Summary: Tonks and Remus play gardener.

NYMPH vs WOLF
House Plants

Tonks' Flat

Nymphadora Tonks was sitting at Gisella Chandler's kitchen table early in the morning. Gisella, a squib, rented out the flat on top of her candle shop and residence to Tonks. In fact, Gisella gave Tonks a discount on the rent in exchange for the Auror maintaining protective wards.

"You are an angel, Gisella," moaned Tonks after biting into a freshly baked scone. "I need something other than toast inside of me for the busy day I've got ahead."

"The Ministry needs to give you a day off," said the elderly squib.

"They did, I got three days," said Tonks as she flashed three fingers with one hand while taking another big bite of the scone. "But I'm helping a, er, a friend with some housecleaning on this old residence."

"Really? I thought you shied away from that sort of work."

"Yeah, well, normally I disavow domesticity, but it's a special clean up job and the poor man would be lost--"

"Man?" asked Gisella with sudden interest. "Who is he? Have you been hiding something from me, Tonksie, dear? Cleaning house together is quite a step for a young couple to make."

Tonks almost spewed out her tea at Gisella's last remark. She managed to swallow it before she answered. "No, no, we're not a couple. Heavens, no! Are you kidding? We're both helping clean out er, my cousin Blackie's house. The man would be at his wits' end without me."

"Ah, but you can learn so much about someone when you're working to a common goal," said Gisella. "So how did you meet your young man? What's his name?"

"Remus is my cousin's friend and I wouldn't call him young, exactly. He's not old, but he's got to be--" Tonks stopped as she did a quick calculation in her head. "Yes, he's mid-thirties?"

"Well that's not old! He's mature enough to know how to treat a young lady," said Gisella with an approving nod.

"Gisella, really! It's not like that! I mean, he's just much too tall. Besides, after last night, he probably doesn't even like me," muttered Tonks with an audible sigh. She still felt bad about the lonely bed retort.

"All relationships have their little spots of trouble, Tonksie. Why don't you take your young man," advised Gisella as she ignored Tonks' rolling eyes, "a scone to make up? I've made plenty; take some for your cousin, too."

"Gisella, you're a hopeless romantic, but, yeah, I think a peace offering is in order. We still have a lot of work to do on the house." In fact, Tonks was fully equipped with bandana, goggles and had even added gloves to her chore woman ensemble.

"I'll just fill up a box. Boys always have a big appetite." As Gisella began to load up a box with her scones, an owl began pecking at her window.

"I'll get that; it's probably Remus wondering where I am," said Tonks with a quick smile. She opened the scroll and kept the smile on her face, but in reality her bright mood quickly turned stormy.

"Well, I've got to go. Thanks for the scones, Gisella." Tonks accepted the box and was out the door and walked for a bit before opening the scroll again to re-read the message.

Miss Tonks,

Thank you for your help yesterday; it was greatly appreciated.
I wanted to catch you early so that you would know that your
assistance is no longer required.

Enjoy your days off.

RJL

She had been summarily dismissed--and from a volunteer job, no less! Tonks closed her eyes for a moment. She deserved her days off; she'd be a fool to spend them engaged in such drudgery with a man who clearly didn't like her. It would serve Lupin right if she stayed away.

But the Auror in her wouldn't let her shirk her duty to protect a civilian from the hazards that waited in that house while the imp in her insisted that she confront Lupin. Perfect, both her Angel and Devil were prodding her to Grimmauld Place.

Soon a young woman with hair the color of pea soup was walking briskly. "Scones or scorn, Professor, I can deliver either."

- - - - - - - - -

Grimmauld Place

Remus Lupin walked up the stairs from the kitchen at number twelve to see to the day's labor. He had woken up this morning convinced that Tonks wouldn't show up today. The Auror would realize she was a fool to spend any more of her days off decontaminating this dreary house, especially with Lupin for a partner.

And why should he subject himself to someone who clearly disliked him? He'd gotten his payback. The valkyrie just disrupted his equilibrium. Thus, as was his habit, Lupin took the quickest path to avoid rejection. He sent the note releasing Tonks from clean-up duty as a preemptive strike.

As he stood in the entry hall, Lupin stopped and looked around. The house seemed quite a bit gloomier today. It must be the thought of all the work he'd have to do alone. He stared at the door for a moment remembering Tonks arriving yesterday.

Rap. Rap. Rap.

Lupin was convinced it was not his imagination when Mrs. Black's portrait began ranting. He knew who was knocking the moment his heart started racing. Of course, any other woman would be happy to escape domestic drudgery, but not his Tonks. No, she would feel duty bound to spend another day making his world topsy-turvy.

