Whew, this chapter was a beast! Maybe I'm overdoing this whole fanfiction thing, it's getting really long, and I still have bunches planned! I may as well publish a novel, I guess, well, if it wasn't a fanfiction. I have several OCs in this chapter, I hope I did alright on them. Hmm, for rating, I would say a very strong Teen, I have a lot of junk going on in here. There's a bit of violence again, this time involving the OC, some crude humor, and very strong sexual references in the latter part of the chapter. Hee hee, I was very naughty! .
Oh, I almost forgot! Even though she doesn't read this fanfiction, I would like to credit SocRATes for the name of this chapter.
Chapter Four—I Can Make a Star for All Poofy Love
Chapter Theme: Same as Chapter Three because the Prince is still rolling in the same area
Tammy, the plantation owner's daughter, sat in her room, bored out of her mind. She, like a few other creepy little mortal girls, believed that her teddy bear, which she called Baby Bear, breathed, thought, and listened to all the concerns that she told it. Earlier, she had attempted to play hide-and-go-seek with Baby Bear, but it didn't turn out to be a very successful game at all. The stubborn bear refused to cover his eyes whenever Tammy wanted to hide, yet he obstinately sat in place when it was his turn to hide. Since she had no real friends, she decided to lounge around in her room and watch TV. She yawned and glared angrily at Baby Bear as she turned on her TV.
When she flipped to her favorite cartoon channel, it was currently showing a paid advertisement for ButtockThrustTM, a piece of exercise equipment so expensive that they dared not even show its price. Usually, this ad sported the supposed transformations of various tubs of lard into beefy, sexy models. In Tammy's opinion, the before and after pictures looked like completely different people even when she tried to factor in the lost weight. Although she expected the same seven people to appear on the commercial, she wasn't too surprised at the appearance of a new figure on this rehashed ad.
Of course, when this god-like figure claiming to be "the King of All Cosmos" made appearances on Earth to pick up what was called "katamaris," then later began accepting the requests of his fans to make even more of them, various manufacturers sought out his help as well to advertise their products. As a result, the King of All Cosmos appeared on TV all the time now, not only on the news, but also on a mass of advertisements. It appeared as though ButtockThrustTM had become the latest commercial to sport the King of All Cosmos. The commercial flashed to an image of the King working out on a huge version of ButtockThrustTM wearing nothing but purple tights. The King stood up after his quick workout, saying loudly and importantly, "We approve of ButtockThrustTM. We thought nothing of mortal basis would ever stand up to the sheer force of Our Royal gluteus maximus." Then, the King quite obviously started reading from cue cards. "We weren't always the massive, all-powerful being that We are today. Why, before I…," the King paused a moment to clear his throat, "We began using ButtockThrustTM, We were quite fa-" the King stopped before he could utter the whole word. The room began to darken, and he looked beyond the camera, his eyes starting to simmer. He said, "What? We are not fat! In fact, We have never been fat! Who wrote these offensive, untrue-"
The scene cut off suddenly, instead switching to the overused before and after picture format. The after picture was, of course, of the King, but the before picture was of a random Cosmic Being with a beer belly. Tammy thought it bore an uncanny resemblance to the one called Kuro except much older and fatter, maybe his father. A deep voice, very different from the tenor Aussie voice of the King, continued from where the King left off. It lacked the poetic quality of the King's language. It said, "Okay, I was very fat. I was the laughing stock of all the other Cosmic Beings. I was so ashamed; I was the fattest King ever to sit upon the Cosmic Throne. But then, I saw this ad on TV and thought, 'What do I have to lose but my blubber?' So, I bought it and began working out ten minutes everyday on ButtockThrustTM. Now, I'm a jerk and everybody loves me!" The screen cut to several more scenes of the King working out, just like the ones that were shown before.
Tammy sighed in relief that the horrendous commercial was over. She couldn't believe that it was even worse now than before! She prayed that something good would come on, like Qui-gon-ho! (a show featuring a card game that more often than not stole people's souls)or Rabid Monkeys. However, to her disappointment, several poorly drawn animals appeared on the screen frolicking around a campfire. "No, not Corny Campers again!" she yelled, turning off the TV with an audible click. She then turned to Baby Bear, "This is all your fault, you know. If you would only hide, I wouldn't be so bored!" She 'listened' to her teddy bear for a moment, then replied, "Shut up! Don't get all smart-alecky with me, mister, or no dinner for a week!"
