I watch in the darkness as he approaches me. I knew I should have stayed in bed instead of coming down here. Downstairs he can walk around, it's just upstairs he can't get to.
I pull the baby gate behind me, remembering I'd left the top one undone but too edgy to turn my back to him.
His eyes wander across me, perched on the bottom step in a strap top 3 sizes too small and a pair of his boxers, wishing I was wearing the biggest coat ever. At least then the leering would stop.
He moves towards me, the alcohol distorting his balance and he stumbles, catching the banister at the last moment but leaning over me menacingly.
"The baby is crying." He offers as an explanation for his behaviour. I can smell weed on his breath as well as whiskey, and I retch that mixture and memories from over 17 years ago bringing the acid surging upwards. "You look pretty tonight."
"Th…thanks." His hand reaches out and grabs my face, pulling me from my seat to kiss him.
"Don't give me that look, bitch. You love it, and you love me." I nod, words failing me. "Make me some coffee."
I move away from him and into the kitchen. I turn my back to him for once then wish I hadn't.
His fingers skim the top of the boxers, up my sides and into my hair. I carry on filling the kettle as he mauls me, his hot mouth sucking at my shoulder then my neck, finally on my earlobe. I spoon in coffee to a mug as he pulls my head round to kiss me again.
"I thought you wanted coffee."
"I do, but I want you too." He twists me round, my hip clicking painfully. "I can feel your ribs." I look away from him, out the window. The streetlamps form fuzzy light domes on the pavement and above them the million twinkling stars seem to spell the word 'RUN'. I laugh without humour, a laugh that rattles in my chest and makes Steve stop his assault on my body.
"What you laughing at?"
"Nothing." I look back at him, forcing my eyes to look into his.
Suddenly Indy lets out a cry from upstairs. Instinctively I move to retrieve her but Steve has hold of my wrist.
"Let's leave her. See if she gets the message she isn't loved."
"Steve! We love her." He raises an eyebrow. "Please, what if she tries to get downstairs?"
"Then the stupid thing can fall. Teach it a lesson."
"Shut up! She's only a baby." I almost hear a click as his eyes lock onto me. Indy screams louder and his eyes seem to light up.
"Don't tell me to shut up." He says, his voice soft and smooth. I shiver but know better than to try and run-he's faster when he's drunk. "Haven't you learnt a lesson yet? Steve Curtis doesn't get told to shut up." Seemingly out of nowhere I feel something metallic on my back. I jump in spite of myself and Steve smiles. "Like that?" He jabs my back lightly with it, watching me squirm. Indy screams again. "Want more?" He lays the blade full length on the bare part of my back. I realise with a jolt it's the carving knife, a 9 inch monster.
"Please Steve, I'll shut Indy up and then come back down."
"Oh no my pretty, I want my fun with you first." Under his control I walk upstairs. Indy stops crying the second I appear but she knows something's wrong and backs into a corner. Steve barely glances at her, uncaring now she's quiet.
I stare at the ceiling, hardly aware of him holding the knife to my jugular vein, pulling off my top and shorts, moving away and returning unclothed. I murmur my resistance as he moves closer but inside I'm dying. Once he's satisfied he disappears from my view but I jump when I feel the blade touch my inner thigh.
"Oh, I couldn't- too perfect. But here?" He runs the blade up to my torso then drags it across my exposed ribs. A slash appears, not deep but the blood spills over. I'm numb. He sneers as I twitch with every blade movement, the pain registering deep inside my head.
Eventually the sweet darkness encloses me and I slip under.
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Alex sneaks back in at 6.30am. He looks forlorn and sorry for himself. I've felt a dull pull inside for the last hour. I thought it was my worry for him but it didn't go when he got back. It's almost like a pain, one that slashes at my chest with every breath. Something isn't right.
"Abby…sorry for ringing so early…oh, good… Are the kids okay?" I sigh as she says they're fine. "Thanks. Yeah…we found her…I'll call later." I should be glad they're okay, but instead I just feel uneasy. I wrack my brains for ideas, and fall across only one lead. Sam.
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"No." I whisper, feeling the breeze play across me. The pain stops me moving but I squeeze open my eyes.
The dawn light peeks through the curtains. Steve is not here, but that doesn't rule out him being somewhere near. I hear a whimper and turn my head to the side.
Indy is scrunched up at the foot of the bed. I'm laid lengthways across it with my feet towards the door. Indy's holding her arm in a weird way and suddenly I realise what he's done.
"Hey baby." I whisper, listening for him moving. With hope he's passed out somewhere. She looks at me, her eyes glassy green pools.
"Mama." She doesn't dare come closer; I know without looking I'm messed up.
"Hey baby." I speak gently, softly. Her fear fades slightly. "Mommy's ok. Look, I'm awake. Can you get me the phone baby?" She stares at me, afraid of moving away from her safe spot. "Go on, he's gone." She shakes her head. "Please honey." I try to sit up but I can't. White spots flash in front of my eyes and I fall back asleep.