If you need to fall apart.
I can mend a broken hart.
If you need to crash then crash and burn.
You're not alone.
----

This waiting is killing me; the worry is making me crazy. The only thing I can do is pray she's ok, I have no control.

Jorge appears at the door of the family room with India in his arms. She's in a cast and sedated but she seems to be coming around.

"She's a madam isn't she?" Jorge laughs as he hands her back to me. She looks up and smiles then turns her head into my chest.

"Yeah." I say simply, not sure if she is or not. I rock her gently and listen to her gently sighing. Jorge says goodbye and leaves the room.

"You alright Alex?"

"Sort of." He pulls his sweater sleeves over his hands, a sure sign he's worried. I know every last one of his nervous habits.

"Hey, we're all worried. But I really think she's strong enough to pull through. She has you and India, and Meri, Freya and Max at home."

"What happens if that isn't enough? What happens if she really can't fight anymore?" I see tears blot his eyelashes, roll silently down his cheeks.

"Do you really think you guys aren't enough for her? She'd give the world to keep you safe-look what she put up with for you and then for India."

His head snaps up and he looks at me, confused.

"What did she put up with for me?" I bite my lip, remembering he never knew. "Did dad do this sort of thing to her before?" Slowly I nod and Alex coughs.

"It wasn't as bad as this though." He shakes his head, thinking.

"All those times I told him where we were, told him our address or the name of the hospital. All those times I tortured her for not letting me see him. She was trying to stay safe and I let him straight back to hurt her."

"It's not your fault Alex." I stress. If he even begins to blame himself this could spiral out of control. "All you wanted was a dad."

"But I could have had you. Why did I reject you?"

"Cos I wasn't as cool as your dad-I didn't give you alcohol or let you stay up late."

"But you cared for me, and Mom. You let me play X box and you gave me freedom." He seems so confused it's almost heartbreaking.

"We all thought he was better than this."

"Mom knew." With that he lies down and pulls a coat over himself. I long to ask if he's mad at me for waiting so long, or mad at her for staying. Or mad at himself…for reasons only he can think of.

---------

A thousand angels dance around you
I am complete now that I've found you

---------

The moment I wake up I know something's different.

The bed underneath my back is softer. The blanket covering me smells of antibacterial wash. The pain I can still remember niggling at the corner of my brain seems so far away now.

I try and force my eyes open but the lights are directly above me and they burn my fragile eyes so I slam them shut again. Pain zings through every part of my head at the tiny movement and the only way to cope is to suck in deep breaths… except I can't because there is a large tube in my throat delivering measured amounts of air. Argh, I hate these things.

I must have started triggering the vent because a nurse appears from somewhere, talking softly and moving the lamp away from me.

"Samantha. Can you open your eyes for me?" I pull them apart again, each one feeling like concrete. She smiles genuinely and raises my head a little. "You were put on a ventilator to help you breathe but we can take it out if you feel strong enough." I nod as vigorously as my head will let me and she smiles. "Just a second, I'll call the doctor in." She disappears from a door.

Luka! Alex! Images spring forward, I vaguely remember Luka talking to me, Alex holding my hand. Where's India? Where are they all?

"Ms Taggart, I'm going to remove the tube. I want you to take a big deep breath and after three, blow really hard, Okay?" I nod. "1…2…3." A basin appears under my chin and I gag a little but keep my stomach acid in its rightful place. I cough a few times and they slip a tube under my nose. "Don't try and speak too much, just sip this water slowly and we'll be back to check on you soon."

"Thanks." I whisper and the doctor smiles, his glasses glinting in the faded light.

"By the way, I'm Trina. Just call me if you need anything." She moves the button into my reach and pats my hand. "Try and get some sleep."

I drift in and out of sleep for a few hours then wake up when I hear a baby mewing.

"Sorry, she won't be quiet." A young girl smiles at me from the bed opposite me. I struggle to sit up and then smile weakly back. "You look…"

"Rough?" She giggles.

"I was going to say pale. I'm Lydia."

"I'm Sam." I croak, sipping the water again. "Why are you in?"

"I have an infection in my womb." She sighs. "I have to have strong antibiotics, which means I can't feed her." Lydia gestures to the baby basket next to her bed. "She's not used to not getting food on a regular basis."

"My baby was the same."

"How old is she now?"

"16 months. Her name's India."

"Aww, what a sweet name. She's called Summer, because she was born in the summer. She's 2 months." I nod and smile stronger. "Why are you in?"

I'm saved from trying to remember by the appearance of Trina, who bounces into our room grinning like a loon.

"Oh, you're both awake." We nod. Trina sorts out my catheter, takes my temperature and notes my BP and heart rate then sits on the end of my bed. "Are you in any pain?"

"A little." I point to my stomach, the memories still cloudy. "What happened to me? I'm a nurse, tell me straight."

"Well we don't know how you got the wounds but you came in and appeared to be stable. We stitched up the wounds and you woke up but unfortunately your sats dropped shortly after due to internal bleeding. Our surgeon operated on you and tied off the bleed caused by a broken rib and you stabilized." She smiles. "There's one more thing we need to clear up…is there any chance you were…raped?"

I bite my lip, trying to stop the tears from falling. I don't remember but I have an awful feeling he did more than beat me up.

Trina takes my tears as an emotional 'yes' and nods.

"I'm sorry Samantha, but we will need to do a rape kit. If you want, I'll do it with another female nurse." I nod softly. She disappears and returns quickly with another young nurse, about my age.

"Hi Samantha, I'm Ruth." She places a warm hand on my forearm. "You're gonna be okay. We need to ask you some questions- Have you had sexual intercourse in the last 72 hours?" I shake my head and they ask the last necessary questions then begin the kit.

Luckily it takes less than ten minutes. I keep my mind on the kids, on Luka, on my old life throughout and barely hear when they say they're finished.

"Samantha, we're done." Ruth pulls the sheet over my legs and writes on the chart while Trina labels the samples. They both smile softly and pull the curtain back to exit. "Do you want this open?" I nod. I don't feel like being alone with my thoughts right now.

-----

You're not alone.
Because there has always been heartache and pain.
And when it's over you'll breathe again.
You'll breathe again.
When you feel all alone.

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