I was led back to the cells, shattered. All I could think was that I would spend the rest of my life in 53. I sat, trying to assimilate what had happened, both my imprisonment and the death of Jadzia. I found that I could not, and gradually my thoughts shifted to consideration of my own death. I realised, with a shock, that I was planning how best to commit suicide, how best to end it all. At least in death I could find freedom.

I was still planning when we were released for association. I did not want to talk to anyone, I leant up against a wall, not wanting to join in the conversation. The others knew about the hearing, and respected my privacy. After about half an hour of just sitting, Jamatina came over to me, sitting down by my side.

"they kept you here then?" she said, sympathetically.

"indefinite detention" I replied, feeling the desperation within me again, feeling the battle to keep my voice steady.

"I am sorry" Jamatina spoke with sincerity.

"did they do the same thing to you?" I asked her, suddenly

"Yeah" she replied "thirteen months ago. I got that same PADD and went to the hearing. They decided I was still a risk too."

"Did your friends testify against you?" I needed to know if this were a standard technique

"Some of them, yes. The ones who fought in the Cardassian war and were angry that I had lied about my origins. There are some people in Starfleet who hate Cardassians and will say anything against them for no reason. Those people denounced me." Jamatina sounded hurt

"My commanding officer was suspicious about me for nearly a year before all this happened. I didn't know, al;ll the time I was arrested, when I was in a DS9 holding cell and hew as giving me advice, he thought that there was some truth to Sloan's argument." I heard the same shock in my voice as I had heard on the tape from the holding cell.

"I'm sorry." sighed Jamatina. "I know how that feels. but you have to remember that they did it because they were scared of you. Not for being a Dominion spy, because I don't think you are, but because you had a higher cause than them. You had this set of beliefs which they didn't share, you're a better human than them. That scared them."

"But what? What do I do which is so much better than them?" I was unconvinced by her explanation.

She turned to me with a look of absolute sincerity

"You save lives. Regardless of who the person is who you are saving, you try to save everyone. I heard you tell Laren that you would fight just as hard for a Maquis than a Starfleet. I believe that. You can brush aside the divides that Sloan and his cronies impose on us, all this stuff about sides and enemies."

I still hate the Dominion. They've killed too many of my friends not to." I replied.

"But the point is, if you found a Jem'Hadar who was dying, you would try to save it if you could. Even if you hate them!"

"But I can't save anyone here." I said, bitterly "so it's a moot point anyway. I can't do anything except stare at these walls. I can't even think of a decent way to end it and leave."

"You can still fight them." Jamatina spoke with passion. "You can fight to protect yourself from Sloan, you can keep from breaking and refuse to sign the confession. You can stop him attacking other innocent people. You can keep telling the truth." She smiled crookedly as we both rose and returned to cells for the end of association.

The day after, I was till in a daze, but i could feel my sorrow starting to well up inside. I had nearly forgotten Jadzia after the hearing yesterday, but she had come back into my thoughts in the night, reproaching me for my selfishness. I was trying to grieve properly, to organise the searing pain into something more easy to deal with, when Sloan's guards marched in and marched me off to interrogation, restrained and surrounded.

I desperately wanted to be left alone, but there would be no respite as Sloan launched into his attack.

"You killed Jadzia Dax" he began. "It was your betrayal that led to her death."

"No!" I screamed back. "It was you. I could have saved her, I could have saved her. If you hadn't brought me here. If you weren't desperate for revenge!"

"On the contrary, doctor. Your treachery gave the Dominion the intelligence they needed to realise that sabotaging the temple was a good idea. They probably didn't want Lieutenant Dax, they were probably after someone else. Who, Doctor, Who?"

"I don't know!" I replied loudly. " I didn't tell them anything. When I was in 371, they asked me nothing,. I didn't tell them anything. I didn't help them kill Jadzia. I could have saved her. I'll never know if I could have saved her. You putting your stooge doctor in my place killed her. And how many others?"

"OK, Doctor. Why did you say I'm sorry Jadzia' after you found out about her death? You were crying in your cell and those were your words, do you deny that?"

"No, I probably did say that. I can't remember, I was shocked and upset and angry"

"So what did you have to be sorry about?"

"many things. Nothing. I don't know! I was sorry because she didn't need to die, she died in a temple, it was a futile death and she would have hated herself for dying that way. She would have died not knowing she was pregnant. I might have been able to tell her. I'm sorry for Dax and how eight lifetimes could be incinerated. I'm sorry it happened to her, I'm sorry for Worf."

"And also sorry for causing her death?" Sloan cut in

"I didn't kill her, you pathetic, ignorant hate-monger. I didn't do any of the things you accuse me of"

"Yes you did, Doctor. The evidence is too compelling. You may not know that you did them, which is remarkable, but you did. The evidence is too compelling. We just have to make sure we find every one of your contacts, and neutralise all of them. Now, let's begin again, shall we?"

The familiar questions began

"How many days were you imprisoned in Internment Camp 371?"

The interrogation seemed to go on for hours. Sloan was always there, asking me questions, demanding answers. When I did not provide them, he screamed at me, calling me a traitor. The questions were on all sorts of topics, O'Brien, Garak, the infirmary. Everything. He even asked me if my work on Melora had been part of a plot to allow Jem'Hadar born on low gravity planets to function in an M class atmosphere. I laughed out lout at that demonstration of his stupidity.

But the questions carried on, and as hours passed, I got more and more exhausted. Finally, with one burst of energy, I shouted at him.

"If I killed Jadzia Dax, who killed your son? You know who? You did! You've arrested the people who could have saved him, the people who were there on the front-line. You have it easy here, far away from the front-line, far away from anything. You've never fought for anyone. You killed him, not me, and you killed Jadzia, not me!"

Sloan went white. I realised I had touched a nerve, I had power over him. I was no longer a victim. I exulted in those triumphant moments, until Sloan gathered himself, radiating an aura of threat beyond any I had sensed from him before.

"You do realise that Jadzia Dax died knowing you were a traitor? Do you also know that when she gave testimony against you, that was probably the last time she thought of you. She thought you were scum, lower than scum, and she said so. It's in your file." He smiled, an evil little half-smile at me.

I lost control. I got up from my chair, anger making me forget the restraints. From far away, I heard an alarm buzzer sound, but I ignored it, the noise adding to the collage of buzzing in my head as I hit Sloan again and again with the restraints on my wrists. I reached for him, trying to tear at his skin, thrashing, pounding, hitting, tearing, over and over. I was screaming, i could feel heat, blood. Then a burning in my back, sharp like I had been stabbed by a sword made of a star. The heat turned to pain and spread across my body, I could not move, could not think. For a split second, i thought I was dying. Then the searing heat switched abruptly to a freezing cold, and I collapsed, stunned, onto the interrogation room floor.