So? How was chapter 4? Crappy I'm sure. Except for Kaeryu, who is easily amused by my poor efforts. ;; If any of you few readers and reviewers have any suggestions for the next chapter or problems with all these chapters, plz tell me so I don't look like an idiot. I try, I do it for you people! I DO IT FOR YOU! So here's chapter 5. Disclaimer: I don't own SSBM...(well, actually i own the game, but...not the people. so technically, i do in a way) Enough rambling get on with the show! This chapter is mostly adventure. Sorry guys. And beware of very mild shonen-ai. Also sorry, I just had to do it.
Chapter Five - Francis and the Beetle
Falco was driving Samus, Fox, Marth, Link, Zelda, and Roy to the grocery store since they mysteriously ran out. He doesn't know the way, but Marth refuses to tell him. What a jerk!
Falco: Seriously Marth! You've gotta tell me the way!
Marth: Why should I? You wouldn't let me drive, cheated at rock, paper, scissors, then DENIED cheating, and now you're asking for my help?
Falco: Well come on! Do you wanna get to the grocery store or not?
Marth: Let's just see you find it on your own, you are a pilot after all, aren't you?
Falco: Yeah...
- 25 minutes later, Link, Marth, Roy, and Fox are all asleep -
Samus: (trying to wake Roy up by doing annoying things like poking him)
Falco: Leave him alone.
Samus: Make me! (sticking out tongue childishly)
Falco: (sigh) I'll pull over if I have to.
Zelda: How can you? There aren't any shoulder lanes out here. They aren't any lanes period!
Marth: (waking up) What? Then where are we, you buzzard?
Falco: Uh, go back to sleep, you're imagining things...
Marth: eh, ok...(goes back to sleep)
Zelda: Where ar-
(car hits a very large bump, causing the unstable vehicle to jolt severly)
Link: OW!
Zelda: Oh no, are you ok, Link?
Samus: What did we hit, a whale?
Falco: I don't know, I can barely see!
Fox: Do you have any idea where we are, for the third time?
Falco: No! Marth should've told me where the store was!
Marth: (waking) You should've let me drive. (going back to sleep)
Samus: (poking Roy) He's still asleep...
(hitting another large bump, causing pretty much everyone to hit something, even with a seatbelt)
Link: ARRGH! Let someone else drive!
Fox: Yeah!
Roy: (finally waking up) Are we at the store yet?
Zelda: No, and I doubt we ever will be! Thanks a lot Falco!
Falco: Stop ganging up on me and help me out!
Roy: Let Marth drive! He knows the way.
Fox: Yeah, but I don't think it matters out here. We don't have a compass, we can't see anything, and we're in the middle of nowhere.
Samus: So even if you knew the way, we're still gonna die.
all: ...
Falco: Ok, Marth. Drive.
Marth: Thank you and finally. (switching places w/ Falco)
Roy: Uh oh...
Samus: What'd you do Roy?
Roy: ...Nothing, we're just out of gas.
Marth: WHAT? (vehicle stops completely)
Link: ...And how long had you been driving for, Falco?
Falco: Not that long, it was 3/4 empty when we got in.
Marth: ...COULD THIS GET ANY WORSE?
(it began to rain)
Marth: ...Kill me now...
Fox: Well, at least we can push the vehicle to safety.
(car's tires all flatened)
Fox: ...
Zelda: Well, at least we have cell phones so we can call for help!
Link: No, the signal's dead.
Zelda: ...
Marth: Everything you say that includes "well, at least" goes bad.
Samus: Well, at least Roy doesn't secretly have a crush on me or something!
Roy: ...
Samus: ...
Roy: ...
Samus: ...damn.
Marth: Come on, we can't just sit here forever.
Roy: Yeah, we'll eventually have to eat. Dammit, why couldn't the car break down after we went grocery shopping?
Marth: Because Falco had to drive.
Falco: Argh! Shut up about it! I'm sorry!
Fox: Let's get out and look for help, or at least see where we are.
Zelda: But it's raining!
Fox: ...Like I said, let's get our and look for help.
Marth, Roy, Link, Falco, Fox, and Samus: (getting out of car)
Zelda: ...Ok! I'll just stay behind, and...watch the car! Good luck...
Link: 'kay, see ya.
Zelda: ...They're really leaving me...(sobbs)
- Meanwhile... -
Link and Roy lead, using their swords to cut through mysteriously tall grass while Falco and Fox guard the rear, guns in hand. Marth and Samus are...somewhere in the middle.
Link: Damn, this grass never ends!
Roy: I know! And my foot itches real bad!
Link: ...Man, this grass is tall!
Falco: Where's Zelda?
Link: Uhhhh...
