Disclaimer: see Ch. 1
short i know, but all i could get out, harder now to think of the characters reaction, since so many unexpected things could happen.
Haley
Seriously all I remember is hearing the ringing of the gunshot over and over in my head. The knowledge that someone had been hit or killed sat with me, and the fact that it had happened so close to where we were in the school just terrified.
I have been scared of a lot of things, scared of losing Nathan, of being away from him when I was on tour. Especially when I was on tour with Chris, scared of not succeeding when people believed in me. I remember that night when I was supposed to go on alone for the first time in front of so many people.
It's hard to remember what exactly happened and why it happened, all I know is that Jimmy was scared and feeling rejected and hurt by his peers. I knew him as a kid and I remember a happier kid that was fun to hang out with.
But we drifted apart and things changed, I married Nathan and Lucas transitioned over to the basketball team. Things change, people change. How does bringing a gun to school and shooting people fix your problems, I wouldn't know.
I can only think that in his head, it must have seemed right, but to me it felt wrong. To bring a gun to school and endanger the lives of so many people is horrible.
I could taste blood in my mouth from biting the inside of my cheek, I may have appeared calm on the outside but inside I was quivering like a leaf in a storm, vulnerable and scared.
What happened, really made me think about life and how I've been living mine. I have to learn to take more chances, sure my life has seemed risky so far, I've done a lot for a young person, but as people we are bound by conformity, society expects us to bend and hold back at will.
Freedom is overrated, people preach about it, but no one is really free to be themselves. Jimmy is an example of that. He wanted to be ignored and invisible and instead was picked on and ridiculed. I started high school as a quiet tutor girl and will end it as a married cheerleader, cliches abound.
To be truly free is to be yourself, lying to yourself is to hide and let others walk all over you. Jimmy tried to change that with a gun and look where he ended up. Dead. I know I'm being harsh, but he made a choice and his life ended because of it, maybe that's what he wanted. He talked of trying to kill himself before and not succeeding. What he wanted was to be heard and seen and he got his wish, we will always remember him.
I just want this nightmare to be over. Is it so selfish for me to want to go home and cuddle up with Nathan and make love to reaffirm that we are alive. We're alive and free and can do things that are not bound by society, we're being threatened with a gun, our lives are not in the hands of a confused teenager. We are free in mind, body, soul and heart. I choose life and I choose love and I choose Nathan.