Disclaimer:
Naruto is the creative property of Masashi Kishimoto, who created this wonderful anime/manga series. Anything not attributed to Kishimoto-san belongs to their respective owners, such as references to Cowboy Bebop (the Swordfish II) that is a creation of Sunrise and Shinichiro Watanabe, BLEACH is a creation of Kubo Tite, and vice-versa. This story is written purely just for fun, guys; please for God's sake, don't sue me! I'm just a college student with too much free time on his hands! On the other hand, any specific author created characters I created for this fic (despite how unoriginal they may be at times) are mine. So without further adieu, let's get on with the show!
The Surgeon General's Warning:
Read at your own risk. Multiple pairings inside folks, with UraharaxYoruichi (maybe a Soi FongxUraharaxYoruichi three way?) to name one, but I ain't gonna give away who will be the gal who gets Naruto's heart just yet! w00t, for Fem-Haku! You never know what you're going to get so read on (I might even do some alternative stuff, if you know what I mean).
How to be a Mr. Nice Guy
Ore no Nindo / My Way of the Ninja is...
Chapter 04:
The Mean Streets
A Naruto-BLEACH fanfic by James "Ray" Edwards
Instinctively, not really even thinking about it, Naruto shrugged off his heavy jacket and slung it around the taller girl's shoulders (maybe a head or so taller than him). If he had thought about it, he might have noticed that the girl was not shivering in the slightest despite the near sub-zero temperatures. Of course, he did not take heed to that notion in the slightest bit, his mind moving at a mile per minute on autopilot.
"Here, drink this," Naruto told the girl, as he unbuckled his canteen from his utility belt, unscrewing the cap, and handing the opened canteen to her a single crisp motion. "It's the Urahara Shouten's Mega Energizer Drink of Life (patent still pending) with all your essential vitamins and nutrients; tastes really sour at first, but it gets sweet later. Works great for all-nighters and some super-heavy duty studying!"
She stared at him with uncomprehending eyes. Probably half of things he had said to her had not even clicked in her mind at all. Heck, she was probably confused as to why he had even put his jacket around her.
With that said, the hyperactive blonde swallowed his pride and gave a sheepish grin at his own foolishness. "Well, umm, it tastes good, once you get used to it. Its, um, sorta like a soda, err, tonic. Ummm, uhhh --- think of it like water that doesn't taste like water because it's got flavor."
"'Wa-Water --- that doesn't taste --- like water'?" she responded, cocking her head to the side quizzically.
"Hora, aren't you thirsty?"
The girl looked inquisitively at his canteen, an intense spark of emotion flickering across her eyes for an instant. She licked her parched lips, as Naruto hung by on the hooks of anxiety. The suspense was killing him. Though he figured he had gained some measure of trust from her because he was not a frozen corpse, he knew he still had more work to do before he could go through with the next phase of his plan.
It amazed him still to even think that one little girl managed to decimate two teams of Mist hunter nin on her own in combat. However, considering he was able to incapacitate one team by himself using his brain and not his fists, it was not that hard to believe actually. Adults really did have a tendency to underestimate kids, neglecting the possibility that sometimes great things did come in small packages.
"Okay, umm, would you like something to eat too?" Naruto offered, procuring a "candy" bar of some sort wrapped in silver foil and presenting it to her with his other hand. "It's Urahara Shouten's Delicious Super-Crunch Energy Bar (patent still pending too)! Vanilla flavored filling on the inside with an outer layer of crispy rice and assorted fruit coated with chocolate on the outside. Now, this tastes great! Sweet!"
Almost immediately, the girl seemed to light up at the sound of the "yummy" contents of the energy bar. Congratulatory thoughts of success rifled through the blonde-haired boy's mind proudly, but he knew better than to count his chickens just yet.
"You can have it all, Onee-chan, but you gotta drink the 'water' too, okay? AND you have to drink all of it! Okay?"