Sirius stumbled down the stairs calling, "I'll get Mummy Dearest, you get the door."

Lupin opened the door and his eyes immediately fell on hair the color of pea soup. He bit back the groan it evoked and instead began with, "Tonks, wha--"

That's as far as he got because the valkyrie with the flashing eyes and puky green hair stuffed half a scone into his mouth. "Wotcher, Remus! No, don't thank me. It's my pleasure."

"Mm whm mm." Lupin was trying to talk, but actually, the scone was quite delicious, so he had to swallow rather than spit it out.

"Scones!" cried Sirius as he joined them. He grabbed one out of the box and took a generous bite. "Tonks, how sweet of you to share."

Tonks just smiled brightly at her cousin before throwing a disgruntled look at Lupin. "My landlady makes the best. She was delighted to have me share them with you boys."

Lupin swallowed the scone and successfully prevented himself from swiping the rest of his portion from Tonks' hand. "Nymphadora, how generous, but really, you don't have to waste your days off here."

"Nonsense, Remus," assured Tonks as she began waving the half-eaten scone in her hand so that the aroma, magically preserved, was wafting toward the werewolf. "I think this job needs a woman's touch."

"But I think I am quite capable of handling it alone," said Lupin as he deliberately loomed over the Auror.

"See, that's the basic problem here: a man thinking," she replied as she confronted him, neck craned in his looming presence.

"Have I missed something?" asked Sirius as he noticed the tension between the two. He'd never seen anyone get Lupin ruffled like this. "You sound like an old married couple."

The twin glares thrown his way almost made Sirius laugh, but instead he took the box of scones from Tonks, tucked it under his arm, and asked, "All right, what's the problem? I thought you finished the room last night."

"The bundimun needs to be removed this morning," said Lupin.

"And I'll do my side of the room, thank you," injected Tonks. "The door is in my territory if you remember."

"That's easily remedied," observed Lupin.

"What are you talking about?" asked Sirius as he began wolfing down another scone. "I'm taking a look at this room."

His quick flight up the stairs surprised Lupin and Tonks, but they were soon scrambling behind him. Tonks diverted Lupin's attention by tossing the remainder of his scone up in the air. As he juggled the morsel, Tonks managed to arrive at the room just behind Sirius while Lupin popped the rest of the scone into his mouth.

Sirius Black was staring at the ceiling where Lupin Land and Tonks Territory were clearly marked. He understood the source of contention immediately. "Well, there's your problem, Moony. You've got space divided all wrong. The lady always get the side of the bed closest to the loo."

With a quick flick of his wand, and another nibble of his scone, Sirius changed the configuration of the labels and began walking off. "Thanks for the scones, Tonks. Kreacher! Where are you, you miserable excuse for a house elf?"

Once he left, two heads simultaneously peered into the room from opposite directions. Their heads turned in synchrony to each other, but Tonks was the first one to turn away blushing. The room was now divided so that the line ran down the middle of the window and neatly divided the bed. True to his word, Sirius had marked the side closest to the bathroom as Tonks Territory.

"Nice symmetry," observed Lupin. The job didn't seem so daunting now that she was here. The box of scones attested to the fact she had come with a peace offering, though aggressively delivered. He could also see she had come fully prepared for another day of work.

"Fair division," agreed Tonks. The bed didn't seem so lonely with its current demarcation, but she wasn't going to say a word about it.

Lupin cleared his throat. He expected he'd regret this later, but while he wasn't going to ask her to remain, he no longer felt like sending Tonks on her way. He simply said, "I'll start on my side."

Tonks thought about turning on her heel and leaving him now that she had gotten her reprisal. But then she noticed a crumb of the scone on his goatee. He looked like a little boy who needed a feminine touch.

Tonks leaned forward and flicked the crumb off gently. "I'll do mine."

Lupin was again confused by her actions, but thought it best not to dwell on the turmoil she created in him. As they entered the room, Lupin then surprised her by saying, "I'm sorry about your hair. It should have been under your control by now."

His voice held sincere regret, but Tonks decided that a contrite Lupin would be easier to work with today. She had deliberately turned her hair to resemble pea soup just out of spite. She tied the bandana around her head and said, "I'll just cover it up."

They worked with quiet determination and within the hour Tonks and Lupin stood on opposite sides of the bed staring at the ceiling.

"The bundimun is all gone." Tonks was standing with her hands on her hips as she looked up.

"But the writing's still present, observed Lupin. "Have you made any attempts to erase yours?"

"Yeah, I've tried every variation of evanesco I could think of," replied Tonks with a contemplative frown.

"Same here." He was fingering his chin as if considering counterspells when Snuffles quietly appeared at the door.

