Chapter Five
As always – thanks for reading and all your input. Your encouragement really keeps me going. Sorry for the delay – this was a difficult chapter to write, so please let me know what you think or any suggestions for improvement. I highly recommend downloading the song at the end of this chapter – Savage Garden "Two Beds and a Coffee Machine" – it is a beautiful song. Thanks again for reading!
Pink – "Family Portrait"
Momma, please stop crying
I can't stand the sound
Your pain is painful
And it's tearing me down
I hear glasses breaking
As I sit up in my bed
I told dad you didn't mean
Those nasty things you said
You fight about money
Bout me and my brother
And this I come home to
This is my shelter
It ain't easy growing up in World War III
Never knowing what love could be
You'll see I don't want love to destroy me
Like it has done my family
Can we work it out?
Can we be a family?
I promise I'll be better
Tell me, I'll do anything
Can we work it out?
Can we be a family?
I promise I'll be better
Daddy, please don't leave
Daddy, please stop yellin'
I can't stand the sound
Make momma stop crying
Cuz I need you around
My momma, she loves you
No matter what she says, it's true
I know that she hurts you,
But remember – I love you too
I ran away today
Ran from the noise, ran away
Don't wanna go back to that place
But don't have no choice, no way
Daddy, don't leave
You took my shining star
I'll be nicer; I'll be so much better
I won't spill the milk at dinner;
I'll be so much better;
I'll do everything right;
I'll be your little girl forever;
I'll go to sleep at night
Donnatella Lyman continued to hold a sobbing Ella Parker in her arms in the entryway to their home. The crying had since caught Josh's attention also, who had slowly made his way over to see what all the commotion was about. When he saw Ella crouched over into his wife's shoulder, he silently nodded and went back to the living room to give them some privacy.
"Why was he mad, Ella?" Donna finally asked when she heard her cries soften. Her comment really concerned her, given the history of the Parker household. Donna and Josh were almost positive that John had physically abused Ella, but they'd never been able to get any of the family members to admit it. There were some odd family dynamics going on, and all the Lymans seemed to be able to do was be there for Ella.
"I spilled a bottle of my nail polish on the carpet." She sobbed.
"Ella, I don't think that's why he's mad." Donna reasoned with her, taking Ella's head into her hands and looking her in the eye. "That may have set him off, but he's not mad at you. Are your mom and dad having some problems?"
Ella nodded tearfully and then tucked her face back in to Donna's shoulder.
"Shhhhh. Let's go sit in the living room." Donna gently led Ella into the living room to sit down. Josh was still sitting in "The Chair", where he had gone to give them some privacy, but that seemed to now be thrown out the window. Seeing the damsel in distress, he quickly got up and joined them on the couch.
"Are you okay, sweetheart?" He asked quietly.
Ella shook her head no, but didn't feel like explaining it again. She looked over to Donna for help.
"Her mom and dad seem to have had a fight, and she got caught in the middle of it." She looked at her husband over Ella's head, giving him a look that meant there was something else going on. Josh got the signal strong from Donna and gave a small nod.
"You know, Ella, a lot of times when Donna and I are fighting and Audrey does something wrong, I snap at her when I shouldn't. It's not her fault, but sometimes I build my emotions up and then Audrey is on the receiving end. I'm sure you've heard about this before."
Ella continued to sniffle, and her sobs were getting a little louder now.
"But you don't hit her." Ella said, sounding disgusted. She rolled her shirt sleeve up a little bit to show a brand new bruise just below her shoulder. Ella's body was shaking nervously, knowing she was revealing what they'd suspected all along. The Lymans had called child services before after seeing bruises on Ella's body, but she had never actually shown them and admitted her father had done it. Donna and Josh exchanged glances again.
"Ella, did your father hit you tonight?" Donna asked her calmly for clarification, now holding her hand.
"Y…Yes." She managed to get out before starting to cry again.
"Okay." Donna told her. Ella was crying much harder now, so she again took the girl into her arms. "It's okay. It's over now. You can stay with us tonight if you want to. We'll call your mom and tell her you're here."
