I don't own InuYasha or any other character…not yet anyway…he he

WHY CAN'T YOU LOVE ME?

Chap 1: The Sting of Moonlight

Moonlight shot through the trees in columns of light to flood the forest floor, its pearly glow surrounding the couple standing in the small clearing. Long ebony hair drifted on the evening breeze as Kikyo reached out her hand and placed something in InuYasha's open palm.

From her place behind a large tree not too far away Kagome's eyes narrowed, her fists clenching at her side as she watched their hands touch, her eyes widening for a moment before her brow creased in a frown. Damn InuYasha! She ought to go over there and … She blushed, and what?Admit that she had been spying on them? She had no business being here. She should just turn around and…… Once again her thoughts were cut short but this time by the pain that slashed through her as she watched InuYasha's free hand come up to catch Kikyo's before she could pull hers back. Their eyes met and Kagome heard InuYasha whisper Kikyo's name, almost as if it was a prayer, before enveloping her in his arms.

Kagome swallowed the hurt cry that threatened to escape her, her fingers digging into the tree as her legs threatened to collapse beneath her. She averted her eyes, staring at the bark beneath her hands and trying to blink back the tears that welled. What was she doing here? This was nothing new. InuYasha loved Kikyo, she knew that. These past four years she had seen them together many times and but now something seemed different between them, more intense. This pain inside her was her own fault, her punishment for loving someone who could never belong to her. She should leave, she should…..her thoughts trailed off as she once again raised her eyes just in time to see InuYasha claim Kikyo's mouth in a passionate kiss, a small object falling from his hand where Kikyo had just placed it.

"No," Kagome chocked, watching it glitter and sparkle as it caught the moonlight, landing on the soft grass by the lover's feet. She closed her eyes in disbelief for a moment. No, no, no. It wasn't fair! The last piece of the Shikon Jewel. Leaning her head against the tree she squeezed her eyes shut. She needed more time! More time to make him… Kagome raised her eyes to the couple, a sick feeling rolled in her stomach and she pushed away from the tree, blindly stumbling through the dense forest.

Make him what? What did you think was going to happen? That he would wake up one day and realise you were the one he loved all along? that he could never love Kikyo the way he loves you? Is that what you wanted? Was that your hope? Kagome cringed as each question slung cruelly through her mind. Those things, they didn't matter now,it was all gone; every shred of hope that she had held inside her…..it was dead. With the last piece of the jewel InuYasha didn't need her any more; she no longer had a reason to stay here. He didn't want her, he had Kikyo. The image of their embrace slammed through her mind making her cringe, her stomach rolling. There was no reason for her to stay. It was done. Finished. They had defeated Naraku and now with the last piece of the jewel, this story was finished. It was time for her to leave. A small sob broke from her, her hands gripping the front of her loose shirt until her knuckles where white. It felt as if every little bit of pain that she had every felt these last 3 years, had bottled up inside her and was now bursting free, filling her chest.

Why, Why, Why, Why? Each word that echoed in her mind also felt as if it was piercing her chest, making it hard for her to breath. Why did it have to be this way? A branch caught the sleeve of her shirt tearing it but she barely noticed. Why did she have to feel like this? Finally at the edge of the forest she collapsed back against a tree staring blindly at the village lights twinkling below, her breath coming in painful pants as a deadening pain seemed to beat in her chest. Why did it have to hurt so much? Slowly she slid down to sit on the ground. Why Kikyo? Why not …?

Kagome bit her lip, tears falling from her eyes, rolling down her cheeks and falling onto the nearly completed Shikon Jewel that nestled against her chest, its wet surface sparkling in the moonlight.

"I love you…" she whispered into the night "Why?" her gaze dropped to her hands laying clenched in her lap, a sob escaping her "Why can't… you… love me?" Another sob escaped her and another until she simply lay down on her side and cried. The gentle night breeze swayed the long grass around her, soothing her as she cried until she had no more tears left.

She rolled over onto her back and stared up at the sky as the warm tears on her face turned cold. She couldn't stay, couldn't face him right now. She didn't want him to know she'd seen, to know how much it hurt her. The stars above her blurred in the sky as fresh tears sprung to her eyes. Wiping furiously at them, Kagome stiffly stood up with the help of the tree behind her and started to walk toward the village.

Soon enough she would have to say goodbye to her friends, to….. She cut her own thoughts off as the pain inside threatened to swallow her whole. She quickened her steps as her mind whirled, seeking for a way to handle this. She would go home and wait. Wait for InuYasha to come for the rest of the Jewel and then she would be prepared. Prepared to say goodbye to everyone and everything that had become her world. Prepared to face InuYasha… and Kikyo.

InuYasha watched as Kikyo disappeared before turning and slowly walking from the small clearing. The calm and contentment he had felt holding Kikyo in his arms was slowly fading. Stopping he looked down at the small jewel shard in the palm of his hand. All these years they had searched for it he had seen it as the answer to his problems but now it seemed to raise even more. Continuing on he thought of everyone's reactions when he produced the final piece of the jewel, in particular he thought of Kagome's. Would she be glad to be finished with it all? Or would she feel the same deadening pain that was beginning to crush him as he realised that this meant the end. Once the jewel was used Kagome would no longer be able to cross through the well. He would never see her again.

