Mairen

by Fiannalyn also Fianna

the elves struggle with their fate after the war of the ring.. and who will continue their leadership among men... or follow the elves and leave middle earth to it fate...

13. Return

Title: Mairen- A Life Once Lost

Author: Fianna

Beta: Julie

Rating: Strictly Pg in this chapter – as for the rest.... Hmmm... it may get very interesting...

Warning: None, other than you might wish to strangle the main character when you're done..heheh..

Chapter 13: Return

The wind fluttered the long strands of Mairen's hair, heavy with the moisture picked up from the sea; it buffeted her, pushing her back onto her hands as she sat on the shore, staring out at the storm-tossed waves that rolled toward her, bleak and dark, almost angry.

The surf crashed onto the sandy beach, wave after relentless wave, pounding onto the shore with a deafening roar. Mairen lifted her chin, allowing the sting of the salty breeze to caress her face. She felt the thrill of the force before her, the strength and power the sea carried onto shore.

She carefully wiped the salt that clung to her eyelashes, watching another wave curl toward her, shivering as it slammed the sandy beach. Mairen knew she wasn't really here; she was somewhere in the city of Caras Galadhon. But the sea was too real and the spray stung, dampening her cheeks. She pulled another loose strand of hair back, and rose to her feet, sinking into the damp sand as the water rushed around her ankles.

Where was she, and why? She looked into the grey sky. It loomed overhead, dark and gloomy with the threat of rain. Just like how she felt, full of anger and despair. Why? She had no idea, only that the emotions suddenly raged inside her head as strongly as the ocean roared to shore. She rubbed her temples and then froze, her hands still touching her forehead, when a voice spoke behind her.

"Why are you angry?" the voice asked thoughtfully.

Mairen turned around, leaving the waves behind her, and found only the wide expanse of beach in front of her. "I am not sure," she answered vaguely; she really didn't know why she felt so frustrated. "Where am I?"

"That is a good question," the voice replied. "I cannot answer, for what lies here is a product of your mind. It is very... interesting."

Mairen narrowed her eyes against the wind, pulling back the hair that swept over her face and caught in the corner of her mouth. "Where are you?"

"Open your mind and you will see."

She blinked, and looked back over her shoulder. The sea continued to roar, grey and angry, matching her emotions. She took a deep breath, calming the fury inside her, and faced the beach again only to find a large forest instead, gleaming in the sun, its leaves gilded gold. Silence surrounded her for a brief moment as she looked back to find the sea gone and then the birds began to chirp suddenly and the drone of insects whirred around her. It was magical, beautiful, yet underneath hummed a sense of the anger she'd felt.

"Where am I?" Mairen asked again, vainly searching the trees for a body to go with the voice in her head.

The shadows shifted. The trees faded into a golden haze and then disappeared altogether. White light blinded her and Mairen covered her eyes. The light went out and she lowered her hands and looked around. She stood in a wide hall, a great cavern of such beauty it took her breath away. The ceiling above her glowed brilliantly, a myriad of colors; all aspects of the rainbow seemed imbued into the panels of the roof. The floor was pristine white, yet reflected the radiance of the colors above her, sparkling beneath her feet. On the far walls hung large intricate tapestries, so realistic they looked almost like windows on a moment in time.

It was tantalizing, too beautiful for words, and yet Mairen felt uneasy. Would this too fade away into something dark and terrible?

"It could if you were to imagine it so. The world changes with your perceptions, an aspect of your body I find most intriguing," the voice replied again, but nearer this time. Mairen whirled around and found a body for the voice.

What he was she could not say at first. His height was that of the elves, but yet he was not, although his ears had a slight point. His hair hung past his waist, a shimmering white that made the silver of the Lórien elves look dull. His eyes were a deep blue, a riveting azure gaze that swept all other thoughts from her head.

"I am Oromë, Huntsmen of the Valar. You have come to a realm that none of your kind has ever seen. It is a rare privilege, Mairen of Rohan."

"Valar?" Mairen gasped. She stared at the vast hall again. "Why am I here?"

Oromë lifted a silver brow. "Why do any come to the Halls of Waiting?"

Mairen took several steps back. "Then I am dead? The merging did not work?"

Oromë's head tilted slightly. "Merging? What is there to merge, child. You are who you are. Seothlindë is no more than what Mairen is right now. You are one and the same. You know this."

Mairen folded her hands behind her back, and frowned at the tiny smile that curved the Vala's lips. "I don't understand."

"Your body lies abed in the realm of the Lady of Light; it waits for your mind to heal. It is time to go on. Mandos has decreed it and we have made it possible. And so, you go back." He lifted his hand, but paused when Mairen cried out.

"Wait!" She took a step forward and then stopped abruptly when Oromë's looked down at her with a frown. "I still don't understand," she said. "Please . . ."

"You have many questions." The woman who spoke seemed to appear out of thin air, insubstantial for a brief moment and then she seemed as real as the tall Vala next to her. She was exquisite, tall and haughty with golden hair that was coiled on her head and fell in curling tendrils over her right shoulder. She wore a gown of sheer white, simple yet elegant as it draped across her body. "I am Vana."

The woman acknowledged Mairen's bowed greeting, while Mairen wondered if she'd been lax in not greeting the first Vala as well. She straightened to find the two were staring at each other as if conversing, yet she heard nothing. They turned to her, both so regal, reminding her of the Lady of Light. "How do I come to be here if I have not died?"

"But you have."

Mairen rubbed her temple in confusion and then looked up at the Valar. "When I was Seothlindë I died."

"Indeed," Oromë said with another frown. "And it is why you are here."

Mairen sighed softly, vainly trying to understand as Vana held up her hand to keep her from speaking. "You have been brought back to the Halls of Mandos, as you are truly an elf in fëa, to regain your memory of your death as Seothlindë. It was tragic ... and unexpected," Vana reflected. "But it is important for you to remember it. Your emotions of that day are reflected here."

Mairen shuddered as the anger grew in her mind again. "You did not have a hand in my passing?" she blurted, then covered her mouth in horror at her audacity.

Vana looked startled. "Indeed no, we had great plans for you. It was a sad day."

Mairen gazed at Vana; the Vala seemed truly distressed. "But you did have some effect on my life? You must have."

Oromë's expression was not amused. "She interfered where she should not have." The tall Vala ignored Vana's haughty glare. "She indeed changed the course of your life, hoping that your path would join with another's, but we cannot control everything that happens on the mortal plane."

"Haldir did not cooperate." Vana sighed, and then smiled in amusement. "The elf exasperates even the most patient. Had he allowed his interest to grow, things might have been far different. But that is not important now."

"But why?" Mairen spread out her hands. "What did you intend for me to accomplish?"

Vana frowned, a grey shadow falling over her face. "We hoped to prevent an event foreseen, but what we hoped to be..." she shrugged, her hands falling to her sides. Oromë's disproval was tangible, radiating out from him in a definite aura.

Oromë and Vana looked at each other and then turned toward her. "What we intended for Seothlindë has been passed on to you as Mairen. Your death was a shock and we were unprepared," Vana admitted. She stepped closer, lifting a hand to brush the hair from Mairen's face. "But we chose well. Your strength of heart and determination gave us new hope. You will remember this moment now." The Vala swept out her hand and Mairen felt the image of her death slam into her head.

