Everywhere FitzSkimmons went the following morning, they noticed that most people shied away from them.
Looking back, they realized it had happened some the night before at the Feast as well, but with everyone crowded in there, and it being too late for them to be paying much attention to any of the other students, they hadn't noticed it at the time. But most of the groups they passed now were huddling tighter together the moment they spotted Fitz, seemingly try to keep as much distance between themselves and Fitz as they possibly could.
"Well, the propaganda machine has definitely done its job of brainwashing the minds of all the children in this country," sighed Fitz as they walked past a knot of cowering Ravenclaws in the Entrance Hall. "At what point can the Daily Prophet be sued for child abuse?"
"Considering the fact they're ran by the Ministry for all intents and purposes, and the Ministry holds all the courts, they'd never get convicted," replied Simmons. "If it weren't hard enough to prove to a jury, anyway. But as these children aren't going to be the ones fighting Riddle, or the Ministry, it's really irrelevant what they think. And we can't change their minds anyway, as everything will reset at the end of the year."
"Shame though," said Fitz as they found their normal spot at the Gryffindor table. "Although I guess since they're all just Matrix programs, there's no actual harm being done to any souls."
"We're just too used to helping people, we can't help but want to help imaginary computer programs as well," replied Simmons, smiling fondly at her husband.
"And speaking of helping people, how about we help ourselves to some of this scrumptious breakfast," smirked Daisy. "I'm starving."
After that there wasn't much talking, until about midway through their breakfasting, when Angelina Johnson entered the Great Hall and walked up to them.
"Hi, good summer?" she said briskly, not waiting for an answer before continuing on, "Listen, I've been made Gryffindor quidditch captain."
"Congrats," replied Fitz genuinely happy for her, before saying, "Then I guess it's you I need to inform that I'm not playing this year. I know it's a shock, yada, yada, you're going to try to convince me to stay, but I'm not playing. Nothing you, McGonagall, or anyone else can say will convince me otherwise, so please don't waste any of our times. But I genuinely am glad for you that you were picked as captain. You'll make a great one."
As expected, Angelina stared at him in shock for several long seconds, unable to comprehend the words coming out of his mouth about quidditch, and specifically not playing it.
"But—"
"No buts," Daisy interrupted sternly. "The boy said no — no means no."
Still staring at Harry in shock for not wanting to continue only the most important thing in existence, and at Ronna Weasley, who'd spent the past four years doing nothing but talk about quidditch all the time, for being the one to tell her to leave Harry alone for not wanting to be on the quidditch team this year (she would have expected it out of Granger, the studious one, but not Ronna Weasley), but getting the message, Angelina slowly walked away, shaking her dead in pure and utter disbelief.
A few minutes after Angelina left, the morning post flew in, and with it Hermione's copy of the Daily Prophet.
"Good thing Harry got so fed up with the Prophet that he canceled his subscription, or we'd be getting two copies," said Fitz as Simmons took the paper from the owl.
Simmons spread the paper out on the table in front of the three of them, but the enemy wasn't giving away any of their secrets that day. McGonagall, however, was, as she soon came around handing out their class schedules.
"Useless, cruel, good, unknown," Daisy read off as she looked at Simmons' classes for the day that said they had History of Magic, Potions, Arithmancy, and Defense Against the Dark Arts, knowing hers and Fitz's were useless as they would have Divination on them instead of Runes and Arithmancy.
"Given the book presumably the Ministry spy herself assigned, I'm pretty sure DADA's going to end up on the more evil side — unless she's using it as an example of what to never do, but I'm pretty certain that's not the case," replied Simmons. "So I think Arithmancy is going to be our only decent class on Mondays."
At that moment, the twins sat down next to them.
"Looking forward to your OWL year?" said Fred.
"Half of our class had mental breakdowns," added George helpfully.
"Harry and I are actual geniuses," replied Simmons. "And Ronna can learn when she wants to, and has Harry and I to make her sit down and learn what she needs to. So we fully expect to get O's on all ten subjects we're taking."
"If you think so," replied Fred doubtfully.
"But don't come crying to us if it turns out a lot harder than you expect," said George.
"Unless you're looking to buy a Skiving Snackbox," added Fred.
"Or want to know how we kept our spirits up our OWL year," finished George.
"How are the Snackboxes coming along? I assume you're using Harry's TriWizard money to fund your enterprise?" asked Simmons.
"You know about that?" asked Fred is surprise.
