AN: Disclaimer; this chapter deals with themes of suicide. If that makes you uncomfortable, then I would recommend skipping it.

Chapter 9 Somber Sonata Part 2

Now, you would probably think that I was always into music, and I don't blame you for thinking that. After all, why wouldn't you? I have an innate talent for the art. I know all the terminology like the back of my hand, and I have written….about 1,000 symphonies in my lifetime? Yeah.

But, believe it or not, I wasn't always this way. I mean, sure. I found a fascination for the artform when I was about three. Bowser said that when I was that young, I loved to play with a toy xylophone. He said I would often listen to the music intently, way more intently than any three year old had the right to do. But, honestly, I don't remember that. After a certain age, my fascination with the toy just fell away.

So how did I rekindle that flame, you're probably wondering? Well, it mostly had to do with the Frostwall incident.

As you know, it happened when I was seven. I lost control of my powers and destroyed the city in an avalanche. I….sniff...even to this day, I regret it. Sure, I went back and time and fixed it, but...some wounds just never close completely, you know?

Anyway….while I can at least, you know, function nowadays, back when I was a little kid, my grief was so. Much. Worse. I had nightmares. Awful nightmares. I would see Aria's face, I would see the faces of everyone who I had killed. Their blood would stain my hands, still fresh and still red. I felt awful, knowing that no matter how many tears I cried, I would never...NEVER get over it. I'll probably still carry that guilt with me till the day I die.

...

Junior sniffled, to his complete and utter surprise. He had never heard or seen this part of his older brother, because….well, Ludwig never told him about Frostwall. He never told anyone for years. It was a weight that he never should have carried, a burden that needed to be taken away from him. As Junior stared at his brother, who had this faraway look in his eyes, he felt something he had never felt before. It wasn't understanding; Junior could never understand what Ludwig had done, nor what he had gone through. But he did feel bad about it.

"Wow."

Ludwig sighed. "I wish I had never done it. I mean…" he laughed. "Technically, since I went back in time to fix it, I guess you could say I didn't do it. But…" Ludwig shook his head. "I still have the memories."

"Why?" Junior asked. "You could have kept the other timeline."

"I could've," Ludwig agreed. "But everyone else kept the memory of this one. Besides…" Ludwig laughed bitterly. "I would arguably be the same spoiled brat I was before it happened if I kept that timeline. I wouldn't be the person I am now."

Junior nodded. "So...while you wish it never happened….do you still think it was necessary?"

Ludwig cringed a little. "Necessary? No. No death, no loss of life, should be necessary. And I definitely regret it; I will never stop regretting it."

"Hmm." Junior stared down at the paper. "But you clearly matured because of it. You're a good person because of it."

Ludwig smiled. "Thanks. It's...it's a complicated matter, okay? I really don't know how to feel about what happened with Frostwall anymore. I know how I do feel, but I don't know how I should feel, if that makes any sense."

Junior nodded and scribbled that down. "It does. I think I get what you're saying."

Ludwig nodded and waited for Junior to finish writing in the notebook. Once he did, he sighed. "Okay. Now…" he hesitated, looking at Junior with the very definition of apprehension. "Junior, I don't know if I should tell you what happened next."

"Why not?"

"It's...sad. Very sad."

Junior laughed. "Ludwig, I can handle it. I'm a big boy. Besides, it's your story. I can't appreciate it in full unless I'm told the whole thing."

Ludwig hesitated before nodding. "Okay."

...

I hope you never have to feel what I felt, Junior. After I destroyed Frostwall, I couldn't even look at myself in the mirror anymore. I know; that's a cliche statement. But the only reason people say stuff like that all the time is because it's the truth. After you do something awful, you can't even face yourself. The shame you feel is so strong that it threatens to consume you.

And, unfortunately, for about three months after the incident, that's exactly how I felt. I became a recluse. The only person who I interacted with at all was Lemmy, and that wasn't even by my own choice. He just kind of...barged in, for lack of a better word. He saw that I was down, and tried to cheer me up.

But it didn't work. Every time he tried, I just felt like...I felt nothing. I wasn't even annoyed at him, there was a void in my chest where the emotion was supposed to go. I was...empty.

So, I…

…

Ludwig hesiated. He stared at Junior, who stared back at him expectantly.

"Go on. I can handle it."

Ludwig took a deep breath. "Sorry. It's just I haven't told this to anyone, let alone a nine year old."

"Ludwig….I can handle it. I promise."

Ludwig nodded. "I know. But...I don't know if I can handle recounting it. It's….triggering for me, for lack of a better word."

Junio stared. "Triggering? What did you do; attempt suicide?"

Ludwig hesitated before nodding. "Yes. That's exactly what I did."

Junior did a double take. He stared at his brother, his heartbeat speeding up rapidly. "What?" he squeaked.

Ludwig nodded and extended his arm. "I've told people that I thought about it before, but I didn't tell anyone I actually attempted it." He motioned for Junior to come closer. He traced his finger along the length of his arm, where there was a white scar. It was barely noticeable; Junior wouldn't even know it was there if Ludwig hadn't pointed it out. "I got that from a knife. I went down to the Rio Shroom in the middle of the night in Sparksville." He sighed. "I figured no one would stop me if I did it there."

