I wake up uncomfortable, stiff, freezing cold. I've been dreaming about the past, terrible images still whirl around my head: Ripper's body crumpling doll-like beneath my hand, something else staring out from his eyes. I suppress a horrified shudder, and stretch out my arms.

They don't connect against the familiar, battered wooden headboard of my bed; instead they brush against something soft and fabric. I gasp, and open my eyes. For the second time in twenty-four hours, I don't have a clue where I am.

Then I realise I'm lying on Giles' sofa... and memories come flooding back. I flex my fingers experimentally, and then swear out loud as my arm explodes into pain. The aching in my chest starts up again. I try to curl up, hugging myself against the pain, but there's not enough room on the sofa; the cushions slide from under me and I land in a crumpled head on Giles' living room floor.

'Constantine? That you?' Giles calls from the kitchen.

'Yeah,' I manage. I force myself to my knees. To top everything off, a night sleeping on Giles' sofa has left me with a crick in my neck...

Giles walks into the room, looking wide-awake. I'm kneeling on the floor in a pile of blankets, my eyes still half closed, my hair plastered to my head, my chin covered with a good sprinkling of blond stubble. I'm still wearing the blood-stained t-shirt I had on yesterday, but my equally filthy jeans are draped across his living room floor.

'You're a mess,' he says observantly. I force myself to my feet.

'Can I borrow some clothes?' I say with a grimace.

'Well you can't wear those... The bathroom's on the left. Get yourself cleaned up, I'll see what I can find.'

I make my way to Giles' bathroom. I stare at myself in the mirror for a good few minutes, gingerly touching my black eye. Then I plunge my entire head into a sink-full of cold water. It stings, and I come up spluttering, but more awake.

I clean myself up as best as I can, gently washing the dried blood from my arm and hands, before awkwardly retying the bandage on my arm. Then I hunt around for a razor, and shave clumsily. I rake my fingers through my damp hair, trying to make it lie flat.

Before I leave, I glance up at my reflection in the mirror again... but it's no good. I still look a complete mess.

Giles has managed to find a pair of old, dark trousers roughly my size, and a non-descript shirt. I pull the trousers on, and then strip off my filthy t-shirt. Giles looks away, and for some reason that makes me angry. Bare-chested, I stretch my arms, and try to relax the muscles in my shoulders. Then I realise I'm being petty, and pull on the shirt.

I can hardly do the buttons, my fingers are so stiff. Giles watches me struggling, but doesn't offer to help. Probably a good thing, cos I wouldn't exactly have appreciated it, I'd probably have snapped at him... but I feel slighted anyway.

I wish I hadn't dreamed what did last night...

I feel... oh god, I don't even know what I feel. Guilty still, after all these years. Bitter that the closeness has been lost.

I don't even bother to try doing the bloody cuff buttons; instead I roll up the shirt sleeves in angry resignation. It's stupid, really, that I can get so wound up about such a little thing.

'Tea? Coffee?' Giles asks. I stare at him for a moment, then shake myself. If I can just wake up... the world will be a better place.

'Coffee, please,' I say. He disappears into the kitchen, and reappears a few moments later with two mugs. We sit facing each other across his table, drinking our coffee in silence.

After a while, he breaks the silence.

'You said last night that you thought you knew something about whoever it is that's after you.'

I take a deep breath. It's strange, despite my black eye and slashed arms, I'd managed to almost forget why I was here, become too caught up in the past. Something's coming to get me. I'm in over my head... but despite the bruises, I can't get the thought to feel true. I feel... strangely safe. And anyway, I don't know how to tell him...

'It's... complicated,' I say.

'When is life not complicated?' He sounds almost sympathetic.

'Listen, I...' I stare into my coffee and talk fast, 'A couple of years back, I pissed off the rulers of hell by beating them in an argument, and tricking them into granting me immortality. Only I'm sure by now they've found a loophole and sent something after me which is likely to be demonically strong and completely unstoppable, and I didn't know who else to come to, and it's after me, and I don't know what I'm doing...'

I realise I've dissolved into incoherent panicking, and stop talking abruptly. 'I told you it was complicated,' I say with a shaky laugh.

Giles is staring at me.

'You tricked the Three into granting you immortality? Christ, Constantine, that's super-villain territory! The last person I knew who did that ended up turning into a giant snake. Buffy had to kill him by blowing up Sunnydale High...'

It's his turn to realise he's babbling. He stops, and concentrates hard on polishing his glasses. Giant snake? I think, almost in amusement. On second thoughts, I'd really rather not know. Bloody hellmouth... I smile grimly, and get back to the conversation.

'I know it wasn't exactly the best idea in the world,' I continue. 'I think I knew it even at the time. But I was dying, and I was desperate. I'm no villain Giles. I may be stupid, but I'm not evil...'

Giles looks up, an unreadable expression on his face.

'You don't have to justify yourself to me, Constantine,' he says with a slight smile. 'If there had been any hint of evil about you, Buffy would probably have killed you on the spot. She's good like that...'

'She almost did,' I admit. 'I had quite a job persuading her not to stake me.'

'Really?' Giles says, looking interested.

'Yeah. She could sense the demon blood in me.' Giles is looking at me strangely, and I suddenly remember that he doesn't know that story either. 'Don't even ask,' I warn him. 'It'd take too long to explain, and it's not worth the effort. It's nothing to do with this...'

