Where I came from the idea of a magister adopting a child, an elven child at that without making them a slave is impossible, to have someone as kind as her adopt you is rare and to go to such efforts as to buy something because she couldn't cook is something else…" I try to explain to her.
"No it isn't thanks to her stupid pride I hated that baker I was horrible to the baker I was…" Angrily, she seethes, shaking her hand, her body quivering, her hands bawling into a pair of fists, trembling.
"Still for her to still get you such a treat, for her to listen to you for such a request…" Surprised, I shake my head in awe.
"What do you mean? Get to the point!" Frustrated, Sera demands impatience etched into her tone as I exhale a breath, thinking on my next move.
"When I was a child we lived upon the grain and scraps of the magisters, sometimes we would purposely bruise the scraps we would pick and eat, of course someone would pay the sacrifice of being beaten to death and such. But…still for a mother to even find the ingredients to cook together, to even treat their children…it's an honour many would not think of." Honestly, I explain to her.
"I never knew…what was your mum like Fen?" Curious, Sera asks me making me grimace at the memory, feeling a familiar sharp pain in my head alongside the boiling sun, not particularly helping me as I force down the bile threatening to crawl up.
"She was a woman." Struggling, I begin trying to imagine her but only ending up with scratches, bruises, cuts, blood…grimacing, I bow my head, forcing back down the bile threatening to crawl up once more, burning my throat almost as I force it back down, noting Sera's look of concern.
"Um yeah course she was…" Frowning, Sera exclaims unsure.
"I do not remember much but she was…kind, a healer. She cared for her people and for each one that fell, a tear would leave her, often she would cry herself to sleep, push herself to exhaustion and each time I would try to nurse her back to health, that was I suppose our way of bonding. To be given such a gift as that…" In awe, I whisper, my brow furrowed.
"What about birthdays?" Panicked, Sera demands.
"We never celebrated them, we never could…" Bluntly, I state.
"I…I didn't know." Sad, Sera bows her head.
"Of course not. We lived very different lives Sera…" Frowning, I begin, not sure what to say.
"I…it's not really about them. I hate learning lessons. Makes my stomach hurt. Anyway I'll throw this rubbish away next time will be better yeah!" Hopeful, she offers.
"Looking forward to it." Weakly, I smile only then to grimace hissing at the pounding headache only increasing tenfold.
"What are you doing up here!?" Angrily, the stern voice of Solas rings out alerting us both.
"Crud, the bald eagle has landed I repeat the bald eagle has landed!" Panicked, Sera freaks out.
"Retreat!"