I Love Her, I Hate Her

Dani Wheeler-Kaiba

JAsus – it's been ages since I've updated! But I kept getting inspired to start new stories, instead of completing my older ones…as a result I now have about 5 unfinished stories on my paper…plus 2 on this site…oh well, I'm updating now, and that's all that counts!

Back to James' diary this time…

I love Sirius.

Okay, I only realise now that that looks really wrong. But there's no other way to put it – he is the greatest person alive at this moment! I guess I should explain…

Well, this morning I went downstairs into the Common Room, and Sirius was sitting on one of the couches, writing in what looked like his diary. I laughed at him for a while, because he always says that diaries are for girls and ponces, so that was a pretty good start to the day already. Then, while I was laughing, he said to me, "Yeah, well you'd better stop laughing right now or I won't help you with your love life any more!"

So I stopped, of course, because I had no clue what he was on about. What help with my love life was he giving me? When I asked him, he just ignored me and went back to his writing. I sat over the other side of the room, because I was feeling a bit annoyed with him for keeping me in the dark. A little while later, he stood up, and ripped a page out of his diary.

I asked, "What the hell are you doing over there?"

He just answered, "Saving your life."

I don't like cryptic comments. So I yelled at him for a bit. Not sure exactly what I said – something about him being a stupid dog or something. He ignored me. I think he knows by now I'm not really a morning person.

Then, he carefully put the page he ripped from his diary on the floor, at the foot of one of the couches. Hey, I know that couch – it's Lily's favourite couch! Just so you know.

Anyway. Sirius said to me, "Don't touch that." And he went downstairs to have breakfast.

Sometimes I wonder if he was just trying to reverse psychology me, because if he had said that to everyone in the world, would anyone not touch it?

So I picked it up, and I read it. I was right, it was a diary entry – all about how much I love Lily and how she should give me a chance. Nothing new. But why in Merlin's name did he purposely rip it out and leave it on the floor? Almost as if he wanted someone to find it. But that doesn't make any sense – why would he want everyone reading that? Everyone already knows I love Lily.

…Except her, that is.

I read the diary entry again, and the more I read it, the more I realised it sounded like it was a message directed at Lily. As if Sirius was trying to convince her that I really do love her and I'm not just trying to annoy her. Because at the moment she thinks I don't mean it.

But if she read this…

She knows that I always tell Sirius the truth, and if she reads this, then she will know the truth once and for all! And when she does, she will fall madly and hopelessly in love with me!

When did Sirius get such a good brain?

I never thought he'd think of something so smart. It's so subtle and fantastic!

So I put the diary entry back on the ground near the couch, and I went downstairs as well, knowing that it was only a matter of time before Lily found it.

So far, I haven't seen her today, which is rather odd. I hope she's not sick. Although then I will get to send her flowers. I hope she got to pick up the paper and read it first though.

…Hey, I just had a thought.

Lily's such a nice, polite, privacy-respecting person…so what gives Sirius the idea that she would even read the diary entry in the first place? Wouldn't she just leave it for whoever owned it to come and get it? That's what most nice, polite, privacy-respecting people do…Sirius knows that, because he's the exact opposite. What proof does he have that Lily would read it? Has she done it before or something?

…Uh oh. I just had another thought.

That diary entry where I said I hated her – missing, right?

And now she thinks I don't love her.

And Sirius is certain that if he leaves a diary entry lying around, she will read it.

…

PLEASE tell me what I think happened did NOT happen.

Sirius ripped that page from my diary and left it lying around for Lily to find? She read part of it, and that made her believe that deep down I hate her?

PLEASE tell me it sounds impossible.

PLEASE tell me I'm losing my mind.

…

…

…

…

PLEASE - tell me where Sirius is, so I CAN MURDER HIM!

HIS NEW PLAN HAD BETTER WORK, OR I WILL NEVER EVER FORGIVE HIM!

I'd tell Sirius to watch out, but…well, I'm the authoress. If James wants to kill him, so be it, I say.

And I wonder if Lily will find Sirius' diary entry as wonderful and subtle as Sirius and James think it is?