Disclaimer:

Naruto is the creative property of Masashi Kishimoto, who created this wonderful anime/manga series. Anything not attributed to Kishimoto-san belongs to their respective owners, such as references to Cowboy Bebop (the Swordfish II) that is a creation of Sunrise and Shinichiro Watanabe, BLEACH is a creation of Kubo Tite, and vice-versa. This story is written purely just for fun, guys; please for God's sake, don't sue me! I'm just a college student with too much free time on his hands! On the other hand, any specific author created characters I created for this fic (despite how unoriginal they may be at times) are mine. So without further adieu, let's get on with the show!

The Surgeon General's Warning:

Read at your own risk. Multiple pairings inside folks, with UraharaxYoruichi (maybe a Soi FongxUraharaxYoruichi three way?) to name one, but I ain't gonna give away who will be the gal who gets Naruto's heart just yet! w00t, for Fem-Haku! You never know what you're going to get so read on (I might even do some alternative stuff, if you know what I mean).

How to be a Mr. Nice Guy

Ore no Nindo / My Way of the Ninja is...

Chapter 08:

Around Karakura Town

A Naruto-BLEACH fanfic by James "Ray" Edwards

"There all done. Now, doesn't that feel better?" Haku asked the boy with a beaming smile, as she finished tying up the bandage. "Not too tight, I hope, Taro-kun?"

The young plain-looking boy, around five years old, along with his gathered friends stared in awe at her handiwork, flexing his bandaged right hand experimentally. She had gotten plenty of practice thanks to her little brother and father always getting into tight scrapes and coming home with all manner of injuries, and this minor operation of first aid was no different. Why just moments ago, Taro's hand had been a profusely bleeding mess that sent all the little boys and girls gathered running around, screaming at the top of their lungs in a panic. They had never seen blood before, and it did not help that he himself was wailing loudly while waving his bleeding around in the air.

The scene had been pure chaos when she had arrived, reminding her of one occasion long ago when they had stopped by a bustling orphanage in the Earth country. It was where Haku had met Tessai Tsukabishi, otherwise known as Uncle Tessai or Tessai-ojiichan to be exact. He had insisted quite firmly on that particular affectionate address, which had the tall, muscular man into fits of ecstatic powerposing, while her father had sulked with a childish pout on the sideline. She never did find out what he was doing there exactly, but she presumed he had been helping renovate the building some.

It was an awfully old place, although the information of who exactly was funding the place never did turn up. In the meantime, she had learned plenty well how to deal with a younger children there, who all seemed to idolize her even more than Naruto did by the end of the day. Falling back on her experience, Haku decided to take the bull head-on by the horns, procuring a pair of disposable sanitized gloves and slapping them on as she marched straight towards the source of the problem.

Certainly, the crying injured boy had been quite astonished when she had appeared seemingly out of nowhere, humming a dainty little tune. She floored him with a radiant smile, a peculiar trick that her little brother and father had seen to personally as part of her training regime, considering they had been the first notice its "awesome" charming power. Predictably, she gained the boy's willing obedience in a flash and clasped his injured hand by the wrist, motioning for him to sit down, as she shrugged off her own backpack.

Haku fished out a roll of white bandages from her high-collared utility vest, including a small metallic tin filled with Urahara Shop's "Antiseptic Healing Balm," Product Series Number: SMED-09M, and a canteen with clean sanitized water. She had found that she did not quite have the same spectacular flare for naming her inventions as Naruto and Kisuke-otousama, but her frankness was a welcome change apparently, judging by their vast improvements in sales. Unlike her little brother, they had discovered she had a green thumb and a natural talent towards medicine and pharmaceuticals, which had brought tears of joy to her father, apparently so.

They had wasted no time getting her into the books, and around six months ago, they were finally able to roll out this product. The SMED-09M was her "child" so to speak, and although the manufacturing process was rather intensive, it worked surprisingly well, and the sales were highly invigorating, covering the costs in no time at all. It was a big hit in virtually all the towns they stopped by, and it was perfect for treating minor injuries, helping the wound heal much better and reduce scarring tissue.