The Valar had brought her here, to this very hall, weeping at their feet. She had knelt, battered and in agonizing pain, but it did not matter. She was dying yet she had struggled to hold on to the whisper of life still within her body. She begged them to let her go back, to wake alive even if injured terribly. They refused. It was too late. She'd wept, fraught with an overwhelming horror that she was leaving something undone, something so important she'd do anything to go back.

The Valar had refused. But then Vana had paused, her eyes distant as she grew silent. She had turned to Oromë, their conversation silent but heated as Seothlindë watched them with a growing sense of hope. The Valar turned back to her, Oromë's expression full of reluctance, but Vana had smiled. She offered another alternative, one of great difficulty. They could send her back, but in her new life she would not be an elf, but a mortal. She would have to learn from her past, a past that would be hidden from her deep within her mind. She would have to become more than what she had been. Her fate and the one who had been tied to her would be in her hands once again. If... she succeeded.

Mairen found herself on her knees, shaking with the memory of her anger and desperation.

"I begged to go back? And you allowed it, in a way that was never done before, why?"

Oromë sighed deeply. "You were sent back to learn from what you had been, and to fulfill the destiny to which your soul was linked. We hoped in the body of a mortal, you would understand truly the wealth that the mortal races give to the lands of Arda, and rejoice in their being. Your purpose relied on your acceptance of others. Had you not learned to have such an open and honest heart, then you would have never have come to Haldir's aid. Many men do not concern themselves with the elves, nor other races, and would have left him to die."

Vana knelt next to Mairen as she curled over her knees, elated yet disheartened. "I did what you wanted, then. What you foresaw. I saved Haldir from death, and he needs me no more."

Vana gripped Mairen's chin, forcing her to meet the Vala's gaze. "That is not true, Mairen. You saved the elf and more. It is up to you to decide what you will do now."

"You are sending me back?"

Vana smiled, resting a white hand on Mairen's shoulder. "You never left, Mairen. Only your mind is now free. You are one. Live fully and with fervor. We will meet again some day."

Mairen straightened but the light grew brilliant, hurting her eyes, and she had to cover them with her arm. When she pulled her arm away she found a pair of silver eyes staring at her instead.

"Mairen?" Haldir whispered, kneeling beside her on the bed.

Orophin handed his long bow to another elf as they passed under the tall gates to the city. The elf bowed, touching his heart, but Orophin barely noticed, loping quickly down the wide path into the depths of the city. He'd been gone too long. Something was not right. He could feel it deep inside.

He had to find Haldir.

He leaped up the stairs two at a time, heading for his brother's talan near the pinnacle of the city. He had gained several levels when he spied Rúmil leaning on a railing overlooking the city. He headed over to speak with him.

"What has happened?" Orophin searched Rúmil's face with concern.

Rúmil glanced up toward the higher talans and sighed. "Mairen lies abed. It has finally taken place."

Orophin stepped back, running a hand over his face. "Haldir is involved. Is he worried?" He lifted a brow when Rúmil's lip curved up in a small smile.

"Worried? Orophin, he is nearly incoherent. He blames himself."

Orophin reached out, gripping Rúmil's arm tightly. "Blames himself? Why? He knew she would have to go through this."

"He didn't expect to be the trigger, Ori."

Orophin scratched his head. "Rúmil, I have just returned from three weeks on the border. I have no idea what you mean."

"Lammas, brother. You know what often happens at the festival." Rúmil smiled slightly. "She and he were together, and the next morning Haldir found her nearly unconscious and in terrible pain."

"Did she know it would happen?" Orophin asked with a frown.

Rúmil returned his stare. "Haldir said she mentioned it. And he feels he pushed her into it."

Orophin smiled. "If I have learned anything about the Rohirran, it is that she is not pushed into anything easily."

Rúmil nodded, but his gaze remained troubled. "I doubt she realized what the magical effects of the Lammas festival could really do. It concerns Haldir, and he has sat at her side for days now. I fear what he will do if she does not . . . pull through."

Orophin settled next to Rúmil, leaning on the railing. "I have felt his despair and more. Something comes and I fear what it means, Rúmil."

Mairen blinked several times, and then reached up to touch Haldir's cheek as he leaned over her.

"You look tired," she whispered.

Haldir stared at her for a moment, and then sat down on the edge of the bed with a gruff laugh and ran his hand over her hair. "Indeed?"

Mairen shifted, with effort rising up on her elbow to gaze at him. "I am sorry if I worried you. How long has it been?"

Haldir wanted to say too long, but he checked the words, instead rose to cross to a table to bring back a small glass of water. He helped her drink and then pushed her back onto the bed, pulling the blanket over her shoulders. "A full week and for the last three days I thought you near death."

Mairen eyes were rimmed with dark circles. "I could have been. But I was given a choice."

Haldir sat on the edge of the bed again, studying her. "A choice, Mairen?"

She ran a hand over her eyes, rubbing her temple, a habit she'd begun long ago. He hoped she was not in pain. "Not now, but the last time I was there."

Haldir leaned closer, pulling her hand from her temple to stroke his fingers across her brow. "There? When you were Seothlindë?" He could feel her pulse, throbbing beneath his fingers, reassuring him he wasn't dreaming. She was really awake and alive. She reached up to grasp his fingers, pulling them from her head.

"I was in the Halls of Mandos. The Valar allowed me to remember. I had begged them to let me go back, no matter how. And so they did, but in a mortal body, and they took away the memory of my past. I grew up believing I was only a Rohirrim child, yet . . ." She seemed at a loss for words. "But somehow as I grew older, I had that same feeling I had something important to do. Do you remember when I told you about my life?"

Haldir smiled. They had talked of it when she had first arrived, hoping to find some clues to her visions. He nodded, and her lips curved in response, but her eyes seemed far away, lost in her memory.

"I was determined that my brothers would include me. I would be a part of them, and equal. They wouldn't leave me out . . . or alone. I think part of that was because of how lonely I was as Seothlindë. I had rejected the other children, and as a result I was alone. I didn't want to be that way again." She closed her eyes tightly; squeezing the fingers she still held unconsciously. "So much of who I am was because of who Seothlindë was . . . and was not."

She opened her eyes, and they shimmered as she blinked rapidly. "Did it make a difference, Haldir? I know it did because I was there when you needed me. It was what they hoped for."

Haldir pulled his fingers from her grip, wiping a tear that rolled slowly down her cheek. "Then why do you cry, Mairen?"

She reached up to wipe away another tear but he caught her hand, trapping it in his. Her eyes seemed haunted as she slowly lifted her gaze to his. It gave him a chill, deep inside his heart. He lifted her hand to his lips, feeling her tremble. "What is so terrible that you look at me so?"

Her fingers were cool in his hand. "I am afraid of what I now know, Haldir. I cry because I have to make decisions I do not want to, and what I must choose to do. I am afraid of what my people will think. Will they accept me? Will Eomer allow me to rejoin my brothers or will I be an outcast?"

