I Love Her, I Hate Her
Hikari M, formerly Dani Wheeler-Kaiba, formerly siriusly137.
A/N: I'M BACK FROM THE DEAD! MWAHAHAHAHA!
You want to know my big secret explanation as to why I haven't updated in…oh, half a year or so? I'll tell you. It's because I SUCK! THERE! HAPPY?
Also I have had a very busy schedule. Becoming obsessed with Yugioh and then having to rule a country does take a lot of time, trust me. But considering I've actually updated this…you had better all visit my country.
If you did not understand the majority of the last paragraph, please continure as though nothing as happened.
Joey, this chapter's yours. Because you nagged me so much for it to come into existence.
Usual disclaimer and such. Don't know why I still bother with it. I'm writing on does ANYONE get fooled for a second into thinking I'm J.K. Rowling?
And this chapter, I decided to change it a bit. It's from Remus' POV instead of the usual three. Therefore I made my grammar and such a lot better than the others, because Remus strikes me as a very proper-writing boy, doesn't he? Of course he does. I'm always right.
Enjoy!
One lesson that life around James and Sirius has taught me is, don't get involved. Unless you want to seriously endanger your wellbeing.
But I give in. I give up. I AM getting involved in this, because it's so frustrating to watch those two make idiots of themselves all the time. And even Lily's clueless as to what's going on. So isn't it only fair that I do them all a favour? Sirius and James are smart, but their plans are really terrible – did they honestly think that faking a diary entry would fool Lily? So now I have to make my own plans to help them all out.
They're lucky that someone here has brains!
Okay, I'll write down my course of action here. Nothing works unless it's thoroughly planned (as two certain stupid people I know should have found out), so here we go.
Step one: Talk to Sirius. Tell him to keep his nose where it belongs because it's been proven that he only makes things worse. I still can't get over that…a fake diary entry… and if I'm not mistaken, it was him tearing up James' diary that led to this whole fiasco in the first place.
Step two: Hit Sirius, for reasons mentioned above.
Step three: Tell James what to do about Lily. By that I mean, nothing. He has to completely back off for a while. Not necessarily ignore her or anything like that, but he has to learn to treat her normally. Even if by some miracle they did get together, Lily would break up with him straight away. She wouldn't be able to put up with the constant love sonnets and flowers in the Common Room and marriage proposals…
Actually, I'm not sure how she puts up with it now.
Either way, he needs to treat her like a person, not a porcelain doll.
At least for a little while, anyway, because then she'll start to miss the attention, and she'll realise she liked it. Sure, you might say that she'll be happy to have him out of her life, but I don't see it that way. There's never any harm in a good old-fashioned love-hate relationship, is there?
That's what it is. There's no doubt in my mind that deep down Lily likes James; she just needs something to bring it out. Hence comes my involvement. Because I'm so nice.
Remind me again why I'm so nice to these people.
Then again, don't.
Step four: Talk to Lily. This is probably the most important step, because I can't trick Lily. With Sirius and James I can just bribe them with food and they'll do anything, but I'll have to be completely straight with Lily.
How best to approach her…this is going to take some serious planning.
POSSIBLE CONVERSATION WITH LILY
Me: Lily, can I talk to you?
Lily: Sure, about what?
Me: James.
Lily: Oh.
Me: What's the matter?
Lily: Nothing, it's just…oh, never mind.
Me: You can tell me, you know.
Lily: Well, it's just that he's been ignoring me. Not even ignoring, really, but not giving me the same amount of attention as usual. He's not acting like he loves me, more as though he…likes me. As a friend.
Me: Is that a bad thing?
Lily: Yes! Well…no, I guess not. I mean – of course it is! I mean – I don't know.
Me: You want to know what I think?
Lily: What's that, Remus?
Me: I think you like him.
Lily: What?
Me: I think you do. I think you like him, and you miss him. Can you admit that to yourself?
Lily: …I guess you're right.
There! I imagine our conversation will go pretty much exactly along those lines! Let me reiterate: I. Am. Good.
I'd say I'm a genius, but…well, that's something only Sirius says.
I'll go start putting my plans into action straight away.
Well, it didn't go as well as I'd hoped.
Sure, bribing Sirius and James was easy enough, so I completed steps one and three (I thought better of step two. Or…okay, I chickened out. But have you ever seen someone hit Sirius and live?). But step four didn't exactly go according to plan.
Above is my intended conversation with her. Now I'll write what was actually said.
Me: Lily, can I talk to you?
Lily: Sure, what –
Sirius (who seemed to be on a sugar high from the chocolate I bribed him with): LILY! I CAN SEE YOUR SOUL! IT'S RED! OH WAIT, THAT'S YOUR HAIR! HAHAHAHA!
Lily: Oh dear god…Remus, I swear, I'm going to murder him. Ja- I mean, Potter, too.
Me: Oh. That's…nice.
Lily: Imagine, a world without those two. How peaceful.
Me (not liking where the conversation is going): Yeah. So, can I talk to you?
Lily: Okay. About what?
Me: James.
Lily: No.
Me: No? What do you mean, no?
Lily: I mean, no, sorry, thank you but I'm not interested. I don't want to talk about him.
Me: Oh. Uh…carry on.
And I walked away.
The whole thing was rather awkward, and I got a bit flustered. I'm not made for invading people's privacy and getting involved. Maybe I should leave it to the professionals ahem Sirius cough cough
Or I could always hope that Lily and James don't need anyone's help.
Has anyone tried that yet?
I wrote all this chapter except for the first two paragraphs within half an hour on a Saturday night. I was bored and writing crazy fics for hours, when suddenly I thought, "I'll write this. I think it's been long enough, how hard could it be to write another chapter?"