FitzSkimmons were studying in the library on the last day of Easter break when they saw Hagrid slink in like a bull in a china shop filled exclusively with red china, over to a set of bookshelves near the table the three of them were studying at.
Or, FitzSimmons were studying at, at least — Daisy was mostly just playing footsie under the table with Fitz. As for Fitz, he was doing both and very well indeed, having perfected the art of studying while playing completely platonic footsie with Simmons twenty years before at the Academy. But after watching a very out of place-looking given the fact he was wearing a moleskin overcoat — and also, you know, because he was twice as tall and three times as wide as any normal adult, and so twice that as any student, in a completely normal sized library — Hagrid tiptoe like a fat hippopotamus through a narrow row of eggs back out of the library with a book not very well hidden behind his back, the three of them walked over to where he'd been looking.
"Dragon books!" exclaimed Simmons, reading the titles.
"You know, if I can't have a pet monkey, maybe a dragon would do," mused Fitz thoughtfully as he looked at the plethora of books that could teach you how to train your dragon.
"Oh, Fitz," sighed Simmons, shaking her head in exasperation.
"Fitz, I know that AC doesn't enforce the 'no pets' rule when it comes to yourses grandson who may or may not actually get born now since the timelines have been all screwed up, but I think he would enforce it if you somehow managed to bring home a dragon," said Daisy.
"Our grandson?" said Simmons. "He's yours too, even if not biologically."
"Oh, no, no, no — he hit on me for weeks at one point," replied Daisy, shaking her head vigorously. "He's all yours. I'm not taking any blame for that...abnormality of un-nature."
"Thank you," said Fitz as he leaned over to peck the younger girls' lips.
"He is not an 'abnormality'," sighed Simmons with a roll of her eyes at both of them. "I think he's perfect."
"Yes, well, you're the only one," replied Daisy. "Everyone else on the base is glad he probably doesn't exist in the latest timeline."
"While I obviously agree with Daisy, aren't we supposed to be talking about the fact the gamekeeper got a book on dragons?" asked Fitz. "Especially since he told Harry at some point that he's always wanted one?"
"You don't think he actually managed to get his hands on one, did he?" asked Simmons. "Shouldn't that be really hard even here?"
Fitz and Daisy just shook their heads and shrugged, before Daisy said, "If he did, it is definitely against the law — Ronna knows that much about dragons."
They were all silent again for a while, looking at all the dragon books on the shelves in front of them, each lost in their own thoughts, before Fitz finally sighed, "This one of those things we're going to do something about, isn't it?"
"Jemma's going to want to go study it. You know, cuttlefish changing their skin colors with chromatospheres, dragons breathing fire — they're essentially the same thing," smirked Daisy.
"It's chromatophores, and it is a unique opportunity to learn about creatures I can't study in our world," replied Simmons innocently.
"As we both know that telling Jemma not to study some new life form she's been given the opportunity to is completely futile, I suggest we just skip that part and go straight down to Hagrid's like we're eventually going to do anyway," said Daisy, looking over at Fitz.
At his and Simmons' agreement, the three of them returned to their table to pack up their books and return any they'd borrowed to their appropriate shelves, then bee-bopped up to the married dorms to drop off their bags, before finally heading outside and across the lawn to the edge of the Forbidden Forest and Hagrid's hut. Knocking on the door, they noticed all the curtains were closed, but once the gamekeeper saw that it was Harry, he let them in.
"So what brings you to visit?" he asked them.
Simmons jumped straight to the point. "Do you have a dragon in here?"
"Ah — well, er…" replied Hagrid, fidgeting nervously.
"We know you were in the dragon section of the library thirty minutes ago," said Daisy with a roll of her eyes.
"And you have it extremely hot in here, which would make one's mind drift to fire and dragons, and your curtains are completely shut, like you might be hiding something illegal in here and not wanting anyone to see it — something like a dragon, perhaps," added Simmons.
"Yeah, well, I might've won an egg las' night in the village," answered Hagrid, glancing nervously over at the fire. FitzSkimmons immediately scrambled over to the fire to look at it.