Flashback
Zelda: ...Ok! I'll just stay behind, and...watch the car! Good luck...
Link: 'kay, see ya.
End of Flashback
Link: Dunno.
Fox: She's probably ok.
(rustling in the grass to the right)
Samus: En Gardé! (aiming imaginary gun at the noise, since she doesn't have her suit on) Aw, shit!
Marth: Quiet.
all: (listening)
Roy: ...BOO! hahahahahaha!
Falco: (sigh) Let's go.
Roy: (still laughing) I scared you all, that was classic.
Samus: Ok, we're scared to death, now SHUT UP!
- Meanwhile -
Zelda: ...
Zelda: That's it, I'm going after them!
Zelda: Guys! I'm coming! GUUUYYSS!
- Meanwhile, back in the grass from hell -
(rustling from behind)
Link: Wuzzat?
Falco: I don't know, but me and Fox will go check it out. We wouldn't want anything following us.
Fox: Yeah, and we shouldn't stop for this anyway, so you guys keep going.
Marth: Ok, we'll...meet up later, I guess.
Fox: Yeah. (leaving with Falco in the opposite direction)
Link: I hope it wasn't anything dangerous.
Zelda: Waaiiittt guys!
Link: ...Did y'all here something?
Marth: No, now shut up and let's go.
Samus: I'm with you on that one.
- Fox and Falco -
Fox: ...Why did I go with you? Now we're twice as lost! And Link and Roy even left a trail of fallen grass that leads back to the vehicle and we still got lost!
Falco: So what if I have a bad sense of direction? And isn't that Zelda's shoe?
Fox: ...What?
Falco: No, really. (picking up pink thing) Yeah, it is!
Fox: So she is out here! ZELDA!
Falco: She's off the trail too, like us. So she could be lost, like us!
Fox: We gotta go find her!
- Marth, Link, Roy, and Samus -
Link: Hey guys, I'm cold and wet and hungry. And thirsty.
Roy: Cool, me too.
Samus: I don't think we're going to find any help in this forest of grass. Let's turn back.
Marth: What? We've already come this far!
Roy: Yeah, and we were looking for food too! And I'm reeeallly hungryyy!
Link: Me too!
Samus: (sigh) Alright, but can we at least take a break?
Link: Yeah, I have to go to the bathroom anyway. (wandering off)
Marth: Ok, my shoes are killing me.
Roy: And I'm tired too.
Samus: But you took a loooooong nap in the car.
Roy: Only 35 minutes.
Samus: ...You counted?
Roy: Well yeah.
Samus: ...weird.
(load woman's scream in the distance)
Marth: Oh no, Link!
Samus: Uh, it says "woman's" scream.
Marth: Oh...well then, what's wrong with you?
Samus: IT WASN'T ME!
Roy: I bet it was Zelda!
Marth: Right, she could be in danger! Let's go find her!
all: (running ahead, slicing grass at an astonishing rate)
- Fox and Falco -
Fox: Ok, we're lost, we haven't found that thing behind us, food, help, or Zelda.
Falco: And what are you gonna do about it?
Fox: I don't know, I'm just tired, I'm taking a break.
Falco: Ok me too. (second later, falls asleep)
Fox: Great.
- Meanwhile -
Link: Much bett- hey! Where'd those losers go?
Zelda: LINK!
Link: Zelda? What are you doing here?
Zelda: I sensed you were in danger so I just couldn't stay back at the car! I had to go and help you!
Link: ...You were just scared weren't you?
Zelda: Yeah.
Link: (sigh) Well, Fox and Falco are back somewhere and the others left without me.
Zelda: If we run fast enough, maybe we can find them.
Link: Uh, ok, let's do that!
both: (running at full speed following the cut grass)
- Marth, Samus, Roy -
Roy: Crap! We forgot Link!
Samus: Damn, let's stay here for him. Zelda will have to wait.
Marth: Urgh...hurry up...
Link and Zelda: Hey there they are! (running to meet them)
Link: What'd you guys leave m-
Samus and Marth: Zelda, you're ok!
Zelda: Yeah, of course I am.
Roy: Then, that scream we heard...it wasn't you?
Zelda: No, you heard someone scream?
Link: Man, this is getting creepy.
all: (continue walking)
Samus: Let's just find a bunch to eat then turn around.
Zelda: (leaning against Link for warmth) Ok, but let's be fast, we've already gone too far from the vehicle.
Roy: Good point, and we nee- (falls into a mysertious hole in the ground)
Marth: (not watching where he was going, fell into the same hole)
Samus: Guys?
Hole: (covering itself back up)
Zelda: Oh no! They fell in that hole!