"We tell each other everything — everything," answered Daisy. "So of course we know he gave you your startup money."
"Well, they're coming," said George. "Still having trouble with a few products, but we're working on it."
"Well, best of luck, and hope you turn it into a successful business," said Simmons.
"Well, that was the biggest waste of time we've ever had here," said Daisy as soon as they were a few halls away from the DADA classroom and assured to be out of earshot of Umbridge. "And that's after four years and one class this year of History of Magic that still has yet to cover Grindelwald or Riddle, only the two most important people and surrounding events of the past century. It's like not teaching about the World Wars, or America not teaching about the Revolutionary or Civil Wars."
"Is she actually going to have us just read for every class the entire year?" asked Fitz. "I'm trying to think of approximately how many weeks there will be in the school year, versus the number of chapters, and if she can legitimately have us just read a chapter a class, maybe splitting a few chapters into two classes."
"She sure didn't teach today, that's for certain," replied Simmons with a shake of her head. "Then again, considering the fact she's probably spent her entire life in the Ministry, she isn't a professor and I highly doubt has any teaching training or experience whatsoever in her life. So it's really not all that much of a surprise that she isn't teaching. But I do want to go over a couple things that she said when we get back to our room — I'm sure both of you caught everything, but it'll still be good to make sure we're all on the same page as to what the enemy's plan is — and maybe you two caught something I missed."
"You made notes, didn't you?" said Daisy, shaking her head in loving exasperation, before asking, "So what are we going to do during class all year? Because you two already have the book completely memorized, and I've read it all as well and remember at least enough of it to know that it's complete dog shit, even if I don't have it memorized word for word."
"I wish I could suggest pulling a Care class, and skip it entirely, but assuming Harry truly is target number one or two on her hit list like we think he is — and she was definitely giving me more glances and they were lingering on me longer than I can say I was comfortable with or would call normal for a professor to do — she'll be paying close attention to whether I show up or not," said Fitz.
"She definitely seemed to be looking at you an unnaturally disturbing amount, and even if she wasn't targeting you, she's got such a power complex that she would take great offense if three students stopped attending her class," said Simmons. "So what I suggest we do during class instead of rereading her book, is read actual magical combat strategy books when we're supposed to be reading 'How to be the magical version of France in World War 2'. And I'm thinking we skip the defense section of the library this year, as we've already covered most of that over the past four years on our own, and we go straight for the offensive section — which is even sweeter since she's trying to teach everyone to not even be defensive. Of course, we'll have to conceal the real books inside her propaganda so she doesn't know that we're doing anything other than reading her detriment, so I'll have to figure out the best spells for doing that, but a quick trip to the library this evening after supper, and that'll be no problem by next class."
"Makes sense to me," replied Daisy, before asking, "So what did you two actually do all class? I can tell you that there are 806 a's, 1299 e's, 699 i's, 826 o's, and 289 u's in the first chapter, and I was even so bored and still had time left over that I counted the y's, even though everyone knows they're actually consonants in vowels-clothing — but there's 239, in case you were wondering."
"I've never wondered anything more in my life," Fitz deadpanned with a very unamused expression, causing Daisy to turn and throw her arms around him tightly and spin him around with her in retaliation. When she set him down again, he continued, "I was actually — and this is completely true, also don't judge me — but I was imagining all three of us polyjuicing into one of you two and you and Jemma having sex while I watched, until of course I eventually joined in also looking like you."
"Of course you were," sighed Simmons, rolling her eyes. "Guys."
"Actually, that sounds better than counting letters in the chapter," smirked Daisy. "Wish I'd thought of that — picturing me having sex with me while another me watches, or Jemma having sex with Jemma with another Jemma watching…either works for me. But since you were apparently doing something so much more wholesome and productive, perfect prefect Jemma, what did you spend the entire class doing?"
"Planning out our year in my head, thinking of what to do in future DADA classes and what spells I will need to make that happen — productive things like that," Simmons replied pompously, before adding in a bit of a rushed mumble, "And maybe planning what we might do in bed tonight."
"Ha! — 'Guys' my arse," exclaimed Fitz, as at the same time Daisy sighed, "Am I seriously the only one who didn't think about sex at some point during class? And I'm the slut of our trio."
"Yeah, but your our little slut and we love you for it," teased Simmons, hugging Daisy from behind. "And we all know you're normally right on par with Fitzy thinking about sex and boobs."
"And she's pretty much going to think of nothing else for the rest of the day, I'd bet," Fitz smirked at Simmons.
