Nutcracker Chapter 11
Dorothy could not help but feel unsettled. Guilt sat in the pit of her stomach like a brick and refused to let her rest. She had been sent here for one simple purpose: stop the princess. Initially, the idea of the challenge had intrigued her enough to agree to the task. It wasn't every day she received such an opportunity to use her skills of persuasion and deception in such an interesting way.
"Life is one giant chess board, my dear. Everyone on it has a role to play on your path to success and the number of pawns will always be greater than that of your key pieces."
This piece of her grandfather's wisdom came to her unbidden. Living the life of a social elite always came with risks. Every interaction was, in itself, a game and each person a player. The one who emerged the victor was always the one with the greater strategy. However, from the moment she had met the Princess, things had begun to change.
"Everyone you meet in life will always have an angle; a way they wish to use you for their own purposes. You must be ready for them. Expect it, look for that angle and a way to exploit it to your advantage instead."
This was, perhaps, the miscalculation that threw her. The Princess had no angle. She did not play games and wanted nothing more from anyone than what they willingly gave. Dorothy had never encountered anyone like her and, therefore, had little idea how to handle such a person.
"Remember, my dear, that if one wishes to win in the game of life, then one must be willing to sacrifice anyone, pawn or queen, to get ahead."
The princess proved this theory incorrect. So far, she had had the chance to stay down and stay safe but chose to risk her life as was the case at the gingerbread village. And when given the chance to offer a sacrifice to receive her power, there had been no hesitation when she refused.
"But why…?" Dorothy frowned. "She barely knows me. She could have had revenge… but she spared me."
It was a blatant contradiction to all she had known. The princess's kindness and genuine sincerity had changed something within Dorothy. Something she, herself, could not quite identify. And it was that something that made her surprised to find that she, indeed, did want to be Relena's friend. And she had never wanted to be anyone's friend before. The feeling was strange but not altogether unwelcome. She wanted to help the princess in her fight anyway she could.
"I'm sorry, grandfather, but it is time that I change the game. I do hope you will understand." In spite of how she was raised, or, perhaps, because of it, Dorothy prepared a new strategy to flip the board in favor of her new friend.
Supper had been a quiet event. The food was delicious and far better than the stew and stale bread they'd eaten all week.
No one seemed to have much to say but whether from exhaustion or from the awkwardness of her failure she could not say. Even Duo was unusually quiet. She felt, again, that she had let them all down.
The five escorted her to a room that was far grander than she had imagined: large with lush furnishings of rich purples and maroons. A giant, four-post bed with a sheer canopy sat untouched in the back center of the room. A dresser, armoire, and vanity, all dark stained and intricately carved, made up the rest of the large furnishings. There was a settee by the window with matching colors with two, simply-patterned pillows. A door with the same swan designs lead to a nicely sized bathroom with a large tub. As if by magic, it filled with hot, bubbly water. The smells of roses and sweet vanilla wafted through the air as if the water were calling to her.
Relena sighed. She hadn't had much time to rest and after a week of travel, she felt in desperate need of a bath. She wasted no time divesting herself of her clothes and sinking down under the blanket of bubbles so the hot water soothed her aching muscles. Her mind, however, refused to relax as the day's earlier conversations went through her mind.
"You should have chosen me."
His words chilled her all over again. How could he really value his life so little? She knew he had trained to protect her; that it was his life's mission to restore the kingdom at all costs… including…
"Including his life." She felt her heart twist. His presence in her life, the reassurance and strength he provided.
"If that happens, I will be right here... " he paused, tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear gently, eyes meeting hers. "I will protect you."
"But you can't protect me if you're not here." she sunk down lower until just her face from the nose up was above the water level.
"Relena," Her eyes locked with his. "You are the hope for the people. They need you…"
'That's right. You're all counting on me, aren't you?'
She needed the powers of the Sugarplum Fairy! She had felt them flow into her from the stone. She had felt them in the village when she restored the mother and child.
'So then why…?'
Relena sat up, washed and rinsed her hair and stepped out. Wrapping a towel around herself, she made her way to the dresser and was as pleased as she was astonished to find a variety of dresses and nightgowns waiting. She selected a pastel pink silk night dress with ribbons lining the neckline and hems of the sleeves and bottom. A matching, sheer robe hung next to it so she slipped it on before making her way to the vanity. She sat and began to meticulously brush through her hair, her damp, tresses putting up little resistance. Again, her mind went back to the conversation she had with him.