Her father had a surprising knowledge of medical science that startlingly exceeded what was presently known and accepted in the East. He boasted jovially that it was because he was so well traveled that he knew so much, and he had been waiting for ages to pass on the knowledge and put it to good use. Armed with this background, Haku had administered "First Aid" to the boy, while simultaneously striking up an easy conversation using her "legendary" bed-side manner. Kisuke-otousama had stated firmly that she needed to be able to deal with every kind of patient possible, and had wrangled a very reluctant "Naruto-chan" into acting out all sorts of roles with her.

Needless to say, her father had about two months of rather nasty pranks to crawl through before things were relatively back to normal. They still had rehearsals once a month, which usually resulted in at least two mini-"pranks" between the two "grown men." Sometimes she had to wonder if there was really a ten year old trapped inside the adult body of her father, while Naruto might just have the constitution of a grandfather hidden somewhere as well.

Anyhow, she learned the ordinary looking boy's name was Udon Taro, and he lived on the corner of Hakone Street in a big housing complex. His father was apprenticed to a big shot merchant in town who dealt in textiles and freight, and was set to become a lower executive partner sometime very soon, while his mother was a nurse working at the big hospital around downtown. They got along fine, and he had been out here playing with his friends: Soba, Somen, and Ramen, along with some other boys and girls from school.

Haku had no idea why Taro's guy friends all had names related to noodles just like him, but as Naruto would say, it was best to chalk it up to irony. As the boy explained, they had been playing some soccer, which he indicated to the said soccer ball lying none too far away, when he had tripped and slashed his hand open on something sharp. It hurt a lot all right and the red stuff had sent everybody running around nuts when all he wanted was some help. At this point, Taro began to grumble underneath his breath how his pals were such "chicken little scaredy cats," running around like idiots when they should have gone to get him some help.

Still, the situation had been resolved peaceably enough.

"Wow, it feels good and as new, Onee-chan!" Taro exclaimed in wonder, flexing his bandaged hand. "Not too tight. Not too loo... Loooo... Dang it, what's the word?"

"Loose?" remarked Somen tentatively. He was a rather plump boy among the "Noodle Four."

"That's right! Loose! It's perfect, and it even smells nice, just like mint."

A big synchronized cry of "Ooooooooooooooo!" immediately went up as the boys and girls gathered, a good group of fifteen by Haku's reckoning, ogled her handiwork. It had taken quite a bit of work to take out the burning sting and alter SMED-09M's bizarre scent into something more --- desirable. She could still remember Naruto shooting looks of pure loathing at Father every time he got called up during those months of "R&D" to test out SMED-09M on a new scrape he had picked up. Of course, testing was no easy feat as her little brother and Kisuke-otousama had exasperatingly fast healing and metabolic rates, and they absolutely refused to have her test it on herself.

Still, they had managed to pull it off somehow, and that was why she could do this now: "Arigatou, Taro-kun. I've been practicing a lot, just in case something like this ever turned up."

"Really-Really, Onee-chan?" he asked her in wonder.

"Un-un. So how did the balm feel when I put it on?"

"Oh, that? Hehe, it felt like nothing, and it smells nice too. I wish my mama and pops had something like this at home. When mama fixes a booboo, she always uses something --- uh --- the hospital and it hurts a lot, really a lot! I hate it!"

"Is that so?"

"No mistake about it! That's why I really hate getting hurt too. My mama's always so rough!"

Taro's friends and the other children echoed similar sentiments, and Haku beamed, realizing all too well that she stumbled upon a perfect opportunity for some easy advertising. "In that case, would you all like to have a sample of this antiseptic healing balm to take home with you?"

"Anti-s-s-s-what?"

"Antiseptic: it means it can kill or make it harder for germs to infect you."

"What's a germ, Onee-chan? I never heard of that."