"Oh tarnation! Keep still, durned cow! Tammy!" her father called from outside. "Your pa needs help milkin' ole Betsy. Couldn't ya'll come over yonder a moment?"
"Sure, Papa," Tammy called out sweetly to her father. She had an idea. She picked up Baby Bear and carried him out to the porch. Then, she grabbed him by his throat and began to throttle him. She threatened the bear in a harsh voice, "Now listen here, Baby Bear, I'm gonna be gone for a little while, that'll give you plenty of time to hide. So, if you are still in sight by the time I come back, off comes your head!" She struck her finger quickly across her neck for added effect. She placed Baby Bear on the ground beside the door and left to perform her task with a smile and a spring in her step.
When she returned to the porch just moments later with milk-sodden hands, she squealed in joy. Baby Bear was nowhere to be seen. She couldn't believe the bear actually listened to her for once. However, when she inspected the ground for a hint as to where Baby Bear went, instead of seeing footsteps, she saw a small dirt trail leading to the porch. As she walked along the path, she noticed many strange imprints in the dirt—chickens, pillows, cats, and many other things that she couldn't recognize. She observed the ground around the house and noticed a slightly larger trail leading away from it. On this path, there were new imprints, most notably what appeared to be her mother's soft and chewy blueberry muffins; their old, senile poodle, Twinkles; some clothing; and several of Tammy's stuffed animals. She noticed Baby Bear's imprint in the dirt and said, "Oh joy, what fun! I should threaten him more often!" She skipped down the dirt path, shrieking in excitement whenever she saw Baby Bear's imprint in the dirt.
The path led to one of their many barns that housed their abundant animals. She noticed something strange—one of the barn doors was only attached by its top hinge and the other door was shorn off completely. She slowly crept into the barn, thinking that perhaps this was Baby Bear's hiding spot. Instead of finding Baby Bear, she found what appeared to be the aftermath of a tornado. Hen's eggs lay spattered on the ground everywhere, white feathers were strewn about the floor, and, strangely enough, just about all the hay, wheat, spare bedding, and the animals themselves—with the exception of one lone chick chirping in distress for its mother—were gone.
She ran out of the barn in horror. She tried to reassure herself, thinking that Baby Bear was just trying to distract her from finding him. As she continued to follow the winding path, she noticed that the path had grown in width significantly. At the porch, it was only big enough to barely fit one of her feet; now, it was large enough to walk two steps across. She followed the trail hesitantly into the sheep pen only to find that all the sheep were missing. When she found that the same thing happened to the goat pen, she decided to notify her father. "Papa!" she called as she ran back to the house, "Come quick! The sheep and goats have escaped! I don't know where they're at and I'm scared!"
As she ran beside the patch of wilderness that they lived next to, a big ape-like monster with an abundance of white hair jumped out from the trees and began growling at her. She screamed, "What in tarnation! Are you Bigfoot?"
"Grr, how dare you even compare me to those uncouth creatures! I am none other that a yeti!" the beast responded much to Tammy's surprise.
"No, yetis don't exist, certainly not down here in temperate Virginia. Yetis like cold weather," she said, slowly backing away from the yeti.
"Of course we exist! You humans are so naïve at times. I am offended by your generalization, I happen to hate the cold, it makes me break out in a rash," the yeti said in disgust. Just when Tammy was starting to feel comfortable around the civilized beast, it said, "I'm sorry, you seem like a nice person and all, well, for a human. Don't take it the wrong way or anything, but I'm going to have to cook you. You see, I normally don't eat humans, they're too greasy for my tastes, really bad for my figure as well. But I have relatives visiting and I can't greet them with just a stringy old wolf. It would be awfully rude of me—hey wait, come back here!"
Tammy broke off into a sprint while the yeti was still talking. She looked behind her for a moment. The yeti was surprisingly fast for something so big and hairy. It unsheathed its claws as it said, "Hah, silly little girl! I happen to be the best runner in my family!"
Tammy screamed as the yeti gained up on her. She noticed a grove of tall sunflowers just in front of her. It was her only chance. She ran into the sunflowers, calling for her father in the process. There was no reply. She sprinted through the huge grove, tripping every now and then, panting with fear. Still, she could hear the big beast tramping through the grove, hacking down the sunflowers with its massive claws. She knew she couldn't go on like this much longer, and the yeti was tearing down the sheltering sunflowers. Although sweat drenched her body, she suddenly felt very cold. Her legs trembled as she continued to run. The trembling got worse and worse until finally she collapsed on the spot, gasping for air. She no longer had the strength to stand on her own. She felt fear rise within her as she contemplated the thought of death at the hands of a yeti. She could only wait as the yeti tore down more and more sunflowers.
