Angel was up in his penthouse above the W&H offices. He took a shower, a little longer than usual to try to clean the tiredness from his body. He felt nauseous still but it was fading slowly. He finally turned off the hot water and reached for the towel. He almost half expected Spike or even Eve to be right outside his bathroom but thankfully there was no one there but his own bed. He wanted to pour himself some blood before getting into bed but he did not think he could quite stomach it so he opted for just some water and turned in. His body was just ready to go limp after going a few rounds with Robot/Ninjas and whatever that staff did to him, it almost felt like his soul was being ripped and the dreaded fear that Angelus might come back. But everything sort of worked out only now they had another unknown friend or foe in the mix and Wesley, well he understood Wesley more now for what he did up in the roof. But also to what extent Wesley was willing to go to do what he considered was the right thing.
Despite the fact he was on the ground feeling his insides are being yanked writhing in pain, he knew what was going on and saw what Wesley said and did. Angel felt quite conflicted when it came to Wesley these days even though he was technically his right hand man all this while and he needed him in W&H more than he could admit but what happened with Connor, Holtz, Jasmine, Lilah and the others the last 2 years made Wesley almost unpredictable, a stranger. He's changed in more ways than one could and almost overnight too.
If anyone could understand how even the smallest incidences to unbelievable events in ones life can change a person, it would be Angel. Wesley was a man that changed remarkably from a simpering idiot he first met as Buffy's Watcher to this dark almost scary avenger with a brain to match. All the evil battles fought, challenges surpassed, the tortures and betrayal endured along with apocalypses deterred has made a decent man into a cold killing machine. And seeing how the having his throat slit, kidnapping Connor, betraying the team, Angel recalled how he tried to snuffed Wesley's life out when he was at the most vulnerable moment of his life when he was clinging on to life; Angel used all force to suffocate Wesley with his own pillow and swore he would kill him and would never forgive him. But the events that unfolded after that incident change a great many things including somewhat forgiving Wesley and the fact it was almost destiny that Connor was removed from Angel to return as a teenager. But that night changed everyone but Angel thinks now actually it changed Wesley more than himself, even with the face of losing the son. Wesley's whole personality changed and even with the memory of Connor erased, Wesley has not regressed back to the old Wesley. There was still a darkness lingering.
Angel also recalled since day one joining Angel Investigation, Wesley has had an undying loyalty for him. He was a former Watcher, Buffy's and Faith's Watcher, no matter how he performed then, he does care. Wesley was just an irritant to everyone back in Sunnydale but now Angel has a hard time getting around without him. And Wesley decided to stay and work for him when he could have gone home to England, of course to face disgrace but he battled on fighting demons after demons… even ALONE. And at the risk of getting killed on countless occasions which unlike him, he was as frail as mortals came. Angel was actually impressed because when he thought about it, the first time he met Wesley, Angel would bet odds Wesley would survive 1 week in Sunnydale. But Wesley fought and learned and now proved his worth on the field together with leadership, vision, coordination, research, resources and knowledge. If Wesley was not around in the last few years, he would be dusted or turn evil or succumb to god knows what. Wesley's ingenuity and calm precision planner have in many ways save the day, though he hardly gets any credit. Wesley is a champion in his own right and Angel recalled in his hallucinations and ideal happiness he experienced when he was losing his soul last year, Wesley was there and all Angel ever wanted from Wesley was an apology. But in actual fact perhaps it was Angel that should apologized because Wesley just did what he thought was right and he paid a heavy price and yet remained ever vigilant. And in his hallucinations under the sea, Wesley was very much apart of the team sitting at the other end of the table toasting him.
And the most important of all Angel kept forgetting that Wesley was a true friend, a confidante. Wesley was more reserved, a gentleman that pride himself at doing the proper way and kept many things to himself unlike Cordelia who was always saying whatever she thought. But nonetheless he could always talk to Wesley about almost everything but that has changed somewhat was taken from him. He did not like thinking about him in that light and no matter how he managed to justify it over time, he cannot deny a part of him held a grudge on Wesley and now he held a grudge against a man that does not recall the mere existence of Connor not to say kidnapping him. This made Angel wonder how events are remembered by everyone without Connor's existence wiped away. He never asked them because it would be suspicious. But one thing remained, Wesley has not changed much. Connor's existence changed Wesley but Wesley darker self still remained. Not that Angel objected and expected to see the old Wesley but now sometimes Angel did not feel he knew the man that well anymore. Wesley seem to let out what he held in for a lifetime while the prim and proper British gentleman was beaten right of him. One thing Angel did missed; Wesley never smiled or laughed anymore. Wesley brood as much as he did if not more and was serious about everything and he knew also of his interest in Fred that was a constant sad story in Wesley's life. Perhaps Wesley was more like himself these days than he would like to think.
