This story is officially dedicated to Kaeryu because this person (still not quite sure if they're a boy or a girl Oo) is one of the few who reviews me on a daily basis, or every time I update. First of all, I think I'm doing a pretty good job of updating fast, pretty much everyday, but does that make my stories low quality? Not to mention the very seldom typos we come across. And secondly, I'm still thankful for all your reviews everybody, but think about it. I update fast, have little typos, use capital letters and punctuation, don't do a bunch of stupid fangirls stuff like talk to the SSB people (though I might eventually, but I won't be retarded about it), and I'm always keeping you up to date with this stuff, as you will see later. I'm not fishing for compliments or credit, but 8 reviews on 5 or 6 chapters is pit-i-ful. This chapter has a lot of suspense. And here's an example of keeping you "up to date".
Chapter 6 - The Shop of DEATH!
Last time, Fox, Falco, Link, Zelda, Roy, Samus, and Marth were all lost in a forest in search of the grocery store, as a result of Falco's driving. They searched through the rain and grass for help, food, and a map (plus gas) and Roy and Marth were eaten by a hole! I mean Francis! They encountered a beetle, Link killed it, Fox found a map! (plus gas) Now they are continuing to the grocery store. But what's the deal with the white sash Marth found and the pink shoe Falco found?
Roy: So, who's driving?
all: . . .
Fox: Well, I found the gas and the map, so I should!
Samus: I don't think I trust animal pilots so much anymore.
Falco: (scoffs) Not me that's for sure.
Roy: How about me?
Marth: We'd all die of starvation before we reached the store if you drove.
Roy: Aw, come on, I'm not that slow!
Zelda: Samus! You drive!
Samus: Ok!
Link: . . . That was fast.
Zelda: Shotgun!
Link: I call the right!
Falco: . . . Why? I mean I call left!
Fox: Dibs on the middle seat!
Marth: (groan)
Roy: Why me?
Samus: Ok, fill 'er up and gimme the map!
Fox: . . . What?
Samus: Put gas in the car and give me the map!
Fox: Oh, alright.
Samus: Hmmm . . .
Zelda: (leaning closely) Can you read that?
Samus: Maybe, except this is a TOPOGRAPHIC MAP!
Fox: . . . Well, at least we have gas!
Link: Let's just go the opposite direction until we're in town, then Marth can give up directions from there!
Falco: Those 2 tanks aren't gonna last us, so we'll have to get more in town too.
Zelda: Then we can go grocery shopping!
all: YAY!
Link: . . .That was awkward.
Roy: Let's never do that again.
Fox: Ok. Well, we've got 1/3 of our gas filled.
Falco: Plus this thing gets good mileage.
Samus: Alright, let's go!
(drives in reverse for about 6 minutes)
Marth : TURN AROUND SAMUS!
Samus: Oh, ok. I knew something wasn't right...
Marth: We're doomed. . . .
(drive for a long time until everyone is asleep)
(vehicle crashs lightly into a telephone pole)
Falco: Samus! Wake up!
Samus: Huh? Where's the fire?
Fox: You fell asleep?
Samus: ;; I didn't mean to!
Zelda: Ugh. . .
Roy: Hey, look! We're in town!
Link: And the vehicle still runs!
Samus: But we're on double empty.
Fox: Find a gas station quick!
Zelda: (cell phone rings) Hello?
Peach: Zelda, it's Peach! Are you at the store?
Zelda: Almost.
Peach: ALMOST! You've been gone forever, and Mario and many others are having seizures from lack of food!
Zelda: HOLY-
Peach: Please hurry! Even Master Hand is feeling sick!
Zelda: probably from those frickin tentacles...Ok, Peach. We'll get there AsSoonAsPossible!
Peach: Hurry, you only have about an hour until someone dies, and we've already fed them part of Marth's bed!
Zelda: Uh. . . (looking back at Marth)
Marth: What?
Zelda: Ok, we'll be fast, just don't feed them my bed!
Marth: WHAT?
Peach: Ok, Zellie, be fast!
Zelda: Ok. (hangs up) Guys, we need to-
Marth: They're eating my bed!
Zelda: Marth, calm down! We need to be fast because (explains situation)
Samus: Got it! (stepping on it)
Fox: There's a gas station-
Falco: And there's the store! We don't have time, we'll get gas later-
Samus: Everybody, get out and run to the store and shop, I'll fill this car up and catch you later.
Link: . . . Great idea!
all except Samus: (getting and and running to the store, looking like idiots)
Samus: (paitently waiting for gas to fill up)
Zelda: Here we are, Laz-ee Shopp. Can't these people spell?
