Ties that Bind and Tear Apart and the general overall concept of Ties that Bind and Tear Apart are completely copyright Orin Drake 2005, as are the characters Kyrie Almasy Leonhart Kinneas (maybe Loire is in there somewhere..?), Rodger Kinneas and John Sparda. The name/idea of Sparda and the weapons Ebony and Ivory are copyright Capcom. The names of Griever, Vincent Valentine, Cloud Strife, Squall Leonhart, Seifer Almasy, Rinoa Heartily, Quistis Trepe, Laguna Loire and probably a million other things I'm forgetting are copyright Squaresoft. Riku, Sora, Traverse Town, Leon, the Heartless, Ansem, the Unknowns and a million others are copyright Square and probably Disney... and whatever else I've forgotten. I'm not making money from this, so what the hell are you worried about?

Background: Same Kyrie and same universe as, in order, deep breath The Sins of Two Fathers, Retribution Nor Redemption, Descendants of the Mundane, and Fool's Journey. I suppose this story specifically came from Fool's Journey (and Make 'em Smile, and This Mess... but nevermind), in one sense... but really, it was spawned by a theoretical conversation by a friend one late, late night. (And I still hate you. grin) It's set a few months after Fool's Journey, by the way.

Possible WARNINGS: You better believe this will likely contain a lot of foul language, "possible" weird sexual situations, relationships that are generally considered not part of the mainstream, plenty of violence, and a hell of a lot of screwing with the heads of readers and characters alike. If you've read anything of mine before, you probably know what to expect. It's gonna get dirty in here. Also keep in mind that this was thought up and written well before any plot detail on Kingdom Hearts 2 came out, so... yeah.

GREAT BIG STORY-RELATED NOTE: A lot of of this story was "planned" (as much as I can plan anything with Kyrie) well before Kingdom Hearts 2 came out. At this point, I've almost completely spoiled myself as to plot points of the game (yay spoilers!)... but I'm rather planning to stay with the original direction this story was going in, in the first place. Therefore, there will be references to Kingdom Hearts 2, but... generally don't worry about me spoiling anything for you. I guess that makes this AU. Dammit.

Do I have enough warnings up here? Heh.

Ties that Bind and Tear Apart
Chapter 10
By Orin Drake

The silence that filled the room was of a... unique variety. Fear... awe... hatred... love... compassion... and something other. Something so... raw and... vital...

Memories hit, again and again in waves. Cycles. Nothing solid at first... but as the silence stretched on, the witnesses were realizing just how much they'd really asked for. It was... a little bit terrifying. They just couldn't understand... couldn't fathom how she wasn't breaking all the time...

"This... is what you keep to yourself..?" Rodger whispered, almost unable to find his voice at all. The only thing keeping him from stark raving madness... was the fact that most of the memories had faded into unconscious things, hidden behind his own experiences.

There was a touch of... something resembling guilt inside of her for a moment. The guilt of not having told them... even half of everything. She didn't lie and she didn't purposely hide it, but... there were things... Dreams... thoughts... occasions when she was alone... Even if she could have answered him, she didn't think she'd have wanted to.

"I should go talk to Laguna." She said at last, diverting... everything... There may well be time to explore these things later--not in that moment, when she could find an answer to the latest little problem to run into her life. Not when there was the possibility of a puzzle piece sliding into place. If her grandfather knew where Shiva was... or perhaps still had some kind of connection to her...

Rodger nodded, still feeling dizzy from the experience... and knowing perhaps it was best to stay behind for the moment, to gather himself. "Just... come back soon."

She promised to do so with a kiss, turning to wonder about the other boy. She noticed that John hadn't moved. Hadn't spoken. He hadn't so much as looked at her... There didn't seem to be anger at her, though. Maybe he was... still trying to understand what he'd just been through. For that, she should leave him alone. It didn't feel... good, but... she swallowed and left. It needed to be done. This was something that actually had the potential to be... completed.

Rodger continued to sit, trying to regain some semblance of... "reality"... There had been something they'd been privy to... that she hadn't. She hadn't even known... Sora hadn't even known what was waiting inside the shadows of his own heart...

But the brunette sitting there... he knew. He'd felt it. "You took it, didn't you?"

John didn't answer. He didn't need to.

Rodger sighed, an entirely separate pain spreading through him. This... was bad.

Every step made her heart ache a little. To involve Laguna... seemed so far beyond wrong. Asking for help from the man that had lost too much...

Maybe she could talk to Vincent, sure. Get him to research it. Ask subtle questions. Hire a ship to get her to wherever she needed to go.

But this... as painful as it was... would have to be done on her own. Biting the inside of her cheek, she managed to keep her stride all the way to his office--where Kiros was collecting an assortment of papers just outside.

"Ah, Kyrie." He greeted pleasantly. "He's in. Just make sure not to tell anyone."