He would never see Kagome again. He stopped and stared blankly ahead as the thought slowly began to sink in. It hurt to think he would never see her smile again, feel her arms around him, smell her scent…. InuYasha raised his nose and sniffed…. Kagome's scent. It was faint but he could smell it. From the corner of his eye he saw something pale flutter on the gentle evening breeze. In one leap he landed in front of the small tree and looked at the small piece of cloth that was snagged on a branch. Reaching up he pulled it free holding it in his palm Kagome's scent drifted around him. Tracing the faint pattern on the cloth he realised it was the same as the shirt Kagome had been wearing that day. InuYasha swore.

As she came up to Kaede's hut, Kagome heard the sounds of her friends laughter coming from inside, along with the occasional shout. Stopping just outside of the door, Kagome did her best to wipe the tears away from her face. Sighing she stopped, and covered her face with both hands. They'd know how could they not? It felt as if the pain she felt was clearly written for all to see, still she plastered a smile on her face and entered the hut

"Give it!" came the young Kitsune's voice "I had it first!" there was a slight scuffling sound.

"Ahh ….but as your elder you should have offered it to me," came Miroku's voice. "Besides," he grinned, poking his finger into Shippo's soft belly "you don't want to get fat,"

"Sango," Shippo whined, turning his big eyes her way. Sango sighed and rolled her eyes and frowned at the monk.

"Just give it to him Miroku"

About to respond by popping the last piece of food in his mouth, Miroku stopped as he noticed Kagome in the doorway. Shippo took advantage of his distraction and clamped his mouth over the dumpling and swallowed a triumphant grin on his face.

"Kagome?" Sango questioned worriedly as she stood up and walked over to Kagome noting her red eyes and tear stained cheeks. "What has happened?"

Kagome forced a small smile on her mouth but it failed her and she dropped her head to hide the fresh tears that welled in her eyes moving to the back of the hut to pick up her back pack. Miroku came to stand by Sango, Shippo on his shoulder.

"Kagome….What is going on?" Miroku reached out and stopped her as turned to go.

Kagome looked at her friends and bit her lip. She tried to find something to say, to lie to them and say everything was fine but her voice didn't come all she could do was shake her head pitifully.

"Kagome?" Shippo jumped down from Miroku's shoulder and stood at Kagome's feet his eyes large with worry.

"I….I….can't….," Kagome's voice faltered and cracked as she looked at the concern written on her friends faces "I have to go," she whispered and spun toward the door, running out. Shippo made to run after her but Miroku grabbed his collar preventing him.

"Let go Miroku! Kagome's upset we should go after her,"

Miroku exchanged a meaningful glance with Sango before looking down at the little fox.

"I think Kagome needs to be alone," he said quietly. Shippo frowned in confusion and looked at the door. Why were adults so confusing?

Kagome walked along as quickly as she could go without running, her legs, her whole body felt so heavy as if weighed down by the horrible feeling inside her. She rubbed her hand over her face and tried to forget the concern and sympathy written across her friends faces before it made her cry again. Sighting the well up ahead, she sighed in relief.

"Kagome"

Just a few meters from the well Kagome stopped cold, closing her eyes and bit her lip hard to stop the tears that sprang instantly to her eyes at the sound of InuYasha's voice. Her hands shook by her sides as she heard him step closer. Had he come to ask for the rest of the Jewel? Had he come to say Goodbye? No. Please…I don't want to…not yet deep inside her that small voice whispered what she couldn't just turn an tell him. She wasn't ready to say good bye yet!

InuYasha's hand clenched around the small piece of material still in his hand as he watched and felt Kagome's reaction to him. His heart squeezed painfully as he watched her shaking hands, smelt the tears she had shed. He wanted to hold her, to tell her he was sorry. Sorry she'd seen him like that with Kikyo. Sighing he looked down at his clenched hand, confusion filling his mind along with all of the millions of things he wanted to shout, to say, things he had no right to.

His hand unclenched and he stared at the small piece of material that held Kagome's heady scent. He wanted her to stay, wanted her near him….he wanted her…….. He…... He wanted too much.

He clenched his hand around the material again as the need to go to her and hold her threatened to overpower him. It wasn't fair. He could never ask that she stay, it wasn't right. He could give her nothing and she deserved everything, everything he could never give her. She deserved someone who was free to be with her….to love her. There was only one thing he could give her now. Time. Unfolding the cloth he picked up the small object in the centre and stepped toward Kagome.

Kagome tensed as InuYasha stepped up close behind her. She clenched her hands as they began to shake violently but she didn't turn around, didn't have the courage to look at him and listen to him as he asked for the jewel. She wanted nothing more to run and keep on running so that she would never have to deal with this. A grim smile curved the corner of her mouth. She knew it wouldn't matter if she ran forever, she would never out run this hollow pain that swamped her but she had to try.

Taking a shaky breath she stepped away from InuYasha. His hand reached for hers, grasping it and stopping her from taking another step. Kagome froze, his touch warming the cold that had been seeping into her veins. His fingers twined with hers for a moment, before he pressed something small and hard into her hand closing her fingers around it. Letting go he stepped back and Kagome felt disappointment cut through her as his warmth left her. There was a moment of silence between them as they stood there.

"I'm sorry Kagome,"

She heard a rush of air and the rustle of cloth and knew he had gone but still she stood there afraid to move. The object he had placed in her hand seemed to burn her and raising her hand she slowly opened her palm. A faint pink glow surrounded the small slice of jewel as it lay there. Staring blankly down at it Kagome was startled as the first drop of moisture landed in her palm to be followed by another and another and another until they started to pour down, soaking the shard. As the tears fell down her cheeks Kagome realised that this was InuYasha's way of saying he understood that she needed a little more time. Her hand closed back around the jewel as she realised that it was also his way of saying goodbye to her.