Marth: Who cares? People are dying, now let's go!
(Inside the store, is everything)
Falco: Let's split up. Fox and I will-
Zelda: How come it always has to be you and Fox?
Falco: Because I'm the only one that can tolerate him.
Fox: Probably true. . .
Falco: Ok, we'll go get the bread and carbs and all that, Zelda and Link can get the dairy and meats, and Roy and Marth can go get fruits and vegetables. Samus can get the junk food once she gets in. Understood?
Zelda: Got it, now let's go! And since when do you know the food pyramid, Falco?
Falco: Since I started eating.
(they split up, first: to Zelda and Link. Don't ask why)
Link: Uh, what did we have again?
Zelda: Dairy and meats. Let's see, here's some eggs, pork, you go look at the dairy.
Link: Ok. (looking at the dairy) Might as well get everything here. I hope we can afford it. . .
(Marth and Roy)
Roy: What's this?
Marth: That's celery. Get some.
Roy: Ok. And why do I have to look at the vegetables? I hate vegetables!
Marth: Well. . .too bad. Get some squash while you're over there.
Roy: (groan)
(Falco and Fox)
Falco: We have a lot of things to get. Go to the pasta section, and I'll look at breads.
Fox: Ok. (getting rice, pasta, rigatoni, macaroni, fettuchini-)
Falco: (getting bread, bread, bread, bread-)
Fox: Ok, are we done now?
Falco: I think so, let's load up on cereal for the kids though.
Strangers: They must be on the "all-carb diet". . .
(Link and Zelda)
Link: Cheese, creamer, milk, yogurt, butter, ice cream...might as well get some more cheese.
Zelda: I'm going to the deli now, Link. So keep looking.
Link: Ok. . .man, all they have is cheese! I guess I'll get some more milk . . .
Zelda: Hi, I need a pound of Prima Della smoked ham, turkey. . .pretty much everything you have, I'll take a pound.
Deli Lady: . . .How thin?
(Marth and Roy)
Roy: Ah, Marth! Help, the sprinklers are attacking me!
Marth: Roy . . .
Roy: No, really, they came on as soon as I got close! They're possessed!
Marth: Roy! You're scaring people! Shut up!
Random Lady: You two know each other?
Marth: Yeah?
Random Lady: Are you-
Marth: Oh, look at that! I think we're done here, let's go find the others!
Roy: Good, I think I got every vegetable in this store at least twice. . .
Marth: Yeah, same with the fruits. . . I hope you like starfruit.
Roy: What?
(Falco and Fox)
Falco: What do you think, Trix or Frosted Flakes?
Fox: Eh, they both have cheesy looking cartoon people on them, how about Honey Bunches of Oats?
Falco: These are kid's cereals! They like the cheesy cartoon people!
Fox: Ok, Trix. Oh, we forgot!
Falco: Forgot. . . ?
Fox: Trail mix and mixed nuts!
Falco: (sigh) Fine, get those, I'll keep looking at the cereals. . .
(Zelda)
Zelda: (watching wide-eyed in horror as the lady slowly. . .cuts. . the meat. . .sloowwllyy)
Zelda: (sweating) . . .I'm. . .kinda in a hurry. . .
Deli Lady: What's that you say?
Zelda: I said can you pick up the pace? I'm in a hurry!
Deli Lady: Oh, sure. . .(begins cutting a lot faster, successfully chops finger off, falls to the floor dead)
Zelda: . . .(hops over counter and takes a lot of the meat, even unsliced) Thank you!
(Link)
Link: . . .Might as well get Feta cheese, it's the only kinda I haven't gotten, oh and Monterey Jack. .
Zelda: Link! Let's go! I think we're done here! I've got fish, beef, pork, ham, turkey, chicken, bacon, and even lamb! Plus eggs and some sirloin steak too. What'd you get?
Link: I got 2 milk (because it's better than 1), skim milk, creamer, yogurt, ice cream in 6 flavors, butter, provolone, american, cheddar, feta, colby jack, monterey jack, swiss. . .
Marth: Hey, there's Link and Zelda!
Link: Bodega goat, blue, cream, munster, brie, limberger, mozzarella, ricotta, gouda, cottage, Venezuela Beaver-
Zelda: Well, I hope Fox and Falco got a lot of bread, because it looks like we'll be having a lot of deli sandwiches for a while.
(Samus)
Samus: Hm? A note? -get the junk food- ok!
(Falco and Fox)
Falco: Ready?
