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Chapter 10

It was nearing Natalie's due date when she had just finished repainting the carriage house. She had decided to move into it so she and the baby could be closer to her family in case she needed any help. She had only gone back to their room, their home, hers and John's at the hotel once since finding out he left and finding out she was pregnant. Rex had gone with her and she got her stuff and left, she didn't even want to be in that place alone, it made her to upset, the doctors were already monitoring her pregnancy closely because of the first baby she had lost. She was supposed to stay away from undo stress and try not to get so upset about things. Upset about things, she almost laughed in the doctors face when she said that, everything she thought about made her upset, John not being there, him leaving for such a stupid reason, the idea that John may never come back and her child may never have a father in it's life. Michael almost had her convinced a few times to call him, well to at least leave him a message so she could tell him, but she just couldn't bring herself to do it. Michael himself had almost told John once or twice about the baby in conversations when John had actually had time to call but the phone calls from John were very few and very short. Michael found out John took a small assignment with the FBI in DC to help them with a big case they just couldn't seem to solve. He couldn't just contact John because he was undercover but he could leave messages and John could call him back.

A few days went by when Natalie had just finished putting the baby swing Hugh had bought her for the baby together when she felt a few contractions come on, she went for her stop watch on the table and saw that they started at five minutes apart, she called up to the Llanfair and Kevin was the only one there, he drove over to the carriage house to take her to the hospital but before they left she remembered she didn't have her overnight bag and he ran back in the house for it. Natalie thought for a second and she grabbed her cell phone out of her jacket pocket, she had the number to leave John a message in her memory card because she had come so close to calling him so many times over the past five months, she dialed it and got some kind of voice mail thing, she waited for it to say his name and she left him a message.

"Hey John, it's...it's me, I just..., I don't ..I" Natalie said as she got a sharp contraction come on her and she tried not to scream into the phone but she whimpered into it a little before she hung up, she saw Kevin coming from the house with her bag and she told him to hurry.

Natalie was walking the halls waiting to further dilate to have her baby as she noticed the rest of her family arrived, she was still waiting on her Lamaze coach thou, Hugh was held up in court on a very important case and she didn't want to call him and bother him with a silly unimportant thing like her having her baby. He had become a really good friend to her in the last five months, he had become a strong shoulder to lean on the when she needed to, they were only friends and they both knew there would and could never be more because of the way she had felt about John, the way she still felt about John.

Jess saw Nat and she ran over to her just as she saw Nat's breathing deepen and Jess knew from having her daughter that Natalie was close.

"Where's Hugh?" Jess asked

"In court I didn't think it was fair to call him out of it for a baby that wasn't even his" Natalie told her in between the pain coming on her.

"I don't want him to get the wrong impression," Natalie said all out of breath

"I think it's a little late for that Nat" Jessica told her as Natalie gave her a look as she held her stomach from the contraction

"No, it's...it's not, he knows where I stand. I've...told him" Natalie told Jess as the pain was getting more intense.

"Come on honey your close lets go get the doctor and get ready to have him deliver your baby" Jess told her as Natalie just gave Jess a look.

"Jess..can..you" Natalie went to ask her to come in and be with her but she couldn't get the words out.

"Of course I'll come in with you, what are twin sisters for? Any way I want to be the first to welcome my niece or nephew into the world." Jess told her with a smile as she escorted her into her labor and delivery room.

Twenty-five minutes later Natalie naturally delivered a baby boy, eight pounds five ounces, he didn't have a lot of hair but what hair he had was a very dark brown color. It had been the most amazing thing she had ever felt, the most amazing feeling came over her when she looked into his little face, his ten perfect fingers and ten perfect toes, for which she counted as soon as he was born. She was settling into her room holding him when her family had finally left so she could get some sleep. Sleep she Thought when they insisted that she get some, how could she sleep now? now that he was here, her baby, all she wanted to do was sit and watch him do anything. She just couldn't believe that this little person came from her. Natalie sat and watched as he yawned, she watched as he slept and her mind wandered, it didn't really wandered it just thought about what it always thought about, what it felt like she thought about every second of everyday, John. He was a father and he didn't know it. Would he even care? She knew that answer before she even thought it, but she wasn't sure if he would want her. He couldn't stay for reasons she didn't understand, stupid reasons but so didn't she, she had left for almost two years because he couldn't say words that she knew he felt. She knew it in her heart and yet she used it as an excuse to run away. She saw Michael walk into the room with a huge vase of light blue roses and a teddy bear. He was all smiles.

"Well look what I found at the nurses station for you and for my nephew." Michael told her as he brought the flowers and bear close.