Haldir frowned. "If they do not, then you must choose another path. You can remain here, perhaps?"

She frowned, and her eyes shimmered again. "But I do not belong here either. I am not an elf."

"Not in physical form, but your soul is."

She pulled her fingers from his hand. "I feel like there is something I am missing. An important piece I have not yet remembered. The Valar do not control everything. We were connected, you and I, so that I could help you. I did that."

Haldir lifted a dark brow. "So you think that ends our tie?"

She looked away. He could see her jaw clench. Did she truly believe that? He caught her chin, gently pulling her to look at him. She was growing tired, her face pale again. "I do not believe our path ends now, Mairen. Do you think I would have loved you that night as I did?"

She blushed and pulled away, her lips trembling. "I fear I do not remember much, Haldir."

He cursed the Valar under his breath. "So they have taken the memory from you. I do not know why. But we are as one, no matter that you do not remember. I can remind you." He bent forward but she lifted her hand to his lips, holding him back gently. She took a deep breath, and then pushed against his chest, her hands splayed across the tense muscles.

"I must go back to Rohan, Haldir."

The chill deepened inside his heart. He'd sensed her reserve, anticipating her decision. But he was certain she would return. He would wait. "You will go if you must."

She searched his face, her eyes growing moist again. "I don't know how long."

He smiled wryly. "For an elf, time is inconsequential. You will learn that soon."

She closed her eyes with a tired sigh, but then gazed at him sadly. "I cannot imagine. I don't expect you to wait. I can't be sure what will happen."

He wanted to gather her into his arms, caress away the fear and pain that darkened her eyes still. But he felt her hesitation. He understood she was still searching. Soon she would realize she belonged with him. She sank back against the pillow, clearly too weary to speak further, and closed her eyes. In a moment she relaxed in sleep.

Haldir leaned over her and kissed her cheek. "I will feel the same, Mairen. Do not doubt that I will wait."

Orophin and Rúmil reached Mairen's talan just as Haldir opened the door. Rúmil waited as Haldir closed it quietly behind him.

"She has awakened?" Rúmil asked softly.

"Aye and now sleeps." Haldir rubbed his chin wearily. "She needs more rest."

"Is she well?" Orophin looked into Haldir's silver eyes, noting they were calm, yet he could still sense something beneath the composure, something Haldir was adept at hiding. He was afraid. What had Mairen said to him? Orophin moved aside and the three began to walk along the wooden path among the trees.

"She seems well enough," Haldir stated. Rúmil glanced past the warden, meeting Orophin's troubled gaze with his own. Haldir stopped and turned to Orophin. "You are concerned about something. I can feel it."

Orophin folded his hands behind his back, considering the nagging feelings that had plagued him for days. He had thought perhaps it was Mairen that had brought the sensations, but the niggling doubt still lingered in the back of his mind. If anything, it was stronger than before.

He glanced at Haldir, knowing his brother was far too perceptive of any of his warden's emotions to pass off his concerns as nothing. He drew in a sigh, exhaling in a rush of words. "I've had a terrible uneasiness of late, Haldir. Something is going to happen and it won't be good."

Haldir said nothing for a moment, only arched one brow slightly. Orophin knew Haldir never doubted his sense of intuition. "You do not think it had to do with Mairen?"

Orophin bit his lip, sorting the feelings in his heart. "No. I thought perhaps that it was, especially when Rúmil told me she lay abed and was near death. But she has awakened and the uneasiness persists, stronger than ever. I do not know what it means. It confounds me. I have not felt this much concern in a long while."

Haldir's chin rose as he gazed at Orophin. "Does it relate to me? Is it like how you felt before Helm's Deep?"

Orophin closed his eyes. Was it? No, he was sure it was not because of any battle. It centered on Haldir, but was more personal and tied to them as well. The fogginess of the feeling frustrated him. Whatever it was, Haldir would face it as he always did, warning or no. Courageous to a fault, his brother would face death if he felt honor demanded it. He would do the same. It was just the way they were.

Orophin shrugged his shoulders. "It is most frustrating, Haldir. I cannot pin down just what I should be concerned about. That's why I thought at first it was about Mairen, with her being Rohirrim. But I know now it's not."

"Perhaps you need to seek out the Lady. She might be able to give you some insight," Rúmil suggested. "She can guide you and help you find your answers."

Orophin nodded distractedly. "Perhaps. But I can't help but feel this may change us all."

Mairen slid her feet to the floor, testing her weight, and then stood, arching her neck to ease the stiffness in her spine and back. She'd lain abed far too long. A week since she awoke and she had finally gotten permission from Celeborn to rise. She clenched her fist, staring at the slim fingers of her hand. Empty for too long, it was high time she returned to what she was, a warrior. She crossed the room slowly, her legs tingling from disuse, and sat on the edge of the window sill, pulling aside the delicate silk that fluttered beside her head. The leaves outside her window rustled in the soft breeze, their golden textures catching the light and reflecting it onto the wall beside her. Below her the walkways teemed with elves, elegant and refined, gliding to where ever they going with such grace that it made her sigh with delight. Was she like that? Did she carry any of the inherent gracefulness the elves embodied, or was it lost amid her mortal body, the bulkier Rohirrim bloodline that she now was? She sighed, knowing it was only one of hundreds of questions crowding her mind.

She shifted, leaning out the window to feel the smooth leaf of one of the Mallorn; it was soft, yet strong, resisting her touch to spring back to the branch that held it. Had she resisted her own roots? How to meld all the thoughts and knowledge that lay inside her head, how best to use what she now knew? She must find the answers, but aside from that, she had to face what she had been avoiding.

She loved Haldir, far more than Seothlindë had, although perhaps with equal passion. Yet in contrast to Seothlindë's determined set of mind, Mairen didn't know if she was meant to be at Haldir's side. He had revealed his heart, and she knew that was rare for him. How had it all become so muddled? Would he truly wait, and was it fair for her to ask him to? She felt the weight of these thoughts pull at her heart. She had to go back. Her life as it was waited for her. She couldn't just leave her brothers behind. With the knowledge she now remembered she could help her people. She had to return to what she knew best. It was her duty; she was a Rohan Shield Maiden more than anything else. How could she forget that?

She closed her eyes. Could she bear to know that she might hurt him? Shivering, she wrapped her arms around herself and heaved a deep sigh. It was all so frustrating. She was not going to muddle over it any longer. The time for such worrying was over and what would be would be. If she was meant to be with Haldir, then the Valar would make it so. They might deny their interventions, but Mairen had a sense they were more involved than what they had revealed. She slid away from the window and walked to the tall wardrobe, throwing open the carved wooden doors to stare at the few garments that hung there. With a smile, she drew out her tunic. She was going home.

Orophin drew the tall roan from the stall, his gaze not on the horse but rather on the stall further down the stables and the Rohirran warrior that stood there in silence.

"She has missed you."

Mairen pulled her gaze from Epona; the horse was pointedly ignoring her. "Really? She doesn't seem to care that I am here." Mairen smiled, knowing Epona too well. "She is paying me back for not visiting enough." She reached over the stall to caress the sturdy Rohirrim mare. "Epona, I would have come if I could, you know this."