'You have demon blood floating around in your system, and it's not even anything to do with the fact that you tricked the Three into granting you immortality?'

'I lead an interesting life,' I say with a sigh and a shrug.

At that moment, our conversation is interrupted by the phone ringing. Giles picks it up, looking vaguely apologetic.

'Hello? Who's speaking?' There's a pause, and then his eyes widen in disbelief momentarily, before a look of anger crosses his face. 'What the hell do you want? I've told you before, the slayer works for herself now...'

It takes me a moment to realise that it must be the Council on the other end of the phone. And another moment still to register that Giles seems to think he's no longer working for them any more. Once I've realised that... everything seems somehow different. Giles hasn't betrayed the person he used to be, hasn't become one of them, a rule-abiding do-gooder stuck behind a desk... he still knows how to say 'fuck you' to authority. I smile, and then I catch the anxiety in Giles' face, and my smile is wiped clean.

'Why would I tell you that? I'm no longer your employee; I'm not answerable to you!' There is a pause. Giles looks over at me, frowning slightly. 'That might be true, but it's none of your business,' he continues after a moment, sounding even more annoyed. 'No… I said no! I don't wish to discuss this any further. Good day.'

He hangs up the phone abruptly with a loud clatter. Then he turns on me.

'Constantine, have you been winding up the council?' he asks. He's obviously not decided yet whether he's angry with me or not. I'm just plain confused…

'The council? Bloody hell, no! I haven't had any contact with them since last time I saw you… I don't understand…'

'They were asking after you. They wanted to know if I'd seen you.'

I've been feeling strangely safe all morning, but now I'm in a panic again. This is just too much of a coincidence.

'What did you tell them?'

'You heard me. I said it was none of their business. The council and I… we've had our disagreements. I no longer work for them. In fact, my opinion of them has not changed a great deal since we last spoke. They might still intimidate me, but I still think they're a right bunch of stuck up tossers.'

I almost laugh. Just for a minute, it sounds like Ripper talking.

'They told me I had a destiny to fulfil,' he continues with a grin, 'I told them that destiny could go fuck itself.'

This time, I laugh out loud, almost unable to believe that he's taken my advice from twenty years ago.

'I don't understand why you ever worked for them in the first place,' I say. His face freezes.

'You mean you don't know?' he asks. My heart sinks. I've got a bad feeling about this…

'No…' I say quietly.

'They came to me… not long after you left. Turns out they'd been… watching out for us… and specifically me…the whole time. Well, I was skipping so many tutorials, and doing so little work, did you never wonder why the university never kicked me out? The Council was fixing things, even back then. Making sure I passed the exams I needed to. Stuff like that. And also… Every spell we cast that went wrong… they sorted out the side effects… banished back what we'd summoned, fixed it where we'd messed with the natural balance of things. They'd controlled almost my entire life from the age of 17..' Giles sighed heavily.

'And when you left, they said… they'd had enough of cleaning up after me. That little incident was the last straw. They said I was going to work for them, and that I didn't have any choice. They… pointed out… that they could make life very difficult for me if I didn't cooperate with them. They were keeping me at university, they could just as easily make sure I was kicked out. They could ensure I'd never be able to get a job, hell, they could even withdraw my passport. They could make life very difficult indeed. This was… really not long after you'd left. I was still recovering. I was in no state to argue with them…'

'Bastards!' I snarl. There is silence for a moment.

It was… my fault… that the Council caught up with him. The thought is almost unbearable. The past hangs over us, and we can't meet each other's eyes. Eventually, I force myself to say it.

'I'm sorry. I really am…'

'Sorry the Council blackmailed me? Or sorry you got me possessed by a demon and then almost beat me to death with your bare hands?'

I don't know what to say. But then Giles looks up at me, and sees the panic in my eyes, and his expression softens.

'It wasn't your fault. I know that really,' he says. I bury my face.

'Of course it was! I should never have… Ripper, I almost got you killed!'

Neither of us notices that I've called him by the old name.

'It was twenty years ago, John,' Giles says after a long silence. 'I've been closer to death since…'

'That's not the point,' I say without looking up.

There is a long silence. Then, abruptly, I stand up, almost knocking my chair over.

'Constantine, what is it?'

'I'm leaving. I can't stay here, Giles. I can't… I can't risk putting you in danger.'

'Don't be stupid! Constantine, I live with danger! I'm a watcher. I live on the hellmouth. And anyway, you can't leave now. Where would you go?'

'I don't know. Away from here…'

'Constantine, if I let you go, I'm putting you in danger. I can't do that. You can't make me do that. I won't let you.'

'But Giles, I - I can't… put you… in danger… again… Don't you understand?' My voice is catching. I swear violently under my breath, and turn away.

Giles puts his hand on my shoulder.

'I forgive you, John. I know you never meant to hurt me. Now please don't make me spend the next twenty years feeling guilty over you…'

Relief floods over me, and I suddenly feel as though my legs are about to give way. I sit down heavily on Giles' sofa, and he sits down next to me. When he puts his arm around my shoulders, I don't push him away.

'I'm scared…' I admit. I don't think he's ever seen me scared before.

'I know, John. It's all right…'

I remember the first time I saw Ripper scared. I remember how close it brought us. I remember how it made me feel to be the strong one, to comfort him, to reassure him. I lean my head against Giles' arm, and allow the fear to wash over me, knowing that he will do all he can to make everything all right.

And knowing that he's forgiven me.