The yeti slashed down the sunflowers beside Tammy. It bent down and said, "My, you're quite the little bugger, aren't you? Oh well, no matter, at least you gave me a good workout." Tammy couldn't believe that the yeti still spoke in a good-natured tone, as if she were its long lost friend. It stretched out his claws and said in a remorseful tone, "Now, I'm so sorry, little girl, but it's for my family. You must understand my dilemma. Oh God, this is going to stain my fur coat, I just know it!"
"Tammy!" she heard her father's voice call out to her. "Grab my hand!"
Tammy looked behind her weakly and shuddered when she saw her father attached to a huge rolling sphere of stuff, mainly fluffy things. Her father entreated, "Aw, please, trust me! Ma's in here too. We're just fine and dandy!"
Tammy hesitated a moment but wailed in pain as she felt the claws of the yeti slash deeply into her back. She quickly looked back and forth between her two dooms. As she looked at the big fuzzy ball, she noticed her mother, father, and Baby Bear. At least if she died in the big ball she would be with her family. Needing no more encouragement, Tammy grabbed her father's hand and jumped into the ball.
Instantly, Tammy felt all the pain from the over-exerting sprint and the cuts from the yeti's claws disappear, replaced by a soothing coolness. Baby Bear migrated into her arms and she, in turn, was carried into the loving arms of her mother and father. Her parents hugged her tightly inside the comfortable katamari.
Her mother told her, "Sweetie, we are going to see the King of All Cosmos. We're going to help him make a star."
"R-r-really?" Tammy said, although she knew in her heart that it had to be true.
"Yep, it's true, darlin'. Our love for each other and our critters will burn brightly like a firefly in the sky forever," her father replied.
"Oh wow, that's so neat," Tammy said, hugging her parents in awe and joy. No more pain, no more worries about school or feelings of loneliness would plague her while she was on the star. Somehow, she knew that to be true. She merely felt a sense of peace and contentment as if she was becoming a part of something so big and wonderful that it would affect the lives of everyone everywhere for the better. She felt that even if she died right when she returned to Earth that this experience would have made her life worthwhile.
"Yes," her mother said as if she were reading her mind, "We will be okay, better than okay. Just think, we will help spread warmth and light to the entire Cosmos."
"The King is my hero!" Tammy exclaimed.
"Nah, the King is everyone's hero!" her father replied dreamily. "I was wonderin' how dag-durned big he really is." Tammy and her parents sighed and waited in anticipation for the moment that they would get to meet the King.
The Prince was overjoyed at the size of his katamari. It was nearly 3m big already! Probably from all those large farm animals, he figured. There were still a few more things he need to do, though, namely find one of his cousins, the Royal Present, and some headache medicine for his father, and time was ticking away fast. He probably had less than two minutes left.
As the Prince was about to prepare a charge, a cultured voice beside the Prince stopped him, saying, "Why, that was quite rude! You stole my little girl!"
The Prince merely smiled and rolled his katamari to the side. Since the creature did not resist or try to run away, the katamari rolled the yeti up right away instead of bowling him over. "You boorish heathen! Have you ever heard of 'manners' or 'etiquette'?" the disgruntled yeti yelled. The Prince, however, ignored the yeti's complaints, knowing that soon enough the pleasing effects of the katamari would quell his troubled emotions.
'Oh, Our son, We are so proud of you! You just rolled up a yeti. Quite a lean, fit one at that and surprisingly polite and cultured to boot. Most yetis We've encountered over the years tend to be quite fat and lazy, not to mention rude ingrates,' the King said.
'Sire, could you please tell me how much time I have left?' the Prince said as he leapt up into the sky to get an idea of where he should head next.
'Hmm, We would guess, maybe a minute and forty-five seconds?' the King said unhelpfully.