"Never." She was able to smile somewhat effectively. Normally, she'd have stuck around to make conversation... but she just didn't have it in her. He was busy enough not to notice, she was sure. The man was always a living storm of motion, always doing something.

Even as she stepped into the office... her stomach clenched, muscles tensed... it hurt. She pondered turning back, making a run for it--but she was caught. "Kyrie! What a nice surprise!"

She really wished it were. She may have been able to fake it--if Kiros hadn't entered at just that moment. She sat down, but... she could not call up a smile. And she knew he'd already noticed. Oh, Laguna...

He leaned forward slightly, concern already bleeding the general cheerfulness from his features. "Is... something the matter, Ky?"

"No." She whispered at first, not entirely aware that he'd been asking her the question--then snapped out of it very quickly when she realized his eyes were settled on her. "No, nothing."

As Kiros walked by to hand off the paperwork, he actually managed to elbow Laguna at the same time, indicating that he ought to keep questioning. For all of the president's inadequacy at recognizing subtlety, at least he could pick up on some easily hidden signals.

Or not so easily hidden, in Kyrie's case--she saw her grandfather jump as he got elbowed in the ribs... and grinned a little to herself. Ah, Kiros. She really should get to know him better.

"A-are you sure?" Laguna pressed, a little clumsily.

She wished she could tell him. She really, really did... but it seemed like too much. Knowing her world history was quite enough, but to know him on a personal level to go along with that... the guy had just been through too much to burden again. She just... couldn't do it. "I... no. It's just... an off day."

He saw the lie. Worse, maybe... on some unconscious level, he must have seen the pain behind it. "I just... want to be in your life."

Oh, Hyne... Her heart ached just a little to hear it spoken that way. "You are in my life." She felt the need to assure him, first. And then... and then she felt an elbow in her own side, Kiros walking back through to pick up a "forgotten" sheet of some kind. The smile hardly shone through--but it was there. You know much more than you let on. Taking a deep breath... she took a leap of faith. "I'd like to find Shiva."

Laguna blinked before his eyes went wide. Of all the things... "The Guardian Force, Shiva? Why?"

"I believe she can help." She simplified as best she could. "I'm having... memories. That aren't mine. I'm... re-living parts of Squall's life." Somehow, stating more seemed a little cruel to both of them. It had been only Squall's, but since then...

"But, he's..." The word "dead" was too close to having been spoken, ultimately unable to be spilled from his lips.

She nodded. "I think Shiva may be able to help. If I can find her."

Her grandfather took a moment to think. He remembered where he'd found her... and he could only assume that she would return there. It had been her home, he'd known that. Certainly she'd have gone back after the world was in peace again. At least it was an excellent starting point. "Alright. I'll get the Ragnarok ready."

There was a deep breath of relief on Kyrie's part. She needed to give him much more credit--he knew when things were really important.

He'd picked up the phone to make a call--but dropped the receiver back down for the moment. "And Ky... I just... thanks."

"I didn't want you to be burdened." She admitted, a little reluctantly.

He nodded. He knew his granddaughter well enough; just like Squall, in that respect. "I understand. But I'd still like to know. I'd always like to know."

There was a flash of something in his eyes that she recognized... though what it was and how she'd seen it were complete mysteries. She was getting used to that kind of thing, though. Thinking that letting go and running with instinct was likely the best way to handle things, she gently did just that. "He did love you, you know. He didn't have the faintest idea of how to express it, but... he did. They both did. And I love you, too."

Laguna couldn't respond. There was no way he was willing for his voice to break then--and maybe there was nothing to say. He just walked around the desk and wrapped his arms around her. For a very long time.

And if she could let herself, if she could only give herself permission... she would have sobbed like a baby in his arms. She needed that emotion, though; couldn't let it go just then. He was doomed to look after a bunch of fucking orphans for the rest of his life, wasn't he?

It was a laughing thought, though. He'd taken them all in, made them all part of his family. For someone who'd never truly been a father, he'd been the parental influence for anyone that needed him. Of everyone she'd ever known, he was the most kind-hearted and well-meaning... and still she hardly knew him. It would need to be remedied... when she was better able.

"Okay." He finally pulled back, having composed himself. "I guess I'll... wait here..."

"You can come." She invited casually. "Might as well, since you're the only one who knows where we're going."

"Good point." He smiled warmly at her. "Alright. Go get the boys, then. I'll arrange everything."

It wasn't that she was surprised to find the two of them still sitting in the projector room. Her surprise came with the look the two of them were exchanging. It was rather... heated. Maybe in that case it was best to ignore... or pretend to ignore. They'd just been through a hell of a lot, after all. She remembered the memories that had come with the Cloud in the other world... not to mention Sora's... and now the other two had to deal with those and hers. It couldn't have been easy.