Hagrid began rambling on about how to take care of a dragon that he'd read in the book he'd got out of the library, but Fitz and Daisy completely tuned him out, staring dumbfoundedly at the fact they were apparently looking at a real, genuine, dragon egg. Even after all the crazy and alien stuff they'd seen over the years in Shield, a dragon egg still had to be one of the craziest. Simmons, however, was listening intently to everything Hagrid was telling them, while she studiously studied the shell of the egg, the approximate temperature of the fire it was in, and everything else about it she could observe, taking mental notes to write down as soon as they got back to their dorm.
They stayed there most of the afternoon, Simmons asking Hagrid every question she could think of about the egg and dragons in general, while Fitz and Daisy entertained themselves by looking around the gamekeeper's hut, or else just listening to the sound of their wife's voice, even if they weren't actually paying much attention to what she was saying to Hagrid. But eventually Simmons had learned everything she could, and it was nearing suppertime, so they headed back up to the castle, Simmons rambling nonstop to her spouses about everything she had learned and observed about dragons and their eggs as Fitz and Daisy followed along letting her talk away to her heart's content, just nodding along and agreeing with whatever she was saying when appropriate.
~FSK~
A few weeks later, FitzSkimmons were eating breakfast in the Great Hall, when Hedwig brought them a note from Hagrid telling them that the egg was hatching.
Literally — all the note had written on it in Hagrid's untidy scrawl was, 'It's hatching'.
In the couple of weeks since they'd first learned that Hagrid had the egg, they had visited him a few more times for Simmons to continue studying the egg and wracking Hagrid's brain for everything he knew about dragons. She had also made them all read through all the dragon books the library had in order to learn everything they could from those, making them the three most dragon-knowledgable first years in the world, by a lot. But now the egg was apparently hatching, and there would soon be another free dragon in the world.
"Let's go," said Simmons authoritatively, shoving the note in her pocket.
"Simmons, skipping class?" teased Daisy in mock astonishment. "Fitz, this has to be some kind of record, doesn't it? I mean, you would know."
"She only ever skipped class twice in our two years at the Academy," answered Fitz. "Once when she was so sick that she slept through her alarm, and I went by her dorm between classes to find out what was wrong. I woke her up knocking on her door, and then spent the rest of the day keeping her company and getting her the soup and medicine she bossily demanded me to. And the other time —"
"We really don't need to tell this story," interjected Simmons with a sigh, knowing it would do no good.
"— And the other time," continued Fitz with a loving smile at his first wife, "she texted me before our first class of the day to tell me that she wasn't going to be able to make it, so I went over with tea to see what was wrong since she never skipped class and hadn't said in her text what was wrong, just to finally drag out of her that her period was really, really bad that day, so we ended up snuggled in bed together for the rest of the day because apparently my body heat reduced the pain of her cramps — or at least that's the excuse she used to get me into bed with her," he finished with a smirk.
"I was hurting, and it did help," growled Simmons as Daisy burst out laughing, causing several nearby people to turn and stare at her.
"Sorry, sorry, cramps aren't funny," she said as Simmons glared at her until she brought her laughter back down to a mere chuckle. "But you have to admit, the story is kind of funny."
"Of course, I did have to drag her back to her dorm room a few times for coming to class way too sick to actually learn anything, and stop her from going into the lab a few mornings once we were flatmates at Sci-Ops, but to answer your question, it is pretty close to a record," finished up Fitz to Daisy.
"Shut up, you two," growled Simmons standing up. "Or I'm leaving you both here while I go see it by myself."
Fitz and Daisy scrambled up after her, not wanting to miss the hatching of a dragon egg for anything in the world, and especially not for herbology. On their way out, they brushed past Malfoy, who gave them a strange look for leaving the Great Hall in the middle of breakfast before he continued on to the Slytherin table with a shrug, but otherwise no one paid them any attention.
They spent the rest of the morning watching the pre-born dragon crack its way out of it's shelly confines, until it finally burst out into the world, sneezing fire and trying to bite Hagrid's fingers. To Fitz and Daisy's astonishment, Simmons continued to want to stay and observe the dragonlet instead of going to their remaining classes of the day, so it was with very hungry stomachs they finally walked back up to the castle and the Great Hall for supper.