"They don't know I left. I ran away. They're gonna be so mad at me." Donna felt Ella's body shudder at the thought.
"I think they'll just be worried about you. They'll be relieved that you're here and that you're okay." Donna tried to reassure her, but she wasn't as convinced as she sounded. John Parker had a very short temper and Donna didn't doubt he could easily get physically violent. Apparently Ella wasn't convinced either, though Donna tried her best in the next few minutes to calm her when she started crying again. Josh quietly got up from the couch and made his way to Audrey's room, where she was actually doing her homework with music playing softly in the background. She hadn't heard the knock at the front door now almost twenty minutes ago. Josh knocked on her door and she told him to come in.
"Whatcha working on?" He sat on her desk chair and looked down to where she was working on her floor.
"Biology." She finished writing an answer and then looked up at him. As she looked up, her face flinched a little in pain and she rubbed her stomach a bit.
"Are you okay?" Josh asked as he noticed her obvious discomfort.
"Yeah, my stomach's just been hurting a bit lately. It's weird. But I'm okay."
Josh took in a deep breath.
"Listen, Ella came over a few minutes ago."
"Has she already left?" She immediately looked to her door, visibly distraught that she may have missed her.
"No, she's still here."
Audrey immediately got up to go see her friend, not knowing what was going on. Josh caught her wrist as she headed to the door.
"Sweetheart, don't go out there yet."
Audrey stopped and studied her dad's face, which was serious and concerned. She took back her hand and stood in front of him with her arms crossed.
"What's going on?"
"She's really upset, Audrey. She said her parents were fighting and we think that her dad hit her."
Audrey shifted her stance and then changed her arms so one of the heels on her hand was pressed firmly to her mouth and she looked down at the ground.
"Audrey?" Josh could tell she was upset.
She finally started crying softly. Audrey rarely cried unless something was really upsetting her, so Josh knew he'd struck a nerve. Was there something about the Parkers that she knew and wasn't telling him?
"Audrey, sweetheart…" Josh got up and put his arm around her shoulder protectively, leading her to sit on her bed. He gently swept back a few pieces of hair that had since fallen in front of her face. "Do you need to tell me something?"
Audrey sniffled and tried to take some quick breaths in, but managed to nod in agreement.
"Okay." Josh whispered. "Take your time." He kissed her head, and rubbed her shoulder.
"El, Ella told me a few years ago that her dad hit her. But I didn't say anything. She didn't want me to. She was afraid that her dad would go to jail."
"Oh, sweetheart…" Josh felt so badly that Audrey had been keeping this secret for years. The mindset of an abused child was one full of excuses, second-guessing, and confusion. Ella loved her father deeply just like any daughter did. John was her dad. Amidst the abuse, he was also a very caring, tender, loving father, but when he got angry, he just couldn't control himself. Ella longed to bring out the gentle side of her father and felt she had failed when he got mad. She'd done something wrong and it was her fault he was angry and hit her. If only she could stop doing those little things wrong, her family would be happy. Always after he'd lost it, John would feel bad and try to make it up to her. Ella would disappear for a few days on a special trip with her father or would suddenly have dozens of new clothes, toys, or CDs and DVDs. Ella would forgive him and everything would be grand for a while, leaving young Ella to think she really did have something to do with the unleashing of his anger and the happiness of her family.
"If her dad is hurting her, that's not okay. You know that."
"But she loves him!" She interjected from her dad's arms.
"I know. That's the hardest part. He can be a great dad sometimes, but hitting another person is never okay."
"But what if he goes to jail?" Her crying had now ceased and she was breathing steadily.
"I don't know if he'll have to or not. But he's an adult. He knew all along what he was doing is wrong, and he needs to face the consequences. Maybe it'll be the wake-up call he needs. John needs to go get help somewhere."
The room was silent for several moments and Josh just held on to Audrey, until she spoke up again.
"Where's Ella?" She sat up and wiped her eyes.
"I think she's still in the living room with mom. Do you want to go see her?"