"Laguna's getting the Ragnarok ready." She informed them simply. "You're both requested to join."

Another bit of staring silence responded before Rodger finally turned to her. "Sure you want us there?"

She'd have had to have been blind to miss the glare John gave him at that question... and yet she continued to ignore it all for the moment, cataloging it away for later study--and, very likely, interrogation. "I thought we'd all prefer to be together... just in case."

It was a good point. One her husband couldn't risk arguing at the time. "That's true. Okay, then." It took a surprising amount of effort to stand up... and under normal circumstances, he'd have made jokes about the world being placed on shared shoulders. It was just a... little too literal to laugh about.

The half-devil looked a little less weighed down, physically... but his gaze was still distant. Not quite meeting Kyrie's. He just... he couldn't. He knew he'd done... a terrible thing, but...

"John?" she interrupted, unable to ignore that particular portion of things. "You okay?"

He answered the only way he knew how. The light in his eyes was forced, but the sentiment was sincere. "Your mind is a filthy, disgusting, wonderful place."

They hadn't even quite made it to Laguna's office before he managed to find them, Kiros following, escorting them to where the Ragnarok was already docked and prepared to leave. Impressive work, even for a president.

Kyrie was quite disappointed in not finding Nida at the helm. She didn't know who it was since she only saw his back, but the soldier gear pretty much told her it wouldn't be a fun-filled ride of barrel rolls and impossible spirals. She supposed she might have to entertain herself.

It was then that entertainment came completely unexpectedly. All of them were still standing on the bridge, enjoying the view, when Laguna had made some mildly tasteless joke to try and raise their spirits. "Guess the world needs saving again, huh?"

"Some world." They heard the pilot murmur under his breath. "Gotta be an idiot to want to save this place."

For all intents and purposes, it could be said that Laguna... snapped. His eyes were blazing at he turned and regarded the pilot. "You will not disrespect this world. I fought to save this place. My son died to keep everything you know alive, as did his beloved. My granddaughter might die yet along with all the ones she keeps close. Everyone I love is involved in this, so don't you dare fucking disrespect the potential of this world or the people who give their lives to protect it."

Kyrie... was... in shock. Never had she heard Laguna angry. In fact, it didn't seem like anyone had. Ever. He was not a man to be angry, let alone let it all out in such a concise way. It was really the first time she'd ever seen what the man was capable of; she saw where her father got it. And, hopefully, she saw where she could draw it from.

Everyone else was absolutely stunned. Honored and horrified to have seen what they had, but...

Laguna himself had since cleared his throat, the storm of rage passing. "Sorry." He told everyone without looking back.

"Not a thing to be sorry about." Kiros responded, quietly. Even he had been knocked off his guard by... that...

Kyrie grasped her grandfather's arm; a show of support more than anything. She understood the rage... she just never suspected that Laguna of all people had it in him.

"No." The president shook his head, putting a hand over his granddaughter's. "That was completely uncalled for. I'm sorry, er..."

There was an immensely long pause before the answer came from the uniformed pilot. "Rob Paragol, Sir."

The name brought up sparks in Kyrie's eyes. "You fucking prick." Came out of her mouth before she knew it... and then she had to clear her throat. "Uh... we've met."

Rodger crossed his arms and glared--that was the little red-headed bastard who'd approached her at the lunch table in Garden when they'd first started to become friends, trying to get her into a fight. She almost broke his nose before he could act, too. "He has that effect on people."

Good old asshole Rob turned around to argue--then was met with the piercing gaze of a half-devil looking very much out for blood. Not to mention everyone else's glares; that incident in Garden had not been a secret, to put it lightly. Quistis had wanted everyone to congratulate Kyrie for having done it, and the rest of the Garden staff had wanted to spread rumors so that no one would ever be doing that again. Oh well. He turned back around, shut up, and kept piloting.

The rest of them calmly made their way to the small observation room. Door sliding closed behind them, Laguna announced, "I'm going to assign him to another ship. I don't want him flying the Ragnarok."

Kyrie would never be complaining about that one. "Where's Nida, by the way?"

"Taking a well-deserved vacation." He admitted.

A shame. For anyone to have missed that.

There really wasn't a lot of time taken in getting to the area Laguna had specified. They landed just southwest of Shumi Village, thinking a touch too late about not having the most proper clothing for that kind of cold. Kyrie shrugged it off--she still had her leather jacket, solid save those two holes in the shoulder. She was rather used to Trabia's sudden cold fronts, anyway.

Laguna, on the other hand, had invaded the emergency closet in the back for a couple of coats--both for himself. It was... really rather amusing.

"You sure you've been here before?" Kyrie teased as they stood in front of the exit ramp, catching what they could of the heated interior for as long as possible.

Her grandfather gave her a grin--then a shiver. "Not really by choice... but I'd like to keep repressing some of that."