The horse answered by stepping away from the stall door, effectively distancing herself from Mairen's touch.

Mairen sighed, and chuckled softly. "I suppose I could borrow one of the Galadhrim mares. I am sure they would be most happy with the exercise."

Epona shook her head with a snort and the roan's brown eye blinked at Mairen. She smiled mischievously and turned toward Orophin.

"I think I will need another mount," Mairen said, and then ducked quickly as Epona swung her head, her nostrils flaring with outrage.

"Oh, didn't like that eh?" Mairen laughed, catching Epona's mane as the horse leaned over the stall door, the horse's hot breath warming her cheek.

Epona jerked away, but then gently rubbed her head against Mairen's shoulder. "I was only joking, you know." Mairen rubbed the horse's silky nose. "I would not dare replace you with any other, dear Epona. We are going home."

Epona whinnied loudly. Mairen stared, lifting a thin brow. "But I thought you would be ready to leave. Don't you miss the plain?"

The horse shook her head again. Mairen narrowed her eyes, hearing Orophin chuckle as he saddled his horse. She opened the stall door, moving to Epona's side. "We must go back, Epona," she whispered softly and wrapped her arms around the tall roan's neck.

"Epona seems to think you should stay."

Mairen stiffened; Haldir's voice sent both ice and flame along her nerves. "She must like her accommodations. I would think the stables of the Rohirrim could not be surpassed by any, but perhaps I was wrong."

Haldir leaned on the stall door, clad in his warden's tunic. Fully armed, he was at his most imposing. "Perhaps she knows more than you think," he said.

Mairen's heart thumped madly. The night they had lain together was only a fuzzy memory, a fact she found highly frustrating. She knew they'd been together, yet she could hardly recall it at all. Was this an effect of the magic of that night or did it have to do with her merging? She did not know. And yet perhaps it was best that she did not remember, for she could not miss or yearn for what she couldn't recall. She gently slid on Epona's bridle, using the action to give her more time to respond to Haldir's statement. "She is only a horse," she said at last.

Epona snorted, tossing her head and jerking the bridle from Mairen's hands. She grabbed the leather straps with a sheepish grin and patted the horse's neck. "Sorry, I didn't mean it like that, Epona." When she turned to face Haldir, Epona rested her head on Mairen's shoulder. "Whatever Epona thinks she knows matters not. She will rejoice once she feels the wind in her mane once again."

Haldir stepped back. Shadows played over his face, the sunlight streaming in through the glass panels of the stable roof to light his gray eyes, making them glitter. He opened the stall, allowing Mairen to lead Epona out of the box. "Will you forget the wood as soon as you remember the feel of the wind?"

Mairen ducked under Epona's neck to face Haldir. "I will not forget the wood, Haldir. How can you think that?"

Haldir moved closer, lifting his hand to brush a gentle touch along her jaw. "I don't know what to think when it comes to you, Mairen." He settled his fingers on her lips, making her tremble. "I can only hope you do not forget me so easily."

She closed her eyes for a moment. Forget him? Imposing as he was, she had seen a softer side of him. "I will not forget you, as you well know. Do not make this harder than it is, Haldir."

The March Warden's brow arched slightly. "Why not, dear Mairen? I would hope that I could change your mind."

Mairen pulled back. "You know you cannot."

Haldir dropped his hand, his face becoming inscrutable. "Indeed."

He stepped away, allowing Mairen to draw Epona out into the stable yard, followed by Orophin with two horses. Mairen gathered the reins, and felt Haldir's strong hands at her waist as he assisted her onto the tall roan. She settled into the saddle, watching as he leaped effortlessly onto a Galadhrim mount, a beautiful pale horse of light tan, with a mane that hung past the horse's chest.

Orophin gripped her knee, his blue eyes troubled. "I have told Haldir, but I would tell you as well. I have a bad feeling that something is going to happen. You must take care."

Mairen felt her eyes widen as a chill swept down her spine. "Does it concern Haldir?"

Orophin glanced over his shoulder at his brother, who watched them patiently. "I do not know, Mairen. It eludes me, but I know it comes soon." The elf patted her knee with a last look and easily mounted his horse. Although the Galadhrim rarely rode, the elves seemed as comfortable in the saddle as any Rohirrim, raised and bred among the wild stallions of the plain. Mairen admired their form as the two rode ahead of her, their silver hair glittering in the dusky light of the forest. She urged Epona forward, followed by several more elves, into the city.

The trees shadowed the path, and alongside her elves appeared, watching her as she rode silently behind Haldir. He greeted the few who stepped forward, and she knew they were curious about her. How much had Galadriel told her people? Mairen had often wondered. She had not had much time to socialize among the inhabitants of the Golden Wood; the Lammas festival had been the first time she had been able to really mingle among the elves. It brought to mind the two male elves who had last delayed her, reminding her of the one elf who had seemed so familiar.

As if her thoughts had a magical effect, he appeared alongside the path, stepping forward to speak to Haldir. Mairen studied him, sorting through the multitude of memories inside her head. She leaned back in surprise when he turned toward her. Elweth. How could she have forgotten? Behind him Loriel stepped forward, but Elweth moved past Haldir to pause at her knee.

"Greetings, Mairen." he bowed his head slightly and pressed a kiss to her hand as Mairen leaned forward.

"Elweth, I remember who you are."

The elf started slightly, his face growing pale. "Indeed?"

Mairen frowned as he lifted his gaze to her. "Aye, and I must apologize."

Elweth dropped her hand and stepped back. His grey eyes were guarded, his expression carefully controlled. "Apologize, for what? I came to do the same; my actions during the festival were unkind."

Mairen leaned forward to rest her arm on her knee. "I do not mean I remember you from Lammas, but from a day long past. It is that which I apologize. I used you unkindly and would ask your forgiveness for playing so cruelly with your heart."

Elweth's eyes widened. "Then you are not now what you were then."

Mairen sat up, noting Haldir had turned to glance at them. "I would hope not." She sighed, rubbing her temple, a habit she had yet to break from her illness. "I can only trust that I can make it up to you someday."

Elweth's lips curved in an ironic smile. "I would not have heard Seothlindë speak so gently. It eases my heart to accept your apology although none is needed. I chose my path and continued on it for far too long."

"I hope that you can only forgive me for not being honest with you." Mairen leaned closer, Elweth was as handsome as any elf, and she had truly enjoyed his company, although as Seothlindë she never intended to culminate their relationship as he'd wanted. But there was nothing she could do to change the past. She sighed and gave Elweth a nod as Haldir turned around in his saddle. Was she imagining it or did Haldir seem suddenly wary as his glance slid over Elweth. She shrugged it off as just the light and gathered Epona's reins to continue.

Elweth gazed at her for a long moment, as if coming to some decision and then he grasped Epona's bridle as she began to move aside. "Would you wait before you pass through the final gate of the city? I must return to my forge, but have something that I would give to you."

Mairen tilted her head. "I will do as you ask, but I do deserve naught from you."

Elweth stepped back as Loriel moved to his side, greeting Mairen with a wide grin. "I disagree. You will wait?"