"Hmm, well, your mama should know since she's a nurse, but basically, they're these really tiny, tiny animals that you can't see and when they get inside you they can cause all sorts of problems. In fact, they're the real reason why you get a cold or a fever."

"Really?"

"Really-really, Taro-kun," she giggled, watching with private bemusement and pride as the boy's eyes grew wide in recognition. Haku knew the concept was still in its theory phases according to present medical science, but she had already seen it for herself in practice thanks to her father's genius, and it honestly just made perfect sense.

"That's right! I remembered my mama talking about something like that once too."

"So do you all want some? I have some candy to give away with the free promotion samples too."

At this point, the children were riled up and more than happy to take her up on her offer. She made sure to tell them that this was a highly rated product from Urahara Shoten and where to find her exactly. At least it was for the next several days while she was still in town, if their parents wanted to purchase the product, file a complaint, or make other inquiries. Normally, the store's business hours were from nine to five, but exceptions could certainly be made for special orders.

With this said and the candy distributed, her temporarily recruited junior convenience agents saluted smartly and scurried off to spread the word. Haku laughed and called after them, wishing them the best of luck and not to do anything reckless. Technically, she had not sold anything at all, but she felt that with a little luck, her efforts may just result in Urahara Shop getting a little more business than usual.

Perhaps...

"Now then, I think I'd better go have a look around town to see if Eureka might inspire me with a little more luck," murmured the dark-haired girl thoughtfully, as she gathered her things.

Little did she know that she would not have to go far in the slightest for a little "inspiration."

Marching up the bluff and back onto the paved street, Haku found herself met by a sudden violent gust of wind. Shielding herself instinctively with her arms, she weathered the strong gale, as her mind raced to comprehend the situation. Yet, just as suddenly as it had begun, the gale died.

For a moment, she wondered what had caused such a wind as it did not seem a likely by product of today's calm, beautiful skies at all, and whether it was safe to lower her guard. Haku reasoned she could not very well just stand here all day long, shielding her face, and so she slowly lowered her arms down to her sides. She scanned the scene for any clues as to what had happened: the road empty, not a soul in sight, and business was as usual at the restaurant across the way. Nobody had noticed the harsh gale save for her, and now, she had to wonder if it was all just a "freak of nature."

The dark-haired girl was ready to dismiss the incident and chock it up to her "being at the wrong place at the right time" when a figure appeared in the corner of her eye. Coming up the street was a suspicious person garbed in a dusty travel-worn cloak, bleached a light brown by the sun so it appeared, concealing her facial features as she moved with a most deadly grace. At a closer look, it was a woman, shorter than her father certainly, garbed in oddly snug clothes, colored pitch black, with dark yellow greaves on her shins and matching bracers on her forearms

Her attire was down right ominous, and the twin holsters that hugged her lithe, toned thighs from the utility belt worn across her slim waist spoke of danger that resonated with the half-gloves worn over her hands. She even wore reinforced open-toed shoes, much like the ninja, to accommodate her white split-toed socks. The finishing touch of the high-collared dark yellow vest she wore, painted her clearly as some kind of kunoichi, and yet, she carried no identification whatsoever of what Hidden Village she might be from or who her employers were. Either way, with the way she was walking around in public, it was bound to attract trouble.

Haku had her own reasons for disliking ninja in general; some of them obvious, and others not so obvious. It was because of shinobi that had her childhood, her first family, and everything had been torn apart, but if it were not for them, she would never have met Naruto and Kisuke-otousama, her second family, and a second chance at life. Still, something about this woman was clearly off from the other shinobi she had encountered over the years. The way she carried herself, powerful with a predatory intent, was a huge departure from the doctrine teachings of the Hidden Villages.

Literally, she seemed to be making no effort what so ever to hide herself or even blend in with her surroundings. It was like this --- "Hornet Woman" wanted to be noticed. The colors and the clothes she wore was all a blatant sign for anyone who came close to stay away, a warning. However, Haku was certain that she was making an effort to mask her presence in some way because she would have certainly felt any killing intent in the area right away. It was hard to describe what the kunoichi was doing exactly, but the best she could say was:

"You're hiding in plain sight. You're not the background. You're the foreground, standing right beneath everyone's noses."

