Chapter Thirteen

Kaddar had expected Kalasin to go into a deep depression upon returning to the Imperial Palace. Instead, she was her usual contrary self, and approached the situation cheerfully. Or, as cheerful as Kalasin could be, anyway. She was hardly skipping around their rooms, singing about peace and harmony while talking to little birds.

That wouldn't have been a pretty sight. Rather, it would have been absolutely nauseating.

So Kaddar was glad that she was behaving normally, more or less.

Well, at least he thought she was behaving normally. That was, until he walked in on her, sitting on the couch in her dressing room, applying some sort of colored paint to her toenails, while humming.

Humming. Some off-key waltz. But humming nevertheless.

"What are you doing?"

Kalasin looked up from her contemplation of her foot. "Painting my toenails in dusky rose. Do you want some?"

Kaddar stared for a moment. "No. I think dusky roses belong in the garden, not on one's nails. And that's not what I wanted, in any case."

"Oh? You wanted some lip rouge? I have a shade of lilac that would be very becoming on you…"

"Argh, no! I wanted to know why you were humming!"

Kalasin tilted her head and resumed painting her toenails. "Are you feeling quite all right, Kaddar? First the inquiries about my cosmetics, and now you want to know why I'm humming?"

She received the full force of his glare. Unfazed, she capped her bottle and put it away. "I'm humming because I'm happy," she said, with the air of someone explaining that one plus one equaled two to an overemotional toddler. "Do you want to know why I am happy?"

"Birthday," grunted Kaddar.

"Oooh, very good!" Kalasin gave him an appraising look. "You remembered. I'm shocked. Could it be that you actually care?"

He snorted. "Let's not get away with ourselves, darling. I only remembered because you've given me a day-by-day countdown for the past month."

She pouted. "Small detail. In any case, I'm glad to know that you opened your horribly large ears and listened. At least I get a present. It isn't going to be a poisoned apple, is it?"

"I would never dream of giving you a poisoned apple!" he retorted indignantly. "They're, well, cliché. If I was going to give you something poisoned, I'd choose a sapphire necklace with the poison lightly dipped on the jewels, so that they could penetrate your skin slowly and painfully."

Kalasin looked at him for a few moments. And then, she started to snicker. The lone snicker became a full out giggle, and before long, she was fairly rolling around with glee.

Kaddar, for his part, watched her gales of merriment, feeling rather put out. After all, it had been one of his best death threats. Ever. And she was laughing her head off. It hurt his morale terribly.

At long last, she stopped giggling, and, wiping her eyes, slid up against him. Indicating her earrings and necklace and the jewels in her hair, she looked up. "Remember these? This set of jewelry was your wedding gift to me. Note that I never take them off. Not because of any personal affection—" the dratted laugh again—"but these detect poison, and nullify anything harmful. Which basically kills any death threats that you might have."

Kaddar put an arm around her shoulders, playfully crushing her back against his chest. "That's very convenient," he whispered into her ear. "I want to keep you alive, so that I can slowly torture you."

Kalasin pulled away and spun around to face him, and after seeing the way she was torn between anger and mirth, he burst into laughter. She sulked for a moment, and then fell against him, giggling. "You wouldn't really want to get rid of me," she said flirtatiously, looking up at him. "Without me, you'd be miserable and alone. The sun wouldn't set and the moon wouldn't rise. The stars wouldn't shine. You would spend evenings—and afternoons, and mornings, and nights—weeping for me."

He blinked. "I don't know if I should play along with your little games, or simply dissuade you. Not with a passionate, bruising kiss," he said quickly.

She stepped away, giving him the look. "You know me too well. How am I supposed to find ways to torment you now?"

"Use your imagination," he said, giving her a little push in the direction of the bathroom. "The sooner you get ready for bed, the sooner we wake up tomorrow morning. For your birthday. And if you're even thinking about staying up until midnight, forget it."

Kalasin glared and closed the door behind her. "I'm not five!" she yelled. Kaddar let out a little sigh of relief. She hadn't noticed yet. Good. A few minutes passed.

"…Kaddar!" The bathroom door opened, and a robe-clad Kalasin emerged, whacking him with a fluffy towel. "You used my favorite bubble bath! Some birthday present that was!"

"…Kalasin."

"What?"

"Your robe's coming off at both shoulders. Don't let that bother you, though. You have very nice shoulders. Slender. And creamy."

Kalasin squeaked in muted horror and slammed the door shut. There was a skidding sound from inside the bathroom, a screech, and then a huge splash. Kaddar smirked, and sauntered away.

He decided not to tell her that she had left her towel outside.

And the only "decent" robe she had, too.

Ah, well. Too bad for her.

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The next morning, Kaddar woke up at about seven in the morning, feeling as if somebody had hit him on the head with something heavy and blunt. Numerous times. He almost reached over and yelled at Kalasin for it, before remembering that he woke up like this every morning. Oh.

He blinked for a few times, until his eyes adjusted to the dim light. Kalasin was curled up at his side, swathed in something far too big and dark green. His robe. His robe that was not hers. Kaddar almost snatched it off her, before realizing, with a blush, that she probably wasn't wearing anything underneath.