"You know, that thing's going to burn Hagrid's wooden house down really soon," commented Daisy as they sat down to eat.
"It's like watching a train wreck you just can't look away from," added Fitz.
"Yes, but it's such a wonderful opportunity to study such a fantastic creature," said Simmons. "And who knows — maybe when we return, we'll run across some alien creature that's similar to a dragon, and having studied it here will help us know what to do back home to save our world!"
"Pretty sure you're the only one studying, wifey dearest," replied Daisy. "Fitz and I are just watching a disaster blow up in our faces — title of the story of my life: disasters blowing up in my face."
"That is not the story of your life, Quake the Savior of Worlds," scolded Simmons. "But as for the studying, I guess I'll save the world by myself, like I have to every year."
"Just because Daisy or I as often as not create the problem the world has to be saved from doesn't mean we don't help saving it a little as well," replied Fitz, rolling his eyes. "But more importantly, are we just going to stand by and watch while Hagrid gets his hut burnt down and possibly arrested for having an illegal creature? Seems kind of wrong, and not very us."
Daisy shrugged. "It's his dragon, and he'd still be doing this if we hadn't happened to be in the library when he came in to get his book, or if we hadn't ever gone to see what section he was in. He's a grown adult who can make his own stupid decisions — we don't need to rescue him from himself. And I'm pretty sure we're long past 'you can save someone if you get to them early enough'."
"And if we tell someone, they'll probably make him get rid of it, and then I won't be able to study it anymore, which is the whole point," added Simmons.
"Anyway, how can all of the teachers completely fail to notice that he has a dragon in his hut?" continued Daisy. "It's going to be huge in no time, I'm really not sure how he's going to keep it hidden in his hut even if it doesn't burn it down for a few weeks, and honestly the rest of the teachers themselves are to blame if they pay so little attention to their fellow staff member that not a single one of them can tell something a little odd might be going on to bother going down to his hut at some point to check on him. The three of us are just three innocent school girls who happened to notice something that only one of us actually knew is illegal, and technically we don't even know that for sure, as for all we know he has permission from whoever gives permission to have dragon eggs and hatch them. I'm pretty sure he doesn't, but we don't actually have verifiable proof of that. And while I don't want anything bad to happen to Hagrid either, or to any of the other students here if the dragon gets loose, the headmaster's already sent seventy students straight towards the last known location of a troll without any adult protection or supervision — us not telling anyone about a dragon that they should be observant enough to already know about or at least learn about soon on their own certainly isn't any worse than that."
"And let's not forget about Maggie, the giant three-headed dog sleeping in a corridor that could be unlocked with a first year spell," added Simmons, reaching over and rubbing Fitz's shoulder comfortingly. "When you really stop and think about it, a dragon in Hagrid's hut is actually pretty low on the list of dangers apparently considered normal at this school, and it's not our responsibility to protect people from themselves."
"Okay, you guys are right," sighed Fitz. "It just felt like we'd drifted a little bit away from being the shield we're supposed to be, but you're both right — this isn't our problem, and it's not a direct threat to the public at the moment."
"It's just because you have such a kind heart," said Simmons softly, leaning over to hug him tightly. "You're the most open, loyal, caring person I've ever met and you always want to help everyone you can. It's why I fell in love with you, remember?"
~FSK~
Over the next week or so, the three of them continued to return to Hagrid's hut every other day to watch him raise his baby dragon.
But even through her great desire to learn as much about the creature as she possibly could, Simmons was still smart enough to keep to the opposite side of the room the whole time they were there, as Hagrid gushed about his pet and they watched him feed and play with it. And Fitz and Daisy had no more interest in getting overly close to the moody, fire-breathing lizard than they did of returning to the Kree-ruled future, or going back down to the bottom of the Atlantic in a pod again, or having an inhibitor involuntarily removed from their neck by a decidedly not surgeon.
But it definitely was not that they were afraid. They were simply observing — from a distance.
But one morning as they were walking across the grounds towards the greenhouses for Herbology, they noticed a steady stream of thick smoke rising into the air from the direction of Hagrid's hut.
"That looks like a fire," commented Fitz, pointing towards the column of smoke rising high into the air.