"Yeah." Audrey got up and quickly exited her room, making her way into the living room where, sure enough, Ella was laying down. Donna had just brought her a glass of water.
"Ella?" She called to the bundle curled up on the couch. Her friend looked up at her and her face instantly softened. Josh and Donna watched in fascination as their daughter climbed on to the couch and laid down next to Ella face to face. Audrey took her hand and they both closed their eyes and seemed to instantly be at ease. How they read and knew each other so well was lost on Josh and Donna, but whatever it was seemed to be working. Trying not to make any sounds to disturb them, Josh continued his cooking and Donna started to get the table ready for five.
Back in her bedroom, Katie had since logged on to her AOL Instant Messenger again and was happy to see that Molly was also on. A familiar shoulder to cry on and now to talk to when everything seemed to be going okay.
katiebell88: hey mol, how's it going?
crazymolly: hey, lyman
crazymolly: not too bad, you?
katiebell88: better
katiebell88: mom and I talked and I think I'm okay with running
crazymolly: good
crazymolly: it won't be so bad
crazymolly: plus my dad will surely support her, so maybe we'll get
To see each other : )
katiebell88: that would be awesome
crazymolly: I found out what school I'm going to
katiebell88: really? Which 1?
crazymolly: Huck's going to Xavier; I'm going to Nightingale-Bamford
crazymolly: it's all girls
crazymolly: we'll have to wear uniforms : (
katiebell88: that sux
crazymolly: they're not too flattering…
katiebell88: anything is flattering on you
katiebell88: I still look like a little girl
crazymolly: you do not
crazymolly: you'll be fine – give it time
katiebell88: did u ever hate gym class?
crazymolly: heck yeah
crazymolly: hated it with a passion
katiebell88: why must gym class exist?
crazymolly: it's a conspiracy
crazymolly: it's just the middle school mentality
crazymolly: life may suk for a little while, but it'll get better
katiebell88: I hope so
katiebell88: can't get much worse right now
crazymolly: it will get better
crazymolly: hang in there
crazymolly: my dad's calling – better go
katiebell88: kay
katiebell88: thanx 4 talking
crazymolly: anytime
crazymolly: xxoo
katiebell88: right back at u
crazymolly has logged off
katiebell88 has logged off
Donna Lyman nervously picked up the cordless and began walking in to her bedroom as she dialed the Parkers' number, memorized by heart for almost ten years now. She prayed to God that John wouldn't answer and she wouldn't have to talk him down. But then again, if she didn't, Carol would have to, and she most definitely didn't need that by the sound of it. Luckily, Carol picked up sounding a bit timid.
"Hello?" She whispered.
"Carol? Is that you?" Donna crinkled her eyebrows.
"Donna? Yes, yes it's me. It's Carol."
"Are you alright? Is something wrong?" Carol's tone made Donna very nervous. She sounded like she was hiding, not wanting to be found.
"I'm fine. I'm just worried about Ella. She hasn't come out of her room for over an hour."
"Carol, she's here. She showed up about a half hour ago."
"She's what? She's there? Oh my god, is she okay?"
"Yes, Carol, she's fine. She's just a little shaken up, but Audrey's taking good care of her now."
"Thank you so much, Donna. Her dad just got…he got really angry today and he snapped at Ella and me."
"Carol?"
"Yes?"
"Did he hit Ella?"
There was silence on the phone for a few moments as Carol gathered up her strength.
"Yes, he did." She said quietly, and Donna could tell she was about to start crying again.
"Carol, are you safe right now? Do you need to come over?"
"He's in the other room, but he's calm now. He might get upset if he realizes Ella's gone."
"Do you need to come over, Carol?"
"No, no, no. I'm fine." She said, not convincing Donna.
"Carol, Ella is welcome to stay overnight here, but if you need to come over, you can. Please come over if you need to."
"Okay, Donna." She sniffled once. "I'll think about it."
"Josh or I can come get you, okay?"
"Okay. Thanks Donna."
"Alright. Take care." Donna told her, and then hung up. She still had a really awful feeling in her stomach about the situation. She didn't want to leave Carol alone with John if he was so angry or there was a possibility he would get angry again.