Mairen nodded, kicking Epona forward to follow Haldir. "I will wait."

The gate was drawn open but Mairen dismounted alongside Haldir. He handed the reins of his horse to Orophin and then led Mairen around the horses to a shallow walkway raised above the path. Two tall statues graced the platform, stone effigies of past elves, guarding the way into Caras Galadhon. Beside the statues stood Lord Celeborn, who nodded regally in acknowledgement of Haldir and Mairen's bowed greetings.

"You leave us far too soon for my liking, Mairen."

Mairen accepted the strong hand the elven lord held out to her. "I am sorry, my lord. I cannot tell you how much I appreciate your aid."

Celeborn patted her hand gently. "I wish we could ease the thoughts that now plague you, but you must find your own way. I can only hope that you will return, and not forget our realm." The elven lord's gaze flickered toward Haldir, and then his blue eyes returned to Mairen.

The choking sadness that enveloped her chest made it hard to breathe and tears threatened to overflow as she blinked quickly. How could they think she could forget any of them? Mairen stepped forward to embrace the regal elf in a tight hug, ignoring his sudden stiffness as she did so. He had helped her immensely and if all she could do to express her thanks was a simple hug, he would have to accept it. Celeborn chuckled softly, drawing her away from him after a moment's hesitation.

"Only you as a mortal would show such emotion." He smiled. "You are always welcome here, no matter the length of time you stay away, Mairen. Do not hesitate to return or send word if you have need of us."

Mairen nodded, moved by his generosity. "Thank you, Lord Celeborn. You have been too kind."

The elven lord turned to Haldir. "You will take the necessary precautions? We have spoken with Orophin, yet the path remains dark. Galadriel cannot discern what it is that awaits you."

Haldir touched his forehead. "Of course, I will take care."

Celeborn frowned slightly. "I fear the world still bears us ill will. There are many who still follow the path of darkness." He turned to Mairen again. "You still carry the stone. Haldir and I retain the link to your mind. You will find it easier, I think, to use it now."

Mairen felt the stone in her pouch with some surprise. She had nearly forgotten it, had it only been months since she had used it to contact Haldir? "I will keep it close." She turned as Elweth appeared carrying a long package, followed by Loriel leading her horse. Mairen smiled at the sight of Loriel's stubborn expression and Haldir's resigned sigh. Loriel had obviously not been put off when Haldir did not include her in the warden's he had chosen for the journey. But she was glad the elleth was going along; she found Loriel had become a close friend.

Elweth bowed to Lord Celeborn and then sent a wary glance at Haldir. Mairen stepped down beside him.

"I would have you take this." Elweth said, holding out his hands. "It was meant for you long ago."

Mairen accepted the gift gingerly, aware of how Seothlindë had toyed with him. "I can't take this, Elweth. I have no right."

Elweth wrapped his fingers over hers, forcing her to cradle the package against her chest. "I will not take it back. I made it for you, and you deserve it more now than you did long ago."

Mairen felt Haldir's presence behind her and wondered what he must be thinking. Did he know how close she'd been with Elweth? She gripped the silk covering and met Loriel's gaze from where she stood behind Elweth. A sly wink greeted her and Mairen smiled back. She would not hurt Elweth and to refuse his gift would certainly do so.

"Thank you then, Elweth, although I still do not think I am worthy of this." She took a deep breath and unwrapped the covering that encased the gift. Haldir's hand settled on her shoulder as she slid off the silk and gasped at the artwork that lay in her hands. All Lórien blades were similar, long handled curved steel swords with hilts carved from the heart of a Mallorn. She gazed at the sword. It was not light, yet it balanced perfectly in her outstretched hand. The hilt, long enough to be held with both hands was smooth and glossy, hours of care had gone into the shaping and embellishments. The blade itself sparkled, honed to a razor edge it cut through the air without resistance. A deadly weapon and one that seemed indeed made for her.

"Elweth, this is beautiful. I cannot accept it."

"He made it for you, Mairen." Haldir spoke from behind her, his hand heavy on her shoulder. So he knew?

Elweth's eyes narrowed as he met the March Warden's gaze. "Indeed. I made it for Seothlindë long ago."

She felt Haldir stiffen slightly, the hand tightened imperceptibly on her shoulder. "Seothlindë is no more, only Mairen remains. But the sword fits her well."

Elweth's lips curved slightly. "Ah, but that is not true. Seothlindë lives on inside of the mortal."

Haldir stepped past Mairen to confront the smith, the March Warden nearly oozing with arrogance. "I caution you on your next words, Elweth."

The smith bowed his head, but the smile remained fixed on his lips, his eyes glittering stubbornly. "Indeed? Should I fear you, Haldir? You cannot deny that Mairen has qualities of the elf Seothlindë; it is what drew you to her. Her elvish qualities were apparent to you and the Lady from the start, but you did not understand why. I knew who she was. I saw the sign you have not seen. Do you grow concerned, March Warden, that I might awaken the feelings she might have had for me again? You have set your sights on her, yet she leaves the lands of the elves to return to the mortal world. It seems your hold on her is less strong than you would like."

Mairen gasped, horrified at the smith's audacity. Haldir's hand dropped to the sword at his hip, but otherwise he stood unmoving. "The lady returns to her family. Do not mistake her leaving as one of flight, Elweth. My claim is made. Do not speak words you will regret."

Mairen snorted. She stepped forward, but Haldir flung out his arm, blocking her path. She ignored it and ducked underneath quickly. "Stop this. Neither Haldir nor any other can lay claim to me. I am Rohirrim, not Lothlórien." She turned to Haldir as he wrapped an arm around her waist, jerking her back against him. Mairen splayed her hands against his chest in an effort to hold him off, but he ignored her, his voice clipped and icy as he continued to speak.

"Mairen is mine; I speak for all to hear. None shall gainsay me, for it is also the will of the Valar. All know now that the woman Mairen was once the elf Seothlindë. Elf or mortal, she is tied to me and none other." Haldir's face was a mask, his eyes shards of ice. Elweth scowled.

Haldir's arm could have been steel he held her so tightly. Mairen pushed ineffectively against his chest. Elweth had taken a step back at Haldir's words. She wriggled against the arm, and finally at a last resort, stomped hard on Haldir's foot. He was stoic enough to hide what pain he must have felt but his grip loosened for a moment and she broke free, stepping in between the two elves with a furious glare at both.

"I am not a package to be bartered over, or argued about. I am going home, where I belong." She whirled toward Haldir. His jaw was set, the silver eyes dark and brooding, and she felt a warning flicker in the back of her mind, but she pushed it away, disconcerted with both of their words. "I belong to no one, Haldir." She glanced over her shoulder at Elweth; the smith was frowning but his eyes met hers evenly. "No one." She turned and bowed to Lord Celeborn who had watched the whole event silently, taking in the slight twitch that curved his lips. "Farewell, my lord. I will leave your wardens at the border."

Celeborn nodded faintly and then she was jerked around. Haldir gripped her arm, pulling her toward Epona and nearly throwing her onto the horse. "You will leave no one at the border. We will ride with you until we meet either a Rohirrim patrol or arrive at the city of Edoras itself."