Daisy opened her mouth to retort something inappropriate, but before she could actually say it they stepped out of their secret passage into the main hallway leading to the Grand Staircase, and found themselves suddenly within earshot of people again, and so she had to hold it in so that no one would overhear them.
~FSK~
That evening, after a quick trip by the library, FitzSkimmons sat down on the couch in front of the fireplace in their private common room, to go over the notes Simmons had made during Defense Against the Dark Arts class earlier that afternoon.
Spreading her notes out on her lap so that Fitz and Daisy could read them as well from where they sat on either side of her, Simmons said, "Skipping the Course Aims for the moment, since they came after her little speech, let's start with her saying that our class is far below the standard she and the Ministry expects. So my question is, is this the standard of blind obedience to, and trust in, the government? Because that's about the only 'standard' I could imagine she could possibly be referring to that we're below what the Ministry wants to see. Because our defensive capabilities — while admittedly very scattered and fragmented just like she said, and second year was a complete waste — are way above what one could reasonably assume the Ministry would like us to be capable of based on the book they assigned us."
Everyone was quiet for several seconds after she finished, Fitz and Daisy just kind of nodding their heads in agreement, until Daisy finally said, "Is this the part where Fitz and I are supposed to go, 'Yes, yes, of course, you're an absolute genius Dr Dr Simmons with your two doctorates and infinite wisdom'?"
"Daisy!" exclaimed Simmons, slapping her wife in the stomach for her cheek. "No, this is the part where if you have anything to add, you add it, and if not, you just say something along the lines of 'makes sense to me', or 'that's what it sounded like to me'." She paused for a second, before continuing on, "So sense you clearly don't have anything else to add on this one, moving on to her saying that she's going to rectify the problem."
"Oh, I have no doubt that she'll be trying her darnedest to rectify the problem that not everyone is sufficiently brainwashed yet," said Daisy. "Although given the looks everyone was giving Fitz all day, I'm pretty sure they've already done a pretty good job of brainwashing everyone into thinking that Harry's dangerous or at least crazy, so it probably won't be hard for her to brainwash everyone into thinking that self-defense is bad, and knowing and being capable of using spells to defend yourself is paramount to being the bad guy yourself."
"And combining that with the next bit in your notes, the 'carefully structured, theory-centered, Ministry-approved' bit — has anything 'government approved' ever been good? I mean, seriously?" asked Fitz
"The nine most terrifying words the English language — 'I'm from the government, and I'm here to help'," supplied Daisy.
"You know, we're kind of from the government," said Simmons.
"No, we're a private organization that off and on has operated with government funding, and varying degrees of governmental acceptance and interference," countered Daisy. "And honestly, at least since I joined, we've on the whole operated best when we aren't connected to the government, even when we're fugitives because of it, and we have had the most problems when we were strongly connected to the government — like the whole Director Mace fiasco. But even when I joined Shield, in the Director Fury era, he pretty much just ignored anything the world's governments told him, or the World Security Council as they called themselves, and did whatever he wanted — because he wasn't bogged down by political differences, and trying to get reelected instead of doing what he was hired for, and could just do what was right without giving two pence what anyone else wanted."
"Okay, okay, fair enough," sighed Simmons. "We aren't the government, even if we do off and on work with them — and during the offs they usually do seem to be trying to arrest us. Okay, moving on then — or getting back on track, I guess. The Ministry has what they want us to know, and she's going to teach that and only that, thus 'rectifying' what the Ministry finds problematic — that about sum it up?"
"What it sounds like to me," replied Fitz.
"Yep," added Daisy.
"Then unless either of you had anything more from her introduction speech, on to the Course Aims?" asked Simmons. At her spouses nods, she continued, "They seem pretty straight forward to me, if a bit elementary. It sounds to me like what should have been taught in first year, only the truth instead of the Ministry opinion that Umbridge is going to try to cram into everyone's heads. Because as she wrote it on the board, if you take the dictionary definitions of the words she used, we would be learning, or coming to understand by the end of the class, the fundamental truths that are the basis for using defensive magic — or what the American Founding Fathers acknowledged as truths that are self-evident, that men are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, among which is the right to self-defense, as enumerated in the second amendment. And sorry if I misquoted some of that, Daisy."
"You did better than most Americans could, honestly," replied Daisy. "But yeah, the right to keep and bear arms — the most efficient, and honestly humane if you actually think about it, way to protect yourself. Imagine having to stab any home intruders or would-be rapists in a dark alley with a butcher knife, and them having to lie there in excruciating pain until they bleed out minutes later — well, I guess none of us actually have to imagine it, as we've probably all been shot, stabbed, strangled, and who knows what else multiple times apiece."