Josh and Donna remained in awe of Audrey and Katie as they both together tried to cheer up Ella. Their daughters could help Ella the way they couldn't – by just being a kid with her. Ella needed to be comforted, but she also needed to take her mind off of what was happening. She was safe now at the Lymans', and now a couple of hours later, she was beginning to relax a little.
"So your grandmother actually gave you a book about table manners?" Ella asked, smiling, as she help up a book Josh's mother had given the girls when they were about seven years old. Knowing that they were going to be growing up in the public eye, Mrs. Lyman gave the book to them as a gift before an important dinner they were to attend. The Book of Manners explained exactly how to act and what to say at a variety of formal settings from how to order food, to how to use your knife and fork.
"We were only seven. We were probably the most ill-mannered children of politicians ever. Dad's a little rough around the edges at times, and mom and grandma both said we had tons of bad habits from him." Audrey explained as all three girls sat on Audrey's bedroom floor.
Ella began to flip through the pages with an amused look on her face.
"How to place your silverwear when you have finished a meal." She announced the title of one section.
Audrey sat up in perfect posture and painted a 'better than thou' look on her face as she began to read.
"When one is finished with a meal, one should place the knife and fork parallel to each other at a 5 o'clock angle." She said in a snobbish voice. She turned the book around to show Audrey and Katie the picture, using her other hand to gesture towards it.
Katie and Audrey were both giggling and Audrey got an idea.
"I wonder what the proper way is to pick your nose in public." Audrey thought out loud. The other two started laughing as Audrey stood up and took on a proper stance.
"Is one needs to pick one's nose, one should nonchalantly bend down at the table. When one is out of others' sight, one should thoroughly insert the pointer finger into each nostril and cleanse it of any mucus. One may choose to wipe it on the table cloth, the chair, or on the nearest waitress."
They were now all red with laughter, and Ella sought to continue, joining her friend in her snobbish stance.
"How to fart politely: If one has the urge to break wind, it must be done inconspicuously. One should carefully lift one cheek approximately half an inch off the chair, and when no one is looking, gently release the air from the buttocks. Carefully take a whiff to make sure it is not deadly. If the stench is noticeable, promptly blame it on the person next to you, provided it is not someone of high importance."
Katie and Audrey were rolling on the floor at her performance and they all continued to make jokes and laugh for the next few minutes.
Back in the living room, Josh and Donna were privately discussing the new situation at hand. Both did not have a good feeling about leaving Carol alone all night with her husband. They had finally decided that Josh would go over to the Parkers' house and confront John about the situation. He would find out Ella was there eventually, and Carol should not be the one to take all the anger. With Josh there, he could try to talk him down and he could actually defend himself if things got violent. They decided not to tell the girls Josh was going over there, but were planning on bringing Carol back if they needed to.
Josh Lyman nervously pulled into the Parkers' driveway, dreading this more than anything he ever had in his life. He wasn't sure how John was going to react, but he was prepared to pull out a can of whoop-ass if he needed to. Carol and Ella did not deserve to be treated this way.
Josh knocked three times and John finally came to the door. He seemed calm enough as he opened it and saw Josh standing there.
"Josh? Is there a problem?" He asked immediately. Josh had to admit that lately, when he'd seen Mr. Parker, there had been a problem with Audrey. She'd been acting up a lot lately and Josh had been at their front door numerous times over the summer.
Josh sighed heavily. "Yes, there is."
"Come on in." John said as he opened the door wider. Josh inferred that he still must not know that Ella was not here. Josh couldn't imagine having no contact with either of his daughters while they were at home for that length of time. That was just one of the many differences between him and John Parker.
John led Josh to sit on the couch and Josh sought to explain what was going on.
"John, you may not know this, but Ella came over to our house tonight, a couple of hours ago."
John immediately looked down the hall to his daughter's bedroom, which was closed, but the light was still on.
"What? She's gone?"
"Yes." Josh ran his hand through his hair uncomfortably. "John, she was pretty upset." He said frankly.