Mairen regained her seat, startled by the display of temper in the usually controlled elf. A dark look silenced her objection and then he was leaping gracefully onto his horse and she had only a moment to tuck the Lórien blade behind her saddle before they surged forward, the horses eager to be off.

Several hours later she was still trying to ignore Haldir. The set of his shoulders informed her that he was still angry. Orophin rode behind her, whistling softly, and she turned around to glare at him. She received only an impish smile in return. She turned back to face Haldir's rigid back and sighed in frustration. Why did it always come down to things like this? Was Haldir jealous of Elweth's generous gift? Was it because of the blade itself, or because Elweth had wrought it because of his love for her?

Haldir had not wanted her when she was Seothlindë so why did he seem so upset now? Did he worry that Elweth might have a chance to woo her as he had not before? Mairen wanted to laugh, for it all seemed so unimportant. Then she sobered. It was important. It all tied in to where she belonged. She shook her head, eyeing the stiff elf ahead of her, while behind her, Orophin's persistent whistling was growing annoying. At last she turned around to glare. He shrugged and stopped whistling and she returned to face Haldir's stiff back.

She glanced over her head at the golden leaves that shimmered softly in the light, and felt a wave of sadness sweep over her. How long might it be before she returned to the Golden Wood, if ever? Would she find welcome after all this? Would Haldir welcome her? She studied the elf, her eyes drinking in the broad shoulders and silver hair as it rested against his back. He was everything a woman could want, yet she had to let him go. She closed her eyes for a moment in despair. Was she strong enough?

Orophin brushed past her suddenly, moving to ride beside Haldir. They spoke softly, an undertone of concern lacing their voices as she watched. Orophin sighed and then looked back at Mairen with a frown. "Be on guard. Whatever is to befall you draws nigh."

Haldir dismounted when they reached the border of Lórien, speaking quickly with the patrol guard there. He turned to Mairen, grasping Epona's bridle tightly. "We will spend the night on the border here. I will not travel after dark in the lands of the Rohirrim. There are guard flets where you can rest."

Mairen frowned. "There are several more hours of daylight. I can see well enough in the dark and I know you do too. I don't want to stop." She took a deep breath as Haldir's lips tightened to a thin line, his eyes becoming a dull gray, hard and unmoving. She shrugged and slid off Epona with a curt, "Fine, we stop." She patted the horse as Epona whickered, and then allowed one of the other elves to take the roan. She followed Haldir into the trees, and then waited for a moment as a ladder dropped down from above. In a few moments she was once more amid the branches of the Mellryn, and surprisingly, alone with Haldir.

"Where did Orophin go? And the others? I would like to speak with Loriel."

Haldir drew a tall screen along the edge of the flet, blocking a chill wind that ruffled the strands of hair along her cheek. "They will find other accommodations."

Mairen felt her fingers twitch nervously. She'd not been alone with Haldir since the festival, not awake and on her feet. "That's really not necessary. There is plenty of room here for Orophin and Loriel."

Ignoring her, Haldir went to a small chest near the trunk of the tree and opened it, withdrawing several goblets and a flask of wine. He pulled out a thin blanket and glanced up as she continued to look at him. "We have some things to discuss before you leave Lórien."

Mairen crossed her arms over her chest. "We've said all there is to say, Haldir."

He rose, dropping the blanket so that it fell back into the chest. In two steps he was in front of her, imposing, intent upon her in a way she'd nearly forgotten. A wisp of memory nagged inside her head, and she slid her gaze to the lips that were set in such a tight, hard line. He was still angry with her.

"Why are you disturbed, Haldir? We have spoken of this before. I must go home."

His answer was a strong hand gripping her chin. "And I will lead you there. But you deny what your heart feels. Why? Do you find my attentions so unwelcome that you would disgrace me in front of my people?"

Startled, she tried to pull back, jerking her chin from his hands. "I did not do that! I only stated I am my own person. I will decide my fate. Not you, nor any other."

Haldir's arm slid around her waist, pulling her roughly against him. "You pledged your love to me the night of Lammas. Was I only a tool that you used to accomplish what you knew must occur? Have you played me as you once played with Elweth?"

She gasped in outrage. "How can you think such a thing? I did not use you!"

Haldir's hand pressed against her back, forcing her to mold against him. She fought against the fire building in the pit of her stomach, fought against the sensations of his thighs against hers, his hips molded to her."Tell me then, Mairen, what it was you felt that night? Have the Valar truly stolen it from you? Or do you lie about that? Do you not remember what you felt?"

She was drowning in sensation, the feel of his body washing away her retort, the stark questions in his eyes wiping away her anger. A fragment of memory brushed her mind of a heady kiss that had made her knees weak.

She struggled to gain control of her thoughts; the heated recollection had ignited a response deep inside her heart and her body. But she pushed it away as she pushed against the rock that was Haldir, trying to ignore the smoldering gaze that pinned her own. "I wanted what you did that night," she insisted breathlessly. "And I gave myself willingly."

Haldir's sword bumped her hip, reminding her he was still fully armed, as was she. What had she wanted, what did she still want? She closed her eyes, knowing it would only lead to heartache. She could not accept that her role was here. No, she had a duty to Rohan. Her life was there, not here as an elf. She drew back, quenching the fire that burned in her heart, refusing to yield to it. Perhaps it was better this way, if he thought she'd used him. He could forget her, and she could then return to her old life, knowing he was free of her. Haldir's fingers raked through her hair, pulling it out of her braid. She struggled to free herself, and backed away as he loosened his hold on her waist.

He tossed the hair tie over his shoulder, his jaw tense, his eyes drilling through her. He would not force her, nor hurt her; she knew it as well as she knew her name. He had far more subtle ways of getting what he wanted. But she couldn't succumb to his seductions. What was only a dim memory, feelings so muted she could hardly recall what they felt like, must remain that way. She could not leave him if she were to lie with him again. She could not.

He stalked toward her and Mairen back up several steps to bump into the screen on the edge of the flet.

"Haldir, do not come closer."

"You said you loved me, Mairen."

She wanted to weep, knowing she would hurt him. "I know I did."

He stopped and clenched his fists. "Did?"

She could not deny the truth. "Yes, I did love you."

Suddenly, he seemed made of stone. "And now?"

She shrugged. "I don't know."

"That's not a good answer."

Mairen bit her lip; for his sake, she had to go on. "My feelings that night were laid before you. But I don't know what I will feel today or tomorrow. Too many things lie before me. The Valar have taken the memory of our night and I do not know why. You must forget me, Haldir. I am going to return to Edoras and I do not plan to return soon, if ever."

"Why?"

She could not gaze into the silver eyes, knowing what she was throwing away. "I am Rohirran. I am not an elf. I will not live forever, Haldir. Go back to your people, and leave me to mine."

She felt him stiffen, heard a tiny intake of breath. "You don't believe that. Not after all this. You did not go through all this pain to remain mortal."

She wanted only to curl up and die. "Believe what you will, but I am no more elf now than I was a year ago. My task is over. You will need me no more."