"Think Norby finally caught Hagrid's house on fire?" asked Daisy. "I mean, it really was only a matter of time."
"We can walk down after Herbology and see," replied Simmons. "Hopefully it's not — everything he owns is in that admittedly wooden and therefore highly flammable hut, and I'd hate for him to have lost everything because of his dragon, but that would be the most logical assumption."
"Not going to skip class this time?" teased Daisy as they walked into the greenhouse.
"His house is either on fire, in which case there's nothing we can do about and with that amount of smoke one of the adults is bound to have noticed; or else it's something completely different, that we can find out about at break," replied Simmons. "Anyway, we're already here, so we can't very well leave now."
Once class was over, the three of them walked down to where Hagrid's hut had once stood, but was now a smoldering heap of ashes.
"Looks like we found the source of the smoke," deadpanned Fitz.
But before either of the other two could say anything, they heard a dull, "Oh — it's you three."
Turning around, they found Hagrid stomping slowly towards them.
"Norbert caugh' me hut on fire this mornin', so Dumbledore sen' 'em off," he said sadly.
"And your hut?" asked Simmons with concern.
"Oh, it'll be fine," replied Hagrid. "Dumbledore'll fix it all up like new by tonight — great man, Dumbledore."
"Well, I'm really sorry to see Norbert go," said Simmons honestly. While she'd known it was going to come crashing down spectacularly, and probably sooner rather than later, she really had enjoyed being able to study the mythical creature while it lasted.
"And you didn't get in trouble or anything for it?" asked Daisy, unable to help herself. "I mean, dragons aren't exactly legal."
"No. No trouble — Dumbledore jus' said he was goin' ter have to move it somewhere away, tha' it wouldn' be a threat ter anyone here at Hogwarts," answered Hagrid.
"Well, that's good, all things considered," replied Simmons, reaching up and patting him lightly on the arm. "And I know you loved him, but it's probably for the best. Besides the fact he'd just keep burning your house down, I'm sure wherever the headmaster sent him will be a more enjoyable place for him than cramped up in your small hut."
"Yeah — I jus' really miss 'em."
A week before final exams, Fitz was walking from the library to the Great Hall alone, when he heard Professor Quirrell whimpering, "No — no — not again, please —" from the classroom he was walking past.
As it sounded like the Defense professor was being threatened, Fitz whipped out his wand and burst into the room just as Quirrell sobbed, "All right — all right —!"
But looking around, Fitz found the room completely devoid of any presence except for himself and the professor. At the sound of Fitz bursting in, Quirrell's head had snapped around to stare at Fitz in shock, and so both of them stared at the other for several long seconds.
Finally, Fitz asked, "Who were you talking to, Sir?"
But giving Fitz an almost scared look, Quirrell hurried out of the classroom without saying a word. Shaking his head in confusion, Fitz left the room as well, and set off to find his wives to tell them what had just happened.
A few minutes later, he pushed open the door to the broom cupboard they were making out in, slipping inside and closing the door behind him before looking up at Simmons and Daisy, who at the sound of the door opening had broken apart slightly to look over at the intruder.
"Hey, Fitzy — wondering where you were," said Daisy. "Didn't think you were that far behind Jemma on your homework."
"As opposed to you, who doesn't care about your homework and quit as soon as Jemma said she was done so you could come make out with her, trusting that your nerdy husband and wife would finish it for you before it was due," retorted Fitz playfully with a roll of his eyes.
"Uh — yeah! Something like that," replied Daisy with overly fake cheerfulness.
"I'd say come join us husband, but you seemed to have had something on your mind when you came in," said Simmons. "So what's up?"
"I just had the strangest encounter," answered Fitz. "I was walking past a classroom when I heard Professor Quirrell whimpering and sounding like he was being threatened by someone. But when I burst into the room, he was the only one there, and refused to say anything and just left when I asked him about it."
"That is weird," replied Daisy. "Any idea what he could have possibly been talking about, let alone who to?"
"No," answered Fitz, shaking his head. "All I heard him say was 'No — no — not again, please', followed by 'All right — all right —!'. Didn't make any sense. Especially as I'm pretty sure he's not a bowl of petunias."