The dog barked in approval, which sent Tonks scrambling onto the bed with a squeal. Her attention had been on the ceiling. She tossed a pillow at him as he assumed human form and said, "Sirius, would you not do that?"

"Old habits," said the man with a shrug as he deftly caught the pillow. Then he turned to Lupin. "It looks nice. You should be comfortable here, Remus."

Lupin looked surprised. "Wait, I said I'd help get Order Headquarters established, but I can't impose beyond that."

"He's been sleeping on the floor in my room since we got to London," explained Sirius to Tonks with a roll of his eyes.

"It's a temporary arrangement," insisted Lupin.

"Moony, let me state the obvious. If I'm going to be stuck here, so are you," proclaimed Sirius as he faced down the taller man. "Besides, you'll be doing a lot of legwork for Dumbledore. London gives you a better central location than the lighthouse."

"Lighthouse?" asked Tonks.

"I do happen to own my own domicile," said Lupin a bit defensively. He might be poor, but the fact he wasn't completely indigent was a source of pride for him. "It's the Wolf Rock Lighthouse."

"How Scilly of you," said Tonks before she could help herself. She covered her mouth with her hand, then let it fall to explain, "Sorry, puns just fall out! I blame my dad! Er, anyway, I happen to know that lighthouse is in the Scilly Isles. Sorry."

Her revelation sent a prickling sensation through Lupin, but he shrugged it off to argue with Sirius. In the meantime, Tonks remained quiet as she remembered a task during her Auror training.

The men discussed the merits of Lupin staying at number twelve, the one in his usual serious tone while the other made a joke of it all. Tonks bit her lip to prevent her words, but to no avail. It was all her Dad's fault! "Oh, Merlin. A serious man had a silly friend or would that be a Scilly friend of a Sirius man?"

She wasn't surprised when her cousin swatted her head with a pillow. After noticing Lupin smiling at the action, she retaliated by knocking both men on the head with pillows. She knew she was in trouble when matching sly grins appeared on their faces.

"You can't gang up on me; I'm a girl," cried Tonks as she used her wand to build up her arsenal.

The men held their pillows, exchanged a quick glance, shrugged, and simultaneously assured each other, "She's an Auror."

They would bring up her profession! Tonks then addressed Sirius. "I'm your cousin! I'll tell my mum!"

"Right. Sorry, Moony, blood wins out," said Sirius with mock regret as both pummeled the hapless werewolf.

But Lupin, who had the most experience at facing uneven odds in pillow fights, responded with an effective volley. "Strategy over numbers I always say."

Feathers began flying to create a new mess in the room as pillows magically appeared. After each permutation of possible alliances had been exhausted, the members of the trio were soon collapsed in their place.

Lupin was sitting with his back against the headboard trying to catch his breath as he flicked his wand to eliminate the wafting feathers. Tonks somehow managed to be upside down with her legs on the headboard, but was holding her arms over her gut. She was recovering from a tickling spell Sirius had cast, which had ended their allegiance as she sent a cascade of pillows to attack her cousin. A pile of pillows on the foot of the bed fell away to reveal Sirius lying face down.

Lupin watched him emerge from his cushioned tomb and finally admitted with a laugh, "I surrender, Padfoot."

"This means you'll stay?" They could hear Sirius' muffled voice, but when he turned to look at Lupin, it was easy to read the plea in his eyes.

"Right, then," agreed Lupin before looking at the ceiling. He'd feel embarrassed if someone else saw the writing. "I suppose this room will do."

"Well, I've got more vermin to chase down. See you at lunch," called Sirius before leaping away as Snuffles.

"I think the scones made him hyper."

"Seriously," quipped Tonks.

She wasn't surprised when he smothered her with a pillow. "Mm mm mm."

Lupin lifted pillow. "Say again?"

"No more puns."

It was the giggle that made Lupin suspect her sincerity, but he shook his head and said, "Let's get to the next room on our list. Do you remember your herbology?"

Tonks sobered up. "My Mum's got quite the green thumb. I've known herbology since I was knee high to a garden gnome."

"Let's go."

- - - - - - - - - -

"This room belonged to a Seymore Black. He was an herboligist by hobby, but his private collection was filled with dangerous plants. The room hasn't been used since his disappearance fifty years ago," explained Lupin as they stood in front of an ornate green door.

"He just vanished?" asked Tonks.

"His wife, Jessica, appeared alone at breakfast, then left the house never to be seen again. But she did leave a message. Watch."

Tonks read the illuminated message that appeared on the door: On this path lies danger.

She felt a shiver creep up her spine at the polite warning. "Why bother cleaning this room up?"