She watched his face grow pale, his expression cold and unyielding, the warrior elf she had first seen. The one she had instantly fallen in love with. He gave her one last look and then spun on his heel, disappearing so silently into the branches of the tree it seemed almost like he'd never been there.

But he had, her heart knew it. Mairen sank to the platform dully. What had she done?

They reached the borders of Rohan with little to note; the rocky plain stretched out as far as she could see, rimmed in the distance by the mountains, the city of her King hidden by the far rolling hills and valleys. She was nearly home, and felt like crying. Haldir stood holding his horse, the wind whipping his silver hair around his face, and he absently pulled it aside as he spoke quietly with Orophin. Loriel appeared and crouched down next to her.

"The plains are windswept as always. I do not see how you can love this land as you do. It is barren and cold."

Mairen glanced at the slim elleth with a wry smile. "Barren? Nay, Loriel. Much life lives among the rocks and crags of my land. As you love the mellyrn, I love the grassy plain. It is the land of my birth and part of my blood."

Loriel stood slowly, her blue eyes trained on the far horizon, her hand resting on the elvish dagger strapped to her hip. "Nay, it is the land of your birth, Mairen, not of your blood." She turned as Mairen rose. "You deny what lies inside your heart in hopes to ease the pain for you both. It will not work. Your harsh words to Haldir will only serve to haunt you. Do not leave him, Mairen, with such words between you."

Mairen stared at the waving grasses, undulating in the wind. "I cannot, Loriel. He must go on without me, as I must go on without him."

"You are a fool. You give away what few have even dreamed of."

Mairen turned to Loriel. "I must do what I feel is right. Someday perhaps I will regret it, but for now it seems my only choice."

Loriel shook her head sadly. "He loves you like no other. It will be many years before he looks upon another, if ever. He is not one to love, Mairen. I thought I told you this."

Mairen felt the strain of keeping her expression neutral grow almost impossible. "I never meant to hurt him, Loriel. Things have changed. You must understand."

The elleth shrugged elegantly, brushing aside her long silver hair. "I do not understand, nor does he. But as much as you deny it, you are an elf. It is evident in the sheen of your hair and the grace with which you move. More so now that you have melded into one, Mairen. Your life as you knew it is over, and now you throw away another without clear thought. Again I say do not leave with such anger between you and Haldir."

Mairen reached out, but Loriel moved away, toward her horse. In the next instant, Haldir approached with Orophin and they were soon mounted, riding once more into the rocky plains of Rohan.

Orophin's sense of foreboding had grown overpowering the previous night, and Haldir's expression—or lack of it—told him much. He now knew that Haldir's peril would not come from an arrow or sword, but from one far sharper and more agonizing. Mairen. What had she said to him? Their words had been private, but finding Haldir sitting at the base of the mallorn the next morning boded ill for the two. And Orophin's head swam with the harsh clang of forewarning. But what could he do?

Today the feeling had returned and Orophin reeled in his saddle. What more would his brother face? He glanced at Mairen, noting her stiffness. He would have to speak to her, try to understand what she had done.

He dismounted as Haldir halted, sliding off the tall horse. Mairen frowned, gathering Epona's reins tightly.

"Why do we stop? There is nothing here."

Haldir sent her a brief glance and stalked away while Orophin drew his horse close to hers. "We are near the place where Haldir was ambushed. He wishes to pay his respect to the elves he lost."

Mairen's face flushed red. "Forgive me, I had forgotten. Of course."

Orophin stepped back so she could dismount, noting the way she watched Haldir closely. He reached out and touched her shoulder, drawing her attention. "What have you done?"

She dragged her gaze away from Haldir. "I've done what I had to do, Orophin. He has to forget me."

Orophin wanted to shake her. "Why? Do you realize what you do?"

She glanced away, plucking at Epona's saddle. "I know I've hurt him. But I can't help it, Orophin. I don't want to, but I have to go home."

Orophin glanced at Haldir; his brother was striding rapidly through the grass and nearly out of sight. "Go home, yes, but not forever." He tightened his grip on her shoulder as she tried to turn away. "Have you not understood what you have become? You are no longer a mortal, Mairen. You can deny it, but the signs grow more obvious every day. You are an elf, Mairen, and that makes you immortal. You can return to Rohan. You can stay there for years and watch your brothers live with families of their own. And what will you do? Will you marry one of the Rohan only to watch him grow old and die while you remain ever young?"

Mairen twisted out of his grip, her eyes bright with unshed tears. "No, I won't do that. I will never marry."

"Why?" he persisted.

"Because there could never be anyone else but Haldir," she snapped, and then gasped as though she had shocked herself with her words. Orophin tamped down his anger, but did not release her.

"So you do love him," he stated.

"Of course I love him. But I have a duty to my own people, no matter that you say I am an elf. I am also from Rohan, with responsibility to them."

Orophin let go and stepped back. "You consider that more important?"

Mairen drew away and turned toward Epona, resting her forehead against the horse's neck. "I can help them, Orophin. With what I know now, with the skills I have. I can be much more than I was. How can I not aid them? What I want is not important."

Orophin sighed. "That is not true. What of Haldir? Do not shut him away, Mairen."

She was clutching the horse's bridal tightly, but Orophin drew her away from Epona and wrapped his arms around her, feeling her tremble. "I have to do this," she whispered. "And it is not fair to make him wait."

Orophin brushed her hair back from her head as Loriel drew alongside. "He will do what he feels is right. But you have to speak to him. Do not leave such anger between you."

Mairen pulled back, rubbing her hand across her eyes. "I will talk to him." She met Orophin's gaze evenly, although her eyes were still bright with moisture. "But I cannot promise I will come back."

Loriel handed Orophin the reins to his horse. "She will be back, if Haldir has his way." She gave Mairen a stern glance and then mounted her horse as Haldir appeared on the crest of the hill. "He is a storm that will calm. The storm rages but soon quiets to peace."

They made camp in a steep hillside, sheltered beneath a large overhanging rock. Mairen paced the stony ground beneath the ledge while most of Haldir's wardens spread out to scan the land around them with eyes trained on the far horizon. She cursed the delay, another hour staring at Haldir was another hour she doubted her sanity, and her decisions. Haldir simply ignored her, facing the plain, cold and unyielding. How could she approach such a block of ice? And what to say? Mairen kicked the rocky soil, scuffing the toe of her boot even more. She sank down, picking up some loose stones only to toss them at her feet in despair.

A trilling whistle, a bird call that was not of the plain brought her back to her feet as Haldir glanced over his shoulder to look at her.

"Rohirrim patrol."

Mairen smiled weakly as her heart plummeted inside her chest.

The Rohirrim, unaware of the elves keeping tabs on their advance, nevertheless felt something amiss and were fully armed, lances drawn and held ready as they charged over the plain.

Haldir watched them carefully, waiting until the horses were nearly past him before stepping out onto the ledge. The horses veered instantly around, the leader's lance sending a glancing shaft of light into Mairen's eyes as she joined Haldir on the ledge. The precision of the horsemen, their effortless control of the stallions beneath them thrilled her. This was her life, her place. She waved as the horses charged forward, noting with excitement that it was Renny's patrol that came to a thundering halt not ten feet from Haldir.