Hole: Hey! The name's Francis!
Link: Uh, ok. They fell in Francis!
Samus: Let them out, Francis!
Francis: Bwahahahaha! Never!
- Inside Francis -
Marth: Owww...
Roy: Where are we?
Marth: I don't know- holy shit!
Roy: What's that thing!
(a big thing that looks like a beetle that grew 10 sizes came into view, angry)
Beetle: Who are you people?
Roy: Oh, it's talking?
Marth: Uh...
Beetle: Answer me! (blowing fire at them)
Roy: (defending Marth/getting charred by the fire ((nothing he isn't used to i'm sure)))
Marth: How can we answer you if you're trying to kill us!
Beetle: ...Ok, I'll give you 5 seconds.
Roy: I'm Roy.
Marth: I'm Marth.
Beetle: I don't like those names! So I'm gonna kill you! (blowing more fire)
Marth: That's a dumb reason! OW! (arm slightly burned by fire)
Roy: Marth! Move outta the way!
- Meanwhile -
Zelda: Uh, 17?
Francis: Nope.
Link: 69?
Francis: Not even close.
Samus: Stupid hole! How are we supposed to guess a number between 1 and 100?
Francis: Ok, ok! I'll tell ya! It was 122! Hahahahaha!
Link: ...
Zelda: ...
Samus: ...
Francis: Ok, another one. This time between 1and 50.
Zelda: Umm...89?
Francis: No, this time it's actually between the numbers.
Zelda: Ok, just making sure.
- Inside Francis -
Beetle: Why won't you diiiiiiiiiie! (throwing chunks of earth at them)
Francis: ouch.
Roy: I lied! My name's actually...Link!
Marth: Yeah, and I'm Samus!
Beetle: ...
Marth: ...?
Roy: ...?
Beetle: Even worse! (blowing the ever-popular fire)
Roy: (counters the fire, while also getting singed)
Beetle: OOOOWWW! OUCH! (on fire, swinging arms and legs in a rampage, knocking away some of the earth)
Roy: How'd you like that?
Marth: Shut up, showoff.
Roy: Ok, Beetle! Stop...flipping out and fight me!
Beetle: (not listening, swinging around in a rampage, knocking away more earth, causing it to shake, causing Marth to fall over, causing...)
Marth: (picking up a white sash on the ground that looked fairly recent) What's thi-
Beetle: You will not...survive! (knocks Roy over on top of Marth, who quickly put the sash in his pocket)
Beetle: Ouch my hand! (slams around even worse)
- Outside Francis -
Francis: OW! What is that beetle doing?
(soon, the whole ground area caved in and Zelda, Link, and Samus fell in)
Roy: (still on Marth) You know...you have really beautiful eyes...
Marth: (slaps Roy)
Samus: You guys! (running over to them)
Zelda: Are you alright?
Roy: Uh, pretty much, all the dude's been doing is going crazy and running into walls.
Link: Well, that's good, he's an idiot.
Marth: Yeah, and he doesn't like our names. ROY GET OFF ME!
Roy: Ok, sorry. Link, you should try shooting the beetle, for the sake of this planet.
Link: Hmm, good idea. (shoots beetle in the eye with arrow, causing it to fall over dead)
Samus: ...Well damn.
Roy: You got mad skills.
Link: Naw, he's just a wuss.
Marth: Well, now we're underground...
- Fox and Falco -
Falco: (still asleep)
Fox: (irritated) WAKE UP! THERE WAS AN EARTHQUAKE AND YOU'RE STILL SLEEPING!
Falco: Oh...I'm up.
Fox: I think that's where the others were. Let's go check it out. And this time, I'm leading.
Falco: Ok, ok.
- Meanwhile -
Zelda: Heeeeeeeeelp! (cough cough) Heeeee-
Link: Zelda! No one's coming.
Zelda: (crying on Link) We're doomed!
Samus: No we aren't! Look!
Fox: How'd you guys get down there?
Link: Long story, just get us out.
(soon, they were all out. No one knows how, but whatever)
Fox: Hey, while I was waiting for Falco to wake up, I found 2 tanks of gas and a map!
Zelda: Cool! Then let's go grocery shopping!
Link: OK!
Roy: So, who's driving?
all: ...
The end of that chapter! That was way more action and adventure than I'd planned for, so sorry. It wasn't very humorous. Or was it? I had fun typing it, so tell me if it was good in your review! That you will without a doubt leave me! Um, right, the questions. Will they escape the forest? Will they make it to the grocery store? Who will be driving? Where did Fox get the gas and map? What's the deal with Zelda's shoe and the white sash? Are they articfacts of the unknown? Find out next time, in
chapter 5, i mean 6!