The woman came to a sudden stop, her open-toed shoes scuffing audibly against the paved dirt, punctuated oddly by a bell-like chime. It was then that Haku realized she had spoken aloud, her eyes going wide with shock, as she clamped her hands soundly over her mouth. Of course, by then it was already too late, and she blushed terribly underneath the stern, powerful gaze of the much taller woman where a pair of dark brown eyes gleamed in the darkness of her cowl.

"What was that, girl?" the Hornet Woman asked her in a harsh, implacable voice that smoldered in her ears.

Haku could scarcely believe that the female vocal chords could ever produce such a sharp forbidding sound, like steel, but sure enough, here she was listening to it accomplish such a terrible feat. She really hoped her voice would never be able to do the same thing. "A-Anou...d-did I say-"

"Speak. I don't have time for games. You, obviously, wanted to get my attention, and I have to admit it, you're the first to have ever acknowledged my presence openly. In fact, you're also the first notice the mechanics of my technique."

"Hwwweeh? I-"

"No one. And I do mean --- no one. No one has ever noticed, and they shouldn't notice."

The Hornet Woman took a step towards her, and she took a step back. Something was wrong here, very wrong. Haku had not felt like this since...

A half-gloved hand shot out from the folds of the woman's cloak with deadly grace, seizing her by the throat before she even had a chance to react. "You. You're no ordinary child. There's only two people in this world who could know of this rare skill used by the Covert Ops Corps' Executive Militia."

"L-Let --- g-go..." Haku choked between grit teeth, trying to raise her trembling hands. It was an act of resistance that did not go unnoticed, and the Hornet Woman mercilessly increased the death grip around her throat, lighting her veins on fire from oxygen deprivation and slowing blood flow. She was feeling light-headed, tunnel vision setting in as her peripheral vision turned black.

"One would never dream of taking anyone else with her, much less children. They're a liability, and she understand her situation very well, despite that exasperating good cheer she puts up for a front. Also, she would never, ever teach such a dangerous thing to a child, and certainly not how to recognize it."

"Y-You...re-really..."

"That leaves only one other person. Him. That despicable traitorous trash, the man who bewitched her. Tell me: WHERE. IS. URAHARA KISUKE?"

This woman. This woman knew her father! "Wh-What...ghk...do w-want with...Tenchou-dono?"

"I, Soi Fong --- former Captain of the Second Division and Lieutenant-General of the Covert Ops Corps, have come for his head."

Black.

To be continued...

Author's Notes:

W00t, it's finally back, and I know y'all are gonna hate me for this super cliff hanger. In fact, this is pretty different from my original intent, but I figured it's about time to take the kiddy gloves off for a little. It's already chapter 8 for Pete's sake, and I want to see some fighting! How will Naruto and Kisuke react when they find out Haku's gone MIA? Is the truth about Kisuke finally gonna come out? What's Soi Fong got in store for him? What the heck's going through her mind right now? How is the whole dynamic of real world chakra and spirit world reiatsu going to work? Zanpakutou's and craziness! Do we have a hostage situation on our hands?

Thoughts! Reviews! Whatever, maybe we'll find out on the next episode of Mr. Nice Guy!

Thank you all for tuning in and leaving your thoughts for moi. I noticed we got some pretty enthusiastic and motivated reviewers out there, which gets me motivated too, so thanks for the pick me ups. On the other hand, I repeat there is no need to actually physically harm yourself. I wouldn't want to be made the scapegoat now by the media and angry soccer moms. Now, I always encourage each and everyone of you to feel free to comment, review, and/or discuss the story. Your comments can really make a difference, I assure you, and if you're up to it, feel free to ring me up on AIM, or even send me an e-mail (although you really don't need to boost my ego too often). You know how to get in touch with the maestro here.

Tsudzuku!