She found that particularly amusing, glancing back at her boys... finding them both looking just a touch less than amused. The memories must have been one hell of a shock. "Why don't you two stay here..."

"You sure?" Rodger looked particularly concerned all of a sudden.

"Yeah." Laguna agreed casually. "We're probably just looking around right now, anyway."

"Actually..." Kyrie corrected in a very soft tone, not even knowing quite why she'd done so. It was the... strangest little tickle of a feeling she got, somewhere in the back of her mind. Something familiar, but impossibly so--something familiar from another person. "I... think she might be... here."

Silence fell. That was... uncanny...

"Stay here." She continued, the feeling having become enormously strong--but far from overwhelming, or even dangerous. "There might be a fight, but... I don't think there will be."

Her grandfather was clearly doing his best not to physically keep her back. "Getting a GF without a fight?"

"I hope she'll... remember me." She shook her head, not even understanding what she was saying... but it was important to do it herself. She knew that part, anyway. No time to waste, she turned and walked down the ramp.

Boots sinking in the snow, she swallowed. Hard. There was... nothing in her range of experience to tell her what may happen next. So cold... so much cold surrounding her senses--and then a figure walked toward her from the shapelessness of the snow scattering in front of her, a being with an otherworldly gait; so powerful, so smooth and regal...

Everything in Kyrie's being told her to run. To pick up her gunblade and fight. The unmistakable but unknowable vastness of a near-god was walking toward her... It didn't seem right to merely stand there and be approached.

Her muscles twitched as if they might force her to run by their own volition--but she felt a sudden warmth at her shoulders. As if someone had placed their hands there, supportive, not holding her there but holding firm to their resolve if only to add to her own. It was something distinctly Sora...

No time to think let alone act; Shiva was upon her--and with one swift motion of the delicate demi-goddess' outstretched hand, she was no longer outside. Absorbing a Guardian Force for the first time was very much like stopping a fully loaded Jet train with one's forehead... but just a touch less painful. The initial feeling was a raw, agonizing, unstoppable power racing through her mind--and then a cool, cautious tremble throughout every one of her senses as the guardian's personality began to settle in and come through.

It ached. For the breadth of a second in the beginning, Kyrie felt as if her head were splitting, soon to be followed by the rest of her--and more memory, more flashes of memory that she had no business knowing for herself--but she slowly became aware that it was simply her body's reaction to the sheer force that had suddenly perched quite comfortably right inside her brain. Unnatural, to say the least... but she instantly became aware of the presence within, and its wish not to harm her. It felt like a familiar body wrapped around her own... but without the physical aspects of the scenario.

Darkness flashed over her as time stopped--and Shiva spoke. "No, not a Cub..." the sweet, frozen voice echoed in her mind, correcting the GF's earlier assessment. "A Lioness. Welcome back, Lioness."

You remember me? She'd thought she had only been witnessing Squall's memories... not that she'd... she'd managed to be there somehow...

"Of course."

Kyrie swallowed. So many thoughts, so many concerns swirling through her mind... I'm so sorry to have to call on you...

"It is alright. I have been waiting for you." Tenderly, almost fearfully, Shiva searched her new host's memory--discovering exactly what had happened to the Lion of Balamb. Even being a Guardian Force, so far and beyond any mortals she'd ever junctioned with... she felt a wave of mourning. She was Squall's first GF, his first huge accomplishment; not to mention, she and the other GFs were very much caught up in the small group's heartfelt battle. Knowing what happened to them was perhaps more important to her than most, but... it hurt, a little. Hurt to see the Lion die in such a fashion... not to mention the Knight so embedded into his deepest thoughts. "I am sorry for pressing."

Kyrie had felt her memories searched through like pages in a book; but, honestly, she couldn't say she minded. Somehow Shiva's presence calmed her... just like it had her dad. It's okay. She assured the Guardian Force.

"I feel I should warn you, Lioness... the more you summon me to fight with you, the more memories will be destroyed."

And if you just... sit in and talk to me?

"No harm done."

The memories... they can regenerate, though... can't they?

"If there is a trigger to them, you will be able to recover them."

She nodded, reassured. That's practically what Rodger and John were there for, then... She was suddenly a little bit glad that she'd passed her memories along.

Seeing as how they'd almost immediately gotten what they'd come for, Laguna saw no reason not to go right back to Esthar. He grinned at his granddaughter, proud of her. It didn't matter that she'd been the lucky one to gain Shiva without a battle--it was the fact that she was third generation to carry the Guardian Force inside, being strong of heart or else she'd not have been an acceptable host at all. Rodger gave her congratulations and thumbs-up. John, though... he gave half-smiles and nods, but kept mostly quiet and to himself. Kyrie assumed she could get a full report on that later. By the time they'd gone out and come back, it was past dark... so maybe everyone was just a bit tired, too.