"It's supposed to have a bay window with a magical view of the gardens at Windsor. It's also the only other suite with a bath. I thought it would be good for Arthur and Molly if we can get it in shape. Arthur said Molly would miss the country life at the Burrow, so I'm hoping this will compensate somewhat."

"Right," said Tonks as she pulled on her gloves that left her fingertips bare. "Pull a few weeds, trim back some branches, toss out any garden gnomes. No problem."

"No problem?" asked Lupin in the next instant.

They had no sooner stepped into the room before they were grabbed around the ankles and hung upside down. Bop. Bop Bop.

"I didn't know you could bonzai a Whomping Willow." Tonks' voice held a note of wonder as the miniature willow tree on a high shelf suspended her as if a rubber band. Unlike Lupin, her head never touched the floor, however.

"Tonks, ow, would you, ow, please?" asked Lupin as the willow continued to tap his head on the floor. Not only was a branch around his ankles, but another had pinned his arms to his body.

"I told you that you were too bloody tall," remarked Tonks as she flicked her wand to immobilize the bonzai. She heard Lupin's head tap the floor one last time.

"You need to relax the branches," reminded Lupin as he remained suspended upside down. What else should he expect with her around?

"Oh, right," said Tonks as she immediately complied. "Oops!"

Her head hit the floor at the same time she heard Lupin's body land with a thump. He still had trouble getting out of the bonds around his torso.

"Hold still and I'll get you loose," muttered Tonks as she crawled to him. A quick flick removed the branch wrapped around him--as well as his shirt.

Lupin's relief at his release was short lived when he noticed his bare torso. No, it couldn't be happening. He was not lying on the floor, bare chested, with the scars on his body in full view of a young woman. His voice was harsh as he said, "Don't look at me."

Tonks turned her head and closed her eyes as she obeyed. She had caught sight of the scars on his torso and assumed they were the source of his discomfiture. She kept her mouth shut in the hopes that her silence wasn't making the situation more awkward for him.

Lupin located the long-sleeved Henley hanging on the branch of the willow. He quickly donned it, but couldn't face Tonks for a moment. He just stood there staring at the wall, catching his breath, and fully expecting her to make some smart remark.

Tonks ventured a peek to confirm Lupin was again fully dressed. She meekly offered, "I'm sorry, Remus, I--look, if one of us had to lose a shirt, better you than me is all I can say."

The utter sincerity of her confession brought a laugh out of him. She did understand his reluctance to have his body on display. "Rest assured, I won't retaliate in kind."

"Good, thanks," said Tonks, but again she was left feeling like a sexless glob of protein. Not that she wanted to flash Lupin or ever intended he view her au natural. She, of course, wasn't interested in his body in the least in that way. It was professional curiosity.

Then she caught sight of a lumpy figure emerging from the plants in the bay window. It glanced back at her in surprise, gave a muffled squeal, and ran off. She cleared her throat. "Let's get back to work. I just saw a garden gnome peaking out of the shrubbery."

"What gnome?" asked Lupin as he brought his attention back to the room and out of his wandering thoughts about a topless Tonks.

"The one that went 'nih'."

"Gnomes don't say 'nih.'"

"This one did," insisted Tonks.

Lupin refused to argue further. He also put on his gloves and said, "We're going to need a number of buckets."

He flicked his wand to transform some empty vases upon which Tonks applied the infinity charm. The gnome hunt among the self-fertilising shrubbery was interrupted by attacks from several other plants.

"Watch out!" called Lupin as Tonks was almost grabbed by dark, red spines that resembled canines. "That's a venomous tentacula."

"Actually, there are six. Collect or kill?" asked Tonks.

"Collect three, kill the rest. Sprout can only handle so many plants, even as bonzais," replied Lupin.

Once that task was completed, Lupin said, "Why don't you catalog some of these plants while I chase down those gnomes? Then we can do a sweep to destroy the ones that can't be saved, barring further attack, of course."

"Right, this shouldn't take long," said Tonks. She'd rather leave the gnome chasing to Lupin. She'd had her fill de-gnoming her mother's garden as a child.

Tonks set about her work with deliberation. Occasionally she would glance up to see Lupin spinning a gnome efficiently before sending it with a clang into the bucket. She could swear she heard the metallic echo of nih but Lupin continued to deny it.

"Are you a bonzai flitterbloom or a bonzai Devil's Snare?" muttered Tonks to a viny plant.

"Feed me."

Tonks turned her head at the sound of the voice. Lupin was across the room, but perhaps the acoustics had thrown his voice. "Getting hungry, Professor?"

Lupin turned to Tonks and said, "I didn't say anything."

Tonks looked at him with a puzzled frown. "I thought you said, 'Feed me.'"

Lupin shook his head. "You know, hearing voices is not a good sign."

