ABC Owns them

Chapter 12

"No John, I won't be going down that road with you again" Natalie told him as she pulled away from his kiss. John leaned back on the couch and they stared at each other for a few minutes, till Natalie too leaned back up against the back of the couch.

"How do you want to handle this John?" Natalie asked

"Handle what?" John asked clueless

"Visitation, custody, spending time with your son" Natalie told him as she pulled a pillow close to her body

John took a minute and it never dawned on him, he was so happy there for a few minutes, a few minutes thinking about his son, his son that the woman he loved with all of himself gave him that he, his mind and his heart just assumed they'd raise him together, they'd be a family. He frowned a little realizing how much pain he must have caused her for her to be so distant, to act as if she didn't trust and didn't want to trust him again.

"John" Natalie said as she watched his far away stare

"I.. I.. just assumed we'd raise him together you and I, I mean I really haven't had any time to think about it, I guess maybe we should talk about it, maybe tomorrow after we've both had time to think." John told her not knowing what else to say about it

"Sounds good" Natalie told him as she got up from the couch, John also got up off the couch

"I guess I'll be staying at the hotel, maybe my... our old room is still available," he told her as he walked closer to the door.

"It's not," Natalie informed him as a sad look came upon him.

"Okay, maybe there's an other room then" John said as he changed his tone and disposition

"You could stay here tonight, " Natalie said, the words before she had time to think about what she was saying

"Okay, thanks." John wasted no time thanking her since he was pretty sure she was kicking herself for asking him,

"You can.. can stay in the extra bedroom," Natalie told him as she saw his face change, it again had a sadden look to it.

"You didn't expect to be staying in my room did you?" Natalie asked him

"No, of course not, I know I hurt you, I know it's not going to be easy to get us back to where we were" John told her as he stared into her blue eye's.

"It's not going to happen John, not ever again," Natalie told him, as her eyes got glassy.

"Natalie don't say that." John said softly as he felt as if he was punched in the gut.

"I'll say what ever I want to say, you have no say in my life anymore, no rights, you gave them up when you walked out, walked out and left me cause you couldn't handle reality." Natalie said getting upset and angry at the same time, how dare he just come back into her life now, now when she wanted so desperately to move on from his love, and then for him to act like she should just forgive him and give herself to him, that a few words or a few small actions would make her forget all the pain he caused this last time, she shook her head getting more upset, she wasn't going to let it happen, she wasn't going to fall into his strong arms and forgive him.

"You know I could say the same thing to you about when you left and ran away cause I couldn't say I love you, remember, I didn't hold it against you." John told her after watching her have a private debate in her head, at first he wasn't going to bring up the past, when she left and how so easily they picked things up but then he just couldn't let it slide.

"Are you kidding John, do you really think that was the same thing, I mean, you never committed to me, committed to loving me when I left town. You on the other hand walked out on me, we were living together, we both committed to loving each other and you got freaked and left. Now your back and I'm not sure why? And if you ever had any intentions of coming back. Did you? " Natalie told him in a huff

"While we're asking questions I could ask you if you ever had any intentions of telling me about my son." John said meeting her questions with his.

"I asked my question first John, why did you come back tonight, why after all these months you come back, come back after I've finally made the decision to move on with my life?" Natalie asked getting intense about having him answer

"Move on with your life? You mean move on with Hugh Hughes don't you?" John said snippy as he was upset by the fact that she made a decision not to wait for him.

"This has nothing to do with Hugh, it's about why you came back tonight?" Natalie told him as her temper softened a bit

"I.. I got your message and it upset me, I just got my messages tonight, I was deep undercover and I couldn't check them before tonight. I got several from Michael to and he said it was urgent about you, so I..I got scared an came right over to make sure everything was alright, to make sure you were alright" John told her softly as he looked at her glassy eye's.

"Why didn't you just call?" Natalie asked as they both were calming from their prior words.

"What?" John asked wondering himself why he just didn't call.

"It would have been easier and faster to just call me, why didn't you?" Natalie said clarifying her question

"I don't know, honestly I'm not sure, maybe I just needed to see you, to make sure for myself that you were okay. You know I didn't leave because I didn't love you, I left because I loved you too much." John told her as he continued to stand in front of her; he reached his hand up to push a piece of hair behind her ear.

"There's no such thing John, it's not possible to love someone too much." Natalie told John and they heard Thomas cry out in the baby monitor, it wasn't his usual cry and Natalie automatically walked over to the stairs and went up to check on him. John saw Natalie's concerned face as she walked upstairs and he followed her up.

By the time John entered Thomas' room Natalie was holding him to her chest and walking back and forth across the room with him.

"Is he alright?" John asked as he moved inside the room with Natalie.

"I don't know, he feels warm, like maybe he has a fever" Natalie told John as he walked closer to her, john stopped right next to them and felt Thomas forehead.

"Yeah, he feels warm" John told her as she started to quiet him with her walking. Natalie continued to pace for a few minutes when it seemed liked he was sleeping in her arms. She felt his head again and he didn't seem to be really hot just a little warm, she leaned him down to put him in the crib and he woke up screaming again, Natalie again held him to her chest and started walking him around. Natalie had walked him for almost an hour with each time she tried to put him down him waking up screaming, finally John who had asked Natalie several times to let him help, went over to her when he saw how exhausted she was and took Thomas from her arms.

"Here, give him to me and you go lay down and rest" John told her

"No, I've got him, I don't need to rest"

"Natalie go take a break, I can do this, let me " John told her as he looked into her exhausted eye's

"Okay, but only for a little while" Natalie said and she went into her room for a rest. Natalie fell asleep after only a few minutes of lying down, John walked Thomas around and then they walked into Nat's room. John watched her as she slept, she was so exhausted, probably not only because of tonight but because he knew Natalie probably didn't let anyone help too much with Thomas, he knew her and she probably insisted on doing everything herself, alone. He thought about how she did all this alone, had his baby, set up this warm house for him, how she was loving him alone, how she took care of him alone while he was growing inside of her and how she was taking such good care of him alone now that he was born. He thought about what a fool he was, what a mistake he had made, another mistake to add to his collection of mistakes that he made when it came to loving Natalie. John shook his head at the fact that he was so stupid. He had told her when she came back that he wanted things with her, a future with her, a life with her and about all his regrets yet he went ahead and made another one, a huge mistake, a huge regret.

John continued to watch Natalie sleep as he and Thomas walked around her room, he started to think about what she said to him earlier, earlier about not wanting to go down the road of loving him again, how she had just let go, let go of loving him and she had moved on, he knew he had his work cut out for him, she wouldn't trust him again easy, it would be even harder this time, probably the hardest it's ever been. He kissed Thomas' forehead and he knew he wouldn't be giving up this time, he wouldn't stop trying, he wouldn't stop doing till she trusted him again, till she felt she could love him without being hurt by it. He didn't want any more regrets, he couldn't handle anymore and he refused to have anymore. They had, had a child, a baby, a son, and they loved each other more than anything else, there was no way the three of them wouldn't be a family. There was no way Natalie would never be his wife. John watched Natalie sleeping for a few more minutes when he laid on the bed next to her with Thomas on his chest and they too fell asleep.