Arriving back at the palace, she was not at all surprised to find Vincent there to greet them. Hm, maybe he'd been worried... not that he'd have admitted it.

"And where to, now that you've managed another accomplishment?" he "joked" with the serious intention of getting a real answer out of her.

The question itself was suspicious. "Why ask?"

The raven-haired man sighed quietly, knowing his next words would be... harsh. "You should stay here. Stay close."

She knew what he was saying, but... it was too similar... to reminiscent of when she almost lost her mind to Jenova... It wasn't as if he could do a thing to protect any of them, anyway. When Riku came to get them... they were going, and Vincent would be staying behind. That's all there was to it. Although... "Do me a favor."

A strange request in any circumstance. He gave a barely seen nod.

Kyrie made certain they were far enough away from Laguna, Rodger and John for her words not to carry... too far. Even with John's spectacular hearing, she doubted that he'd be able to focus much on anything she was saying, from what she'd seen... "You can get us a suite. Get them used to the idea. I'll... find my way over soon."

More memories to dig up, he realized. Well... appropriate enough time. Or so he could understand. Another nod, and they subtly separated.

"I've got to go check up on a few things before I get settled." She called back to her boys. "I will see you guys soon." She was off without hesitation. Something was bothering them both, quite a lot. Maybe they'd merely gotten more than they asked for.

Cloud used to have an apartment deep within the city... but that was before he'd more or less abandoned it to be trapped in space with Sephiroth's head. When he'd come back down to the planet, Laguna had offered him a much nicer place in the estate, not too far from where Vincent also stayed. Considering it got him free late night food in the palace staff's cafeteria, he would have been a fool to say no.

She knew the lay-out of the apartment hallways well, even though she'd never actually been there. The east and west wings were pretty much the same thing, just mirrored... not to mention, she'd found out where everyone lived long ago--just in case. Simply to commit to memory.

Actually standing in front of Cloud's door, however... she couldn't bring herself to knock. She could hardly lift her eyes to stare at the gold plated numbers, let alone... No. That much wasn't right. She was interrupting his life too much, turning the soil of what was buried in his past by his own hand. It was too much to ask... and it just wasn't fair. Memories drummed up by the merging of mind and Guardian Force were likely out of play by any fair game's standards.

As she turned to walk away, however... she heard the click of the lock inside. She glanced over her shoulder to find an almost impossibly odd-looking scene: Cloud in nothing but ragged flannel pajama bottoms and a pair of... fuzzy slippers. It made her lips quirk; she tried very hard to control her breathing so she wouldn't laugh and risk waking everyone else in the hall.

But he understood there was a more serious matter underneath. "Come in." He invited instantly, his tone hushed.

She did as he asked, holding her breath until she got inside. Only a mild chuckle, really. She cleared her throat, pretending not to take a look around... but one couldn't help but notice the immense space. Nicely furnished, even. "I hope I didn't wake you..." she began, a little awkwardly even by her own definition.

He shook his head with a small, tired smile. "I didn't know why I woke up... but I had a feeling."

There was still something resembling guilt inside of her... not wanting to interrupt his sleep, not wanting to bring herself further in. She couldn't deny the comfort she found there, though. The... peacefulness. He indicated that she follow him to the kitchen, and she did so eagerly.

He flipped the light switch just inside, blinking with the sudden flood of brightness. Taking a turn directly for the refrigerator, he was conscious enough to remember his manners. "Do you want something to drink? Eat?"

She couldn't help a peek over his shoulder at the wide array of things in his fridge. "Wow, Cloud. For someone who's always packing food away on video game night, you eat well."

He gave a tired grin over his shoulder. "I've learned to appreciate the finer things over the years, too."
"Must be making a killing with the shop." She ventured.

"Well, that and Laguna doesn't necessarily appreciate all of his gifts." He admitted with humor. "But, back to the question..."

"No, thanks." It was nice of him. It was all so nice of him. "I'm going to try not to stay here too long."

He nodded, reaching to the counter to gather a worn-looking cup before pouring himself some water. A quick drink, that was all.

She smiled a little to herself at the... mundane nature of it all. Former hero of the planet standing in his apartment in Esthar in pajama pants and fuzzy slippers, drinking from a worn cup. "I'm sorry, Cloud... I don't want to... tear open more old wounds..."

"Go on." He offered, quietly, unmoving. He'd been watching her, waiting for her questions.

"I... wanted to know..." where to start was the hardest place. There were so many bits and pieces, gleaming back at her like little shards of broken glass... how could she pick the one to go first? "More about Sephiroth." Was what wound out finding its way to the front first.

He held in the hiss that his breath wanted to make. He really hadn't expected that one to sting as much as it did. "Mind if I get some tea, then?"

She smiled a little at that. "Well, in that case... I'll help you."