In addition, in the months Wesley was 'exiled', his loyalty surpassed that of his own son even with the attempted murder and threats he gave Wesley. He still helped the gang and protected them from a far and even kept close tabs on everybody very closely despite not actually being there. He had resources that Gunn and Fred could not attain. He knew now he seldom gave Wesley enough credit for his contributions to the team. If anything his contributions would offset his one misjudgment for Connor 'prophecy'. He knew one thing for sure; he was willing to go to the extremes. Even killing his father to save his friends. Wesley was willing to kill and die for members of the team, the cause, any just cause but also to save his life, a vampire. It was funny. A vampire, one that has done countless atrocities through history and for a trained Watcher, that seems like an impossibility but he saw Giles and Wesley literally 'warming' up to him. Wesley's idea and the fact he would go to Faith to get her help was another unpredictable move but ultimately the move that saved his soul while everyone, even his own son was willing to kill Angelus along with Angel. He would of thought Wesley would never want to speak of Faith again but not only he went to asked for her help, Wesley slipped into being her Watcher again and this time did a superb job because even Faith looked up to Wesley in the end. Again he could of gotten killed, Faith and Wesley tackling Angelus. It was surprising Wesley survived the constant physical abuse to save the world and to save him. What he recalled clearly was how close Wesley was to being choked to death or has his neck snapped when Angelus held him hostage between Faith and himself. Angelus did not have any compunction with killing Wesley but Faith had, in pulling the trigger that might get Wesley killed. Angel recalled the fact Wesley had no fear and ordered Faith to shoot even if it might mean his very life. Somehow, Wesley survived yet again even at the hands of Angelus.
Another thing he recalled was how Wesley managed to find him 'underwater', just in time he might add. For months Wesley searched for him torturing Justine into telling him and helping him to pull him out for what Angel thought would be his coffin until even his vampire body eventually would give out. He could not remember all the details since he was hallucinating a whole bunch. But he pieced quite a lot of things together and the one thing that definitely remembered, Wesley fed him his own blood when he ran out of pig's blood but he could easily have fed him with Justine's blood and in a way he could not be blamed if he did. But that and even sleeping with Lilah, he stuck to his principles. Feeding on human blood made him very guilty and it would eat him inside even though the blood he drank was given voluntarily. The last time he drank blood from a human directly, it was from Buffy and it was not entirely voluntary, he was force into by Buffy to cure him. And for Wesley, it was similar, to save him as well. He had to avoid thinking of Wesley as food for awhile but he had to admit he could feel Wesley's presence a lot better after 'tasting' him. While he was thinking how nice Wesley's blood tasted, he felt the guilt return to him in waves but at least he did not put Wesley in the hospital for draining him too much. But Wesley did end up in the hospital because he abandoned to fight Darla and Druisilla.
He brought Angel back to the hotel and after giving Justine some last bit of advice, he let her go; the very woman who slit his throat and left him to die taking Connor with her; the woman that caused the pain of betrayal. Angel wondered if he could be that generous with Justine. The one thing he have not quite figured out was Wesley's relationship with Lilah which even Wesley who obviously cares for the evil lawyers prefers not to mention her at all but when her name so much is mention, Wesley to turn cold and withdrawn. But then again, he recalled he slept with Darla even when he had a soul when he was in despair and so maybe he actually could understand.
He wondered if Wesley would follow Angel to work in W&H if he did have the memories of Connor back. Does Wesley consider himself back with Angel? Because at times Wesley does not seem to take his orders but actually that usually turns out to be an a good thing. There were things about Wesley he seldom thought about but he knew he relied on him quite a lot. And Wesley was not easily ordered around as he used to be. Even without the memory of Connor, Wesley changed personality to the darker side remained. He could see it in Wesley defiant eyes when he was scolding him earlier today for getting Fred involved in Wesley's 'reconnaissance' mission. Angel knew he was rather harsh on him but despite Wesley's defiant attitude for that second he complied. But he surmised it was more from guilt towards Fred than submission. Which was another thing he understood about Wesley; his obvious love for Fred and they seem compatible but seemed to be tortured by the fact that the love has never been reciprocated. Wesley just watches from a far which Angel understood the frustrations in that. Angel thought if anyone could feel even close to the burden, loneliness and despair he felt about Buffy, it would be Wesley.