"Who are they from?" Natalie asked figuring they were from Michael and Marcie

"Don't know, there's no card," Michael told her continuing to smile

"No card Huh?" Natalie said and she smiled.

"Hey there big guy, I'm your uncle Mike, I'm going to be your favorite uncle, I'm the coolest of all of them." Mikey said as he looked down at his nephew in Natalie's arms.

"The coolest huh?" Natalie questioned with a smirk

"Yeah, I can be cool when I want to be. Marcie sends her love but she has a cold, and didn't want and bring it to the baby." Michael told Natalie as he continued to look at the baby.

"So does my nephew have a name?" Michael asked and Natalie was still, her smile was gone and she got teary eyed.

" I'm sorry, Nat" He said as he reached a hand out to her

"What do you have to be sorry about Michael, I'm just one big bag of emotions right now, isn't that normal, normal for someone who has just had a baby, normal for someone who loves someone and that person isn't around to see his son be born, normal for s---" Natalie was letting her emotions talk.

"Shhhhh.." Michael said and he held her. Natalie wiped away her tears after a few minutes and Michael let go of her. Natalie pulled herself together.

"So about that name. I really don't have one picked out for a boy, really couldn't bring myself to think about it. Think about the baby being a boy. Any suggestions?" Natalie asked Michael

"Well you could name him after John" Michael said softly trying not to upset her more

"Nope, couldn't do that, what if I was to name him after John and he never came back, then I would just be reminded of him every time I hear his name." Natalie told him

"Nat, your going to be reminded of him ever time you look at your son, he looks just like my brother"

"I know, but I can't bring myself to give him his name right now, not even sure about the last name." Natalie told Michael as she looked at her sleeping angel in her arms.

"How about after my father, he was a good man, and you could do it for me, not for john but because I asked you to. Please?" Michael asked and Natalie thought about it for a few minutes

"Thomas Buchanan Mcbain how does that sound?" Nat asked after a few minutes of debating over the name

"Just perfect" Michael said as Hugh walked in the door.

"I think that's a perfect name too" Hugh said as he smiled at Michael and Natalie, he looked at the baby.

"Can I hold him?" Hugh asked and Natalie nodded yes. Hugh picked him up and held him and Michael got jealous, why he was jealous he was unaware, it really wasn't jealousy it was something else, this was the love of his brothers life and his son, and Hugh was trying to weasel his way into their lives. He had never liked Hugh because of the stuff all those years ago with Marcie but there was no way in hell he was letting this guy into Natalie's life. There was no way he was going to be a replacement father for his brothers child, no way. Michael excused himself and went into the hallway. He pulled out his cell and left a message telling John in was urgent that he contact him about Natalie.

Natalie went home from the hospital a few days later with Thomas, Natalie was adjusting to taking care of him and he quickly became everything to her, her world, she even stopped spending so much time at the shelter, things were running smoothly there and she wasn't needed as often. She spent all her time taking care of the new love of her love, her beautiful son.

A few months had passed and Thomas was sleeping well, he was on a regular schedule and Natalie had even gone back to the shelter working a few days a week when she still hadn't heard from John, nothing, not a call, she didn't even get a feeling about him, a feeling whether he was safe or hurt, nothing, she chalked it up to their connection not being strong enough and she made a decision. A decision that she just had to let go, move on, she wanted to be happy again, really happy. She wanted to make things simple, to have a simple life, she wanted Thomas to have a simple life, she wanted him to have a dad, someone he could count on. It was time to let John Mcbain go, she knew it, he didn't even bother to return her phone call in over two months. Michael had even mentioned that he tried calling him a few times and he never returned any of his calls either. Natalie was just getting Thomas to bed when Natalie heard her phone ring, she grabbed it before it started to wake Tommy and it was Hugh. He wanted to see if she could attend a County fundraiser with him tomorrow night, he also included that she could try and drum up some funds for the shelter. She thought about it for a few minutes before she answered him, why not she thought to herself and she told him yes. They were friends, he knew that, she knew that it wouldn't hurt for her to get out of the house a bit.

DC Hospital

"Now agent Mcbain remember your stitches still need more time to heal, that was a pretty serious knife wound you suffered and your pretty lucky you didn't have more damage" the doctor told John as he checked him out of a hospital in DC. John called in the DC FBI office for the first time in over two months, the case was going smoothly till the end and he just couldn't chance getting caught checking his messages. He listened and Heard Natalie's voice and he froze, he heard her in some sort of pain and she hung up, he got in his car as he listened to a message from Michael saying it was urgent and about Natalie, he drove a little faster, then he got at least three or four more messages from Michael saying it was about Natalie, he was starting to panic as he raced back to Llanview.