He nodded, walking to the cabinet over the sink where the kettle was kept. Maybe the conversation would be easier if they were both busy doing something. Much as part of him didn't want to think about it, it was Zack-logic; once a person was focused on a task, they just might feel more free to talk.

Of course... there wasn't really much to do. Not to mention, the water would heat in no time, thanks to Esthar-made appliances. Ah well, Zack-logic only applied to so many situations, anyway... a thought that amused him enough to wake up a bit more, at least. He got two mugs down from the cabinet, having just enough time to drop a tea bag in each before the kettle started to steam. He'd long ago removed the whistling component... it just reminded him of one too many alarms.

Having zoned out for a moment there, Kyrie blinked to find one of the full mugs held out to her. She had every intention of a delicate and thankful refusal, but... his eyes were utterly insistent. She took the offered drink, instead, following him back to the living room. He silently indicated the area on the large couch next to him... and while she wasn't sure how good of company she made in the first place, she accepted.

Leaning forward to place the tea on the coffee table, Cloud began to prod carefully. "There are things that you need to ask. So, ask."

She took a breath, electing to hold her own mug. The warmth was almost burning... but that sensation seemed to keep her there, in that moment. It was too easy to get lost in the memories of others... especially with the newly comforting presence in her head did a lot more to relax her than she ever would have imagined. She remembered, from seeing it in Sephiroth's memories, the young blond cadet giving him a shy kiss... And then more recently, over the past several days, when she'd had sparks of other indications of some kind of... "mutual appreciation"... It was hard to find words, because she wasn't even certain what she was asking. "He..." she paused, knowing without a doubt that Cloud knew who she was referring to, "Was always... part of you... Close to you, even after..." Where were her thoughts going? And why did they keep calling up Rodger and John?

After all that time it was still a bit hard to talk about. "My hatred of him... was his... gift..." he shivered a little at the memory. "It kept me... coming back."

It was a fucked-up kind of love, she realized. Even after the man had gone insane, after most of his consciousness was consumed and used by Jenova... a part of him, the him that was really Sephiroth, still remembered Cloud... still protected him, to a point... and maybe part of him knew Zack was dead, so Cloud was all he had left... "You killed him... that first time..." she went on, wondering if the bits of memory would be confirmed.

He nodded, his eyes slightly distant. Not that he meant the question to sound as trite as it did, but he needed to ask. "What's this about?"

"I have a bad feeling." She tried to joke.

He took it as more, certainly. It was all coming back to haunt her... again. He understood that feeling. "To be honest, I wish I knew what was going on."

"So do I." She murmured.

"Don't feel like you need to protect... anyone." He knew what a burden that could add to oneself, after a while. And she'd been holding so much in for so long...

She looked at him evenly. "Don't I?"

"I don't think so." He responded in all honesty. "Not anymore."

She sighed, unsure. "I don't... want to keep it away from everyone... but it seems like it's just... too much..."

It was actually kind of... funny. Cloud even surprised himself with a short-lived chuckle. "Hey, I understand that."

"And... I wouldn't know where to begin." Even Kyrie could admit that it felt like she was merely making excuses at that point.

"That's the easy part." He assured her.

She sighed, quietly. It wasn't that he was frustrating her. Rather... "I just don't know enough, myself. I couldn't possibly start explaining... what seems to be nothing at all."

"Try." More of a plea than a demand.

Something about his tone actually got her to do so. Maybe it would ease one of their burdens... at least the possibility was enough not to ignore. She shook her head with the insanity of her own words, but let them flow forth anyway. The details didn't matter, weren't important. "I have to... I need to protect... more worlds than this one. And it's become... very, very personal."

"Matters of the heart." He summed up, not quite certain where the term had come from.

Her stomach clenched a little to hear even the slightest bit of understanding in his voice... but she was exceptionally grateful for it. "Matters of the heart." She agreed.

He shook his head to himself, with wonder and phantom memories of his own. "You've never tried to run away. Not even once."

"You know, you're just too serious, Cloud." She teased mildly.

A smirk graced his lips as he reached for his tea . "It's been a long time since I've been accused of that."

She smiled a little. "No, I've never had the sense to pick up and run, I'm afraid."

Her stone-cold delivery sent him into another tired chuckle. "Neither did I. At least... I don't think so." He stared down into the steaming cup for a moment, trying to grasp at things that had been darkened by time... or some other awful thing. "I wish I could remember more... but I just can't."

She swallowed thickly, knowing that not even the tea would help her drying tongue. Memory... this whole thing was about different memories... experiences... hearts... But so many had been lost around her... so many she could never save, never make right...

They really were similar in too many ways. He felt her shift in thought, not so much as needing to look up at her. "Some day... everything will be alright."

Her breath caught... though she fought with every ounce of her strength not to let it happen, not to let her throat close up with tears she refused to shed. "Do you really believe that?"

