I Love Her, I Hate Her

siriusly137

EN: I've gotten into one-shots now, but this is more like a two-shot. Part 2 will follow shortly…Well, thank you for reading! Please review!

For bondariana and tuathail, my fanfiction buddies!

The usual disclaimer, you know how that goes…

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Even her name is perfect. Lily Janet Evans. Excuse me a moment while I say it out loud.

Lily Janet Evans.

Lily Janet Potter.

That sounds even better, if I say so myself. Is it too early to start suggesting our children's names?

Hey, don't say it'll never happen – especially you Padfoot, if you somehow got your hands on this (I curse you, you flea-ridden sneak). It will happen. It would be criminal for it not to, with me being so smitten by her. Smitten, is that even still a word or did it go out of fashion two thousand years ago?

Well, I am smitten. Who says you can't find true love at fifteen? It just took me a lot less time to discover our love than her. But I hope she realises soon – we're too perfect for each other for her to keep hating me.

Lily Janet Evans. I love her.

What isn't there to love? She has long, silky red hair, the most perfectly almond-shaped green eyes, a slim waist and slender legs, and her measurements are so perfect that my arm is just the right height to go around her shoulders without having to move it up or down. She even smells nice. Like – believe it or not – lilies.

Sometimes I feel overwhelmed by her perfectness (is that a word? I'll ask Moony…okay, it's not). Overwhelmed, and possibly overshadowed too. That's right. Moi, overshadowed. Believe it or not, I usually find at least one way that I'm better than someone else, and Lily's the first person I've encountered with whom I can't find a single thing that makes me better. Maybe she's too perfect – even for me. Especially for me. How could someone with her gorgeous strawberry locks ever be imperfect enough to take a chance on a guy with a messy black mop for hair like me? How could those sparkling emerald eyes stand to gaze into my dull hazel, reflected-through-glasses ones? And how could she, with her floral fragrance, ever bare my smell of – well, the less said about that the better.

God, I have so many flaws compared to her. Flaws! I've never noticed them in myself until now. Honestly, I used to like the way my hair stuck up at the back. Now the only way to stop it being that way is to mess it up like I've just been flying. And I'm sure as hell not going to tell Sirius that I'm feeling insecure about my looks…I'll just tell him that messy hair attracts girls more.

Did I say insecure? I've never been insecure before. Why am I now?

It's Lily. Lily Janet Evans.

She's so good she makes me feel bad about myself! That is not fair! It's so – help me out here Moony – undignifying (undignifying? Are you sure, Moony? I think it's getting too close to full moon for you to help my English…) But it is undignifying. How can she do this to me? I was much happier when I wasn't insecure. She's not worth this horrible feeling. She's not. I hate feeling like this.

I hate it. I HATE it.

And I hate the way someone else made me feel like this.

Her.

Lily Janet Evans.

I hate her.