"I know that," replied Tonks a bit peevishly before turning away to continue her evaluation of the viny plant. "Remus, toss me a gnome, would you?"

"Here you are," said Lupin as he tossed her his latest capture.

Tonks grabbed the surly looking gnome and levitated him toward the vine. The plant immediately grabbed the gnome, but released it when Tonks sent a light its way. "Devil's Snare. Thank you, into the bucket now."

But as the gnome was flying back through the air, the voice was louder. "Feed me."

This time Lupin turned to Tonks and asked, "Did you say that?"

"No, it was coming from, uh, there!"

Tonks and Lupin pushed back some honking daffodils, took care to avoid the biting geraniums, and found an odd looking plant. The plant was large with only one flower resembling an enormous pansy.

"Feed me."

"What is that?" asked Tonks.

"Hm, the pot has a word. Audrey?" Then Lupin felt the excitement rising in him. "Do you see the markings on the petals? The flower looks like--"

"A man's face," ended Tonks. "Bloody hell, Remus, get back. That's a carnivorous viola wittrockianus!

"I know, isn't it amazing?" said Lupin in wonder. "I've always wanted to see one."

"Amazing? What part of carnivorous don't you understand?"

"It's not mobile, Tonks. As long as one stands at least a meter away, it's safe to observe. Besides, it hasn't been fed in at least fifty years. It must be rather weak."

"And hungry! Look, for my sake, just get away from it," pleaded Tonks. It didn't look weak to her, it looked like-- "Remus!"

Apparently Seymore Black had developed a hybrid that could move for a long tentacle reached out to grab not Lupin, but Tonks.

"Immobilus," called Lupin, but it only slowed it down. He didn't want to kill the plant if he didn't have to, so he set a spell to give him time to think, but then he remembered an obscure fact.

"Tonks, do you have any control back over your form? The color purple is noxious to it," said Lupin. He was holding the immobilus spell continuously on the plant, but Tonks was inching toward its mouth.

"Yeah, I can change it, but what shade of purple?" she asked as she tried to keep her wits while being drawn toward the enormous pansy.

"What color? Purple," repeated Lupin.

"Well, is it violet or lavender or orchid or grape or lilac or mauve or puce?"

"Tonks, this is no time for the color wheel. Try them all."

Tonks then scrunched her face. It wasn't just her hair changing color, it was her whole body. Every thread of hair, every exposed dermal cell took on a shade of purple.

Lupin was actually impressed by the mosaic she presented. Just as he felt the immobilus spell slipping away from him, the plant swung Tonks high into the air to cast her neatly into its mouth.

"EEIEIEEEEEEIIIEEEIIII!"

"Oooooh!"

Tonks literally fell into Lupin's arms when the plant released her as it suddenly shriveled up and died. Lupin looked down to find he was holding a fuzzy headed eggplant. "Tonks?"

"Well, I'm not a bouncing bulb," she muttered before scrunching her face to get back her normal skin color.

But Lupin had relaxed his hold on her and she almost fell out of his arms as he observed, "You killed it!"

Tonks clutched at him suddenly and was relieved when he put her on her feet. "Yeah, well, you didn't specify what shade of purple would stun it."

Lupin was prodding the plant with his wand. "Completely dessicated. Ah, well, I can still write this up. What shade of purple do you think was deadly?"

Tonks put her hands on her hips in consternation, but she began calmly enough. "I really wasn't monitoring its reactions, Professor. I was TOO BLOODY SCARED OF BEING EATEN!"

"Right, I'd say puce." Lupin quickly scribbled his note and mumbled, "The langlock spell I cast would have kept you from being ingested, by the way."

Tonks felt her eyelid twitching. "And you didn't think to tell me?"

"Thought you'd be able to stun it into submission," offered Lupin. "Well, this whole episode has left me peckish. Do you think Sirius left us any scones?"

Tonks just shook her head and began to walk off in a huff. Men.

Then she heard Lupin say, "Ah, good, you're hair's back to pink. I like it better that way."

All right, maybe sometimes men could say the right thing. Lupin never realized that his off hand compliment had saved his lunch.

- - - - - - - - - - - -

"How many plants can one room hide?" moaned Tonks. It was late afternoon and they had been battling every mobile plant that had been hiding from the carnivorous pansy. The monster plant had been on a vegetarian diet of late it seemed.

"I think we're just about--Ouch!"

Lupin turned and stared incredulously at Tonks. She couldn't have just spanked him, but there she was grinning broadly at him.

Rather than admit guilt, she pointed at a scarlet tendril that was snaking away. "I do believe there's the culprit."

