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Chapter 7 (NC-17)

Natalie and John continued to softly kiss for a few more minutes when Natalie broke their making out. She walked away from him for a few seconds thinking, thinking if she could do this, if she could tell him, he made a huge leap telling her in words how he felt about her, how he always felt about her and she sensed that he was different, things were different, she continued to try and figure out if she could trust him again with her heart, with her soul. John started talking and she walked back over near him and faced him as he did.

"You know when you left, I was a mess, I lost you, I lost my dad, Caitlin, almost everyone that meant so much to me. I was already spinning out of control and I couldn't stop. I spent quite a few nights drunk off my ass, and the nights I wasn't drunken I was waiting for you to come back to town. I always thought I didn't need to be with you, I mean... that came out wrong. I always thought that I would be alright with us just being, just being together but when you left, it was as if you took more of me with you than I was left with. I know I'm not making sense. "

"It makes perfect sense to me" Natalie told him as she looked into his eyes

"All I'm really trying to say is... I've faced them, all of them, my dad's death, Caitlin's murder, the regrets I've had with you, regrets that I never told you, regrets about the stupid Chris lie, regrets that I just didn't hold on to you tighter and I even regretted that we may never have had a chance to see what the future held for us. I don't know, I mean maybe we were meant to be so much more than we were, than we are now. Maybe were suppose to grow old together, to loose our teeth together, have some grandkids together, I just don't know, and I regretted that I never took the time to figure it out." John told her as he touched her cheek.

"What.. What exactly do you see for us now john? What exactly do you want for us now?" Natalie asked him as she placed her hand over his on her face.

"I see it all, the future, all of it, and I want it all, all of it with you, all of you" John told her while he leaned in and kissed her gently on the lips. She pulled away briefly and looked into his eyes. She could trust him, he opened his heart for her and she felt like she learned so much more about him in just a few minutes than she knew about him for three years.

"There's things John, things from when I was away, things I should tell you and I want to. I just don't want them to change the way you feel about me. I don't want you to look at me and pity me, or feel like you have to protect me from the world, or even that it was your fault. I just want you to know and I just want you to listen. Do you think you can do that?"

" I can do that," John told her

"Okay, but before I start, I need you to know one really important thing." Natalie said softly

"Yes" John replied still staring into her already glassy eyes

"I Love you John Mcbain, and I never stopped" Natalie said watching as his eye's became glassy.

Natalie briefly told John about how she ended up in Florida and how she met Kyle. She told him about how good he was to her for a little while but how crazed he got when he realized she wasn't in love with him the same way he was with her. She told him a few times he so casually hit her and then felt awful about it. She could see it was bothering him but when she asked if he wanted her to stop telling him about it he told her to continue. She was unsure about how to handle the subject of her being admitted to the hospital and her losing a baby. So she just said it the best way she could. She explained it to him, she explained it all, she was strong when she told him and he held her hand thru the whole sick story of her life for a year with Kyle Anders. She mentioned about the cops at Kyle's station not wanting to speak up and say anything and that was when she could see John get really mad, he let go of her hand for a minute and walked outside to clear his head, he returned shortly and she finished her story of abuse.

"It's a good thing the guy is dead or I would've killed him myself" John said as he saw her start to tear up. He pulled her near him and held her head to his chest, as he caressed the back of her hair.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that, I shouldn't have brought it up," he told her as he continued to hold her tight. Natalie pulled away from his chest after a few minutes and she looked at him, she wiped away the few tears that had fallen down her cheeks.

"I'm going to be alright John, It's turned out alright," Natalie said trying to reassure him she was going to be okay.

"Natalie you've been thru so much, last night, the last few years, Hell since you've been in Llanview. It's amazing that you can even say those words, say that's it's turned out alright" John told her as he looked deep into her amazing blue eye's.

"Well that's me amazing," she said joking as she took a few steps away from him with a small smile on her face. She looked around crossroads.