She did take it seriously! She wanted to help! To be strong! So that no one would have to be lost! But the powers… Relena's hands balled into fists. Try as she might, she could not summon them! She could feel them; sense them in the back of her mind like a gentle memory. Tingling. Waiting. Whispering softly in a voice she couldn't understand. Her people needed her! Her friends needed her! And yet…
"Why… why can't I help them?" She felt her eyes prickling with unshed tears. "Why can everyone fight… and help people except me?" She felt the first hot tear slide didn her cheek and furiously brushed it away. "Without those powers, we don't stand a chance! And Heero… Heero will…"
"Die?" The same voice from before resonated through the room.
Relena looked around her before something about the mirror caught her attention. The image before her, once her own reflection, went dark and began to swirl until another person appeared in the glass. She was older than Relena but by how much was hard to say. There was great beauty and grace about her that wasn't merely physical. Her dark brown hair was piled on her head in a regal updo. A tiara sat above her brow. Soft, grey-blue eyes and gentle red lips smiled back at her. Relena knew who it was instantly.
"You're the Sugarplum Fairy." The woman slowly nodded.
"I am, in a sense, yes."
"But how? Are you really here?" The fairy shook her head.
"I am a manifestation of the bond you share with me as my successor." Relena took in her words, carefully. A manifestation? Could this possibly provide her with answers?
"Please… can you… will you tell me how to use the powers?" The older woman's brow furrowed and the corner of her lips turned down in a disappointed frown
"You did not need my help in the village. Why do you need it now?" Relena stared at her. It was the same issue her Godfather raised. Why was there a difference? How did it happen?
"Those are the questions you need to ask, indeed. So answer them. What did you do at the time? What were you thinking?"
"I… I was thinking… about the mother. She just wanted to protect her baby. And the soldier stopped their lives. I felt helpless and angry and sad… and I just… wanted to make it right… to help them."
"You thought of the injustice. You let your compassion guide your heart. Your mind and soul were incomplete agreement."
"Yes, but I felt the same way when I tried again, and I failed."
"But did you?" The Fairy smiled. "My dear, magic is emotional as well as mental. The two go hand in hand to control and manipulate the power as the user sees fit, but there is more." The woman pointed to her heart and her forehead. "How did you summon the power before?"
"I didn't." Relena looked down at her hands. "It just… came to me… because I needed it to… without a thought…" the woman nodded.
"Exactly." She smiled. "The power came to you because you did not think. You let yourself feel. Your fear of failing your friends, of not being enough is what is preventing you from using the magic. But, your friends are here with you, right now. They believe in you and in what you will do. It is time to reward them by doing the same."
"They… believe in me…?" She closed her eyes and each of her friends' faces appeared one after another. Heero's face appeared last, eyes boring into hers. She thought of the comradery and affection and it warmed her; a warmth that spread through her, filling her heart and mind.
"Accept who you are as they do and be who you were always meant to be."
"I am…" Relena took a deep breath and embraced all that she knew of herself. "I am Princess Relena Peacrcraft of Sanq Kingdom." She opened her eyes and her reflection stared back at her. "And I AM the Sugarplum Fairy!" In that instant, she felt something release. A blast of power in a blue wave shot from her into the room around her.
Time seemed to stand still. A fist pounded on her door and broke the silent stillness around her.
"Relena!" She knew that voice. Heero. He was worried about her. She stood and went to the door, reached out and opened it and let out a gasp.
Heero was, indeed, standing outside her door. Very worried… and very human.
Sleep eluded Heero. The castle was, perhaps, the safest place he had ever spent the night but it was not fear for the safety of his companions that troubled him. Her wires haunted him as did the echo of hurt and betrayal he had seen in her aqua eyes.
"I would rather die than lose anyone I love. Not when I can save them. Especially you!"
Her meaning escaped him. He was no more important than any of the other four men that had joined their quest and yet when she looked at him… when she was near him he felt like so much more… and it scared him. He had been trained to fight for the princess and protect her even if it meant his death. The idea of death had never bothered him. He had accepted it long ago as a possible result and, afterall, no one lived forever anyway. Meeting her had changed that… the dreams he'd had were so real… always the same. He was human, holding her, feeling her against him, wanting nothing more than to keep her there, forever.
He had begun to see beyond tomorrow; to hope that maybe he had a future. And the longer she was with him, the more he dared to hope… to wonder… if that future could be with her…
He needed to know what had meant and to apologize for hurting her. Getting to his feet, Heero left the room and began to walk toward hers. It wasn't far. The doctors had seen to it that she would be well-guarded in the unlikely event of an infiltration.
Suddenly, the walls shook and a blast of blue energy hit him, knocking the air from his chest. His body tingled for a moment before his mind righted itself. He had no way of knowing what had happened, but he knew he needed to get to her! His heart pounded in his chest.