Junior stared into his brother's face, glancing down at his brother's scar. In that moment. he gained what could only describe as a newfound respect for Ludwig. There was more to the closed off Koopa than meets the eye. Even Morton, wallowing in his misery; as far as Junior knew, he never attempted to kill himself.

"How'd you stop yourself?"

Ludwig put his arm away. "Well…."

…

I remember staring at my bleeding arm. As I did, I thought that I deserved what was happening to me. After all the horrible things I did, all the people who died in the incident….this was only justified. I deserved this, as well as any other pain I or anyone else could inflict on myself.

So, I raised the knife again. I was just about to take another stab into my arm. But then, I noticed something. The line I had traced, the skin I had cut….

It hurt. It stung. In the moment, it hadn't, but then...it was the worst physical pain I had ever experienced.

I cried. And cried. And cried. I hurt so much, Junior. I couldn't even touch my arm anymore. I dropped the knife and let the tears flow. I wasn't dying, but I realized that if I hurt this much in the arm, how much worse would I hurt if I stabbed myself somewhere else? Say, the heart?

And then, amidst that pain, a thought struck me. What would happen if I died? Like, what would happen to me? What would happen to my soul? I mean, there are a lot of people who give a lot of theories of what could happen after death. But that was all that they were; theories. The truth was, we had no idea. After all, no one had come back from the other side of death to tell us what it was like.

And that wasn't even the only thought I had. If the theories were correct, what would that mean for me? Would my soul end up in hell? Would I be cast out of paradise? After all I did, I certainly wouldn't be welcomed there.

That's when I got scared. I was afraid of dying. I couldn't die. I wasn't going to die. Sure, I had done terrible things; things that I could never make up for. But I couldn't die.

So, I flew away. I flew and flew and flew. Where I was going, I had no idea. But I wanted to get as far away from that knife as I possibly could. I wanted to get rid of that stinging pain in my arm. I wanted to do something.

After a while, I came across the Mushroom Kingdom. That was when I stopped. I needed to at that point; I felt faint from all the bleeding. I panted as I stood in the grass, my blood leaving droplets on the ground. Once again, I felt afraid. I felt...ashamed.

And that's when I heard it. It was very faint, but I could hear it. It sounded sweet. It sounded chirpy. It was…

Music.

I followed the sound, curiosity taking hold of me. My ears led me to a town; I believe it was Toad Town to be exact. I followed music until I found something I will never forget. It was a Toad. Just a normal Toad. He had a guitar and was singing something on a bench. I remember the song; I haven't heard it before or since, but I still remember it.

The world fades away like sinking sand.

.

But love remains.

.

My friends all left me far behind

.

But love remains.

.

My life is such a mess

.

I don't know what to do.

.

But still I know

.

That this is true

.

That love remains

.

It's the thing that carries me

.

It wakes me in the morn

.

It brought me through life

.

Since the moment I was born

.

If love had a face

.

It would be glorious

.

I would kiss that face

.

And thank it for it's grace

.

For I know that love remains

.

As I listened to that song...something awakened in me. At the time, I didn't recognize what it was, but it had an interesting effect on me. I kept my ears open, I kept my heart open, and let both move me. For the first time since the Frostwall incident...I smiled.

That song, Junior, changed my life. I still shed tears thinking about it. I want to hold onto that song dearly, because...well, it's special to me. I can't describe it but...somehow...on that night...it lodged myself in my heart...and stayed there. And it's still there to this very day.

…

Junior stared at his brother. There was a stillness in the room, but not an eerie stillness. It was...a beautiful stillness. Peace, tranquility. Junior's heart...was moved.

"That….that was beautiful," Junior said as he wiped his eyes.

Ludwig smiled. "I believe so too." He wiped his own eyes. "I wanted to move people as much as that song moved me. So, the next weekend, I asked Bowser to buy me a guiatr." He reached under his bed and pulled out the instrument. "I still use it to this day. I ha e played so many songs on it, but none of them were as beautiful to me as that one song I heard all those years ago." He smiled. "I hope that one day, my music can help someone the way that Toad's music helped me."

Junior smiled and wrote that down. Unlike with his Dad's stories, he didn't write down all the details. He just wrote down the important ones, all while being as vague as possible about the suicide attempt. When he waa done, he stared at what he wrote. While not perfect, it told a tale of triumph. It told a tale of beauty.

He looked up at his brother. "You keep writing songs, Ludwig. We need music as beautiful as yours in this world."

Ludwig grinned, all while tears flowed from his eyes. Junior felt an even greater respect for his brother. He...was amazing.

Knock knock knock

Junior and Ludwig looked at the door. "Wbo is it?" Ludwig asked.

"It's Lemmy. Can you let me in?"

Junior smiled. Awesome! That meant he'd ask Lemmy about his story next! He was so excited!