Ten feet with lances pointed warily at the tall elf.

Renny stared at Haldir, his bearded face taut with strain as his gaze met the March Warden's. It seemed like eternity before he relented and moved it to Mairen. Was she such a stranger that he beheld her so coldly? Mairen watched as the Rohirran dismounted, and behind him another did as well, but then she was leaping off the rock and running toward the outstretched arms of her brother.

"By God, Mairen, we thought you surely dead, although the lady sent us word you fared well." Renny lifted her up, gazing into her eyes with concern, and then hugged her so tightly she felt her spine crack. He released her to hold her back and then she was being whirled to face one she thought would never see her again. Willem's blue eyes were alight with laughter, his brows arched as he stared at her in amazement.

"I can see you, and you look awful."

Mairen punched him soundly, earning her a laughing grunt and another bear hug. She wriggled out of his grasp, pushing the once blind warrior back to view him more fully.

"You can see, Willem?"

The Rohirran grinned, rubbing his jaw as he stared at Renny. "Aye. Not as well as I did, but well enough after a year of seeing naught."

She stared at Renny. "But how?"

Renny simply snorted and laughed. "Ask Willem."

Mairen whirled again to face her other brother, aware that the rest of the Rohirrim had dismounted but stood back. Willem turned from greeting Haldir, releasing Haldir's unenthusiastic handshake so he might clasp Mairen's face in his hands.

"I guess I can thank Rolfe for taking his anger out on me and not you." The Rohirran laughed again, a welcome sound to Mairen's ears. "He and I disagreed on whether it was a good idea to send you to Lórien. Rolfe was certain you would never return, or if you did it would be without your heart." Willem's glance slid over his shoulder to Haldir who remained behind them. He leaned closer to Mairen. "Or return carrying a wee one if naught else."

Mairen laughed shakily. "Silly, I am coming home as I was. But that does not tell me how you regained your sight."

Willem scratched at his beard, his blue eyes twinkling in the sunlight. "Well, we had a bit of a scuffle, see."

Mairen folded her arms. "A scuffle? He would take advantage of you? You were blind!"

Willem scowled fiercely. "Blind, yes, but not an invalid and unwilling to listen to the horse's ass snivel about you turning into an elf or having elven children." He glanced warily again at Haldir, and Mairen noted the elf's eyes had narrowed dangerously. "But the last straw was his talk about Haldir. The elf has done nothing but aid you and Rolfe's scorn for him was unjustified. When he said the elf hadn't any more balls than a . . . well . . ." Willem coughed, and gave Mairen a sheepish grin. "So we scuffled on the King's steps, and I was, well, knocked off."

Mairen knew her eyes couldn't get any bigger. "Knocked off? The steps?"

Willem shrugged. "Nay, the platform."

Mairen gasped. "It is a hundred foot drop on the far side! Don't tell me he shoved you off! You could have been killed!"

Willem laughed. "Nay, I landed on a narrow ledge about twenty feet down. It was an accident, Mairen. I was blind, after all."

Mairen rolled her eyes. "He should have known better."

Willem's gaze slid back to Haldir. "But was he right?"

Renny's hand settled on Mairen's shoulder as both of her brothers gathered close. She gazed into their faces. Both were expecting an honest answer. "I am not with child if that is what you worried about." She frowned, aware that she could have been, but knew that Haldir had somehow prevented it. The memory slid through her mind, leaving a aching sense of loss. "I am coming home so that should tell you everything."

Renny gripped her chin, his leather gauntlets rough on her face. "It tells me nothing and sounds more like you evade the answer."

She blinked, knowing them too well, knowing they would not back down, and even perhaps go to Haldir for answers. It was better they got them from her, for there was no saying what Haldir might tell them. She pulled Renny's hand from her chin. "I love Haldir. But you will say nothing to him about it. I am coming home, Renny."

Willem drew closer, shielding her from Haldir's gaze. "You love him? Then why leave him? Will he not take you in?"

Mairen shook her head. "Quite the contrary. He has asked me to stay, but I cannot."

Renny's head tilted as he studied her. "You look different. Your hair is shiny, and your eyes . . . I can't explain."

Willem pulled on a length of hair that curled under her chin. "Her hair is clean, and the sun glitters in her eyes. But I admit that you are different. You are healed?"

Mairen tucked the stray hair behind her ear. "I am healed."

Renny grinned, revealing straight white teeth amid his beard. "And so what are ye now? Elfirrim?" He laughed at the joke to the dry stares of both Mairen and Willem. With a cough, he shrugged and wrapped his arm around her shoulder. "Can't take any jokes yet, I see."

Mairen sighed, shoving Renny's arm aside. "I don't know what I am, but we can't stand around all day and discuss it." She turned to Haldir, who was staring over the plain again, and caught the slight flicker of his hand, a signal telling her the elves felt something amiss. She caught Renny's arm. "I fear there is danger near."

Renny stiffened and waved to one of the Rohirrim, who ran forward. "How many elves are with you?"

Mairen glanced at Haldir again. "Fourteen."

Renny laughed. "I see four."

Haldir turned to them, his expression just as dry as his voice. "Ten lie outside amid the grasses. Do you doubt her word?"

Renny walked over to face Haldir. They stood nearly nose to nose, the elf slimmer but radiating a confidence the Rohirrim lacked. Renny bristled, but finally stepped back, bowing slightly to Haldir. "Fourteen then. We have forty Rohirrim. Where do you think the danger lies?"

Haldir's eyes did not waver. "We are now surrounded. They only wait for nightfall."

Haldir sheathed his sword. The battle with the Orcs who had planned to ambush a group of elves was, in the end, hardly a battle, thanks to the hidden elves and forty Rohirrim. Arrows had cut down many of the orc before they had come close, and the few who had were now lying dead on the ground. Haldir bent to retrieve several loose arrows while Orophin led the horses toward him.

"The Orcs were ill prepared. I am surprised they thought they could win such a fight." Orophin handed the reins to Haldir, his gaze flitting over the fallen Orcs.

Haldir leaped into his saddle, adjusting the long sword comfortably at his hip. The Rohirrim were all mounted and Mairen sat in between her brothers, her gaze on him. "They saw only the four of us, I am sure. They probably hoped the Rohirrim would leave us. They did not expect to be attacked instead."

"True," Orophin agreed, following Haldir's gaze to Mairen. "Will you allow her to leave without saying good-bye?" The Rohirrim were drawing away, Mairen was arguing with her brothers.

Haldir leaned back into his saddle, a small smile curving the corner of his lips. Orophin looked at him in surprise. "You have made a decision?"

Haldir turned the horses around, signaling for the elves to follow. "Indeed, Orophin. Do you think I would allow her to make my choice? I have not given up. Nay, I have a better way to get what I want. She feels she has responsibilities to Rohan? Then I shall play upon those feelings. She will not escape me so easily."

Orophin's eyes were twinkling. "You have a plan. I can see it."

Haldir urged his horse forward, leaving Mairen behind along with the Rohirrim. "I do. She will not be able to refuse. But I will let her think I am still angry. I have to speak with Galadriel. I am patient, Orophin. The Valar have not drawn us together to let her go now."