Daisy looked at him in confusion as Simmons snickered.
"Hitchhikers' Guide — the only thing the bowl of petunias said as it was falling was, 'Oh, no, not again'," explained Fitz.
"Ah, yes, your British sci-fi nerd book," replied Daisy, rolling her eyes.
"Yes, well, you thought Zooey Deschanel was quite hot in the movie," Simmons teased Daisy. But turning back to Fitz, she said more seriously, "But Fitz, unless you want to go try to track down Professor Quirrell again and see if we can make him tell us what was going on, how about you just get over here and show your wives a good time? I'm sure Professor Quirrell can get one of the other professors to help him if he's really in trouble."
Fitz didn't need to be told twice.
~FSK~
As final exams started, the three of them forgot entirely about Professor Quirrell talking to thin air, as he didn't seem any more stuttery or nervous than normal after that, and they were too busy themselves preparing for final exams to care much about what anyone else was doing, especially a professor.
FitzSimmons were quite confident that they could pass all of their exams in second and first place respectively, like they always had, but they were a little worried about Daisy. Not that she wouldn't pass, but that entirely on her own she might not be able to make third best in the class. She was a plenty quick learner when she had FitzSimmons (or mostly Simmons) prodding her along and helping her out, but she wasn't the most interested in memorizing everything she hoped she'd never see again as soon as the school year was over and they made it back to their own world, and it had Simmons a little worried. The older girl wanted them to sweep the top three spots in the class, and that didn't seem as assured as her and Fitz taking first and second.
But she needn't have worried, as Daisy really could remember things when she needed to, and as she didn't want to let her wife down, this was one of those situations where she figured she really ought to try to remember everything they'd learned throughout the year. Additionally, a significant portion of most of the tests turned out to be practical, which Daisy excelled at as Simmons had made sure that all three of them could perform every spell they learned that year flawlessly before moving on to the next one.
So the three of them quickly breezed though their exams, significantly less anxious-looking than most of their fellow students, until finally all of the exams had been completed, and they were free from an extra year of school none of them had ever expected to have.
When their final exam had finally examed itself out, FitzSkimmons wandered out of the castle to their favorite tree by the Black Lake.
Like they had after every set of final exams at the Academy, FitzSimmons went back over their exam papers to see how they had done, kissing every time they both got the correct answer (something their reviewing back then had admittedly been significantly lacking in). Meanwhile, Daisy skipped rocks for the giant squid to chase, occasionally receiving a kiss herself from Fitz or Simmons as they leaned across her to kiss each other. Because for some reason, they had thought it best to sit on either side of her despite the fact they were doing their own thing together and she was doing something completely different, not that she was complaining. Of course, that reason was so they would have an excuse to occasionally kiss her as well, though Daisy wasn't sure if they had some rhyme or reason for when they kissed her or not, if they were looking at her exam as well as they went through theirs or what, but she didn't really care — she was relaxing under a tree by a lake throwing rocks at a giant squid, occasionally being kissed by her husband or wife.
It really was the life for a thirty year old twelve year old.
But some time after FitzSimmons had finished going through their exam papers, Fitz rubbed his forehead and sighed, "I wish I knew why Harry's stupid scar keeps giving me headaches. It's been really annoying going through exams, as it's been doing it fairly frequently."
"Fitz! Why haven't you told us about this before now?!" exclaimed Simmons scoldingly, before reaching over, nearly giving Daisy a lapful of Jemma in the process as the younger girl was still sitting between the two Brits, and running her fingertips gently over his scar, asking in concern, "Should we go see Madam Pomfrey again?"
"Couldn't hurt," shrugged Fitz.
"It could hurt me!" exclaimed Daisy in mock offense. "I'm enjoying sitting under this tree throwing rocks at Giant Squid with you two cozied up on either side of me!"
"Not sure that exactly counts as hurting," replied Simmons, rolling her eyes at her wife's theatrics. "You know, not everything's about you, girl."
"Of course it is," brushed off Daisy. "I'm the drama queen one, you're the nerdy ones."
"Come on, Fitz — we're going to the hospital wing. And if Daisy wants to come with, she's more than welcome to," said Simmons, standing up.
