I Love Her, I Hate Her

Dani Wheeler-Kaiba, formerly siriusly137

EN: I cave, I cave…I'm so happy that I can upload my stories again after my major computer malfunctions that I'm updating everything ASAP. I'll regret it once I've run out of material, but anywho…

Part 3! A part I only just realised existed. And – oh no, I'm going to murder myself – would you believe it, it's possible to make it a FOUR-shot! Aaargh! This story will drag on forever, won't it? Ah well…

I think I'm done with James' POV, unless this turns into a 10 chapter thing or something, gods forbid…but this chapter and (if it exists) the next chapter are the thoughts of those around him, noticing his behaviour. This one's Lily's.

The usual disclaimer, you know how it goes…

Thank you for reading! Please review!

Do not freak out, I tell myself. You will find it.

I've lost my diary, so I've had to resort to writing on this piece of old parchment I found in the Common Room. It's gross, it looks like it's been ripped out of a mouldy book. But I have to write, or else I'll go crazy. But I can't stop worrying about my diary – what if Black found it? I happen to know he makes a habit of reading people's diaries and broadcasting the contents to everyone he knows!

Okay, Lily, breath. Just breath. I'm sure I'll find it, but I'm not sure that it will have been kept private by the time I do. Okay, I'm rambling. I'll just write this entry, then hide it in my trunk until I can put it in my diary.

Potter is such a freak. I know I say that every time I write, but it's just so true! He likes me, okay, that's bad enough, but does he have to be so embarrassing about it? The first time he sent me a valentine I thought it was cute, but this year even his friends thought he took things too far. Surely anyone else would have had enough sense to know that I would be fatally humiliated if a singing suit of armour followed me around calling me, 'The Fair Maiden.' Honestly.

Bloody Potter. How thick can you get?

But I didn't write just to complain about him. Well, maybe I did. Sort of.

He's been acting weird for the last couple of days. On Thursday he was his normal, arrogant, embarrassing, pigheaded – I'll stop now – self, but yesterday, Friday, he wasn't. We were (forcibly) paired up for Charms class, and I was terrified that he would find some new way to make me wish I was an inch tall, but he didn't! In fact, he didn't even try and talk to me! I was shocked.

But don't get me wrong! I wasn't disappointed or anything! I was…pleasantly surprised. It was really different to have a day without Potter's annoyances; a lot quieter. Until of course Black made his giant quill chase after me and tickle me! He made a fool of me in my favourite class! I couldn't say which one I hate more, Black or Potter.

Potter laughed at me when that happened. He laughed at me! I couldn't believe it! Normally he would've – challenged Black to a duel or something in order to protect me (sad though that is). He was acting as though he hated me, instead of liked me. I was rather put out by that, obviously, but I always am when I think someone hates me.

He was like that all day. Transfiguration's my worst subject and for the first time ever, he didn't offer to give me private lessons. Unbelievable!

But I did not miss his attention. At all.

I should've known it was too good to last, though. Today he was back to normal again. He decorated the Common Room with streamers that spelled, "I Heart Lily," and he 'borrowed' the megaphone from the Quidditch Pitch to make the announcement to the whole school.

Stupid Potter. At least I know that he'll never change for more than a day.

He shouldn't change, though; no one should change. I tell people that all the time, they should be true to themselves. Even if Potter is an arrogant jerk he shouldn't change that. I think that by turning him down so often though I've been making him insecure and want to change. Which is not good.

I mean, just because I hate his guts doesn't mean he should change. He shouldn't. He should never change.

But I do still hate him.

This was written a lot faster than the first 2 chapters, so I'm sorry if it's not the same standard…please tell me if I should do Part 4, which – if posted – will be from the diary-reading Sirius' POV. Actually, I'm rather setting this up to be a proper story, aren't I? Maybe I should just write another few chapters…

Please tell me your ideas there!