"And died a couple times, let's not forget about that," added Fitz.
"Yes, well, how about we get back to things where I'm not left out, why don't we, like the second course aim?" said Simmons.
"You did crawl out of a grave in the Framework, though, that's pretty close," said Fitz.
"And I never want to think about that, or any other part of the Framework, ever again," shuttered Simmons. "So on to the second aim. Which while important, can pretty much be summarized as you can defend yourself however you need to to keep yourself or those around you safe from harm in any place you're legally allowed to be in. Of course, that's frequently not what the government says, but that's the God-given right to defend yourself."
"And I can guarantee this isn't going to be a law class, which is pretty much what it'd have to be if you really went into the legal side of things," added Daisy.
"And regardless, even as just a brief overview, all that shouldn't take more than a day, so while important and relevant, hardly seems like it should be written down as a course aim," said Simmons. "So moving on to three —"
"Isn't three the same as two?" asked Fitz. "Isn't the context of the use of self-defense the situations in which it can be used?"
"I think maybe it's more meant as going through different situations, and showing how to practically use magic in those types of situations — or should be, if this was a reasonable class," answered Simmons. "The third is how you actually stretch the second course aim for the entire year."
"But we of course don't think Umbridge is actually going to be showing us how to use magic to defend ourselves in a variety of situations, right?" said Daisy.
"Right," replied Simmons. "A useful application of that course aim would be like — well, like Professor Lupin's first class with us, with the dementor. He placed the practical use of the Ridikulous Charm in the context of facing a boggart. And he continued to do that all year, bringing practical situations, creatures mostly in his case, to us to practice overcoming. Now Mad-Eye mostly just taught us the spells, but that was largely because it would be hard and more dangerous than necessary to bring many of the contexts into the classroom, and he did place the use of things like throwing off the Imperious Charm and deflecting jinxes and minor curses in the practical context of defending ourselves against him safely attacking us with them, which is of course how you have to teach these kinds of things. Make them muscle-memory before actually having to use them in the real world when you're panicking and full of adrenaline — although that's more your area of expertise, Daisy."
"Yeah, yeah, but you know this stuff nearly as well as I do even if you don't do nearly as much actual training in it," answered Daisy. "But the muscle-memory bit reminded me of something. Going back up to the 'carefully structured, theory-centered, Ministry-approved' bit, and especially the 'theory-centered' part of that — theory is not muscle-memory. No amount of pure theory in the world will ever make you capable of actually doing it in the life or death, instantaneous, split-second decision-making, heat of the moment. You've either practiced it so much that you can do it then without real conscious thought, or you're dead. Now there are of course often parts of situations when things progress slowly enough that you can think during them, usually the build up to actually having to draw your concealed gun in the case of civilian self-defense situations, so you do need to be able to think through any situation you find yourself in, but so much of it is just your training coming to light when shit actually hits the fan. You've either practiced it enough that you can do it when you need it as well, or you haven't and you can't. So that's another problem with her government method."
"Ooh, good point," said Simmons. "And when she started class with 'put your wands away', instead of 'put your books away' like Professor Lupin did and Mad-Eye implied, she certainly didn't instill in me great confidence that she's going to be doing a lot, if any, practice with us. Along with of course the fact the book has basically zero useful spells in it that we haven't all known from like first year."
"And this is OWL year, when we have important tests at the end of the year," said Fitz. "Think everyone else has learnt enough over the past four years to still be able to pass without learning anything this year?"
"Depends on how much new material is supposed to be learned during fifth year," answered Simmons. "But it doesn't really matter since everything resets, and personally I think DADA class will continue on in books six and seven, which means people have to pass in the books, at least."
Tuesday afternoon after lunch, instead of joining the rest of the Gryffindor fifth years in the walk down to Hagrid's hut, FitzSkimmons headed to the library.
They still hadn't forgotten Grubs being an inconsiderate arsehole the first day she had filled in the previous year for Hagrid while he'd been a sniveling coward hiding in his hut, and highly doubted that she was going to be any better this year, so they were going to be taking magizoology from only the greatest biochemist mankind had ever begotten, Dr Jemma Anne Simmons. After all, was magizoology really that much different than alien biochem? — and she'd figured that out perfectly fine.