"This place is actually something what's amazing, it's going to be the perfect place for a shelter." Natalie said as she continued to walk around it looking at every nook and cranny.

"A shelter Huh?" John asked and Natalie realized she had forgotten to tell him about the shelter she helped to open in Fla.

"Yeah, a shelter, a safe haven for woman with problems, did I tell ya I used some of my trust fund to open one in Florida?" she asked him as he shook his head no.

"Well I did and that's what I'm going to do here, right here in crossroads," Natalie said as she saw a big grin come across his face.

"What are you grinning at Mcbain?" Natalie asked him as she approached him with a matching grin.

"Nothing much but you do remember this is where we first met?" he asked her pulling her closer to his body by his arms.

"Yeah, I remember, it was also here were you touched me for the first time too." she said as looked into his eye's and continued to playfully grin.

"It was, wasn't it" John said softly before he kissed her deeply.

Natalie and John quickened the pace of their kiss and John's hands went to the bottom of Natalie's shirt, he pulled it up over her head as he only briefly stopped kissing her to remove it. John's hands went around towards the clasp on her bra and he undid it without any difficulties. Natalie moved forward a little and let her bra fall to meet her shirt on the ground. Her mouth went back to his as he started to move his hands down to her jogging pants. He pushed them down her legs along with her panties, Natalie toed off her sneakers and kicked her pants and panties off of her as she also bent down to take off her socks. She looked at him as she was bent over and she saw John quickly trying to unbutton his shirt, she moved back up caressing him with her body as she did and joined his fingers to work on his buttons, button by button she helped him undo as their hands moved down his shirt and their eye's locked. After they undid the last button John pulled his shirt out from in his pants as Natalie's eye's and her hands latched on to his belt, she undid it in one swift action and she went to his button and zipper. John pulled his arms out of his shirt as he felt her warm hand move inside his pants to touch him as her other hand unzipped his zipper, excited by the feel of her hands he pulled her closer impatiently as he mouth came down on her breasts. As John felt her push his pants and underwear down he more urgently took her nipple into his mouth suckling and teasing as her hands never removed themselves from his erection.

Barely being able to breath caused by their need for each other John pushed Natalie backwards towards a near by wall and pinned her up against it as he never took his mouth off of her breasts, his tongue came out to play as it licked and flicked her already hardened peaks, Natalie arched her back up as much as possible up against the cold wall and she let out a small moan as she continued to touch him, grabbing a hold of him she at first slowly and steadily moved her hand up and down on his erection till she felt him back up a bit so she couldn't reach, she smiled knowing she brought him close and she moved her hands to his back as she closed her eye's enjoying the feeling of his mouth on her nipples. John looked up for a moment and saw her face, her eye's were closed and her head was back against the wall, she had a small smile on her face that seem to grow bigger and bigger as his tongue did it's magic on her nipples, he took one of his fingers and lowered it to her center and touched her slightly as he heard her hum in anticipation, he gently inserted it inside her slightly and he watched as she opened her eyes. She looked straight into his eyes with desire written all over her face.

"Make Love to me John" she said softly as she took his hand that was resting on the side of her head on the wall and she led him over to the bar. She stepped up on the bottom of one of the stools and she climbed up on the bar and laid herself down and waited for him to climb on top of her. John climbed on top of the bar and brought himself on top of her and inside of her; he pushed himself inside her deeply as he felt her body accept him, her legs wrapped around him pulling him deeper into her core. As much as he wanted to try and slow it down he had no control, he lost control and he started moving faster, pushing deeper inside her till he felt her start to tighten around him, he gave one last deepening push and it sent them both over the edge together. John stood for a few minutes still over her, inside her as her walls relaxed; he looked into her eyes. He was about to say something when Natalie saw him start to and she spoke first.

"I know, I know no words are needed, I've always known," she said as he pulled himself gently out of her, he laid next to her on the counter of the bar and he held her close to his heart.