Title: Things Better Left Unsaid, part 4
Author: Mrs. RT akaccmom
The rest: see previous chapters
This is not happening! I can't believe it. I refuse to believe. There is no way that you could have lost at the same time that you won. Yes, you defeated him, but how could you have gone down with him. You're supposed to have been the savior, the hero, nothing bad can happen to you. My hands won't stop shaking and I can't seem to get warm. I've got this chill that's running all over my body; I've had it since the professors told us what happened.
I just know you didn't go to face him alone. Harry, why? Nobody takes on the Dark Lord alone. They are obviously lying to us. Someone must have misunderstood. When I find out who is making up these stories about you, I'll get them. Because there's no way that you're gone. You wouldn't leave me like this, I know it. We're not finished yet. But what if the stores are true? Then how could you do this to me? Sweet Merlin you really are dead!
You asshole! You utter bastard! How could you let him kill you? Why did this happen to you? Why couldn't you have lived like you were supposed to? I hate you! You've ruined my life completely this time. You took everything from me. Everything! Come back here and I'll hex you all over again. I dare you to show your face you coward. Come back here, right now Potter!
I threw things at the walls as I shouted at your ghost. Madam Pomphrey had to give me something to calm me down, but all I could think of was why you weren't here so I could yell at you in person. The anger turned in my stomach for days as I plotted how to bring you back so that I could kill you myself. I'd do anything for a chance to hurt you, to make you understand how much I need you. It wasn't long before the anger faded and I realized how much I missed you. What I would give to have you back.
Please, by all that's magic, please, bring him back to me. I'll do anything. I promise I'll be nicer to him. I'll be nice to his friends. I won't call them names anymore. I'll try to like muggles. I'll even smile on occasion. Anything. Somebody please tell me he'll be back. Tell me that this is really just a bad dream. Bring him back. I need him so much. I'll beg if that's what it would take. I'll give up all of my galleons, my family, and my past. You can have whatever you want. Please. But my prayers went unanswered; regardless of which god I prayed to.
I've gone numb again. Everything seems so bland now that you're gone. I go through my day in a kind of daze. Almost everyone is in mourning and people routinely breakdown in tears about you. I can't even work up the energy to cry. It wasn't supposed to end like this, regardless of how much of a clique that is. We were supposed to become friends after the end of the war. Gradually build up a relationship. I was looking forward to seeing you overcome your wariness around me and to enjoy the relationship that we were suppose to have with the careful touches and the heart-stopping kisses. Not to mention all the angry fighting we would do just so we could have the great make-up sex. We were a legend in my own mind, you and I.
But it's all gone now. There's this empty space where my soul used to be. You took it with you when you left me. You were always leaving me. Except this time, it's forever. I miss you so much. All I want is one more change to tell all the things that were left unsaid. Will this pain ever end? I supposed in time, everything ends.
I went by your grave today. There is still a ton of flowers, gifts and knickknacks that your fans have left you. You always inspired loyalty from everyone you had ever met. It's been over five years now since you defeated the Dark Lord. It's taken me this long to finally let you go. I didn't think I would be able to, but I have. I realize now why you had to die; there really wasn't any other option. It was the only way to make sure he didn't come back. I'm laughing now at your Gryffindor traits that would cause you to be so noble; so self-sacrificing. If you had been a Slytherin, you would have come up with a different solution, but you weren't, so I guess it's good that you stayed true to who you really were.
The wizarding world is almost back to normal now. Granger and Weasley are finally getting together. Merlin save me. Just how many red-haired brats are they planning to have? I shudder to think about it. It took them a long time to get over your loss but I think they'll be okay now.
I still miss you more than anything. Do you remember that one quidditch game? When you caught the snitch in your mouth? I will always remember that as one of your greatest achievements ever. Your face was alive with your excitement and I've never seen you look so proud of yourself. The crowd cheered and shouted in joy, celebrating your victory. That's how I will always remember you, with a smile on your face and your hand raised high in triumph. I'll remember that forever, just like I want you to remember one thing about me.
"I love you, Harry."
The End
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