I Love Her, I Hate Her

Dani Wheeler-Kaiba

EN: Okay, now I am in the unfortunate position of having to think of where this story is going and where it shall end. This is where it gets hard…and also where it jumps back to James' POV, in case it's not clear enough.

Thank you too all reviewers so far – you guys rock – and thanks Laura, for saying you wanted to know what happens next :)

The usual disclaimer, you know how that goes…

Well, I am officially confused.

Lily is a weird, weird girl. I thought that after all my observations I knew everything about her, but apparently I was wrong, because she is acting extremely strange and I don't know why. To show the world just how strange she was today, I will show you two conversations. The first is a normal day, when I happen to sit near her at lunch.

ME: Good afternoon, Lily. Have I told you lately that I love you?

HER: Get stuffed, Potter. Just give up already.

ME: (Walks away).

Now compare that to today's conversation…

ME: Good afternoon, Lily. Have I told you lately that I love you?

HER: Yes you have, but I know it's all just a big act.

ME: (Looks confused). I do love you.

HER: (looks like she'll cry and runs away).

I don't get it.

Maybe she got some really bad news from home this morning, like her parents are getting divorced, and she's feeling really unloved or something. Or maybe her sister did something. I happen to know her sister is quite a nasty piece of work. So she was feeling unloved, and told me that I didn't love her because she thinks nobody loves her. That's slightly weird. Girls and their funny emotions, I don't understand them.

But then, that's only the case if she got some bad news from home. I have no guarantee that that's what happened. What else might be wrong…she wasn't angry, so it can't be a mood swing, right? What else can make a girl cry when you tell them you love them? I'm so lost…ah! Here comes Moony, he'll help me out…

…

Moony's reasons why Lily cried and told me I didn't love her:

1. Something bad happened to her earlier.

2 She's trying to make me feel guilty about annoying her so much.

3. She honestly doesn't think I love her.

I don't think it could be any of them, even after what I said about her sister! I've seen people react to bad news, and usually they want all the love they can get. They don't turn down love! And as if she'd be trying to make me feel guilty…I'm James Potter! I don't feel guilty, ever! And AS IF she thinks I don't love her! I've done nothing BUT love her for years! Well, except for that day last week...but that hardly counts.

Maybe I should rip that diary entry out of this book and toss it in the fire, just to be absolutely certain that it hardly counts.

…

Uuuh, is it just me, or am I missing that entry?

Because it's not in here.

James, do not go crazy. You have not lost it.

Then again…

I. Have. Lost. My. Diary. Entry. This. Is. Not. Good.

How can a page just disappear from a book? This is impossible! I mean, I could understand it if the whole book went missing; someone would have stolen it. But just one page…

Wait a second.

Page saying I hate Lily is gone.

Lily saying I don't love her.

I am getting a hunch here, but I really, REALLY hope I'm wrong.

No way. Why would ANYONE, especially Lily, steal a single page from my diary? It wouldn't make sense. It wouldn't happen. Ever.

And it couldn't be that anyway, because at the end of the page it says that I love Lily again. The only way that my horrible idea could be right was if she stole that one page, and didn't even bother to read the whole thing. Neither of which is likely.

Impossible. Two totally unconnected events.

James, do not go crazy.

It's not possible.

James can really put two and two together, eh? And have you noticed that my theme for a lot of the chapters is denial, denial, denial? Just mentioning…