Lupin followed the trail, opened the closet door and realized his mistake. He was soon tight in the embrace of a willowy tree. The trunk had an exaggerated feminine form and he was practically being smothered by its mammarous protrusions. The tree seemed to be making little cooing sounds as he struggled to get free.

"Having problems, Professor?" asked Tonks sweetly. This tree was no killer so she wasn't too concerned. Then she noticed a tendril trying to literally slide down the back of Lupin's jeans. "Hey, back off there."

The tendril retracted as soon as she swatted it with her wand. Tonks explained, "It looks like you've activated a dormant Trollop Tree, Remus."

At this point, Lupin had extracted himself from being smothered, no thanks to Tonks, but was constantly dodging the many arms of the trunk. "I think I figured that out. How do you make it sleep again?"

"Well, one way would be to, ahem," began Tonks, now blushing. She tried to explain again, "If you simulate human, uh, stimulation, uh. Actually, I could leave you two alone for--"

"Oh, no, you're not going anywhere, Nymphadora. What's the other option?" asked Lupin as he began tying the branches together in between slapping them away from their inspection of his body.

"Frisky, isn't she? But I think alcohol will do the trick." Tonks summoned a jug of fire whisky to her hand from the stash that Sirius had shown her earlier and began dumping it into the planter. Glug, glug. "This will take longer to work."

She noticed the Trollop Tree branches had untangled and caught Lupin in their embrace again although he managed to extract one arm. Her amusement fell away when she felt a branch wrapping around her waist, but this one was blue. The other door of the closet now stood open and it was pulling her back into it.

"Remus!" Tonks wand arm was entrapped while another blue branch lifted her t-shirt up, efficiently flashing her perky bits at the Professor as it tried to remove her shirt.

Lupin blinked at the sight of the contents of the periwinkle bra, then used his long reach to pull on the branch. It released her shirt as he directed, "You've got a Masher. Kick it!"

"Where?" she asked as she turned to try to find a target. Her eyes opened wide at the sight of the Masher's embellishments.

"Where do you think?" asked Lupin as he finally felt the Trollop Tree loosen her grip when she fell into a drunken stupor.

"Oh, right," said Tonks as she kicked with both feet. The low toned grunt emitted by the Masher before it fell dormant was quite satisfying.

Lupin and Tonks wound up sitting on the floor back to back catching their breath as their latest assault ended.

Then Tonks suddenly screamed, "What kind of pervert was this Seymore? Did you see the size of that, that thing on the Masher! And I'm related to this Noble House of Black? Augh!"

"The plants exaggerate the human form, that's all," said Lupin. Actually, he much preferred Tonks' proportions over the heavily loaded Trollop Tree, but he didn't think he could mention that to her without being obliterated at the moment.

Lupin stood up and offered a hand to Tonks, although he immediately averted his gaze. She set to tugging down her t-shirt before letting herself be pulled up. She knew Lupin hadn't been after payback, but this was not the way she wanted her body revealed to him. Not that it mattered; she was a sexless person to him.

"You know, it is a beautiful view," said Lupin as he stood and let his gaze fall on the view outside the window. With the jungle no longer obscuring the view, they could see the bright flowers of the garden.

Tonks came to stand by Lupin and just let herself bask in the sense of peace. She nodded her head, "You were right. Molly's gonna like this room."

- - - - - - - -

"You have the inventory?" asked Lupin as they sat on the floor at the end of the day. They had stopped for a light supper, then continued working.

Tonks unrolled a parchment. "Bucket One: Bonzais, twenty-three species identified, ten unknown. Destination: Professor Sprout. Bucket Two: garden gnomes, three dozen. Destination: USA Relocation program." A faint 'nih' sound was coming from that bucket until Tonks tapped it with her wand. She looked up to say, "Really, those Yanks have no idea what they're asking for."

"It's the work of the Red Hat Society. They put a spell on the red hat they perch on the gnomes heads that practically makes them statues," explained Lupin.

Tonks still shivered, but continued her accounting. "Bucket Three: Flowering plants, thirty-seven varieties. Destination: Beauxbatons. Bucket Four: Exotic Fruits, eight species. Destination: Sturgis Podmore. Bucket Five: Masher and Trollop. Destination: Hog's Head Pub. Hey, you're not sending them to Dung, or you?"

"Of course not," said Lupin easily. "They're going to the barman there. Trust me, Aberforth will know just what to do with them."

Tonks shot him a skeptical glance, but further argument was prevented when Sirius poked his head into the room. He gave an approving whistle. "What a view! Good, good, it looks like you're finished here. Thanks, Tonks, and, good night!"

Sirius had pulled Tonks up from her seat on the floor and was literally showing her the door. "Hey, wait up. What's the rush?"