'Thanks,' the Prince sighed as he lowered down to his katamari. Truth be told, there wasn't much left that the Prince could roll up on the farm. He had spotted a rather odd sight though slightly to the east, where the patch of forest lay. There was a group of badgers, beavers, and rabbits dancing around a tree stump in the woods. The Prince charged his katamari and quickly rolled to the desired location. When he approached the patch of woods, he noticed that sitting on the tree stump was none other than Colombo, one of the Prince's cousins who had a hormone problem called hirsutism, which caused his hair to grow abundantly and uncontrollably. Of course, he was currently blow-drying and styling his hair. Colombo spent at least a third of his day caring for his body hair. If he just cut it all off, it would no longer be a problem, but Colombo himself confessed that he would never even think about it.
The Prince charged his katamari with a grin—he always loved to take his cousins by surprise. Cosmic Beings, like mortals, loved to be rolled up in a katamari, unless they were competing of course. The Prince had rolled up all the cousins at least once, and he, in turn, had been rolled up by the other cousins many times. Being rolled up by a katamari never got old to the Prince and many of the cousins shared the Prince's opinion. Cosmic Beings, however did not spend time on the developing star like mortals and other immortals did because stars could accept their essence way more easily than other beings.
The katamari released itself and thundered through the forest. Luckily, the katamari was large enough to collect all the animals plus Colombo without much maneuvering. The Prince still had to struggle to brake the katamari as it raced toward a tree. He dug his heels into the ground as he grasped the katamari while at the same time willing it to stop. The katamari strained his muscles and pulled painfully at his mind, but he managed to stop it just in time.
The King once again communicated with the Prince, 'Ah, you just rolled up Colombo. Perhaps the softest of all your eccentric cousins, Our equally eccentric son. Do you really have a body under all of that hair, Colombo? How disturbing!'
Colombo did not reply to the King's description of himself. When the King finished with his litany, Colombo said to the Prince, "Well, ye got me, mate. Props to ye, didn' even see ya comin'. Takes a lot to take me by surprise, y'know."
The Prince laughed; he felt very comfortable around Colombo, and not just because of his fur--Colombo had a very amiable personality. He pointed out with a smile, "Actually, my friend, no it doesn't. You're always paying attention to your hair instead of your surroundings."
If only he had known Colombo would be the cousin to roll up in this area, the Prince would have sought him out a long time ago. The Prince loved conversing with Colombo while he rolled around the katamari. Colombo replied, "Aw, Prince, ye may be one of me best mates, but don' ye be messin' around 'bout me fur. 'Tis me pride and joy, it is." Colombo then spoke in a lower voice, "By the way, Lalala heard 'bout what 'appened to ye. Y'know, the incident wit' ye sire? The lass wants ta share a word or two wit' ya, ta comfort ye if ye will."
"Oh, God, no!" the Prince wailed, "Please, tell her I won't be home…forever. How did she find out anyway?"
Colombo laughed and said honestly, "Prince, I'm an 'onest soul, I can' tell a fib to me best mate, y'know. But, if ye really want ta know," Colombo paused but a glare from the Prince told him to continue, "She got it from Daisy. Y'know, Prince, that lass 'tis always in that kitchen. I dare ta say, she's more a resident of'tha castle then ye are. Ya dame uses her milk ta make som'ma her recipes, a secret ingredient if ye will."
The Prince thought for a moment, wondering what 'dame' referred to. When he figured out that it meant his mother, he said, "Well, that's rather disturbing. Colombo, what does Lalala want with me anyway? Father told me that it was Lalala and you that were mutually attracted, so I thought."
Colombo gave a big hearty laugh for a moment and said, "Prince, ye would do yerself well not ta take inta account everythin' yer sire tells ye. Lalala and I are merely best mates, no more, no less; the lass wants nuthin' ta do wit' me beyon' or below that. Thar's somethin' 'bout ye Prince that gits her blood goin', so she confides ta me. Thar's no gettin' around it Prince, she wants ya rather ye want 'er back or not."
"But seriously, we're related! Can't you tell her that it would never work out? Especially since I am a member of the immediate Royal Family?" the Prince begged to Colombo.
"Aye, no promises thar, Prince, but I kin try. Y'know what she'll claim--," Colombo said.
Suddenly, the King interrupted their conversation, "You have one minute left." Then, he was gone.
The Prince exclaimed, "Ack, I'm forgetting about the katamari, Colombo! Do you know where I can find some headache medicine for my father? Or maybe the Royal Present?"
Colombo thought aloud to himself, "Well, thar is that cesspool o'er yonder west. I suspect ye kin find sum thar…No wait, fergit wha' I jus' said, 'tis a nasty place. The 'umans throw animal waste an' trash in thar."