"Yes."

She wished very much that she had his faith in the way the universe worked. "All things return to the planet, right?"

A careful sip of the hot drink gave him time to compose himself, to still his voice. It would do her no good if he got all emotional. "Yes."

"Does it--" she stopped herself abruptly with the shake of her head. She couldn't ask that...

"Go on."

"Does it... hurt? That you haven't... returned yet?"

Damn, she'd caught where his thoughts had nearly gone before. "Sometimes."

She swallowed, sorry she'd even asked. But, he was willing... and she couldn't deny the opportunity to know for sure. "Then why stay?"

A decent question. "When I've got something to die for... I think I'll return, then. Too much to live for now."

She felt his hand lightly rest between her shoulders, forcing her eyes shut so her reserve would hold. No. No. Not... not then. Not yet. She had to be... strong... "You're just trying to weaken me, aren't you." She accused in the best joking manner she could.

"No." He responded honestly. "You need to know that someone else understands what you feel. I never had that."

The hand was warm, and comforting... but things inside of her were breaking. The plea she made was not one she had intended to speak, but it seemed to find its way out regardless. "Don't say you stay because of me."

He recognized the raw ache in her voice, hand moving up and down in slow, unconscious motions. "No. You're a part, but... there are others." He really wondered how much he could possibly be helping. "Besides, it's nice to have a boring life, for a while."

"Must be." She grinned weakly.

He cautiously took his hand back, running his fingers through his unruly bangs, instead. "You're not in this alone, you know. If you choose to go alone... fine. But if you need anything..."

"You've all done... quite enough." She simplified, almost comically.

That aspect didn't escape him, but the offer still had to be voiced. "We're still willing to do more. As long as you know that."

"I do." She agreed, quietly. Holding the hot mug in her hands, she stared into the amber liquid for a bit, reflecting. He hadn't always been so... eager to be there for her. Not that he was ever cold, but... "You stayed at a distance for a while, didn't you?"

He nodded, finding nothing wrong with the admittance. "I didn't really want to get caught up in... anyone's life again..." There was a bizarre humor to the statement, he supposed. "And then I realized how much Vincent had warmed up to you."

Of course, she could never resist the opportunity to make fun of the man behind his back. "Vincent? Warmed?"

"Exceptionally." He grinned, remembering far too well what the man had been like when they'd first met. "But don't let him know that I noticed."

"Never. Now let's talk about him some more." She joked, a bit absently. There was still... another topic that went along with Sephiroth... One she'd brought up before, but not... that particular aspect of it... not the... emotion behind the friendship... "There's... another thing... about a... moment outside Midgar..."

He didn't need to hear any more to understand exactly what she was talking about. A look of horror and sadness crossed his face. "You didn't... see... that..?"

Somehow her perfect, ice cold composure never wavered as she finally set the mug down. It was her cringe when there was nothing left to hold onto that gave her away.

He sighed, painfully aware of how little he could do to protect her. Sometimes the raw memories of Zack's death would play out for him unexpectedly--not always in his dreams. Those were the days he didn't bother opening the shop.

She called him out of his spiraling thoughts long before even he knew where they were headed. "It's not your fault." Not Zack's death, not the fact that she had seen it from his memories, not his lack of being able to protect her; none of it was his fault. That hadn't at all been why she'd mentioned it.

"The hell it isn't." He countered, getting the subtleties of her meaning right away.

Her eyes fell back to the tea on the table. "I'd rather know you." She summed up, knowing she was doing a terrible job at explaining... anything... Reaching for the mug again, she found herself admitting, "I just wish I'd been able to ask permission to see it all, first."

He smiled, just a little. "Stupid girl." He teased in a gentle tone. "You're worried about the wrong things."

"And you are a damned hypocrite." She threw back, feeling a bit better.

He smirked, leaning back into the couch and closing his eyes for a moment. To rest, just to rest... He swore he could feel his many centuries on the planet, regardless of his body not having changed since his early twenties. He knew she felt the same, just then; maybe she felt even older. He certainly hoped she was wiser.

She sat barely a foot away from him, scared to death. Her thoughts had drifted back to Zack... he and Cloud had been close. If the situation had been right, it could have been a fucking love story for the three of them, changing the whole of their lives--but that wasn't what had caught her mind. It was what had actually happened that was playing on her thoughts... what had happened to all of them... She feared so much for everyone she loved, everyone she fought for and tried to protect. Even if they weren't all dead by the time all of this shit was over... would they end up as haunted? As pained and terrified and scarred by what they'd seen and been through?

The thought hit with more force than Meteor ever could have achieved--what of Rodger and John? Between the three of them, over, time, they'd shared blood; sometimes accidentally, sometimes... not... Did that also mean that she'd... passed on Jenova cells? Did she damn them all?