But today they were skipping the normal magizoology books, in favor of seeing if Madam Pince had any ideas on what the creatures that they'd all seen pulling the carriages at the beginning of summer, but only Fitz had seen two days earlier, might be. They knew she wasn't a magizoologist, but she did know books inside and out, so there was always a possibility. There was also the possibility that every adult knew exactly what the creatures were, and it was simply something they hadn't run across in Care class or any normal conversation yet, themselves or in the books the 0-8-4 was based on. But even if she didn't know, she could possibly point them towards which books might be most likely to tell them, and if that failed, they would still have a library full of books to look at themselves. Simmons' original plan had been to look through Hermione's Care books and Hogwarts: A History, but then she'd thought of Madam Pince, and decided to try that route first.
Walking into the library, they quickly spotted Madam Pince prowling the bookshelves looking for misplaced books, and walked over to her.
"Madam Pince — do you know of any magical creatures that can only be seen by people who have seen death?" asked Simmons. "Or something along those lines."
"Thestrals. Only book not in the restricted section you'll find them in is Animales Moste Unusual. Most people think they're cursed, and only put them in books that have to be restricted for other reasons," the strict librarian answered curtly, before turning and stalking away to go scold (quietly, of course) some sixth year Ravenclaws for breathing too loudly.
Heading over to the magizoology section, they quickly found the tome she had said, and carried it over to their favorite table by the window to find the chapter on thestrals. Just as they had deduced during their carriage ride, thestrals could only be seen by people who had seen death, though apparently with the unmentioned caveat that you had to actually be old enough to remember it, or else know what death was for it to count, based on Harry only seeing them now, and not every year since his parents' murder.
~FSK~
An hour later, FitzSkimmons met the rest of the fifth year Gryffindors outside the greenhouses for Herbology.
They had only been standing on the lawn outside the glass buildings for a few minutes when the nearest greenhouse door opened, and the fourth year Gryffindor and Ravenclaw class poured out. Ginevra Weasley immediately angled towards them to give Harry a bright and slightly flirty "Hi", but a Ravenclaw girl they only really knew by sight also made a beeline towards them as soon as she spotted Fitz.
"I believe He-Who-Must Not Be Named is back and I believe you fought him and escaped from him," she said without preamble.
"Uh, thanks — by the way, what's your name? I don't think we've had the pleasure of meeting yet," replied Fitz. "Also, love the earrings. Very unique."
"Luna Lovegood — but most people call me Loony Lovegood," answered Luna in the same dreamy voice. Reaching up and flicking her earrings that looked more like orange radishes than any earrings Fitz (or his wives) had ever seen before, she said, "They're dirigible plums."
In the background, they could hear Parvati and Lavender giggling, and Simmons turned around to see them pointing at Luna's earrings.
Storming over, she snapped, "Leave Luna alone! You don't see me making fun of your hoop earrings that are so gigantic they could be used to play quidditch, do you?"
That shut Parvati and Lavender up real quick, though they did both give Simmons withering looks behind her back as she walked back over to Fitz, Daisy, and Luna.
"Well, I think they're very lovely, and fit you very well," said Fitz.
Luna clearly wasn't used to being complimented, as she definitely blushed slightly at Fitz's words, before smiling at him and bouncing away, dirigible plums swinging wildly.
But apparently FitzSkimmons clear acceptance of Luna's unusual jewelry didn't reach everyone, as the Hufflepuff fifth year guys' prefect walked up to them and said in a loud, carrying voice so that everyone standing around waiting for class to begin could hear him, "I want you to know, Potter, that it's not only weirdos who support—"
The next moment he was lying on his back on the ground, jaw aching something terrible from the solid right hook that had landed square on it, with Fitz standing over him, wand pointed straight at his groin.
"Never, ever, call Luna Lovegood a 'weirdo' again, or you won't have time to see our wands before the curses start hitting you," growled Fitz. "Am — I — Clear?"
Macmillan stared up at Fitz, completely taken aback that Fitz hadn't been overjoyed and singing his praises that he had said that he believed Harry and Dumbledore, and instead had ignored that part entirely and knocked him on his arse over the completely irrelevant part about Loony Lovegood. But he still nodded his acknowledgment of Fitz's demands, if nothing else to get the wand pointed away from his pride and joy. To Macmillan's continued surprise, as soon as he nodded, Fitz immediately held out his other hand to help him stand back up as he stored away his wand, helping him to his feet again right as the Professor Sprout called them all into the greenhouse to start class.