Fox: Yeah. (walk around for a while, until finding-)
Falco: Hey, there's Roy!
Fox: What are you doing here all by yourself?
Roy: I don't know, I was just looking at the lobsters, and I turned around, and Marth was gone!
Falco: . . .You idiot.
Fox: Come on, we can find them.
Falco: See? There they are!
Zelda: Hey guys! Are we all done?
Fox: Yeah, and we only have, 15 minutes left!
Link: Come on, let's go to the self checkout isle!
(In the self checkout isle)
Voice: Welcome. Please place your items on the scanner, and then the conveyor belt.
Link: Yeah, shut up. 15 minutes people!
all: (placing things on the scanner 5 at a time)
Roy: This better work!
Samus: Hey guys, here's the junk food! (cart full of everything from the candy section)
Falco: Nice!
Marth: We're gonna die.
Voice: Error has occured with grocery number 785, please rescan.
Roy: MAYBE WE DON'T WANT TO!
Marth: STUPID MACHINE!
Samus: (rescanning the feta cheese)
Link: Aw, I knew I'd got the bad one!
Zelda: (down bagging all the groceries with Falco 16 at a time)
Fox: (moving bags into one of 7 carts)
(eventually, after about 26 errors and 50 frustrated screams from Samus, Roy, Marth and Link)
Voice: Your total comes to $647,865.54.
Fox: Put it on the card!
Samus: (groan) Why mine. . .(scanning card)
Zelda: We're done! Now let's hurry and get home! People's lives are depe-
Link: Stop talking and move!
all: (running carts out to vehicle, looking like idiots since Samus is the only one who knows where they parked)
Fox: (after circling the parking lot 4 times) Where are we Samus?
Samus: Over here! No, that's not us. . .
Zelda: (cell phone ringing) Yeah?
Peach: Mario's out cold! Hurry! (hangs up)
Zelda: SAMUS HURRY AND FIND THE CAR DAMMIT!
Samus: (whimpering) I hate to do this. . .(presses the emergency alarm button)
Car: (going off like a tornado siren, while Roy was right next to it)
Roy: (falls over, dead?)
Marth: I found it!
all: (getting in, after loading the groceries)
Falco: We forgot the bungee cords!
Fox: Shit! Falco, you moron!
Falco: Zelda and Samus, you two stay in the front. The groceries will go in the back seat and trunk.
Link: What about us?
Falco: . . . . . .We're riding on the top.
Marth: (pale)
Fox: Awesome!
Link: What about Roy?
Roy: That's ok, I'm. . .alive. . .
Samus: (gassing it)
Link, Falco, Marth, Fox, and Roy: AAAAAAHH! We're gonna die!
Strangers on the road: Oh, golly, look at those morons.
Samus: Hang on! literally. . .(running every red light, stop sign, and child crossing the street)
Marth: You hit. . .that dude!
Roy: MURDERER!
Falco: There's the mansion!
Link: Quick, Zelda! Gimme a food!
Zelda took a loaf of bread and handed it up to Link, who tied it to an arrow and shot it through the mansion window where he could see a lot of commotion. Then he saw people inside diving for the bread and devouring it. Samus continued up their street at 114 miles per hour until they came to an abrupt halt, which forced Marth, Roy, Link, and Fox off the top of the car. Falco simply flew up to the front door and entered. It wasn't a good idea.
Peach: There they are! Everybody, who's still alive, remain calm and we'll prepare a large dinner feast. If you are on the verge of death, you can eat some fruit.
People on the verge of death: (EATING THE FRUIT)
MH: Job well done, you seven. You're all getting a raise!
All: YAY!
Marth: Damn, we did it again.
Falco: Oh well, it was worth it that time!
Suspenseful, eh? I did the best I could to make it funny. This is supposed to be an example of the Wal-Mart in Bentonville, the Supercenter. The Deli is so slow, you could get the rest of your groceries before they're ready. The self-checkout isle is a disaster, they aren't very convienent. Not to mention it's bloody impossible to remember where the shit you parked. The sprinklers are possessed, the lobsters are hypnotic, they have a lot of cheese and starfruit and stuff. So I guess unless you live in Bentonville or are Kaeryu, you wouldn't fully understand. Um, what will the feast be like? How high will those seven's raise be? What's gonna become of Mario? Are Link, Roy, Fox, and Marth gonna live through the collision with the wall? Marth obviously will since he said something earlier. Will that old car ever run again after it's dreadful experience? Will Master Hand be able to pay off the $647,865.54 collected on Samus's card? Find out, in
chapter 7!