Of course Daisy got up with them, and the three of them headed back up to the castle.
Arriving at the hospital wing, they quickly found Madam Pomfrey, and Fitz told her about how his scar had started hurting more frequently over the previous week and a half or so.
"Has it hurt like the first night you came here?" asked Madam Pomfrey as she scanned him with her wand.
"No, Ma'am. This is just a normal headache pain, only concentrated where the scar is and much more frequently the past week or so," answered Fitz.
"Are you sure it isn't just final exam stress and studying?" asked Madam Pomfrey, as her scans still revealed nothing out of the ordinary.
"Maybe — but I really don't think so," replied Fitz. "I've never had it before in school, and it's not like my studying really increased all that much in the past few weeks, or that I was worried about exams or anything since I knew I easily knew everything. It's probably nothing, but Hermione suggested we come tell you about it, so we did."
"Well, I still can't find anything wrong with you, Potter," said Madam Pomfrey. "I can give you a potion for the headaches, but unless they get worse or change, I don't see anything to be worried about it."
Fitz glanced over at Simmons, who just shrugged. So looking back over at Madam Pomfrey, he said, "I'll take the lowest dose headache potion you've got — it is rather annoying."
As the three of them walked back outside the castle and towards their spot by the lake again, Fitz commented to Simmons, "Didn't know if you'd approve of a headache potion."
"I've read through several years worth of potions books since we got here, and while I haven't run across the headache potion itself yet, there does seem to be a relatively sound science behind potions — not that you'd know it from Snape just putting ingredients and instructions up on the board and saying 'make it'. It's really quite fascinating, honestly, and I haven't seen a reason not to trust it here — everyone else seems to be surviving Madam Pomfrey's spells and potions just fine. I hate admitting it, but I'm not the expert here — yet, anyway. Though hopefully we won't be here long enough for me to become the expert."
~FSK~
The three of them spent the rest of the afternoon relaxing in the sun by the lake again, though as Daisy commented, one day in the sun wasn't going to make FitzSimmons stop being pasty.
Eventually, though, their stomachs drove them back inside for sustenance, and they headed into the Great Hall to eat. But as they left the Great Hall a while later, headed for the married dorms to celebrate the end of term in a less than publicly appropriate way, they weren't the only ones in the castle heading somewhere they weren't authorized to be. For completely unbeknownst to them, and almost everyone else in the castle as well, Professor Quirrell was strolling along towards the forbidden right-hand corridor, in a bid to liberate the philosopher's stone from its hiding place behind a series of traps, each more intricate and dangerous than the one before — or not.
But ten minutes later, as FitzSkimmons easily pushed open the door to the married dorms after giving the password, Quirrell pushed futilely against the forbidden third-floor corridor door, unable to make it budge. He'd cast the first year unlocking spell to counter the first year locking spell that Filch had put on the first obstacle — the one thing the squib had successfully learned how to do from his pathetic Kwikspell courses — and he had definitely heard the lock click open, but the door still refused to budge.
He knew without a doubt that Alohomora was the spell Filch had put on it, as it was the only spell the useless squib knew, and everyone on the staff knew it. And the absurdly trustful Headmaster had let all of the professors protecting the stone watch everyone else set up their protections, like it was impossible for any of them to be the one trying to steal the stone. Even the gamekeeper oaf Hagrid knew everyone who had cast enchantments to guard the stone, for crying out loud, even if Dumbledore had at least been smart enough not to let the big-mouthed gamekeeper actually know what all the enchantments were.
So it never dawned on him to bother wasting his time trying any more advanced unlocking spells, or any blasting spells or anything that he might have usually used to try to get through a locked door, as he knew it couldn't be locked by anything else, and anyway, he had heard it unlock. Therefore, it must just be stuck, and he just needed to shove harder to get through to the giant three-headed dog. But no matter how hard he pushed, the door remained resolutely unbudgeable.
~FSK~
Several hours later, after FitzSkimmons had completely tired themselves out and were sound asleep, Dumbledore's broom landed on the Astronomy Tower, just in time for him to meander down to the philosopher's stone's hiding place to keep Harry from killing Voldemort's host body.