The Prince quickly jumped over to the other side of his katamari and began to prepare a charge, saying, "Thanks, my friend. I am forever in your debt."
"N-no, Prince, wait! Me fur, I spent 'ours on it! Ye wouldn' do ye matey like this… ah curses, yer goin' anyway, ain't ye?" Colombo grumbled.
"Sorry, buddy, but my father needs headache medicine, and you know how he loves those Royal Presents," the Prince said in apology.
"Curses, me an' me big mouth," Colombo muttered. He continued to try to persuade the Prince further, saying, "Ye don't hav'ta listen ta yer sire, y'know. Declare mutiny, be a little rebellious fer once, live life on tha edge some. Sure, me sire's big and imposin' too, but ye don't see me obeyin' his every whim. 'Tis 'is fault he when out an' drown'd 'imself wit' rum. Y'know what I'm sayin', mate?"
The Prince arrived at the cesspool. Sheesh, how it stunk! So much so that it actually caused his eyes to water a bit. The katamari began to chime off the last thirty seconds that he had to finish rolling. He told Colombo, "Brace yourself, we're diving in!"
Colombo and the Prince both screamed and covered their eyes as they dived into the pool of mortal filth. The katamari, not knowing the difference between adequately soft and disgustingly mushy, happily made dozens of 'swoop' noises as the disgusting morsels attached themselves to the katamari. Amazingly, the Prince did find a bottle of headache medicineat the bottom of the pool. The Royal Present was also in there floating on top of the water. The King said to the Prince, 'Oh, that's Our Royal Present! Probably from a fan, although We cannot be entirely sure. Just be sure to keep it safe within the katamari.'
The Prince nodded and rolled out of the stinky pond. "Arr, Prince, yer so heartless! T'will take an eternity ta rid meself of the stench!" Colombo screamed angrily at the Prince.
As the katamari chimed off the last ten seconds, the Prince had just enough time to roll up a few fleece jackets surrounding the pond before the katamari locked itself in position, unable to be rolled anymore. The King said to the Prince, 'Prince, what a nice katamari you have! Yes, it looks very comfy. But, We are about to meet Tiffany Peers! Is Our Royal Crown polished? Our eyebrows waxed? Our splendid chin looking as magnificent as ever?' With that, a bold, majestic rainbow descended from the sky and enveloped the Prince and his katamari. The Prince was caught up in a psychedelic swirl of color as he traveled quickly through the Cosmos. With a sudden but exciting lurch, the Prince found himself back in the Royal Throne Room.
The Prince gasped in awe at the sight of his father. He was dressed in one of his most regal outfits yet. He wore a royally rich, red, heavy, draping robe that was lined with white and black fur, striped like a zebra. On the back of the robe, a design of two red pandas eating bamboo was stitched with such realistic scrutiny that they appeared as if they could jump out of the robe at anytime as real pandas. Although he wore a velvet purple cloak underneath his robe, it still could not disguise his father's massive package. The Prince sighed—his father was quite the exhibitionist no matter what the occasion.
The King looked very uncomfortable, not to mention tired from the night before. His eyes even gleamed with a bright crimson light, testimony to the cascades of lasers that the King had unleashed on the Prince. As the Prince gazed at his father sitting in the throne, he noticed that the King even held a royal scepter in his left hand. The Prince hadn't known that they had a royal scepter! The King noticed the Prince and said, "Sorry, Prince. We cannot adopt a special pose today. If We move even slightly, We will regret it. Oh, Our head!"
"Believe me, sire, I don't mind," the Prince said, feeling sorry for his father as he grasped his head. Actually, with such regal attire, the King did not even need a pose. Although the King held the Prince's katamari in his right hand, the Prince feared that the upcoming event was causing him to forget about it.
What happened next most definitely stripped the katamari from the King's mind. The Queen slowly cracked the door to the Royal Throne Room open from the Royal Kitchen. The Prince noticed Daisy in the kitchen as well. So, what Colombo said was true!
The Prince blushed as his mother opened the door completely. Her normally reserved self was nowhere to be seen. She slowly sauntered up to her husband, wearing nothing but a black lace bikini complete with cat ears and a cat's tail. She was holding a strawberry shortcake, the King's favorite dessert, in her right hand. "Our sweet kitty cat," the King said as if in a trance.