"Relena!" He yelled and raced to her door. He raised his fist and pounded, calling to her again. The door opened shortly after and Relena stood: unharmed, eyes wide in shock. He took a moment to make sure she was, in fact, all right. His eyes roamed her slight form: dark, golden hair had been braided, a simple nightgown and a sheer robe hugged her body closely. She was alive. Unharmed. Breathtaking.
"Relena…"
He could hardly believe it! Staring back at him in his reflection was his own, human face. He turned to her. There was so much to say.
"Princess!" Duo's excited voice cut through the air as he ran into the room and picked Relena up, twirling her around in a hug. "You did it!"
"Duo?" She asked, an amazed smile on her face.
"The one and only! Back to my handsome self again thanks to you!" She laughed and embraced him back. Heero felt something tighten around his heart. He did not like Duo's arms around her.
Trowa, Wufei and Quatre were next to arrive with Dorothy close behind. Each as astounded as the first. Heero watched, with some satisfaction, as Quatre and Trowa gave a more appropriate greeting resorting to smiles and congratulations.
"Well, Relena, it appears as though you have finally learned how to use the powers." Quatre smiled. Relena nodded.
"I have. And I am finally ready and able to help free my kingdom."
"It's about time." Wufei grumped. Heero joined the others in offering the former porcelain doll a glare. "Congratulations." He mumbled out and Relena smiled.
"Thank you, Wufei." She looked at each one in turn. "I'm sorry if my little realization woke any of you." all of them shook their heads.
"As wonderful news as this is, we all really should be getting back to bed. We have a lot of planning to do tomorrow and the princess will need her sleep." Trowa stated. Heero couldn't agree more. The others nodded their ascent and one by one bid her good night until only he was left.
"You Should get some rest too, Heero." Her voice was soft but her eyes seemed to still hold the same sadness and pain as before.
"Relena…"
"Yes?" She wasn't looking at him, not really. Her eyes were looking past him. It hurt. He reached out for her hand without realizing it and as his fingers closed around her palm, the same electricity shot through him. Her eyes widened and her breathing hitched. She had felt it too.
"What I said earlier… I did not mean to hurt you." Her eyes widened briefly before she seemed to realize what he meant. Her expression softened.
"It's alright, Heero." He shook his head.
"No, it isn't. " he took a deep breath. The tightness in his chest was still there. He had to explain. Maybe then… "All my life, finding you; protecting you, was all I trained for. All that mattered. Meeting you changed that… Changed me."
"Heero?"
"I need to know, Relena… what you meant… when you said you would rather die than lose the people you loved… what did you…" his heart thudded in his chest, his mouth suddenly dry, "what did you mean… when you said especially me?" Relena's cheeks heated to a deep pink her eyes glanced at the floor.
"I-I didn't… mean for you to hear it…" she was wringing her fingers. Nervous. He reached out and took her hand again.
"Please… tell me." Her eyes met his, aqua pools swirling with emotion.
"I… I meant that I can't bear the thought... of losing you." She paused and took a deep breath. "And the thought of sacrificing you… of watching you die… I simply couldn't bear it!" Tears formed in her eyes. One rebelliously escaped and slipped down her cheek. He reached up and gently brushed it away.
"Relena…" he moved closer, his hand now cupping her cheek. "I can't promise you that I won't die." He leaned forward. He could smell roses and vanilla… feel her breath on his chin. "I have to protect you."
"Heero…" he locked his eyes with hers to help convey how much he meant each word.
"But I will promise to try as hard as I can to make it out of this alive. That is all I can do." Before another word was said, he closed the distance between them and brushed his lips against hers.
Fire seared through every nerve at just the simple, brief contact. This was what he'd dreamed of. This was all he needed. All he ever needed. Her eyes fluttered shut. Her hands pressed against his chest and gripped his uniform. He couldn't help it. He pressed himself against her, deepening the kiss, arms wrapping around her. He heard a sigh. Hers. She was so soft… warm…
He pulled back, studied her face. She opened her eyes and they swirled with confusion and...joy? She brought her fingers to her lips, her breathing short and soft.
"Heero-" he smiled and caressed her cheek, softly.
"Sleep well, Relena." He stepped away and walked through the door even as every fiber of his being craved more. So many years of not feeling anything at all and now he had a taste of how she felt. He raked a hand through his hair. He shouldn't have kissed her; shouldn't have given in at all. It wasn't his place. It wasn't his right… but it felt right. She felt right and whatever else happened next, he would allow himself that one moment of weakness. At least until it was all over. And then maybe…
"Maybe I can have that future afterall..."