She considered the offer for a moment, her brows knitting together in abject concentration, before she nodded affirmatively, much to his private relief. He handed her the opened canteen first, before swiftly unwrapping the energy bar and handing it over too. Initially, she nibbled on the chocolate-coated energy bar just to get a taste for it, chewing on it thoughtfully, but before Naruto knew it, she was wolfing it down like no tomorrow. The bar almost literally disappeared out of her hand within a second, and somewhat predictably, she began to choke.
Naruto freaked, his eyes bulging into absurd proportions as he coaxed the girl to drink from his canteen immediately. He did not know whether to start administering the Heimlich maneuver, but luckily, she managed to wash down the offending "candy" he had offered her. Right then, he was expecting her to shoot him an accusatory glance, blaming him for making her joke, but instead she did something completely unexpected.
She laughed...
"Y-You're --- right. It does --- taste like --- life!"
...and then she started to cry.
It was times like this that Naruto wish he had eyes on the back of his head. The oppressive atmosphere in the streets was drenched in layers of suffocating paranoia. Any second now, he was expecting the surviving Mist hunter nin he had left mercifully alive or the chuunin he had knocked out with Taser-chan to materialize out from the crowds, like black slivers of death. He was nervous beyond comprehension now that he had something to protect for a change, and the warmth of the girl's thin, slender hands that he grasped with his own hand was not lost to him.
Sandal Hat never let him handle any escort jobs, and now, the hyperactive blonde-haired boy was beginning to understand perfectly why: protecting someone else was hard work! He had never been so stressed out in his life. Literally, he felt like he was sweating bullets, his cold hands clammy and shaky, while his bright blue eyes danced apprehensively from corner to corner, scanning for danger. If it were not for the girl, he would have gone stark raving mad a while ago in panic.
She still wore his heavy jacket, and on top of that, he had managed to scrounge up a cheery skull cap. His open-toed shinobi shoes were a bit of tight fit, but he would sooner be condemned to the hall of shame than to let her walk around barefoot. There was not much he could do to clean her clothes, or the filth lingering all over her. However, he had given them both a healthy dose of the Urahara Shop's "Smells GREAT! Scentless Ultra Sanitizer Spray" so they would not smell like the pits when they had finally gotten out of the sewers. The sanitizing spray was one of Sandal Hat's inventions, and he claimed it worked so well that even dogs would not be able to track somebody who had applied it on recently.
Naruto was not so sure about it, but at least he and the girl did not smell like a nasty wreaking mix of dead rat, blood, feces, and whatever else was mixed into the raw sewage down there anymore. He supposed he was a little bit luckier too that the crowds of people in the bustling streets could careless about two passing children, while their minds were preoccupied entirely with the metrological phenomenon occurring above them. The snow was still falling, though it was not cold enough yet to amount to anything
Speaking of the snow, he wondered if the nameless girl had something to do with it. Her bloodline limit probably had something to do with temperature, water, moisture, or something along those lines. There was no way she could possibly control the weather, considering modern science has not even gotten that far yet. Sure, they had radios, television, microwaves, and refrigerators, but the daimyo had put strict regulations on the progress of technology. He imagined they were being brow beaten by the shinobi villages to an extent. However, they were also likely putting on such restrictions to preserve their own power.
Naruto frowned at the thought as he continued to lead the girl along by the hand. Adults. Why are they always so obsessed with power? I'm never going to understand them at this rate.
Now, the game plan from here on out was pretty simple in his mind. He had to get the girl back to his and Sandal Hat's room back at the inn. It was not safe out here in the streets, and though he hated to admit it, he would feel a whole lot safer with "Mr. Irresponsible" Urahara Kisuke around than not. After all, in a tight spot, the odds usually favored two heads over one --- or something like that expression.
Still, I don't get why she started crying, wondered the hyperactive blonde-haired boy as he sub-consciously began to slow down his strides to match the girl's pace. They were literally walking side by side now. I was going nuts trying to calm her down, then she stopped crying, and she kind of --- I don't know --- looked at me. I must've looked like a complete idiot to her! Agh!