"Rush? Why, I'm sure you want to get some rest for the busy day tomorrow," replied Sirius as he continued to firmly escort Tonks to the door.

Lupin had been following them quietly. He was suspicious about the way Sirius suddenly wanted Tonks out of the house. "Padfoot, you have plans tonight?"

Sirius stopped as they reached the front door and laughed. "Plans? Me? I can't have any plans; I'm stuck here, remember?"

Tonks turned to her cousin and added her voice. "Sirius, we can tell you're up to something. You're not thinking of going out, are you?"

"No, I don't think that's it," said Lupin as he began to recognize a familiar look in his friend's eyes. "You have a woman coming over, don't you? I knew it!"

Lupin threw up his hands and raked them through his hair. Tonks felt immediate empathy with the lycanthrope.

"Sirius, is this true?"

"Oh, all right. Emmeline is coming over, but it's not what you think."

"Oh no?" asked Lupin skeptically.

"She's giving Snuffles a bath." Sirius was literally rubbing his hands together in anticipation.

"No, I don't want to hear any more," said Lupin calmly. "You know, you could have waited until I had the other room ready."

"Moony, I've been waiting fourteen years!" Sirius truly sounded desperate.

"So another day couldn't hurt," said Lupin.

"That's what you think. Besides, Emmeline can't stay all night; she's got guard duty at the Ministry," said Sirius in an offended tone. As if he would be so inconsiderate! Besides, Lupin could always sleep on the kitchen benches or try out one of the new rooms.

"Perfect," said Lupin as he walked to the door with Tonks. "Good night."

The door closed behind them, but they stood standing there for a moment, just long enough for the sky to burst open and begin raining.

"Perfect," repeated Lupin gloomily as they stood under the eaves to avoid getting wet.

"An old pattern of behavior?" asked Tonks.

"All too familiar," agreed Lupin, a bit surprised at the sympathetic tone in Tonks' voice.

"Yeah, that's why I'm glad I don't share a flat anymore. Hated getting home dead tired from Auror training only to find strange men hopping in and out of my roommates' beds. Thank goodness for Muggle bookstores that stay open late."

"Know where the closest one is?" asked Lupin with a glimmer of hope.

"Yeah, there's one on my way home. Come on," said Tonks.

Before Lupin could act, Tonks had conjured a rainbow umbrella to her hand and opened it.

"Allow me?" offered Lupin as he took it.

"Always the gentleman," murmured Tonks as they began walking.

"Actually, it's only sensible that I carry it since I'm taller, but my motives are selfish," he said as he tapped his nose. "You swatted my nose when you unfurled it."

"I've been told I should wear a sign that says: Mortal Peril."

"That's rather mean spirited," said Lupin as he caught an undertone in her voice. "I was thinking of you as a valkyrie."

"A valkyrie?" she asked as she punched his shoulder. A Viking warrior woman? Then after taking note of her action, said, "Right, I can see where you'd think that."

"But now I'd say a better label is Mostly Harmless."

"Like the description of Earth in the Hitchhiker's Guide? " blurted Tonks with a laugh. "Oh, sorry, it's--"

"One of my favorite Muggle books," completed Lupin as they turned to stare at each other, both finding it odd that they would share something as obscure as a Muggle book. "My mother was Muggle-born."

"Muggle-born father. Got my Mum blasted off the family tree for that one. You can see it in the drawing room," explained Tonks as she moved a little closer to Lupin under the umbrella as the rain turned into a real downpour.

"So you have an affinity for books?" asked Lupin.

"Get it from my dad. He's interested in languages, oral and written," began Tonks.

"And the preservation of puns?"

Tonks laughed, "Absolutely devoted. I love being around books, so when I wasn't creating mischief at Hogwarts, I spent my time in the library. I even carved my initials into my spot, the table under the window, along the-- "

"Right edge?" asked Lupin. "And there was another set of initials carved there?"

"Yes, that's what inspired me. It was--" Tonks stopped as she realized the connection. "MWPP? Moony? Padfoot? You carved those? "

"Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs. Schoolboy nicknames for the Marauders," confirmed Lupin. "I remember checking the table when I taught at Hogwarts. There was a new set there: NT."

"Yeah, that's me," replied Tonks. She never had a cool nickname. People called her names, but it wasn't out of affection. "So, was there anything significant to the order of appearance?"

"Ascending potential for mischief," explained Lupin.

"I find it hard to believe you were the most innocent of pulling pranks, Professor."

"Actually, I was low man because I more careful against getting caught. Sirius and James didn't give a care about how many detentions got on their record." No, his friends were from notable families. A boy who had few career prospects, on the other hand, had to think about such things.

"So did you Marauders spend your time planning escapades in the library?"