"She was?" John looked nervous, like a little child who'd been caught doing something he wasn't supposed to do.
"Yeah. John, she said you got mad at her for spilling some nail polish on the carpet, and that, uh, that you ended up hitting her. Is that true?"
John's expression suddenly changed dramatically and he looked enraged.
"Are you accusing me of hitting my child?"
"John, I'm just trying to get the story right. That is what Ella told us and she showed us a bruise on her arm."
"Little liar. She got that bruise playing softball last Saturday. I never touched her."
"Then why would she say that?" Josh reasoned.
"Psh-I don't know. She's thirteen years old, Josh. You know how they are at this age. I'm sure Audrey's made up shit before. You should hear the drama she comes up with."
"Abuse is a very serious accusation, John. It's not something kids generally make up."
"So you're saying that you believe a thirteen year old girl over me?" John acted as if he were insulted."
Josh was about to speak, but then Carol appeared in the hallway.
"John, you need to tell the truth." Carol blurted.
John's head snapped in the direction of his wife's voice and he looked very irritated.
"Carol, what the hell are you talking about? Go back to the kitchen!"
"No, John!" She yelled. Josh had rarely seen Carol so upset, and he hoped that she would help coax the truth out of John. Ella was many things, but she most definitely was not a liar about this type of thing. "You hit your daughter tonight and you know it! Don't try to deny it!"
"You're all fucking crazy!" John yelled, standing up. He turned to Josh. "How dare you come into my house and accuse me of abusing my child! Get out now!"
"John…" Carol started.
"Shut UP Carol!" He screamed. The look on his face scared the hell out of even Josh.
"John, you do not tell your wife to shut up." Josh said as calmly as possible. "She deserves your respect."
"Josh, you need to shut the hell up too! Who the hell do you think you are barging in here accusing me of all this shit! You think you're some big time Senator but you don't know shit! You can't even control that psychotic ass daughter of yours."
Josh never took anyone talking trash about his family, especially his kids. Anyone who knew Josh Lyman would not be surprised that the next thing he did was slam John up against the wall and barked in his face.
"Talking shit about a thirteen year old girl, John? THIRTEEN YEARS OLD! Who the fuck do you think you are? And hitting your own daughter and your wife! How the hell are they supposed to defend themselves! You fucking piece of scum!"
Josh slammed his head into the wall again a little more forcefully this time, thinking of all the pain he must have caused Ella and Carol tonight and God knows when else. Then he threw him to the floor in frustration and towered down over him.
"You cannot be trusted. Not around MY daughters, YOUR daughter, or your wife. Get your act together, asshole. Carol, come on. We're going back to our house."
Josh didn't say much on the way back to his house. Carol sat sniffling and shaking in the passenger seat, still trying to process what had just gone on. He felt so bad for Carol that she had such a shitdick for a husband. Carol was such a wonderful, giving person and she deserved so much more.
When they reached the Lymans' house, Josh could tell that Ella had figured out where he'd gone when she came rushing out the garage door when they pulled into the driveway. Like his daughter Audrey, Ella was never one to cry much, so when he saw tears streaming down her face, he felt his heart tighten in his chest a little more. Thirteen years old. She doesn't deserve this.
Carol all but jumped out of the car and had barely had time to put her feet on the floor when she was pummeled by the sobbing mass that was her daughter.
"Momma!" She screamed into her mother's shoulder. Carol felt she couldn't offer much comfort herself as she felt like a quivering mush of emotion and. Her instincts took over and her problems soon vanished in the face of her daughter's pain.
"Shhh…I'm here now. It's okay. Dad's at home. He's not coming, okay?"
Josh had been trying to politely give them space as he stood off to the side, but watched them intently. This type of moment was not meant to be had on someone's driveway, so he finally went over to the huddled mass and gently suggested they go inside where they could all talk.