"No!" the Prince yelled as the King dropped the katamari, his package swelling in size.
"Oh, Ruler of My Heart," the Queen purred softly into the King's ear as she settled into his lap, hand-feeding him a small bit of the strawberry shortcake in the process, "How I missed you last night. I was way too hard on you." The Queen quickly noticed the King's regal outfit and exclaimed, "Honey, you dressed up just for little old me? How sweet of you!"
"Well, actually, Our Queen--," the King said, his cheeks flaming red when his Queen interrupted.
"Oh you look so scrumptious today, My Liege," she nuzzled into him, licking off the traces of icing that had collected around the King's mouth.
"Mmm…scrumptious…" the King crooned in ecstasy, then said, "Yes, We are so delicious to Our sweet kitty cat. Mmerowr!" His mouth suddenly plunged into hers. The Prince couldn't tell who was kissing harder. He wondered how long it would be before they had to come back up for air.
Finally, the Queen tore herself away from her husband. The King continued to pursue her, but she fed him another piece of strawberry shortcake instead. "Oh my little stud muffin!" she panted. Her free hand wandered slowly down his stomach and rested over his hardness. She whispered softly, "You seem to be a bit tight, if I do say so myself. I want to disrobe you slowly—" the Queen paused as her desire caused her to gasp for air, "and massage every single one of your little sores as I do so…"
"Oh, Our Queen, you are being very naughty," the King said as he gazed deeply into her eyes. The Prince could tell that he was reading her mind. "Woo, We look so sexy and muscular, and Our Royal Thing--"
"SIRE!" the Prince screamed in desperation. He had had enough of his parents' romance for one lifetime. He stamped his foot on the ground, "My katamari!"
The Queen straightened up, cheeks flaming red. "Oh, my poor little baby, your father and I haven't defiled you, have we?" The Prince shook his head. The Queen looked at the katamari laying on the floor and entreated her husband, "Honey, may I please make the katamari into a star this time?"
"Oh no, Our Queen," the King refused stubbornly, "It is Our tradition, We always make the stars and planets. Only We have the power to manage that."
The Queen, however, knew how to get what she wanted. She pouted, declaring, "Oh, that's too bad, you just looked soo handsome tonight, I was going to let you eat the rest of this strawberry shortcake right off of my belly!"
"Ahh…Handsome…and right off the belly!" the King said, drooling. He quickly regained his composure, saying, "Tradition, what tradition? No, We don't need tradition! We are hip and up with the times! Our Queen may have the pleasure of making this star."
"Why, thank you, my gracious husband, you are too kind," the Queen giggled.
As she lifted the katamari, the Prince reminded her, "Mother, don't forget to use some of the katamari to repair the carpet!"
"Oh yes!" the King said, "We are very kind to you, Our Queen. But the Prince is right, he destroyed Our fine carpet last night!"
"Oh really?" the Queen said, eyeing her husband with suspicion. She held up the katamari for inspection. "Hmm…" the Queen turned it about in her hand, "Eww, Prince, you got this katamari all icky! What did you do, roll it into a swine pond?"
"Well, actually…" said the Prince, looking down at his feet.
"How dare you, bumbling Prince, upsetting Our Queen like this! Not to mention soiling a perfectly good katamari! Why, if We were rolling it--"
The Queen grabbed her husband's arm, saying, "My dear, it's not that big of a deal, really." She pulled out her heart-tipped wand and began to wave it around the katamari. The wand emitted sparkling dust, which transformed all the muck on the katamari into crimson fluff. With a flick of her wand, the fluff levitated off of the katamari and settled onto the ground, forming the new carpet. "There, all better!" the Queen said, looking quite satisfied with her handiwork.
The King stared in awe at the Queen's modification. He touched the carpet with his foot and said, "Well, We would've done the same thing! At least the carpet's softer than it was before."
The Queen reached down into the katamari and pulled out a now fully groomed and ribboned Colombo. She said, "Colombo, how nice to see you again!"
"Me pleasure, milady," Colombo said, kissing her hand in respect. "'Twas fun, mate. T'anks, milady, fer taken care of me fur coat wit' that wan' of yers. 'Twas a mess, it was. Later, Prince." The Prince and the Queen both nodded in acknowledgement. Ignoring the King completely, Colombo flew out of the Royal Throne Room. Luckily for Colombo, the King was completely hypnotized by his wife's alluring attire.