That thought alone made him inch a little toward the other side of the bed. And put both his hands safely under the pillow. He could only imagine Kalasin's first act of her nineteenth year—murdering him. He eyed her for a little while. It really was too big for her. She smelled of warm sandalwood and vanilla, and he didn't know whether to be happy or upset that she had probably gotten her scent all over his robe. Of course, she had to use his favorite bubble bath in a situation like this. The temptation to lean over and bury his nose in the crook of her neck increased. This was really starting to get irritating.

It was a mixed blessing when she woke up slowly, with much stirring of her arms and legs. "Kaddar," she mumbled aloud. "Guess what?"

He bent down and kissed her forehead gently. "Happy birthday, Kally."

Kalasin stretched luxuriously, and pulled herself up into a sitting position slowly. "Thank you." She actually brushed her lips against his cheek—a definite first. "You called me Kally."

"Once a year. Don't get used to it." He realized that he was almost hugging her against him, but didn't let go. The early morning environment, combined with her happiness, had led to an extremely mild mood. Mild. Kalasin. It was hard to believe, but with Kalasin, anything was possible.

They got out of bed and made it, and after that, both of them sat down on the edge. She leaned against him, and he wrapped an arm around her. Kalasin rose and fell with his breath, and she had to admit that she was enjoying this. He hadn't done anything awful to her, or called her names, or anything, and Kaddar's robe kept her warm. It was pleasant. She rested her chin on his shoulder. It was the first time she had ever spent a birthday away from her family, and so far, being with Kaddar wasn't so bad.

"Mmm, Kalasin…" she nodded up at him. "…I'd like my robe back, by the way."

"Er! Later. Later would be good." Kalasin wriggled a little bit. She liked this robe. And she was having a hard time convincing herself that Kaddar wasn't trying to do anything perverted. After all, he had been nice today.

"Hmm. Later doesn't quite work for me. I'd like it back now." His hands traveled from her shoulders to her ribs, to the ties of the robe, teasingly.

"Ack!" Kalasin squealed as she felt his hands on her. "Oh, Goddess, no, not the ribs!"

Kaddar did some quick deduction and figured out that (ironically) Kalasin wasn't panicking over his attempt to undress her. She was panicking because he had touched her sides.

…Oh.

Kaddar began to tickle her mercilessly, and she yelped in his ear. She wriggled her arms free and grabbed a pillow, using it to fend him off. Their battle ended with Kaddar on his back, and Kalasin and the pillow squishing his chest. "I win," she panted. "Be glad I didn't hurt you too badly. First you tried to undress me, and then came the tickling. Double offense."

Kaddar was about to retort, when a crisp knock on the door sounded, followed by the aforementioned door being swung open. Zaimid fairly waltzed in, holding a few brightly wrapped boxes and a mountain of paperwork in his hands. It took him a few seconds to register the sight before him.

When he did, he stepped away slightly. "Ah…I apologize for my timing. I hope I haven't, um, interrupted anything." His eyes were wide. "Happy birthday, Empress. I'm glad to see that you've decided to shelve some of your inhibitions for the new year."

"Zaimid!"

Upon hearing the two infuriated voices, the chief healer fled, leaving the presents and the parchment on the desk. Kaddar sighed, and ruffled his hair sheepishly. When he looked at Kalasin, he found that she was blushing. "Um. You might want to get dressed," he suggested. "Before he comes back."

"Oh. Yes." An awkward silence filled the room for a few moments. "You always get us into uncomfortable situations," Kalasin muttered.

"I do not," he scowled. "None of this would have happened if you hadn't put on my robe last night."

"It was either this one or the…other one…" she said, blushing a little harder. The 'other one' was rather low-necked. And had a slit all up one side. It had no sleeves to speak of, and two straps crisscrossed the back. Kaddar had seen her in it on their wedding night, for all of ten very uncomfortable minutes. Kalasin preferred to never think about those ten minutes again.

He raised an eyebrow at her. "I know that if you stay here, I'm going to make some very inappropriate comments unsuited to your tender young ears. Out." Kaddar fairly pushed her out of their bedroom, ignoring her yelps of protest.

"My ears aren't young! They're nineteen! They've heard things!"

"They've heard nursery rhymes," he retorted.

"You are insufferable!"

"I try! You, on the other hand, are naturally insufferable!"

"You're going to make me cry, on my birthday! How are you going to live with that?"

"I make people cry on their birthdays all the time. It's how I get my sadistic joy."

An infuriated growling noise came from the other side of the door, and Kaddar smirked. And he won. Again. Life was fun like that. He walked away, absentmindedly wondering whether Kalasin would like red or yellow roses for her bouquet. Kaddar passed the bathroom, and looked inside. The 'other robe' hung on the back of the door, and Kalasin's normal pink and peach ones were folded, ready for use.

He very discreetly picked the two silk robes up and hid them in the back compartment of a large cabinet. Kalasin did deserve a rather…explosive…surprise, this birthday. One that he had no part of, because he was innocently picking flowers for her.

Genius. Pure genius.

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