"Ky." The soft whisper beside her drew her out of her spiraling thought process. She looked up to see two softly glowing blue eyes looking back, knowingly. "It's alright." He finished, closing his eyes again.

And it was, suddenly. They spent the better part of an hour that way, in a comfortable and understanding kind of silence.

She spoke again only when she had finished her tea... and regained her hold on herself. "Cloud?"

"Mm?" He didn't open his eyes, half-conscious and quite comfortable.

"Thanks."

"Anytime." He replied pleasantly--and he meant it. "You alright?"

"So far so good." Assured him--suddenly having to stop herself from placing a hand on his head and proceeding to make his spikes even more messy than usual. What an... odd reaction to have had.

Well surprise, surprise--Vincent just happened to be strolling down the hallway at the moment when she'd locked and closed the door behind her. As surprised as he looked to see her, she couldn't have said she believed that either of them didn't expect to meet up. "Do you sleep in that thing, too?" she teased, noting that she never saw him without a damn suit... except, of course, when that was... "impossible"...

"No."

"Well thank Hyne." She grinned, turning and strolling back down the hall.

He caught up with her as she was walking away, not finished by a long shot. "You've been spending a lot of time with him." He started off slowly, quietly.

"Jealous, are you?" she teased.

"That must be it." His sarcasm was dead-on, as always.

But no additional quips or comments seemed to her a very serious thing. She kept walking, but slowed down considerably as they stepped out of the apartment hallways and into a generally quiet corridor. "Something else going on?"

He was not a man to admit worry to anyone--least of all her. "You two have an extensive lot in common."

When he didn't elaborate right away, she became really on edge. "Vincent..."

"There were... periods of time when he was severely self-destructive." He admitted, quietly. "Sometimes he didn't realize it, but others..."

"He tried pushing everyone away." She was starting to understand part of the concern.

"Yes."

She swallowed, letting silence wash over her. There was something far deeper behind his words... and finding it suddenly seemed almost too enormous a task. "You're not one to get pushed."

"It came very close." He countered, almost too softly.

"You two were closer, once." She spoke the subtle realization she'd come to long ago.

"Yes."

"Things got damaged." She ventured a little further.

"Yes."

The one-word responses were so... unlike him. Maybe not, not really, but... she wasn't used to them. "I'd never want to push any of you away. Not by my choice." Or my insanity, she thought--wishing she hadn't.

"A person can only survive so much pushing before they give up." He informed, somewhat delicately.

She shivered, wishing she knew what Cloud had done or said... but glad she hadn't run across those memories. Vincent simply did not give up easily...

"You have your distance." He shifted the subject slightly. "But you must understand that it would be damaging if you tried to protect those who have already accepted the consequences."

She closed her eyes with that information, trying not to wince. She could not protect them. She wanted to, but... she knew she couldn't. And no one was asking her to try. "I understand."

"I apologize for breaking your mood." She'd looked so blissfully peaceful when she'd emerged from Cloud's apartment...

That was when she realized how truly serious it all was--Vincent had apologized. Without a wry expression hidden in his eyes or a painful quip on his tongue. "It's not wrong to be this afraid." More of a question than a statement.

"Not at all."

She nodded to herself. Whatever was happening... it was across time and worlds. The odds in her favor weren't even worth considering...

She stopped dead in the hallway, forcing the raven-haired man to stop with her. "Go talk to Cloud."

"What?" he inquired, very un-Turk-like.

It was important. It was very important. "If we're all... facing up to our memories, then... I can't be the only one trying to pull them all back together."

"I'm sure he's sleeping." He attempted, diverting... but suspiciously enough, not entirely.

"You can't be sure of that." She pointed out, noting the ever so subtle lack of complete fight at the idea.

"Mako-drenched people need their rest." He tried.

She laughed quite loudly at that. "Oh yeah?"

"Yes." Vincent confirmed in his absolutely most serious voice. "Or they'll... spontaneously combust."

"Don't scare her like that." Came a surprisingly good-natured voice from just around the bend behind them.

"See, he's awake." She whispered with a grin, giving Vincent a little shove in the right direction.

He looked back at her to glare, then to deliver a message. "413." Surprising the hell out of her, he actually kept walking toward where Cloud's voice had come from.

"I heard you accost her right outside." The blonde accused, light-heartedly. "Have you no shame?"

Well, that was as good a time as any for her to leave. 413... as in the suite number, where Rodger and John were. Yeah, they could all use some sleep. After she was done interrogating them.

There's probably even less sense made here, and it turned out twice as long as I'd intended but I just didn't see the need to break it up. All of that wasn't quite what I was going for, but... well. We'll see what happens next time. After all... now they're all damned! WHEE! Oh, and THERE WILL BE MORE ACTION IN THE NEXT CHAPTER. Geez. I work so SLOWLY.
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