The Queen said, "Prince, you did a great job on this katamari. It's almost 100 full of soft and fluffy things. Except for this and this," the Queen extracted the headache medicine and the Royal Present.
"Our Queen, that is for Us! May We please have Our Royal Present? And We told the Prince to roll Us up some headache medicine," the King said excitedly.
"Sure," the Queen said, handing the King his desired items.
To the Prince's surprised, the King downed the entire box of headache medicine before tearing into the Royal Present in excitement. A pink bra dropped out into the King's lap. He held it up and said, "Oh, look Prince, it's a silken bra. And it's under-wire, too!" The King then frowned and sullenly dropped it in front of the Prince, "But, it's too small for Us. We…guess you can have it, Prince."
'And you would've worn it?' the Prince thought in astonishment. The Prince made a mental note to give it to Drooby, the oldest female among his cousins who was already fully developed.
"Honey, these people love us so much! They're so happy to have seen you in person!" the Queen said.
The King held the katamari briefly in his hand, saying, "…They love Us…Yes this shall make a fine katamari. What are you waiting for, Our Queen? Pop it into the Cosmos!"
The Queen took the katamari. Before she threw it into the sky however, she said, "This may be the only star that I will ever make and I want it to count." She focused her will into it and began to sigh audibly. As she sighed, a pink light flowed out of her mouth and surrounded the katamari, causing it to glow brightly even though it wasn't in the sky yet. She then tossed it up into the sky. The bright katamari flew to its predestined position in the sky. With a blinding flash, the katamari became a star. It was a very intense star, possibly one of the brightest stars the Prince had ever seen. The star shone with a pink light and it appeared to radiate an aura of warmth and comfort. The Queen smiled at the star, and it appeared to twinkle back at her. She said, "This star shall be called the Poofy Love star." It appeared as though his mother really had a knack for making stars, even more so than the King.
"Well, We would have done the same thing, except better," the King said, trying to reassure himself. He turned to the Prince, "Now, pestering Prince, leave Us alone with Our Queen."
"Now wait a moment, Prince," the Queen said, running back to the kitchen. Daisy handed the Queen a basket-full of healthy, organic, bean burritos with a moo. She took them to the Prince, saying, "My poor son, you look hungry. Take these home with you."
"Thanks, mother," the Prince said. Although he could smell the warm, fresh burritos, he didn't feel hungry, just tired.
"May he please leave Us now, Queen? You have neglected Us last night," the King begged.
"Yes, he may," the Queen giggled, leading her husband to the Royal Bedchamber.
As the Prince left the throne room, he saw Bianco fly up the Royal Bedchamber and knock hesitantly upon the door. He said, "Umm, Your Highness? Tiffany Peers has arrived."
The Prince lingered at the window a moment. The King stuck his head out of the door, enraged. He yelled at Bianco, "Tiffany who? Bianco, get her out of here this instant! We must attend to Our Queen. We…are…the Ruler of Her Heart…Yes, Us, only Us." The King slammed the door shut in Bianco's face.
"But, Your Majesty…wait, you're not listening are you? Oh God!" Bianco said as he heard giggling coming from the Royal Bedchamber. "The things I have to put up with for His Majesty! Guards!" Bianco yelled. The two burly angels that had handled the Prince before appeared before Bianco. "His Majesty had changed his mind about Tiffany Peers. I need you two to 'escort' her out."
"Uh, back to Earth?" one of the guards asked stupidly.
"No, don't even bother. Just throw her in Earth's general direction, I'm sure she'll get there one way or another," Bianco said tiredly.
As the Prince flew toward his home planet, he laughed when the two burly angels threw a disgruntled, anorexic pop singer out the window without preamble. The Prince silently hoped that she landed on some sort of sharp projection. Oh well, he needn't worry—Earth has plenty of them.
Hooray for randomness! I liked writing this chapter for the most part. When I thought up of the character of the yeti, I laughed (yes, I do laugh at my own fan fiction at times). I loved playing around with Colombo's character, he's so cool. I'm really proud of the dialect that I gave him, a bit like a dwarf and a pirate at the same time. And, yes, sorry for my naughtiness, but it's only going to get worse from here. I couldn't help but play with the King and Queen's relationship. I think that they really have quite the hots for each other, especially from what the King says after you roll up the King and the Queen in WLK. A couple of more cousins will show up in the next chapter, one of them you can probably already guess.