"No, I spent more time there than my mates because they'd be in detention, so I left the mark for us all." Lupin then suddenly laughed as he remembered an incident. "And when they did manage to join me there, chaos would ensue. One time I was barred from the library for a week by Madam Pince. She didn't appreciate the literary opera we had set in motion one afternoon."

Tonks said a bit smugly, "She tossed me out for two weeks after I managed to create a domino effect with the bookshelves."

"Now that's impressive; I grant you the field," acquiesced Lupin.

"You would have done the same if you'd caught Filch snogging Pince."

"I really didn't need that image in my mind," said Lupin.

"It was a traumatic experience for me at the time. Didn't even want to think about kissing a fellow until after I got out of Hogwarts." Not that the boys were lining up for her. The few that showed an interest wanted her to look like a Trollop Tree, not Nymphadora Tonks, so she quickly set them straight.

Lupin held back his surprise at her confession. He assumed all normal teenagers spent their youth answering the call of their surging hormones. But if you weren't normal, if you lived with a chronic illness that drained you once a month, there was little energy left over for anything but recovery.

"Some people are meant to be late bloomers," offered Lupin. And others are destined to be alone, he thought.

"Yeah, that's what my Mum always says, but then she starts giving me all these metaphors about plants. Name a flower and I've been compared to it," sighed Tonks.

Her comment succeeded in changing the topic back to the day's events. They were soon in front of the bookstore as the rain petered off to a light drizzle.

Lupin offered the umbrella back to Tonks as he moved to stand under the canopy in front of the bookstore. He should offer to walk her home, but then thought against it. She'd just find a polite way to decline. "Thanks for sharing."

Tonks accepted the handle and stood there awkwardly for a moment. Something inside of her wanted to invite Lupin to her flat; it was just another short walk away. She knew what it felt like to be kicked out of your place while a roommate had fun with a lover. But Lupin would probably find a polite excuse to refuse. "I'll see you tomorrow then."

"Good night, Nymphadora," said Lupin as she turned to walk away.

She turned quickly to correct him, but he had already entered the bookstore. She made a promise to herself. "I'll train you yet, Professor."

- - - - - - - - - -

Tonks settled into sleep very quickly. It would take too much energy not to think about Lupin, so she just let the thoughts drift in and out. And the images. Scars. What was the true extent of his scars?

They had worked well together today. Actually, they always worked well together; it was their personalities that clashed. It was oddly comforting to realize that Lupin had some of the same hang ups that she did. She thought about the bed in the room not looking so lonely this morning and chuckled. She wondered if Lupin would stray into Tonks Territory or stay firmly in Lupin Land.

Long after Tonks fell asleep, Lupin crept in quietly to number twelve and found Sirius completely lost to sleep. He seemed happy, peaceful, almost like the young man he had been before he was sent to Azkaban. Instead of tucking himself away into the bedroll on the floor, Lupin walked to the room he and Tonks had cleaned this morning.

He'd need new bedcovers, he thought as he lay staring at the ceiling. The bedcovers had the musty odor of long disuse, but as he turned his face closer to her side, he captured the faint flowery scent of her perfume from where she had lain after the pillow fight. He thought about walking with a young lady, protected from the rain under the umbrella.

He closed his eyes and found that his heart didn't feel empty as was his custom. Instead, there was a warm feeling growing there. It was a feeling he was loathe to quench. A man could dream, couldn't he? And although he fell asleep in Lupin Land, he was soon sprawled into Tonks Territory.

End of Chaper

Minor edits.
Author Notes:

I hope this answers some questions about both Lupin and Tonks in this version of their story. I don't think that his chronic illness allowed him to express the same urges that others consider typical. My interpretation is that he avoided anything but fantasy. Likewise, Tonks didn't seem very sophisticated in her approach to romance. It seemed like an all or nothing sort of experience for both of them.

Thanks to HP Lexicon for information on a variety of plants. The Trollop Tree and Masher are not canon, however. I think that was obvious.

References in this story abound. There's Monty Python's Knights of Nih, although in this case it's the Gnomes of Nih. And I'm probably spelling it wrong. The Little Shop of Horrors contributed Seymore's name and the carnivorous pansy. Also, Jessica and her message is a reference to Dune. Finally, there is something called the Red Hat Society but they don't go around turning gnomes into statues...Or do they?

I thought it was time that Lupin and Tonks began to understand each other and see some common ground. The story is progressing in a matter of days, but given their adventures in housecleaning, they've spend significant time with each other. But don't expect them to be kissing any time soon.

Thanks for reading, thanks for reviewing, thanks for putting up with puns. I appreciate your forbearance and hope you find the story worth your time.