It must have been so true to her too, but her expression had been completely unreadable. Grudgingly, Naruto figured that there were still a great many things he did not understand, particularly other people. It was so much easier dealing Sandal Hat as the man was positively a guy after his own heart. They really did not have to communicate a whole lot, and when they did, it was really just for fun or get some special details across in their conversations.
Oh well, he supposed he would have to start talking eventually, especially if he wanted to find out anything at all about this girl, like what was her name, where was she from, and so on. "Ne, are you all right with this?"
She did not respond to him at all and her dark eyes had this moody "far away" look in them. Naruto made a face at the unexpected setback, pouting comically.
"Oi, are you sure you're all right with this?" he tried again.
Predictably, the nameless girl did not reply to him, and if verbal stimuli were not reaching her, he supposed he would have to try a different approach. Gently, he gave her hand a gentle squeeze. She gasped, jolting neatly upright in mid-stride, as a faint blush graced her cheeks. Her reaction was priceless, and it brought a beaming smile on Naruto's face easily, which did not falter in the slightest bit when the girl fixed him with her somewhat emotionless mask.
"There, finally got your attention, huh?"
She stared at him, a flicker of emotion streaking across her eyes for a second before she turned away. "Hm."
"'Hm'? What's a 'hm'?"
"Hm..."
"Hmmm..." Geez, she was sure uptight.
"Hm."
"You know, you do realize we're in pretty big danger, right?"
"...hm."
"Aren't you worried at all, Onee-san?"
"Sh-should I be?" she replied listlessly, much to his surprise. Her voice was stronger than before, less raspy, but he could still sense a heavy weariness to it. He had to wonder when the last time she got a good night's sleep was.
"Well, you should be. It's only natural, isn't it? Those guys were trying to kill you! Of course, they're going to come after you again."
"...it's not the first time."
Naruto blinked. "What?"
"Nothing."
Great, she closed up on me! Smooth move, Naruto-baka! "Umm, okay...uhhh, you do know I'm lost, right?"
"Hm."
"I mean, if we can't find our way back to the inn where Geta-Boushi and me are staying, we're going to be in huge trouble. The streets are too dangerous."
"Hm."
"We're too exposed out here. And we could be-!"
Suddenly, the barely audible hiss of steel caught his ears, a brief whistle in the cold air. Instincts took over, and once again, Naruto was very thankful for his good hearing as he threw himself on top of the girl, sending them both to the ground. He could feel the hairs on the back of his neck standing electrified on end. Something buzzed by over his head by centimeters, an accurate throw that could have been deadly, and somehow, he had the feeling it had been meant for him even though its trajectory aimed towards the girl.
A glistening black kunai embedded itself with a ominous "thunk!" a foot away from where he lay prone on the ground on top of the nameless girl an near instant later. Bystanders in the street froze, an eerie pregnant pause settling over the scene, as their stunned eyes zeroed in on the spectacle. Somebody screamed and pandemonium erupted with people fleeing left and right for safety, not caring if they had trampled somebody to get out of the way.
Naruto stood up and swiftly extended a hand to the prone, knowing fully well the dangers of a riot. "Hey, come on! Quick! Get up! We need to-!"
He never got a chance to finish when something struck dead on the chest, flinging him down the street by several feet where he landed roughly on his back. The boy genius gritted his teeth, fighting through the haze of pain, as he heard something twirling away from him. Breathing haggardly, he pulled himself to his feet to a catch glimpse of his assailant standing several yards away with the girl stuck in the middle between them.
"Yo! Long time no see, gaki!" greeted a familiar looking Mist nin, clad in a greet chuunin vest, as he caught the returning object in one hand. It was a freaking boomerang. The guy had nailed him with a freaking boomerang!
Naruto snarled in distaste, glaring daggers at the sneering man, "You shinobi just have the best timing, don't you?"
"Of course, a shinobi should always be diligent and expedient in his or her tasks!"
"Hmmm, so how do you like that new 'fro I gave you, Oji-san? Or do you want another k-i-s-s! kiss from Taser-chan to make it more poofy?"