Ella would not leave her mother's side for the next couple of hours, clutching tightly to her arm, still looking terrified, but comforted that her mother was there. Everything was okay as long as her mom was there. Exhaustion soon took over Ella's body and she slowly started drooping and collapsed on her mother's shoulder, her legs tucked up closely to her body. Carol gently stroked her daughter's hair as they sat on the Lymans' couch. When her breathing had finally slowed down and she knew her daughter was sleeping, Carol silently signaled to Donna and Josh that she needed to get up. Donna helped ease Ella down to a lying position as Carol sneaked out from underneath her. Josh had wisely gone to retrieve a blanket and pillow from a closet and returned to cover Ella with it and prop her head up on the pillow. There was no need to move her to a bed now – she was exhausted and would most likely sleep like a log. Katie and Audrey had long since gone to bed, both settling in Audrey's room. Whenever there was some huge emotional spillover, the girls seemed to set aside whatever was going on in their lives and clung to each other. When Josh peeked his head in to check on them, he found that both had curled up in Audrey's bed, a tight fit, but they were offering each other the support they needed. Josh smiled and closed the door quietly.
He joined his wife and friend again in the living room. Carol was watching her daughter sleep peacefully after such a huge emotional ordeal. Carol knew what had gone on, and the Lymans had not even heard the large chunk of it. She knew Ella had probably told them the argument erupted over some minor incident, like spilling a drink at dinner, but that's not what had really gone on. Carol knew that Ella always tried her best to protect her. She didn't know how much or how little to tell people – they were trying to keep up the façade that they were a normal, relatively happy family, but they were far from it.
"Did something else happen, Carol?" Donna asked her. Donna had figured out that something far more complicated was going on beside a blow up about a relatively minor thing like spilling nail polish. It didn't seem to add up to the huge emotional blow Ella had been through. Donna had suspected that Ella had been abused before by her father, but she had never seen Ella so upset. Donna had seen her after such incidents, but this seemed to be on a different level.
Carol continued to stare at her daughter for a few more moments and finally sighed and looked over at Donna.
"I've know for weeks, but Ella found out by accident today and John just lost it."
"What is it?"
"Ella came home from soccer practice a little early and found her dad with…another woman."
Josh and Donna both gaped in surprise at the realization. They weren't totally surprised at the news – John had always seemed the type that would do something that stupid, and he had finally done it.
"He's having an affair?" Josh asked, already knowing the answer. One of his hands was now rubbing his mouth in disgust.
"Yes." Carol said quietly, ashamed. "I…I don't…"
She was interrupted by Donna quickly moving beside her, throwing her arms around her as she started sobbing again.
"Oh, Carol, I'm so sorry." Donna whispered.
"Me too."
Carol pulled away and wiped her eyes.
"So John was of course furious at Ella and that's why he hit her. Several times. He slapped her across the face and she fell down and then he punched her a few times on the arms."
Josh felt his blood begin to boil again in disgust for John and pain for Ella and Carol. How could anyone even think about doing something so awful and hurtful to people that he loved? Josh could never imagine even thinking about doing this to Donna and his girls. That fucking monster. He wanted to go straight back to the Parkers' and punch John right in the face, but that would come later. Right now, Carol and the sleeping Ella were the only things on his mind.
And she takes another step
Slowly she opens the door
Checks that he is sleeping
Picks up all the broken glass
And furniture on the floor
Been up half the night screaming
Now it's time to get away
Pack up the kids in the car
Another bruise to try to hide
Another alibi to write
Another ditch in the road
You keep moving
Another stop sign
You keep moving on
And the years go by so fast
Wonder how I ever made it through
And there are children to think of
Baby's asleep in the back seat
Wonder how they'll ever make it
Through this living nightmare
But the mind is an amazing thing
Full of candy dreams
And new toys
And another cheap hotel
Two beds and a coffee machine
But there are groceries to buy
And she knows she'll have to go home
Another ditch in the road
You keep moving
Another stop sign
You keep moving on
And the years go by so fast
Wonder how I ever made it through
Another bruise to try and hide
Another alibi to write
Another lonely highway in the black of night
But here is hope in the darkness
You know you're gonna make it
Another ditch in the road
You keep moving
Another stop sign
You keep moving on
And the years go by so fast
Silent fortress built to last
Wonder how I ever made it
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