Just so Voldemort could then vacate his host body and leave it to die.
But as the Headmaster turned the corner to the third floor corridor, he came to a sudden halt, and stared in shock at what he saw. Professor Quirrell was standing at the door, pushing on it as hard as he could, not even though the first 'obstacle', let alone all the way at the Mirror of Erised where he was supposed to be by that point, being defeated by Harry who had gone after him.
A Harry Potter who was noticeably absent from the scene, despite Dumbledore's repeated instructions to Hagrid to leak pertinent, intriguing information about the stone to Harry and the latest Weasley (plus now whoever that muggleborn girl was that kept hanging out with them, and someone had said was somehow the top in the first year class), and his own schemes of giving Harry his invisibility cloak back and making him run across the Mirror of Erised over Christmas break.
But Harry resolutely persisted in his absence, so as there was really nothing else to do, Dumbledore cleared his throat slightly, causing Quirrell to jump and turn around.
"Oh — it's you. Better than getting caught here by your pet Potter, though, I guess," sighed Quirrell. "I expected him to be coming along eventually. Speaking of which, where is he? Shouldn't he have arrived like half an hour ago if he was going to make it down to the final trap and be battling me by the time you showed up?"
"Yes, well, I'm rather stumped on that one myself, actually," admitted Dumbledore as he strolled down the corridor to where Quirrell was leaning back against the door. "I told Hagrid to run his mouth and give Harry all the clues he would need to come after you tonight, gave Harry his cloak back he'd need for sneaking around the school at night without getting caught, and even prepared him for the final protection, the Mirror of Erised. But what about you? What are you still doing way up here?"
"Can't get this stupid door unjammed," answered Quirrell. "It was just Filch's locking charm, right? You didn't put something else on it?"
"Of course not — how else could a first year get past it? Though, admittedly, from what I've heard, that Granger muggleborn could probably get past something more advanced. Everyone keeps saying she's really smart despite being a muggleborn."
"She is — all three of their little trio is, to be honest," replied Quirrell. "But if that's the case, I don't get why this door is stuck. Three first-years definitely couldn't push it open if I can't."
"Don't know," mused Dumbledore thoughtfully. "Did Fluffy decide to lie back against the door? How about you help me blast the door down with a blasting charm, and we'll see what the problem was."
They both pulled out their wands and cast Confringo at the stuck door. But as Voldemort thought he was supposed to be throwing his magic into the hat as well, instead of just blasting the door down, the entire stone wall three feet in every direction from the door came down in a smoking heap of rubble with the door, inadvertently destroying all evidence of Fitz's removed doorframe-molding barrier and Simmons' sticking charms keeping them in place.
It also woke the sleeping three-headed cutie-pie of death.
Who had been having a very pleasant dream about having its belly rubbed by Hagrid, and was not at all pleased to be awoken to find that its belly was not in fact being rubbed pleasantly by Hagrid. Seeing the instigators of his unappreciated wakefulness, he charged at them, just to slam two of his three heads into the surviving stone wall around where the door had been blasted off its hinges along with the actual hinges themselves, further compromising the structural integrity of the wall separating the right-hand side of the third floor corridor from the left-hand side.
Wisely, Dumbledore and Quirrell took a few definitely not panicked steps back from the opening in the wall through which the middle head of the wee beastie was snapping and snarling at them, and didn't try to continue their investigation into why the door wouldn't open — not that they could have actually found anything in the giant pile of rubble.
Looking over at Dumbledore, the back of Quirrell's head said, "While this has been fun, I'm afraid I'm going to have to head out (pun intended), and try to find a new host body to live in until I can come up with some new way to regain a body, since someone — and oddly enough not you this time — has thwarted my attempt to liberate Flamel's philosopher's stone from you. So until next time, Albus."
"See you later, Voldemort," waved Dumbledore, as the spirit of Voldemort exited Quirrell's body and floated off into the night.
Quirrell, however, very impolitely didn't say goodbye to Dumbledore, instead inconsiderately crumpling to the ground in a dead heap next to Dumbledore, as he could no longer survive on his own without Voldemort renting out the space in the back of his head anymore.