"Shut up! Because of you I look like a freakin' hippie!" the chuunin roared angrily, his eyes bulging into absurd proportions. Sure enough, where his hair had once been straight, there was now a huge mass of nappy hair, at least twice the size of his head. It was a monster afro.
"But I was seriously doing you a favor! Don't you know afros are all the rage right now? You've got style, jiji!"
"STOP CALLING ME AN OLD MAN! I'M ONLY TWENTY-TWO YEARS OLD!"
"Single? Never had a date in your life?"
"...wha- WHAT DOES THAT HAVE TO DO WITH ANYTHING?"
Naruto grinned toothily. "I knew it all along. You really are a loser! No wonder you hate the afro I gave you, and I thought it was a good trade off for the radio, too."
"Shut the hell up! I can kill you in a blink of an eye if I wanted to!"
"That's what they all say, but it ain't exactly manly to be picking on a bunch of kids, right?"
"Grrr, you've got a lot of nerve interfering with Mist shinobi business, kusogaki."
"Of course, it's only natural I got to deal with some bullies and teach them who's boss," the blonde-haired boy shot back as he took a determined step forward, causing the chuunin to brandish his boomerang impulsively.
"Hey, don't move a muscle!"
"Oh, get lost. Even you aren't stupid enough to lift another finger against me, especially not when she's looking at you, are you?"
"What?"
For the first time, the Mist shinobi finally noticed a certain little girl with a kunai, his kunai to be exact, in her hands pointed at him. His blood ran like ice, his face paled, and Naruto could have sworn the man must have wet his pants. Cold fear poured out of every inch of his body.
"Oi, Onee-san, it's okay!" Naruto shouted confidently. "You've got him, so just back away --- really slowly."
"Back...away?" the girl responded to him in an unnerving distant voice, never taking her eyes off the trembling chuunin. It was as if the entire notion of mercy was completely alien to her. "Why?"
"Look, he's not going to do anything to us as long you don't back him into a corner. Can't you see the fear in his eyes? The guy's shell-shocked."
"Hm."
"He-Hey, you're not really planning on killing him now, are you?"
"What if I want to kill him?"
Naruto choked, reeling back with a cringe of revulsion. "O-O-Oi! You're not serious, are you, Onee-san?"
"It's always the same. Kill or be killed. Why? Why can't they leave me alone?"
"Be-BECAUSE! Y-You're a-a-a-a! A MON-monster!" the terrified chuunin screamed, brandishing his boomerang threateningly. "And monster's don't deserve to live!"
The nameless girl lowered her head as threads of blue chakra began to seep out of her armed hand, enveloping the kunai she held. "Yes, that's the reason, isn't it?"
"Wa-WAIT! Stop! It's doesn't have to be-" Naruto protested before he was suddenly cut off by a sharp noise.
Up above the deafening sound of a glass window pane shattering echoed down into the street, accompanied by an dramatic shout of "LOOK OUT BELOW!" that drew all eyes upwards. By dumb luck, the Mist chuunin was closest to the origin, and by the time he looked up, he barely managed glimpse a green and black striped blur falling out of some restaurant's window on the third floor of the building. The darkness of unconsciousness consumed him a near instant later when the blur promptly crushed him into the pavement.
He was going to be feeling this one in the morning.
To be continued...
Author's Notes:
And the show goes on with chapter 4! Who fell out of the window? Will Naruto ever figure out how to deal with people? Heck, is he actually going to survive the night at this rate? If the Mist nin don't get to him first, maybe the girl he's trying to protect just might! Well, if you've got any thoughts, feelings, and/or questions: hey, fire away, fellas.
Thank you all for tuning in and remember, I always encourage each and every one of you to feel free to comment, review, and/or discuss the story. Your comments can really make a difference, I assure you, and if you're up to it, feel free to ring me up on AIM, or even send me an e-mail (although you really don't need to boost my ego too often). You know how to get in touch with the maestro here.
Tsudzuku!